Medical Power of Attorney and Other Informational Help

lyric · 03-15-2011, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolfbittenpoet

Medically surrogacy paperwork too. Notarized and witnessed. Listing you and one alternate who will also abide by Toxic's wishes.

Hello... and thank you! We did have the attorney who created our documents list both a secondary and tertiary individual, just in case. I wonder if this counts, or if medical surrogacy paperwork is something additional? Thanks again for the help!

wolfbittenpoet · 03-15-2011, 06:17 PM

My suggestion is google medical surrogacy for your state. It will tell you or your attourney should know. I always ere on the edge of caution and have both a medical surrogate and medical poa. But I live in a place where wishes aren't always upheld so I'm a bit paranoid.

lyric · 03-15-2011, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolfbittenpoet

My suggestion is google medical surrogacy for your state. It will tell you or your attourney should know. I always ere on the edge of caution and have both a medical surrogate and medical poa. But I live in a place where wishes aren't always upheld so I'm a bit paranoid.

Great thinking... I'm on it! Thanks, wolfbittenpoet! xo

Strappie · 03-15-2011, 06:52 PM

I have to say it's so sad that it has to come to this in some peoples lives. I understand it needs to be done.

It truly saddens me that families will not listen to a child or a siblings wants and needs in times of sickness.

I feel for all that has to go through something like this.

julieisafemme · 03-15-2011, 07:33 PM

Lyric I am so sorry about your partner's illness. It is awful that you are worrying about her health and this stuff at the same time.

I just wanted to point out that these issues are difficult for heterosexual couples too. Parents and spouses are often at odds as to how care for someone.

June made a great point about how scary things can get where there is money involved. I work in financial services and I cannot tell you how horrible people can be to one another where there is money involved.

I suggest that any couple or single queer person make sure that they have all their financial planning, estate planning, medical powers and funeral arrangements made in advance. It is the most loving and caring thing you can do for your partner, children and family. When someone passes away without all of this in place it can be so hard for those left behind. That on top of the grief is so difficult.

I hate to talk about unpleasant subjects but I have seen too many times how hard it is when people don't deal with this stuff before a death or illness.

Much peace, healing and blessings to you lyric.

DomnNC · 03-15-2011, 08:52 PM

Hi Lyric,

Sorry to hear about your partner. You've already been given wonderful advice concerning medical power of attorney and power of attorney. Toxic also needs to fill out a living will as well and have it notorized.

One other thing that will save yer rear end financially, if you have a joint checking or savings account then you need to go to the bank and fill out (crap, can't remember the legal term for it) a paper that stipulates that in the event of death of either of you then the remaining partner is entitled to all funds in said accounts and if something does happen (and I wouldn't wish that on anyone) then you need to get your lil rear end to the bank asap and switch all the accounts over to your name only. If you don't have ALL that done when the bank finds out one is deceased they freeze your account until the estate is settled. It basically states all funds accumulated by the two of you in that joint account becomes yours.

When my wife passed away I went down to the bank within the week and had her name taken off everything and put in just mine so her relatives or some off the wall person claiming she owed them something couldn't come knocking wanting a hand out.

DomnNC · 03-15-2011, 09:10 PM

Socialjustice just told me the document was called a Benefit on Death, I think that's it!

Also, if you have any autos that are co-owned or is just in Toxic's name and he wants you to have it, you might want to consider switching the title and tags to your name. You can always name Toxic as the primary driver but that's up to ya'll.
When my wife passed away we had 9 payments left on her car. I had to pay it off, get the title, go to estate court and place a lien on the vehicle so I was the highest creditor she had so the car went to me when the estate was settled.

Again, I hope nothing like that happens to Toxic, I hope you find a neurologist that will work with you! Good luck to you both!

socialjustice_fsu · 03-15-2011, 09:13 PM

So sorry to hear what your partner and you have been through. Godspeed.

I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and I work for a large hospice as a specialist in end-of life conflict resolution...meaning I work with the pt., family, friends, significant others to come to some sort of problem solving in the event there is some unresolved issue (s) going on prior to the pt.'s death. I could tell you some deathbed confessions that would stop you in your tracks.

However, I urge you to look into The Five Wishes. It is a document that covers a multitude of things that many of us would never, ever think about when coping with serious diseases. IT STANDS UP IN COURT. This document was developed by the Robert Johnson Foundation and is one of the most comprehensive legal documents I have come across. Here are the 5 Wishes:

The person I want to make care decisions for me when I can't

The kind of medical treatment I want or don't want

How comfortable I want to be

How I want people to treat me

What I want my loved ones to know.

It must be notarized to be valid. This can also be 'recorded' at the local courthouse in the event you have people that may want to come out of the darkness to make your life hell.

For Everyone:

I cannot encourage everyone ENOUGH to get this kind of thing done. Have the talk. AND, don't let it 'slide' in the event you and your partner split. Do you really want to have an 'ex' making medical decisions for you when you can't?

I have many copies of this document. It must be an ORIGINAL form - meaning no copies made for someone else to fill in. It is easy. But, it makes you think, too.
If you are interested in wanting this please PM me and my hospice will cover the cost to get it to you but it will come from my home address to protect you.

Now, more than ever, time is of the essence. For all of us.

Miss Scarlett · 03-15-2011, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lyric

Hello... and thank you! We did have the attorney who created our documents list both a secondary and tertiary individual, just in case. I wonder if this counts, or if medical surrogacy paperwork is something additional? Thanks again for the help!

Lyric, I am so sorry to hear this news.
The attorney I work for does HCPOA and POA work.
A previous employer did them for the LGBT community.

While I know the answers to some of your questions, I am not a licensed attorney
and by law cannot give you any legal advice beyond saying
you need to speak with an attorney ASAP.

If you are not comfortable with the attorney who prepared your original documents
then by all means consult with another.

Lambda Legal maintains a list of attorneys who are sensitive to LGBT issues.

I wish you both well.

lyric · 03-15-2011, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

Lyric, I am so sorry to hear this news.
The attorney I work for does HCPOA and POA work.
A previous employer did them for the LGBT community.

While I know the answers to some of your questions, I am not a licensed attorney
and by law cannot give you any legal advice beyond saying
you need to speak with an attorney ASAP.

If you are not comfortable with the attorney who prepared your original documents
then by all means consult with another.

Lambda Legal maintains a list of attorneys who are sensitive to LGBT issues.

I wish you both well.

The attorney who prepared our paperwork was great, but she lives out of state. We probably do need to consult with someone in-person, here in Virginia. Thank you for the words of wisdom!

christie · 03-16-2011, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lyric

The attorney who prepared our paperwork was great, but she lives out of state. We probably do need to consult with someone in-person, here in Virginia. Thank you for the words of wisdom!

Awwww, big hugs to you, Lyric! We miss you SO much!

One of my good pals here in Richmond is an attorney, specializing in our community. I am certain she would be glad to speak with you.

Call me?

Love you bunches!
Christie (and Jess, of course!)

suebee · 03-15-2011, 06:23 PM

Hi Lyric. I'm sorry to be meeting you under such terrible circumstances.

I was going to say that one of the easiest ways to ensure that things go smoothly is to get the family on board. But it doesn't look like you're going to have that option - unless they've had a change of heart that you don't yet know about.

I had major surgery a couple of years ago for a tumour, and although I wasn't with a partner at the time, one thing I made sure of was that all the appropriate paperwork, ESPECIALLY the medical power of attorney was in the right hands. That meant that the two designated people each had a copy, the hospital had a copy for my file and the ICU had a copy right in the unit. You CANNOT over do it in regards to being absolutely sure that the right people have the documentation. You don't want any fussing over the paper work if you need to use your medical POA.

And don't hesitate to change neurologists or neuro surgeons if you're not comfortable with who you're sent to!

I wish you and Toxic the very best in dealing with all this. My heart goes out to both of you.

Sue

lyric · 03-15-2011, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suebee

Hi Lyric. I'm sorry to be meeting you under such terrible circumstances.

I was going to say that one of the easiest ways to ensure that things go smoothly is to get the family on board. But it doesn't look like you're going to have that option - unless they've had a change of heart that you don't yet know about.

I had major surgery a couple of years ago for a tumour, and although I wasn't with a partner at the time, one thing I made sure of was that all the appropriate paperwork, ESPECIALLY the medical power of attorney was in the right hands. That meant that the two designated people each had a copy, the hospital had a copy for my file and the ICU had a copy right in the unit. You CANNOT over do it in regards to being absolutely sure that the right people have the documentation. You don't want any fussing over the paper work if you need to use your medical POA.

And don't hesitate to change neurologists or neuro surgeons if you're not comfortable with who you're sent to!

I wish you and Toxic the very best in dealing with all this. My heart goes out to both of you.

Sue

Thanks so much, Sue. I actually despise her neurologist, but I think Toxic is a bit more resigned because she is just overwhelmed and tired of it all. I have been actively (ok... rabidly) campaigning for a switch (we have an HMO style insurance plan), and I'm slowly getting there... we actually have a consult with someone new on Thursday and I hope this one is more proactive and less medication-happy. One thing we have been told is that this is not cancer. However, it would be nice for her to live a normal life with her vision in tact, no crazy wild seizures, and with an absence of pain. I just want someone who is committed to being part of a team with us achieve that... and I want to be armed with as much legal protection and knowledge as possible, just in case.

We did make several copies, had them all notarized, and in addition to holding onto several copies, ourselves, we mailed copies to the primary care physician as well as my sister and an aunt (the other individuals listed in our documentation).

Thanks again!!

03-15-2011, 09:13 PM	#8
socialjustice_fsu Member How Do You Identify?: Feminine Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: It’s all good. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The gulf waters are sapphire blue and the beach sand is white as snow. Posts: 607 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,866 Thanked 2,155 Times in 439 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Hi Lyric, So sorry to hear what your partner and you have been through. Godspeed. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and I work for a large hospice as a specialist in end-of life conflict resolution...meaning I work with the pt., family, friends, significant others to come to some sort of problem solving in the event there is some unresolved issue (s) going on prior to the pt.'s death. I could tell you some deathbed confessions that would stop you in your tracks. However, I urge you to look into The Five Wishes. It is a document that covers a multitude of things that many of us would never, ever think about when coping with serious diseases. IT STANDS UP IN COURT. This document was developed by the Robert Johnson Foundation and is one of the most comprehensive legal documents I have come across. Here are the 5 Wishes: The person I want to make care decisions for me when I can't The kind of medical treatment I want or don't want How comfortable I want to be How I want people to treat me What I want my loved ones to know. It must be notarized to be valid. This can also be 'recorded' at the local courthouse in the event you have people that may want to come out of the darkness to make your life hell. For Everyone: I cannot encourage everyone ENOUGH to get this kind of thing done. Have the talk. AND, don't let it 'slide' in the event you and your partner split. Do you really want to have an 'ex' making medical decisions for you when you can't? I have many copies of this document. It must be an ORIGINAL form - meaning no copies made for someone else to fill in. It is easy. But, it makes you think, too. If you are interested in wanting this please PM me and my hospice will cover the cost to get it to you but it will come from my home address to protect you. Now, more than ever, time is of the essence. For all of us. __________________ If you are going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchill

03-15-2011, 06:23 PM	#12
suebee Member How Do You Identify?: TOWANDA! Preferred Pronoun?: Queen Bee Relationship Status: Good 'n married. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Eastern Canada. But if I make a wrong turn at the lights I get stopped by a border guard. Posts: 1,499 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,355 Thanked 2,758 Times in 820 Posts Rep Power: 16450092	Hi Lyric. I'm sorry to be meeting you under such terrible circumstances. I was going to say that one of the easiest ways to ensure that things go smoothly is to get the family on board. But it doesn't look like you're going to have that option - unless they've had a change of heart that you don't yet know about. I had major surgery a couple of years ago for a tumour, and although I wasn't with a partner at the time, one thing I made sure of was that all the appropriate paperwork, ESPECIALLY the medical power of attorney was in the right hands. That meant that the two designated people each had a copy, the hospital had a copy for my file and the ICU had a copy right in the unit. You CANNOT over do it in regards to being absolutely sure that the right people have the documentation. You don't want any fussing over the paper work if you need to use your medical POA. And don't hesitate to change neurologists or neuro surgeons if you're not comfortable with who you're sent to! I wish you and Toxic the very best in dealing with all this. My heart goes out to both of you. Sue __________________ "Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." -Albert Schweitzer

03-15-2011, 06:17 PM	#2
wolfbittenpoet Member How Do You Identify?: Typewriter Boy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: FL Posts: 534 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 891 Thanked 1,578 Times in 402 Posts Rep Power: 7303677	My suggestion is google medical surrogacy for your state. It will tell you or your attourney should know. I always ere on the edge of caution and have both a medical surrogate and medical poa. But I live in a place where wishes aren't always upheld so I'm a bit paranoid.

03-15-2011, 06:52 PM	#4
Strappie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: I know who I am... Doesn't matter Relationship Status: It's a new day.... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mpls, MN Posts: 3,283 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,813 Thanked 4,946 Times in 1,350 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I have to say it's so sad that it has to come to this in some peoples lives. I understand it needs to be done. It truly saddens me that families will not listen to a child or a siblings wants and needs in times of sickness. I feel for all that has to go through something like this.

03-15-2011, 07:33 PM	#5
julieisafemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married to Greyson Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In the present Posts: 828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,156 Thanked 3,434 Times in 660 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Lyric I am so sorry about your partner's illness. It is awful that you are worrying about her health and this stuff at the same time. I just wanted to point out that these issues are difficult for heterosexual couples too. Parents and spouses are often at odds as to how care for someone. June made a great point about how scary things can get where there is money involved. I work in financial services and I cannot tell you how horrible people can be to one another where there is money involved. I suggest that any couple or single queer person make sure that they have all their financial planning, estate planning, medical powers and funeral arrangements made in advance. It is the most loving and caring thing you can do for your partner, children and family. When someone passes away without all of this in place it can be so hard for those left behind. That on top of the grief is so difficult. I hate to talk about unpleasant subjects but I have seen too many times how hard it is when people don't deal with this stuff before a death or illness. Much peace, healing and blessings to you lyric.

03-15-2011, 08:52 PM	#6
DomnNC Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Male Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him Relationship Status: Widow Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Permanently Banned 11/15/2011 Posts: 1,223 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,618 Thanked 2,582 Times in 837 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hi Lyric, Sorry to hear about your partner. You've already been given wonderful advice concerning medical power of attorney and power of attorney. Toxic also needs to fill out a living will as well and have it notorized. One other thing that will save yer rear end financially, if you have a joint checking or savings account then you need to go to the bank and fill out (crap, can't remember the legal term for it) a paper that stipulates that in the event of death of either of you then the remaining partner is entitled to all funds in said accounts and if something does happen (and I wouldn't wish that on anyone) then you need to get your lil rear end to the bank asap and switch all the accounts over to your name only. If you don't have ALL that done when the bank finds out one is deceased they freeze your account until the estate is settled. It basically states all funds accumulated by the two of you in that joint account becomes yours. When my wife passed away I went down to the bank within the week and had her name taken off everything and put in just mine so her relatives or some off the wall person claiming she owed them something couldn't come knocking wanting a hand out.

03-15-2011, 09:10 PM	#7
DomnNC Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Male Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him Relationship Status: Widow Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Permanently Banned 11/15/2011 Posts: 1,223 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,618 Thanked 2,582 Times in 837 Posts Rep Power: 0	Socialjustice just told me the document was called a Benefit on Death, I think that's it! Also, if you have any autos that are co-owned or is just in Toxic's name and he wants you to have it, you might want to consider switching the title and tags to your name. You can always name Toxic as the primary driver but that's up to ya'll. When my wife passed away we had 9 payments left on her car. I had to pay it off, get the title, go to estate court and place a lien on the vehicle so I was the highest creditor she had so the car went to me when the estate was settled. Again, I hope nothing like that happens to Toxic, I hope you find a neurologist that will work with you! Good luck to you both!