"You're Not A Lesbian......" So Annoying!

sweet_goldie_grrl · 06-21-2011, 04:23 PM

I've had people tell me that just because I'm super girly that I couldn't possibly be gay. What!! Are you kidding me??? There is no "one way" to be...you are who and how you are!! There was someone who messaged me on this site and said: "You aren't queer. Why are you here?" I was like WTF!! I was so annoyed and mad!! How DARE some asswipe think that because I'm not THEIR definition of what lesbian, queer, gay, etc is, that somehow I don't belong here!! I know where I belong.

I'm a babygirl femme lesban and I'm not going anywhere.

DapperButch · 06-21-2011, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweet_goldie_grrl

There was someone who messaged me on this site and said: "You aren't queer. Why are you here?" I was like WTF!! I was so annoyed and mad!! How DARE some asswipe think that because I'm not THEIR definition of what lesbian, queer, gay, etc is, that somehow I don't belong here!! I know where I belong.

I'm a babygirl femme lesban and I'm not going anywhere.

I hope you reported them.

The_Lady_Snow · 06-21-2011, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweet_goldie_grrl

I've had people tell me that just because I'm super girly that I couldn't possibly be gay. What!! Are you kidding me??? There is no "one way" to be...you are who and how you are!! There was someone who messaged me on this site and said: "You aren't queer. Why are you here?" I was like WTF!! I was so annoyed and mad!! How DARE some asswipe think that because I'm not THEIR definition of what lesbian, queer, gay, etc is, that somehow I don't belong here!! I know where I belong.

I'm a babygirl femme lesban and I'm not going anywhere.

I agree with Dapper this ugly behavior should be reported

sweet_goldie_grrl · 06-21-2011, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I hope you reported them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I agree with Dapper this ugly behavior should be reported

I didn't. I probably still could. I still have the email. It was from quite a few months ago.

I just remember feeling so mad and upset. I've NEVER been attacked like that before. It has taken me years to get to where I am now and I'll be damned if I'd let some jerk think that they can make me feel like I don't belong here.

I was just surprised that someone in our community would attack another member. We, as people in this big community, should be coming together, not attacking each other. We all get attacked in some way from people who aren't in our community so it's sad to see it happen amongst ourselves. Every person is different, with different likes, preferences, wants and needs.....someone may not agree or like it, but if they don't, then just leave it alone!! We are all looking for acceptance and a place to belong.

I know where I belong. I belong here, in this community. I belong with my Daddy. He is the center of my world and treats me with the utmost love and respect. That is where I belong.

The_Lady_Snow · 06-21-2011, 08:13 PM

I'm truly sorry this happened to you

I think it would be wise to report this ugly incident it's pretty icky.

[

QUOTE=sweet_goldie_grrl;363048]I didn't. I probably still could. I still have the email. It was from quite a few months ago.

I just remember feeling so mad and upset. I've NEVER been attacked like that before. It has taken me years to get to where I am now and I'll be damned if I'd let some jerk think that they can make me feel like I don't belong here.

I was just surprised that someone in our community would attack another member. We, as people in this big community, should be coming together, not attacking each other. We all get attacked in some way from people who aren't in our community so it's sad to see it happen amongst ourselves. Every person is different, with different likes, preferences, wants and needs.....someone may not agree or like it, but if they don't, then just leave it alone!! We are all looking for acceptance and a place to belong.

I know where I belong. I belong here, in this community. I belong with my Daddy. He is the center of my world and treats me with the utmost love and respect. That is where I belong.[/QUOTE]

DapperButch · 06-21-2011, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweet_goldie_grrl

I didn't. I probably still could. I still have the email. It was from quite a few months ago.

I just remember feeling so mad and upset. I've NEVER been attacked like that before. It has taken me years to get to where I am now and I'll be damned if I'd let some jerk think that they can make me feel like I don't belong here.

I was just surprised that someone in our community would attack another member. We, as people in this big community, should be coming together, not attacking each other. We all get attacked in some way from people who aren't in our community so it's sad to see it happen amongst ourselves. Every person is different, with different likes, preferences, wants and needs.....someone may not agree or like it, but if they don't, then just leave it alone!! We are all looking for acceptance and a place to belong.

I know where I belong. I belong here, in this community. I belong with my Daddy. He is the center of my world and treats me with the utmost love and respect. That is where I belong.

I think you should report it. Otherwise the person may think they can do this to another person who comes to the site.

Just forward the PM to Admin.

sweet_goldie_grrl · 07-12-2011, 03:40 PM

Thanks y'all for being supportive!! Go to find, the person who sent me that email was banned a while ago, so it's taken care of!!

little_ms_sunshyne · 07-12-2011, 05:13 PM

I have definitely experienced this. It usually sounds like "Weren't you married?" My reply "Yes and that is why I am divorced!" Sheesh...

I am here because I needed a space where I am accepted and there are no boxes or boundaries.

Our lifestyle is amazing. You dont have to fit anyones definition of gay/lesbian/queer. You are free to love whomever you wish, free to explore, free to have fetishes, free to refer to yourself as whatever or whomever you like, free to just be you. I refuse to fit the norm not out of rebellion, but because I only get one shot at this life. I am a nostalgically catholic non practicing christian. A femme all the way with the mind of man. I am a little when there is thunder and all woman in the bedroom. My heart didn't fall in love with a gender but with a soul that fits like a puzzle piece with my own. And while I am still living, I will continue to explore the things that make happy.

Just my two cents...

kix4funchick · 09-14-2011, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I agree with Dapper this ugly behavior should be reported

You should reprt them. That's not cool, and the person who messaged you should, of all people, understand since they're a part of this community.

1QuirkyKiwi · 09-23-2011, 03:31 PM

In the past I've had people comment that I don't 'act' gay/lesbian - I wasn't aware I was supposed too! ......I'm just me - I've always known my preference was/is for women and I show affection in public when with a partner.

I have been asked a couple of times by dates if I'm straight acting - to be honest, I've never known how to answer - I've never thought about it. I accept a woman for the way she is......I accept people as they are, I make no judgements, it's a pity we have to be labelled...

Spanky · 10-13-2011, 11:56 PM

when i came out in the 80s androgyny was the order of the day. i wore dresses and make-up and no one would talk to me. i tried for a more lesbian look, shaved my head and put on a vest... but that was not me, and in the end, my friends told me i couldn't really pull off butch if my life depended on it.

i appreciate the resurgence of femme our community, but i have had more than one person tell me i do not "look" like a lesbian. i have learned that all that means is that i do not set off their gaydar... those who pay attention see me just fine, for those who come with preconceived notions about what constitutes homosexuality, we are invisible on any plain.

in the mid 90s performance artists Shawna Dempsey and Lorri Milan did a piece that aired on Much Music called what does a lesbian look like that was fantastic... i was trying to find it, but found this instead, not the same thing, but still good, an excerpt from their movie "a day in the life of a bull dyke"

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Kj3kAzsFQ"]What is a bull dyke ? A Universal appeal in my own Monstrosity - YouTube[/nomedia]

midwest chick · 12-04-2011, 08:42 PM

My daughter is heterosexual, but supports me completely. We were at a *gay* bar with some of her friends, and they got up to dance, while I went in search of the ladies' room. I was shocked when a few well meaning dykes offered to help me find 'my fag', they were shocked by my answer! It does seem to happen more frequently in small insular communities, and the only time I feel like I'm recognized, validated, or visible, is when I'm out with a gentlemyn butch. Is this taking advantage of hym?

How do you all feel about it?

*Anya* · 12-04-2011, 09:08 PM

It is the universal femme issue. We "look" straight so we are assumed to be straight unless we are with our butches. Unless we can somehow start to look butch, which we are not, or wear large pins that say: I may look straight but am really lesbian (or Stone Femme or whatever you ID as); I don't know what else we can do about it!

It is just the way it is. I don't see it as taking advantage of anyone, if I am somehow perceived to be a lesbian when I am with a butch. I call that a double-happy bonus.

Butches love us as femmes but then they can walk right by a femme and never see us for who and what we are.

Frustrating for both butches and femmes.

06-21-2011, 04:23 PM	#1
sweet_goldie_grrl Junior Member How Do You Identify?: me Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Location Posts: 30 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9 Thanked 25 Times in 8 Posts Rep Power: 4511	i've had this happen too... I've had people tell me that just because I'm super girly that I couldn't possibly be gay. What!! Are you kidding me??? There is no "one way" to be...you are who and how you are!! There was someone who messaged me on this site and said: "You aren't queer. Why are you here?" I was like WTF!! I was so annoyed and mad!! How DARE some asswipe think that because I'm not THEIR definition of what lesbian, queer, gay, etc is, that somehow I don't belong here!! I know where I belong. I'm a babygirl femme lesban and I'm not going anywhere.

06-21-2011, 08:13 PM	#5
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,081 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	I'm truly sorry this happened to you I think it would be wise to report this ugly incident it's pretty icky. [ QUOTE=sweet_goldie_grrl;363048]I didn't. I probably still could. I still have the email. It was from quite a few months ago. I just remember feeling so mad and upset. I've NEVER been attacked like that before. It has taken me years to get to where I am now and I'll be damned if I'd let some jerk think that they can make me feel like I don't belong here. I was just surprised that someone in our community would attack another member. We, as people in this big community, should be coming together, not attacking each other. We all get attacked in some way from people who aren't in our community so it's sad to see it happen amongst ourselves. Every person is different, with different likes, preferences, wants and needs.....someone may not agree or like it, but if they don't, then just leave it alone!! We are all looking for acceptance and a place to belong. I know where I belong. I belong here, in this community. I belong with my Daddy. He is the center of my world and treats me with the utmost love and respect. That is where I belong.[/QUOTE] __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-23-2011, 03:31 PM	#10
1QuirkyKiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?: Anything Respectful! Relationship Status: Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Europe and Aotearoa on a 5:2 ratio. Posts: 2,308 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,003 Thanked 6,035 Times in 1,617 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	In the past I've had people comment that I don't 'act' gay/lesbian - I wasn't aware I was supposed too! ......I'm just me - I've always known my preference was/is for women and I show affection in public when with a partner. I have been asked a couple of times by dates if I'm straight acting - to be honest, I've never known how to answer - I've never thought about it. I accept a woman for the way she is......I accept people as they are, I make no judgements, it's a pity we have to be labelled... __________________ What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart...

10-13-2011, 11:56 PM	#11
Spanky Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme, grrly, lipstick and heels all the way except when i'm not Preferred Pronoun?: the usual Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 7 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8 Thanked 26 Times in 7 Posts Rep Power: 0	skirting the issue when i came out in the 80s androgyny was the order of the day. i wore dresses and make-up and no one would talk to me. i tried for a more lesbian look, shaved my head and put on a vest... but that was not me, and in the end, my friends told me i couldn't really pull off butch if my life depended on it. i appreciate the resurgence of femme our community, but i have had more than one person tell me i do not "look" like a lesbian. i have learned that all that means is that i do not set off their gaydar... those who pay attention see me just fine, for those who come with preconceived notions about what constitutes homosexuality, we are invisible on any plain. in the mid 90s performance artists Shawna Dempsey and Lorri Milan did a piece that aired on Much Music called what does a lesbian look like that was fantastic... i was trying to find it, but found this instead, not the same thing, but still good, an excerpt from their movie "a day in the life of a bull dyke" [nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Kj3kAzsFQ"]What is a bull dyke ? A Universal appeal in my own Monstrosity - YouTube[/nomedia]

12-04-2011, 09:08 PM	#13
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,459 Times in 7,283 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	It is the universal femme issue. We "look" straight so we are assumed to be straight unless we are with our butches. Unless we can somehow start to look butch, which we are not, or wear large pins that say: I may look straight but am really lesbian (or Stone Femme or whatever you ID as); I don't know what else we can do about it! It is just the way it is. I don't see it as taking advantage of anyone, if I am somehow perceived to be a lesbian when I am with a butch. I call that a double-happy bonus. Butches love us as femmes but then they can walk right by a femme and never see us for who and what we are. Frustrating for both butches and femmes. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

07-12-2011, 03:40 PM	#7
sweet_goldie_grrl Junior Member How Do You Identify?: me Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Location Posts: 30 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9 Thanked 25 Times in 8 Posts Rep Power: 4511	Thanks y'all for being supportive!! Go to find, the person who sent me that email was banned a while ago, so it's taken care of!!

07-12-2011, 05:13 PM	#8
little_ms_sunshyne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: . Posts: 3,312 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,339 Thanked 12,241 Times in 2,541 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I have definitely experienced this. It usually sounds like "Weren't you married?" My reply "Yes and that is why I am divorced!" Sheesh... I am here because I needed a space where I am accepted and there are no boxes or boundaries. Our lifestyle is amazing. You dont have to fit anyones definition of gay/lesbian/queer. You are free to love whomever you wish, free to explore, free to have fetishes, free to refer to yourself as whatever or whomever you like, free to just be you. I refuse to fit the norm not out of rebellion, but because I only get one shot at this life. I am a nostalgically catholic non practicing christian. A femme all the way with the mind of man. I am a little when there is thunder and all woman in the bedroom. My heart didn't fall in love with a gender but with a soul that fits like a puzzle piece with my own. And while I am still living, I will continue to explore the things that make happy. Just my two cents...

12-04-2011, 08:42 PM	#12
midwest chick Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: here. Posts: 398 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,201 Thanked 1,678 Times in 338 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	My daughter is heterosexual, but supports me completely. We were at a gay bar with some of her friends, and they got up to dance, while I went in search of the ladies' room. I was shocked when a few well meaning dykes offered to help me find 'my fag', they were shocked by my answer! It does seem to happen more frequently in small insular communities, and the only time I feel like I'm recognized, validated, or visible, is when I'm out with a gentlemyn butch. Is this taking advantage of hym? How do you all feel about it?