Friends of Bill W.

[rlin]

hey yall...

question for anyone whos stopped opiates...or knows someone who has...

how the hell long does this weak washed out no energy feeling last??? anyone know??? i am about over it... i got so much energy in my head and feel like an old fukr in my body...

its been a couple of weeks already... gonna take a month??? two???

sigh...

[LeftWriteFemme]

Hey, rlin,
Congratulations on getting off the opiates, that huge!!!
I have a sponsee who has been going through this and her experience was that the feeling lasted about three months and then would return for a day or two every three months or so. Hang in there, I swear it gets better!

Sherrie

Originally Posted by rlin

hey yall...

question for anyone whos stopped opiates...or knows someone who has...

how the hell long does this weak washed out no energy feeling last??? anyone know??? i am about over it... i got so much energy in my head and feel like an old fukr in my body...

its been a couple of weeks already... gonna take a month??? two???

sigh...

[rlin]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

Hey, rlin,
Congratulations on getting off the opiates, that huge!!!
I have a sponsee who has been going through this and her experience was that the feeling lasted about three months and then would return for a day or two every three months or so. Hang in there, I swear it gets better!

Sherrie

thanks sherrie!!! soooooooo...
about 7-8 weeks ago i also stopped drinking... smoking pot... and smoking cigarettes...
can you tell me how long til i dont want a flippin cigarette????
it was/is harder than any of the rest for me!!!
i really dont know if i can keep that one going sometimes... i can think of the opiates as a given... the smokes are kicking my sorry ass tho!

[LeftWriteFemme]

February 8


Simultaneous Acceptance



Being typical is a difficult thing to live with, but I am typical. Being extraordinary is a challenging thing to live up to, but this is also mine to bear, you see I am a typical alcoholic after all. Walking with one foot in each camp is not enough. I must simultaneously accept both my common commonality and my lottery winner uniqueness if I am to travel hand in hand with my Higher Power. If I don’t integrate this double reality, allow it to imprint my thoughts the way it is tattooed in my DNA I can not possibly take the biggest step of all and drop my judgment of these things so that humility can dwell within. You see there is not enough room in the vortex of my humanness to accommodate the jags of verdict and the desire for the sublime smoothness of humility. I can’t chase humility I have had to face that, but I can remove the impediments to its residence.



Have some compassion for your wounds


*

READY

Ready or not here it comes.
Life on terms of its own.
Bracing for the onslaught of gravity
I grip too well the implements of past days.

Fearing the pressure, I lay in my shallow grave,
The ground having been scooped out by my own hand.
Withering from expectation, my blood runs slow and dark,
Reducing to coagulated futility, loosing my life in anticipation of death.

Attempts at being less, as means of protection,
Less is not a solution.
Fading does not make life more livable
It makes me unavailable.

Readiness is my responsibility, it is momentary, momentary is sufficient.
Sobriety is nothing more than lining myself up with the needs of this instant
I need go not further,
Whole solutions are not my department.
Showing up,
dressed and washed,
ball and bat in hand if possible,
Just making it to the lineup is my full-time job.
Even if I never swing
It is better than being buried on the field

[LeftWriteFemme]

February 9



Hospitality


What unites us, heals us, serves us, is the hospitality of the program. Fellowship encircles us and draws us close, in a word unites us, hospitality is our core. Hospital is the root of hospitality and recovery is the route to health, hospitality is the skeleton of recovery. Hospitable aid, the true gift of self is hospitality; hospitality the master of A.A.




Observe inaction and discover its root



*

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is not something to force on people
like unwanted coffee.
It is only appropriate to forgive people who ask
for forgiveness
And show with their behavior that they want it.

It is never appropriate to shove forgiveness on people
who haven't asked
And show no signs of wanting it
or demonstrate just the opposite.

It's been said, forgiving was to help you feel better.
It doesn't.
Letting go of resentments makes you feel better.
Making amends to the people you've hurt,
Cleaning up your side of the street makes you feel better.

Keeping an open mind and heart will make you ready
for the possibility of someone coming to make amends.
Forgiveness is a two way street.
Anything you have to throw over someone like a net
is usually a mistake.

[oksoftbutch]

Hi there RLN....I saw where you are quiting smoking cigs along with everything else.....I had to be 3 yrs sober before I could even consider doing away with the cigs.....I can say they were much harder to give up than the drink....but if you must do that now I can tell you I spent 5 days of pure hell withdrawals.....then it got better with occasional and milder desires as time went on....the thing that really helped me stay off them was the doctor who told me a year later I possibly had first stages of emphysema....you might try to find someone who has recently quit and use each other like you do with the drink and drug recovery.... Good luck to you....

Originally Posted by rlin

thanks sherrie!!! soooooooo...
about 7-8 weeks ago i also stopped drinking... smoking pot... and smoking cigarettes...
can you tell me how long til i dont want a flippin cigarette????
it was/is harder than any of the rest for me!!!
i really dont know if i can keep that one going sometimes... i can think of the opiates as a given... the smokes are kicking my sorry ass tho!

[LeftWriteFemme]

February 10


Recognition

All I have are these two hands; I can not lift the world

All I have are these two legs; I can not flee the hoards

All I have is this one heart though need and want prevail

All that’s left is this one mind to try to tell this tale.

Everything in this bright orb is there for me to see

Everything laid out before me all that I can be

Everything that I perceive as wrong and know it in my heart

Everything I think to touch and change believing it’s my art

Once I take the giant reins acceptance escapes the scene

Once the fates are in my grasp chaos is the theme

Once the sight of my right place is lost from in my mind

Once I try to fill the great big shoes is the day that I go blind.



Prune expectation with open-mindedness




*

DON'T BE A FRAUD

Fake it till you make it is like saying,
Keep drinking till you get sober, complains my sponsor.
But what about the things I can't do yet?
You work on them, that's all, you work.

You adjust your attitude.
Practice the steps.
Carry your behind to meetings,
And talk to me and others in your network.

Yeah, that sounds like a breeze.
It's easier than staying sober while lying.
In this program we try to stay honest
And in the moment.

Pretending to feel differently than you do
Defeats your ability to be present
And makes it hard for people to trust you.
But it's so awkward, I grumble.

Which is why we of the alcoholic persuasion,
Try to find short cuts but don't get sucked into them.
Tell the truth and do the hard work of sobriety and
Stay away from people who try to sell you a Softer Way.

[LeftWriteFemme]

February 11


Rebellion Dogs

“Rebellion dogs our every step at first” AA’s 12 and 12

They won’t come to heal, won’t sit, won’t stay, these dogs circle waiting for signs of weakness or vulnerable skin, but there they are; they have been found out. The ones that worry me more are those that took show and place, the dogs that stand in the shadows and lurk in the wing. What are their names I wonder? Their distinctive smell? Must I identify these writhing mutts or simply call animal control? Though this never worked with rebellion dogs these lesser pups surely would run from would be dog catchers and leave me to my dreams. Alas, I name them and show them to my friends; we like they run in packs and are served well by honest disclosure.




Learn from old dogs





*

THINGS THAT ARE THICKER THAN WATER

Pudding, mud, ice cream, cement, sauce, paint,
sap, drool, gravy, wood.
What is that?
A list of things that are thicker than water.

There are so many,
Why do people get so hung up on blood?
Survival, comfort, or maybe tradition?
There must be many reasons.

Why we strong-arm one another into relations
with family.
Families we drank with
Or families we drank to get away from,
But it's not the family is it, it's us.

We have to learn to do what we need to do.
We can't force ourselves into relationships
with anyone for any reason
Other then it is what is best for us.

Shoulds and aughts have no place in the family situation
So can I walk away from them all?
You can't do anything in the sweep of the wand,
In the same vein don't obligate yourself to people
due to viscosity.

That sounds like a promising start.

[LeftWriteFemme]

February 12

Whittle it Down


A famous sculptor mentioned that he doesn’t so much create the objects as remove the stone which doesn’t belong. I have had the same experience with willingness. Encased in the bedrock of my will willingness had no opportunity to open doors. Flaking away the extraneous the key shape appears, rugged, blockish, rudimental. As the tears stream down my face and wrong thinking flies from my brain the key is more finely formed. As I wheedle at misconception and haul bodily wrong action the teeth of this thing show sharp in this day’s sun. Many doors stand ajar, at first those with basic tumblers, but now even those with encrypted defense are no match for the willingness, which I wield with rapier wit. The obvious blocks to progress open to me as well as the subtle doors to untold destination, I am let out of danger, released into possibility.





Trace implication



*

NIGHT FLIGHT

The small log shape with wings
Passed the windshield of my moving car
Without collision.
Meticulous calculation and correction
In a night sky.

Silent passage
Swift and meaningful
The owl lives as it knows how.

I was not born to the night.
Darkness not my given realm.
I have inverted my senses and compensated
For the moonlight.

I pull my way through the air
And hunt for my survival
In a world of shadows.
The morsels caught on the wing.

Snatches of conversations
And lines from books sustain me.
Giving me strength to live
In spite of the nocturnal bondage.

I have made peace with the night.
I am changed by my living
And my living endures.

The grace required to abide here
Is bestowed on me nightly.
I wear it thought t is not the prize I sought.