Trans Men and Butches Raising Femme Daughters.

princessbelle · 02-28-2011, 07:22 PM

Wow what a beautiful thread and what beautiful encouragement and advice you have been given.

As very much a girly girl who raised boys, i can sympathize with your worries.

I had the opposite issues. How do i raise boys when i know NOTHING about them. It is quite ironic, don't you think? But it also opens a world to us we don't know about and it gives us the oportunity to grow and inspire and be inspired to parent those of the *opposite* sex if you will or at least of the *opposite* gender.

It is a great experience and i believe you are, have and will continue to do a wonderful job. The most important thing is that your heart is in the right place. Your faith in your child is 110% and that you give quality of time.

I had the "pleasure" of becoming boy scout leader. Yes, me. At first the 15 boys in the troup were not very pleased with me teaching them to to make pot holders and cute Christmas ornaments. But, i read the manuals, i reached out for help and i worked at it. They ended up wanting me back the next year. I hung in there, i listened, and i learned from them.

Then there was grammer school. Anytime there was a field trip I went. It never failed that i was always assigned to 5-10 boys to keep up with due to me having boys and the teachers would give parents of girls ...girls and those of boys...boys. Logical, but gosh i was out of my element. Again i hung in there, i listened, and i learned from them.

Teenage years....oh my. Girls, cars, Girls. It was strange being the mother of boys and hearing their versions of things i could remember going through on the opposite side of the fence. Dances....."mom, cindy wants me to ask her to the dance but i really would prefer going with tonya." "Mom, i have a crush on susan how can i tell if she likes me". "do you think it is time i get Julie a ring?" Birds and bees talks, birth control talks, std talks....All sorts of things. I hung in there, i listened, and I learned from them.

Now, grown men. One married, both in college. They are respectable, proud of their gay mom, voting citizens, spiritual, compassionate, wonderful sons that love their momma. I won't go on and on about how proud i am...but you get the point. Did i make mistakes? OMG yes.

The very best advice i can give you is this:
Be the parent that is there for her when she needs a friend, but always be the parent .

You are doing great. You will get through it. The years you are going through right now are over in an instant. Cherish all you can. Reach out when you need to....we all need it sometimes.
Breath.
Hang in there, listen and learn from her.

Butchlei · 10-09-2011, 03:37 AM

I am the proud Dadda of 3 girls. My two oldest are 9 and 6 ... and yes they are girly girls. Lets say that last year we went to Disney for their birthdays (2 days apart) so they could dress up as princesses and have Brunch in the castle with all the "real" princesses. I get the question every morning from my oldest: " Dadda how do I look? "

The one thing I know is that they are unique ... my 6 year old wanted to cut her hair and has now a boy cut ... she said she didnt want to bother "doing her hair" every morning ... she loves playing with dirt and climbing trees ... Kids at school started to tease her that she looked like a boy ... she didn't blink ... she told them she was a girl ... teasing was over ...

Do I worry? Not really .... i know they are their own person ... with their own personalities ... I just love them just the way they are .... the same way they love me ... Dadda ... the butch .... who sometimes looks "handsome" but not "pretty" ... LOL

Now we have a 4 month old ... she looks like a bold old man without teeth ... can't wait to see her grow ....makes me smile thinking about it .... i just feel blessed for the opportunity of being part of the miracle of life !

02-28-2011, 07:22 PM	#1
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,497 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Wow what a beautiful thread and what beautiful encouragement and advice you have been given. As very much a girly girl who raised boys, i can sympathize with your worries. I had the opposite issues. How do i raise boys when i know NOTHING about them. It is quite ironic, don't you think? But it also opens a world to us we don't know about and it gives us the oportunity to grow and inspire and be inspired to parent those of the opposite sex if you will or at least of the opposite gender. It is a great experience and i believe you are, have and will continue to do a wonderful job. The most important thing is that your heart is in the right place. Your faith in your child is 110% and that you give quality of time. I had the "pleasure" of becoming boy scout leader. Yes, me. At first the 15 boys in the troup were not very pleased with me teaching them to to make pot holders and cute Christmas ornaments. But, i read the manuals, i reached out for help and i worked at it. They ended up wanting me back the next year. I hung in there, i listened, and i learned from them. Then there was grammer school. Anytime there was a field trip I went. It never failed that i was always assigned to 5-10 boys to keep up with due to me having boys and the teachers would give parents of girls ...girls and those of boys...boys. Logical, but gosh i was out of my element. Again i hung in there, i listened, and i learned from them. Teenage years....oh my. Girls, cars, Girls. It was strange being the mother of boys and hearing their versions of things i could remember going through on the opposite side of the fence. Dances....."mom, cindy wants me to ask her to the dance but i really would prefer going with tonya." "Mom, i have a crush on susan how can i tell if she likes me". "do you think it is time i get Julie a ring?" Birds and bees talks, birth control talks, std talks....All sorts of things. I hung in there, i listened, and I learned from them. Now, grown men. One married, both in college. They are respectable, proud of their gay mom, voting citizens, spiritual, compassionate, wonderful sons that love their momma. I won't go on and on about how proud i am...but you get the point. Did i make mistakes? OMG yes. The very best advice i can give you is this: Be the parent that is there for her when she needs a friend, but always be the parent . You are doing great. You will get through it. The years you are going through right now are over in an instant. Cherish all you can. Reach out when you need to....we all need it sometimes. Breath. Hang in there, listen and learn from her. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

10-09-2011, 03:37 AM	#2
Butchlei Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Lan Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New York City Posts: 13 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 39 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 609405	I am the proud Dadda of 3 girls. My two oldest are 9 and 6 ... and yes they are girly girls. Lets say that last year we went to Disney for their birthdays (2 days apart) so they could dress up as princesses and have Brunch in the castle with all the "real" princesses. I get the question every morning from my oldest: " Dadda how do I look? " The one thing I know is that they are unique ... my 6 year old wanted to cut her hair and has now a boy cut ... she said she didnt want to bother "doing her hair" every morning ... she loves playing with dirt and climbing trees ... Kids at school started to tease her that she looked like a boy ... she didn't blink ... she told them she was a girl ... teasing was over ... Do I worry? Not really .... i know they are their own person ... with their own personalities ... I just love them just the way they are .... the same way they love me ... Dadda ... the butch .... who sometimes looks "handsome" but not "pretty" ... LOL Now we have a 4 month old ... she looks like a bold old man without teeth ... can't wait to see her grow ....makes me smile thinking about it .... i just feel blessed for the opportunity of being part of the miracle of life !