Mental Illness

la_la · 12-27-2009, 09:11 PM

I don't really want to be on this thread and I certainly do not really want to be writing but this is exactly what I am doing and I am not sure why. Not even sure what I am going to say and how much of it will make sense.
I was with my ex for 12 yrs. I was very young (19) and very ignorant of life and the world around me.
My ex was mentally ill. I am told by some therapists that the abuse I suffered daily was because of the mental illness. Other therapist disagree with this.
My long internal struggle to accept the abusive and cruel behavior cost me me.
I convinced myself that I was the caretaker at whatever sacrifice it took because I made a vow through sickness and health. Mental health is a sickness. Abuse was part of that behavior. And so it went on for a decade until it was so bad that my partner was permanently institutionalized in a mental hospital over a decade ago. And me? Well after a very good attempt at suicide I have not been in a relationship for more than a decade.
I have gotten better in trusting and letting people in thanks to therapy and volunteering at CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health). So much so I made the decision to start dating this past summer.
I feel stronger and healthier in all aspects of my life but I have not come to terms with the choices I made to care for my partner.

Peace,
'iz

T D · 12-27-2009, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by la_la

I don't really want to be on this thread and I certainly do not really want to be writing but this is exactly what I am doing and I am not sure why. Not even sure what I am going to say and how much of it will make sense.
I was with my ex for 12 yrs. I was very young (19) and very ignorant of life and the world around me.
My ex was mentally ill. I am told by some therapists that the abuse I suffered daily was because of the mental illness. Other therapist disagree with this.
My long internal struggle to accept the abusive and cruel behavior cost me me.
I convinced myself that I was the caretaker at whatever sacrifice it took because I made a vow through sickness and health. Mental health is a sickness. Abuse was part of that behavior. And so it went on for a decade until it was so bad that my partner was permanently institutionalized in a mental hospital over a decade ago. And me? Well after a very good attempt at suicide I have not been in a relationship for more than a decade.
I have gotten better in trusting and letting people in thanks to therapy and volunteering at CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health). So much so I made the decision to start dating this past summer.
I feel stronger and healthier in all aspects of my life but I have not come to terms with the choices I made to care for my partner.

Peace,
'iz

As a therapist once said to me, "you did what you could with what you had to work with at the time." End of story. Don't judge yourself, just accept that it was what it was at the time. Today is a different time.

Wishing you the best on your new dating experiences

NotAnAverageGuy · 12-27-2009, 09:16 PM

Thanks for sharing La la

I too have done the caretaker and it did cost me as well, you are not alone out there in this world

Welcome to the thread

Andrew, Jr. · 12-27-2009, 09:30 PM

Thank you for telling your story here, La La. My bio-father is mentally ill. He was very violent. But he was also violent emotionally, spiritually, intelluctually, physically, and sexually. The worst for me was the physical violence and the emotional abuse. Just horrible. I can't even express it.

Now he is terminally ill, and I have forgiven him. However, I don't forget. It is with me every single day. The one thing I have over him is inner peace. One day my father will meet his maker, and he will have to explain his behavior to God. I do not want to be in my father's shoes. But I am working on judgement. I so want to judge my father, but that is God's job, not mine.

la_la · 12-27-2009, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Thank you for telling your story here, La La. My bio-father is mentally ill. He was very violent. But he was also violent emotionally, spiritually, intelluctually, physically, and sexually. The worst for me was the physical violence and the emotional abuse. Just horrible. I can't even express it.

Now he is terminally ill, and I have forgiven him. However, I don't forget. It is with me every single day. The one thing I have over him is inner peace. One day my father will meet his maker, and he will have to explain his behavior to God. I do not want to be in my father's shoes. But I am working on judgement. I so want to judge my father, but that is God's job, not mine.

Andrew,

Do you know if your bio-Father was violent because of his mental illness or because it was his nature?
This was the mixed message I got from my ex's therapists in that some say it had to do with the illness and some say it was personality.
Please give me your honest opinion

Peace
'iz

la_la · 12-27-2009, 09:48 PM

T D and Andrew Jr.

Thank you so very much for your kind and caring words. I think one of the reasons I am still struggling in this area is I do not talk about it at all.
With everything else in my life I am a complete open book but there are aspects of this time in my life that I absolutely refuse to open the door and talk about.
Perhaps this is the reason I posted. Maybe its time to talk and admit what I went through.
I can tell you reading all your posts here for the last few weeks has given me a comfort level I have never known with respect to honesty. This is not to say that I am dishonest but, I use humour to hide the bad stuff and rarely open myself in this way.
I thank everyones' posting that has touched me and helped me talk about this.

Peace,
'iz

NotAnAverageGuy · 12-27-2009, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by la_la

T D and Andrew Jr.

Thank you so very much for your kind and caring words. I think one of the reasons I am still struggling in this area is I do not talk about it at all.
With everything else in my life I am a complete open book but there are aspects of this time in my life that I absolutely refuse to open the door and talk about.
Perhaps this is the reason I posted. Maybe its time to talk and admit what I went through.
I can tell you reading all your posts here for the last few weeks has given me a comfort level I have never known with respect to honesty. This is not to say that I am dishonest but, I use humour to hide the bad stuff and rarely open myself in this way.
I thank everyones' posting that has touched me and helped me talk about this.

Peace,
'iz

Talking about things seems to help alot of people, there are lots of us who will listen and talk, don't be afraid to say how you feel.

la_la · 12-27-2009, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

Talking about things seems to help alot of people, there are lots of us who will listen and talk, don't be afraid to say how you feel.

Thanks so much NotAnAverageGuy. It helps so much to know that there is someone listening and helping if they can.

Peace,
'iz

la_la · 12-27-2009, 09:58 PM

T D and Andrew Jr.

Thank you so very much for your kind and caring words. I think one of the reasons I am still struggling in this area is I do not talk about it at all.
With everything else in my life I am a complete open book but there are aspects of this time in my life that I absolutely refuse to open the door and talk about.
Perhaps this is the reason I posted. Maybe its time to talk and admit what I went through.
I can tell you reading all your posts here for the last few weeks has given me a comfort level I have never known with respect to honesty. This is not to say that I am dishonest but, I use humour to hide the bad stuff and rarely open myself in this way.
I thank everyones' posting that has touched me and helped me talk about this.

Peace,
'iz

friskyfemme · 12-27-2009, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by la_la

I don't really want to be on this thread and I certainly do not really want to be writing but this is exactly what I am doing and I am not sure why. Not even sure what I am going to say and how much of it will make sense.
I was with my ex for 12 yrs. I was very young (19) and very ignorant of life and the world around me.
My ex was mentally ill. I am told by some therapists that the abuse I suffered daily was because of the mental illness. Other therapist disagree with this.
My long internal struggle to accept the abusive and cruel behavior cost me me.
I convinced myself that I was the caretaker at whatever sacrifice it took because I made a vow through sickness and health. Mental health is a sickness. Abuse was part of that behavior. And so it went on for a decade until it was so bad that my partner was permanently institutionalized in a mental hospital over a decade ago. And me? Well after a very good attempt at suicide I have not been in a relationship for more than a decade.
I have gotten better in trusting and letting people in thanks to therapy and volunteering at CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health). So much so I made the decision to start dating this past summer.
I feel stronger and healthier in all aspects of my life but I have not come to terms with the choices I made to care for my partner.

Peace,
'iz

Dear Sis,
I am so happy to hear you are moving forward into your life. A decade s a long time to remain dormant. I do understand how hard is too trust. Just take it slow and enjoy your journey.

friskyfemme · 12-27-2009, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by la_la

I don't really want to be on this thread and I certainly do not really want to be writing but this is exactly what I am doing and I am not sure why. Not even sure what I am going to say and how much of it will make sense.
I was with my ex for 12 yrs. I was very young (19) and very ignorant of life and the world around me.
My ex was mentally ill. I am told by some therapists that the abuse I suffered daily was because of the mental illness. Other therapist disagree with this.
My long internal struggle to accept the abusive and cruel behavior cost me me.
I convinced myself that I was the caretaker at whatever sacrifice it took because I made a vow through sickness and health. Mental health is a sickness. Abuse was part of that behavior. And so it went on for a decade until it was so bad that my partner was permanently institutionalized in a mental hospital over a decade ago. And me? Well after a very good attempt at suicide I have not been in a relationship for more than a decade.
I have gotten better in trusting and letting people in thanks to therapy and volunteering at CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health). So much so I made the decision to start dating this past summer.
I feel stronger and healthier in all aspects of my life but I have not come to terms with the choices I made to care for my partner.

Peace,
'iz

Dear Sis,
I am so happy to hear you are moving forward into your life. A decade s a long time to remain dormant. I do understand how hard is too trust. Just take it slow and enjoy your journey.

12-27-2009, 09:11 PM	#1
la_la Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Single/Dating Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: toronto Posts: 33 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8 Thanked 41 Times in 18 Posts Rep Power: 16	Mental Illness from a partners perspective I don't really want to be on this thread and I certainly do not really want to be writing but this is exactly what I am doing and I am not sure why. Not even sure what I am going to say and how much of it will make sense. I was with my ex for 12 yrs. I was very young (19) and very ignorant of life and the world around me. My ex was mentally ill. I am told by some therapists that the abuse I suffered daily was because of the mental illness. Other therapist disagree with this. My long internal struggle to accept the abusive and cruel behavior cost me me. I convinced myself that I was the caretaker at whatever sacrifice it took because I made a vow through sickness and health. Mental health is a sickness. Abuse was part of that behavior. And so it went on for a decade until it was so bad that my partner was permanently institutionalized in a mental hospital over a decade ago. And me? Well after a very good attempt at suicide I have not been in a relationship for more than a decade. I have gotten better in trusting and letting people in thanks to therapy and volunteering at CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health). So much so I made the decision to start dating this past summer. I feel stronger and healthier in all aspects of my life but I have not come to terms with the choices I made to care for my partner. Peace, 'iz __________________ You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm

12-27-2009, 09:48 PM	#6
la_la Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Single/Dating Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: toronto Posts: 33 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8 Thanked 41 Times in 18 Posts Rep Power: 16	Thanks T D and Andrew Jr. Thank you so very much for your kind and caring words. I think one of the reasons I am still struggling in this area is I do not talk about it at all. With everything else in my life I am a complete open book but there are aspects of this time in my life that I absolutely refuse to open the door and talk about. Perhaps this is the reason I posted. Maybe its time to talk and admit what I went through. I can tell you reading all your posts here for the last few weeks has given me a comfort level I have never known with respect to honesty. This is not to say that I am dishonest but, I use humour to hide the bad stuff and rarely open myself in this way. I thank everyones' posting that has touched me and helped me talk about this. Peace, 'iz __________________ You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm

12-27-2009, 09:58 PM	#9
la_la Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Single/Dating Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: toronto Posts: 33 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8 Thanked 41 Times in 18 Posts Rep Power: 16	Thanks T D and Andrew Jr. Thank you so very much for your kind and caring words. I think one of the reasons I am still struggling in this area is I do not talk about it at all. With everything else in my life I am a complete open book but there are aspects of this time in my life that I absolutely refuse to open the door and talk about. Perhaps this is the reason I posted. Maybe its time to talk and admit what I went through. I can tell you reading all your posts here for the last few weeks has given me a comfort level I have never known with respect to honesty. This is not to say that I am dishonest but, I use humour to hide the bad stuff and rarely open myself in this way. I thank everyones' posting that has touched me and helped me talk about this. Peace, 'iz __________________ You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm

12-27-2009, 09:16 PM	#3
NotAnAverageGuy Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Trans Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 1,723 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 109 Thanked 282 Times in 178 Posts Rep Power: 0	Thanks for sharing La la I too have done the caretaker and it did cost me as well, you are not alone out there in this world Welcome to the thread

12-27-2009, 09:30 PM	#4
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Thank you for telling your story here, La La. My bio-father is mentally ill. He was very violent. But he was also violent emotionally, spiritually, intelluctually, physically, and sexually. The worst for me was the physical violence and the emotional abuse. Just horrible. I can't even express it. Now he is terminally ill, and I have forgiven him. However, I don't forget. It is with me every single day. The one thing I have over him is inner peace. One day my father will meet his maker, and he will have to explain his behavior to God. I do not want to be in my father's shoes. But I am working on judgement. I so want to judge my father, but that is God's job, not mine.