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Old 06-21-2011, 04:23 PM   #1
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Default i've had this happen too...

I've had people tell me that just because I'm super girly that I couldn't possibly be gay. What!! Are you kidding me??? There is no "one way" to be...you are who and how you are!! There was someone who messaged me on this site and said: "You aren't queer. Why are you here?" I was like WTF!! I was so annoyed and mad!! How DARE some asswipe think that because I'm not THEIR definition of what lesbian, queer, gay, etc is, that somehow I don't belong here!! I know where I belong.

I'm a babygirl femme lesban and I'm not going anywhere.
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Old 06-21-2011, 06:22 PM   #2
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Default

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Originally Posted by sweet_goldie_grrl View Post
There was someone who messaged me on this site and said: "You aren't queer. Why are you here?" I was like WTF!! I was so annoyed and mad!! How DARE some asswipe think that because I'm not THEIR definition of what lesbian, queer, gay, etc is, that somehow I don't belong here!! I know where I belong.

I'm a babygirl femme lesban and I'm not going anywhere.
I hope you reported them.
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Old 06-21-2011, 06:28 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweet_goldie_grrl View Post
I've had people tell me that just because I'm super girly that I couldn't possibly be gay. What!! Are you kidding me??? There is no "one way" to be...you are who and how you are!! There was someone who messaged me on this site and said: "You aren't queer. Why are you here?" I was like WTF!! I was so annoyed and mad!! How DARE some asswipe think that because I'm not THEIR definition of what lesbian, queer, gay, etc is, that somehow I don't belong here!! I know where I belong.

I'm a babygirl femme lesban and I'm not going anywhere.

I agree with Dapper this ugly behavior should be reported
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Old 06-21-2011, 07:59 PM   #4
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Post well...

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I hope you reported them.
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I agree with Dapper this ugly behavior should be reported

I didn't. I probably still could. I still have the email. It was from quite a few months ago.

I just remember feeling so mad and upset. I've NEVER been attacked like that before. It has taken me years to get to where I am now and I'll be damned if I'd let some jerk think that they can make me feel like I don't belong here.

I was just surprised that someone in our community would attack another member. We, as people in this big community, should be coming together, not attacking each other. We all get attacked in some way from people who aren't in our community so it's sad to see it happen amongst ourselves. Every person is different, with different likes, preferences, wants and needs.....someone may not agree or like it, but if they don't, then just leave it alone!! We are all looking for acceptance and a place to belong.

I know where I belong. I belong here, in this community. I belong with my Daddy. He is the center of my world and treats me with the utmost love and respect. That is where I belong.
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Old 06-21-2011, 08:13 PM   #5
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Unhappy

I'm truly sorry this happened to you I think it would be wise to report this ugly incident it's pretty icky.


[

QUOTE=sweet_goldie_grrl;363048]I didn't. I probably still could. I still have the email. It was from quite a few months ago.

I just remember feeling so mad and upset. I've NEVER been attacked like that before. It has taken me years to get to where I am now and I'll be damned if I'd let some jerk think that they can make me feel like I don't belong here.

I was just surprised that someone in our community would attack another member. We, as people in this big community, should be coming together, not attacking each other. We all get attacked in some way from people who aren't in our community so it's sad to see it happen amongst ourselves. Every person is different, with different likes, preferences, wants and needs.....someone may not agree or like it, but if they don't, then just leave it alone!! We are all looking for acceptance and a place to belong.

I know where I belong. I belong here, in this community. I belong with my Daddy. He is the center of my world and treats me with the utmost love and respect. That is where I belong.[/QUOTE]
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Old 06-21-2011, 08:28 PM   #6
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Default

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Originally Posted by sweet_goldie_grrl View Post
I didn't. I probably still could. I still have the email. It was from quite a few months ago.

I just remember feeling so mad and upset. I've NEVER been attacked like that before. It has taken me years to get to where I am now and I'll be damned if I'd let some jerk think that they can make me feel like I don't belong here.

I was just surprised that someone in our community would attack another member. We, as people in this big community, should be coming together, not attacking each other. We all get attacked in some way from people who aren't in our community so it's sad to see it happen amongst ourselves. Every person is different, with different likes, preferences, wants and needs.....someone may not agree or like it, but if they don't, then just leave it alone!! We are all looking for acceptance and a place to belong.

I know where I belong. I belong here, in this community. I belong with my Daddy. He is the center of my world and treats me with the utmost love and respect. That is where I belong.
I think you should report it. Otherwise the person may think they can do this to another person who comes to the site.

Just forward the PM to Admin.
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Old 07-12-2011, 03:40 PM   #7
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Default

Thanks y'all for being supportive!! Go to find, the person who sent me that email was banned a while ago, so it's taken care of!!
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Old 07-12-2011, 05:13 PM   #8
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Default

I have definitely experienced this. It usually sounds like "Weren't you married?" My reply "Yes and that is why I am divorced!" Sheesh...

I am here because I needed a space where I am accepted and there are no boxes or boundaries.

Our lifestyle is amazing. You dont have to fit anyones definition of gay/lesbian/queer. You are free to love whomever you wish, free to explore, free to have fetishes, free to refer to yourself as whatever or whomever you like, free to just be you. I refuse to fit the norm not out of rebellion, but because I only get one shot at this life. I am a nostalgically catholic non practicing christian. A femme all the way with the mind of man. I am a little when there is thunder and all woman in the bedroom. My heart didn't fall in love with a gender but with a soul that fits like a puzzle piece with my own. And while I am still living, I will continue to explore the things that make happy.

Just my two cents...
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Old 09-14-2011, 08:08 PM   #9
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Default

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Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow View Post
I agree with Dapper this ugly behavior should be reported
You should reprt them. That's not cool, and the person who messaged you should, of all people, understand since they're a part of this community.
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Old 09-23-2011, 03:31 PM   #10
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Default

In the past I've had people comment that I don't 'act' gay/lesbian - I wasn't aware I was supposed too! ......I'm just me - I've always known my preference was/is for women and I show affection in public when with a partner.

I have been asked a couple of times by dates if I'm straight acting - to be honest, I've never known how to answer - I've never thought about it. I accept a woman for the way she is......I accept people as they are, I make no judgements, it's a pity we have to be labelled...
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Old 10-13-2011, 11:56 PM   #11
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Default skirting the issue

when i came out in the 80s androgyny was the order of the day. i wore dresses and make-up and no one would talk to me. i tried for a more lesbian look, shaved my head and put on a vest... but that was not me, and in the end, my friends told me i couldn't really pull off butch if my life depended on it.

i appreciate the resurgence of femme our community, but i have had more than one person tell me i do not "look" like a lesbian. i have learned that all that means is that i do not set off their gaydar... those who pay attention see me just fine, for those who come with preconceived notions about what constitutes homosexuality, we are invisible on any plain.

in the mid 90s performance artists Shawna Dempsey and Lorri Milan did a piece that aired on Much Music called what does a lesbian look like that was fantastic... i was trying to find it, but found this instead, not the same thing, but still good, an excerpt from their movie "a day in the life of a bull dyke"

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Kj3kAzsFQ"]What is a bull dyke ? A Universal appeal in my own Monstrosity - YouTube[/nomedia]
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Old 12-04-2011, 08:42 PM   #12
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My daughter is heterosexual, but supports me completely. We were at a *gay* bar with some of her friends, and they got up to dance, while I went in search of the ladies' room. I was shocked when a few well meaning dykes offered to help me find 'my fag', they were shocked by my answer! It does seem to happen more frequently in small insular communities, and the only time I feel like I'm recognized, validated, or visible, is when I'm out with a gentlemyn butch. Is this taking advantage of hym?

How do you all feel about it?
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Old 12-04-2011, 09:08 PM   #13
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It is the universal femme issue. We "look" straight so we are assumed to be straight unless we are with our butches. Unless we can somehow start to look butch, which we are not, or wear large pins that say: I may look straight but am really lesbian (or Stone Femme or whatever you ID as); I don't know what else we can do about it!

It is just the way it is. I don't see it as taking advantage of anyone, if I am somehow perceived to be a lesbian when I am with a butch. I call that a double-happy bonus.

Butches love us as femmes but then they can walk right by a femme and never see us for who and what we are.

Frustrating for both butches and femmes.
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