"You're Not A Lesbian......" So Annoying!

[sweet_goldie_grrl]

Thanks y'all for being supportive!! Go to find, the person who sent me that email was banned a while ago, so it's taken care of!!

[kix4funchick]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I agree with Dapper this ugly behavior should be reported

You should reprt them. That's not cool, and the person who messaged you should, of all people, understand since they're a part of this community.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

In the past I've had people comment that I don't 'act' gay/lesbian - I wasn't aware I was supposed too! ......I'm just me - I've always known my preference was/is for women and I show affection in public when with a partner.

I have been asked a couple of times by dates if I'm straight acting - to be honest, I've never known how to answer - I've never thought about it. I accept a woman for the way she is......I accept people as they are, I make no judgements, it's a pity we have to be labelled...

[Spanky]

when i came out in the 80s androgyny was the order of the day. i wore dresses and make-up and no one would talk to me. i tried for a more lesbian look, shaved my head and put on a vest... but that was not me, and in the end, my friends told me i couldn't really pull off butch if my life depended on it.

i appreciate the resurgence of femme our community, but i have had more than one person tell me i do not "look" like a lesbian. i have learned that all that means is that i do not set off their gaydar... those who pay attention see me just fine, for those who come with preconceived notions about what constitutes homosexuality, we are invisible on any plain.

in the mid 90s performance artists Shawna Dempsey and Lorri Milan did a piece that aired on Much Music called what does a lesbian look like that was fantastic... i was trying to find it, but found this instead, not the same thing, but still good, an excerpt from their movie "a day in the life of a bull dyke"

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Kj3kAzsFQ"]What is a bull dyke ? A Universal appeal in my own Monstrosity - YouTube[/nomedia]

[tapu]

Originally Posted by kix4funchick

Okay well I have just decided to come out to whoever asks and I do identify as Pomosexual since I'm like -0.00000000000000000001/4% attracted to male-bodied people (like not even really attracted, but that's just saying that there's that much chance that I MIGHT be attracted to male-bodied people) and like a bajillion% attracted to female-bodied people. So basically, I'm a lesbian, but I just don't like labeling myself because....I just don't, and that's just me.

Okay, so because I don't feel like explaining my sexuality, I just say I'm gay. Because basically, I AM. Well there have been twice where I was told I wasn't. One woman was like "You're not a lesbian! You're bisexual!" Another was like "You're not gay, you just need to experiment." I found this to be annoying. How would anybody know what you are except for you? Plus I HAVE experimented. I've had enough boyfriends to know that guys just aren't for me.

Has anybody else had similar situations like this?

I mean no "shoulds" or "shouldn'ts" here, but I do think the people's reactions that you experienced are perfectly reasonable.

Words have meanings that are generally agreed upon culturally. If they didn't we couldn't communicate at all. Lesbian has the meaning of "attracted to women only" for the vast majority of speakers. When you equivocate and say that there is ANY chance you might be attracted to a man, then that triggers the word bisexual for most speakers.

If you wish to go into those details in describing yourself, I don't see how you can expect people to understand that you are using the words differently from their standard, accepted usage.

[Sassy]

Originally Posted by kix4funchick

Okay well I have just decided to come out to whoever asks and I do identify as Pomosexual since I'm like -0.00000000000000000001/4% attracted to male-bodied people (like not even really attracted, but that's just saying that there's that much chance that I MIGHT be attracted to male-bodied people) and like a bajillion% attracted to female-bodied people. So basically, I'm a lesbian, but I just don't like labeling myself because....I just don't, and that's just me.

Okay, so because I don't feel like explaining my sexuality, I just say I'm gay. Because basically, I AM. Well there have been twice where I was told I wasn't. One woman was like "You're not a lesbian! You're bisexual!" Another was like "You're not gay, you just need to experiment." I found this to be annoying. How would anybody know what you are except for you? Plus I HAVE experimented. I've had enough boyfriends to know that guys just aren't for me.

Has anybody else had similar situations like this?

I suspect certain members of my immediate family secretly consider my current relationship a phase -- a reaction to failed hetero relationships. My favorite quote so far is, "Well, there's nothin' wrong with bein' a li'l gay... *awkward silence follows* ..."

Other than that, I haven't encountered much static over the issue. But then, I'm pretty oblivious to other people. The world is so full of happy, shiny things that distract me, it's hard to pay attention to sour-puss types

-S

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Sassy

I suspect certain members of my immediate family secretly consider my current relationship a phase -- a reaction to failed hetero relationships. My favorite quote so far is, "Well, there's nothin' wrong with bein' a li'l gay... *awkward silence follows* ..."

My mother was actually happy for me to have met a nice, polite girl after walking out of a disastrous hetero relationship. I was overjoyed that she was so accepting... until I realised her acceptance was based on her belief that my gayness was just a phase.

[Sassy]

Originally Posted by Quintease

My mother was actually happy for me to have met a nice, polite girl after walking out of a disastrous hetero relationship. I was overjoyed that she was so accepting... until I realised her acceptance was based on her belief that my gayness was just a phase.

OK, that makes me cringe a little... I hope your mom comes around and it doesn't hurt your relationship. On my end, I'm giving my family member some time. This person has kids and lives in a small (I'm mean tiny, y'all) southern town. So I assume some of the hesitancy I sense has to do with them deciding whether to be open with their kids about who their aunt's new "friend" is... and that's fine for now. They're all under age 8. I'll let them deal with their kids their way. But they're polite and the kids are polite. And so long as everyone is treating everyone with respect I feel like we're in a good place so far...

[lisa93]

That's the most disrespectful shit femmes have to deal with