"You're Not A Lesbian......" So Annoying!

WILDCAT · 03-04-2011, 03:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tanglelips

While I don't actually identify as a "lesbian," I so understand the disappointment and indignance brought on by people in the queer community who question my stated identity and tell me that the way I love is just too different. People in the dyke community - who *should* understand the need for non-judgment and a person's right to determine her own boundaries and definitions - can be extremely boxed in. I guess it's just the story of humanity that we all want to identify self from other, in from out, safe from threat ... but it is just plain hurtful sometimes when you expect to feel like you're in a safe space, and a big part of your core self (who you love and how you express it) is criticized.

I guess the beauty of experience, though, is the grace to be able to say "fuck it" and live your life. With a smile and curtsie!

__

I would LOVE for your "stated identity; your right to determine your own boundaries and definitions" to be understood and respected - as I would love for mine to be as well. Especially in our community.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

(*Thanks for letting me share here... WILDCAT)

PumaJ · 04-09-2011, 01:55 PM

Rock on Aryka!

Quintease · 04-09-2011, 06:43 PM

The first person who told me I 'wasn't really a lesbian' was the second lesbian friend I ever had and just as femme as me! 5 years later she got with the man who is now her husband.

Since then I've had it from Drag Queens ('watch her, she's clearly not a lesbian), gay men ('are you a lipstick lesbian?'), straight men in gay clubs ('I saw you and thought, no, she's not a lesbian'), other lesbians ('so, you like sleep with men as well don't you?'), and straight couples at gay prides/events ('you're so pretty you can't be a lesbian, you could have any man you want!'). It was all so IRRITATING!

Only now I really am with a man and suddenly its 'What? But you're a LESBIAN! What's going on?'. One of my friends even warned my bf not to get 'too attached' as I was clearly going to break his heart.

I think people just like to be contrary, so you may as well stick to Pomosexual.

04-09-2011, 01:55 PM	#2
PumaJ Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Queer Feminist Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Portland Metro, Oregon Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,419 Thanked 500 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 1652642	Fabulous Rock on Aryka! __________________ PumaJ

04-09-2011, 06:43 PM	#3
Quintease Member How Do You Identify?: Rainbow femme Preferred Pronoun?: princess Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 508 Thanked 1,817 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 10560327	The first person who told me I 'wasn't really a lesbian' was the second lesbian friend I ever had and just as femme as me! 5 years later she got with the man who is now her husband. Since then I've had it from Drag Queens ('watch her, she's clearly not a lesbian), gay men ('are you a lipstick lesbian?'), straight men in gay clubs ('I saw you and thought, no, she's not a lesbian'), other lesbians ('so, you like sleep with men as well don't you?'), and straight couples at gay prides/events ('you're so pretty you can't be a lesbian, you could have any man you want!'). It was all so IRRITATING! Only now I really am with a man and suddenly its 'What? But you're a LESBIAN! What's going on?'. One of my friends even warned my bf not to get 'too attached' as I was clearly going to break his heart. I think people just like to be contrary, so you may as well stick to Pomosexual. __________________ It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.