Age... an issue?

The_Lady_Snow · 03-15-2011, 07:47 PM

I have a rule. Don't date anyone close to the kids age or below.

That's just for *me'*

Pixie · 03-15-2011, 09:27 PM

For me its about character and how a person holds themselves. I have yet to be with anyone my age because they don't see or handle life in the manner I do. I know that I am younger and I have life to live, but I also know that I am beyond my physical years and wish to be with someone that compliments that.

I believe its truly beyond numbers, because I have met some who are higher in age and younger in all other aspects.

Just my .02

cara · 03-15-2011, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pixie

For me its about character and how a person holds themselves. I have yet to be with anyone my age because they don't see or handle life in the manner I do. I know that I am younger and I have life to live, but I also know that I am beyond my physical years and wish to be with someone that compliments that.

I believe its truly beyond numbers, because I have met some who are higher in age and younger in all other aspects.

Just my .02

Exactly, Pixie! The majority of people I have dated have been 7+ years older than me. Sadly, I have often felt like I had my shit together more than they did. Of course, this could say something about the people I have previously chosen to date...

Lynn · 03-15-2011, 09:43 PM

I'm with Oiler on this question. My most important relationships have been with people close to my age. I'm four years younger than my partner. I was dating someone who was ten years older, and there were a lot of missed connections between us. But, that was when I was 22 and he was 32--at entirely different stages of life. We might have done alright together through our 40's and 50's, but, as Oiler said, there would have been other challenges to deal with in retirement. This is entirely personal, however. I don't think it's "wrong" to choose a relationship with someone much older or younger. I just wouldn't seek this out, myself.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-15-2011, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cara

Exactly, Pixie! The majority of people I have dated have been 7+ years older than me. Sadly, I have often felt like I had my shit together more than they did. Of course, this could say something about the people I have previously chosen to date...

This is true!!! I know 60 year olds who act like my 10 year old!! I have that rule for me cause my oldest is gonna be' 25 and that would be akward for them and well their comfort is more important for me than a good time. It's even hard with Nico & Cassi being in their age range, they are all literally growing up together!

cara · 03-15-2011, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

This is true!!! I know 60 year olds who act like my 10 year old!! I have that rule for me cause my oldest is gonna be' 25 and that would be akward for them and well their comfort is more important for me than a good time. It's even hard with Nico & Cassi being in their age range, they are all literally growing up together!

This makes sense. One of my first girlfriends was 38 and I was 22. I was closer in age to her 14- and 16-year old children. It was awkward for all of us.

Pixie · 03-15-2011, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

This is true!!! I know 60 year olds who act like my 10 year old!! I have that rule for me cause my oldest is gonna be' 25 and that would be akward for them and well their comfort is more important for me than a good time. It's even hard with Nico & Cassi being in their age range, they are all literally growing up together!

I can understand that for sure!

proximitywithoutintimacy · 03-19-2011, 04:55 PM

Hey, thanks for all the replies!

Quite honestly, for me, I've found that people who have more life experience are the ones who are mature beyond their age. I'm 24 years old, and I feel a lot older spiritually, if that makes any sense - one of my closest friends is 26, her friends are 29, and I'm becoming slowly immersed into their circle. Don't get me wrong, I love my best friend to death (she's also 24) but I feel as though I'm outgrowing her. I think age, or rather, maturity levels play a part in both friendships and relationships.

adorable · 03-19-2011, 05:21 PM

Age matters for me. I don't date anyone my age. They must be significantly older or younger.

It doesn't work for me any other way.

citybutch · 04-01-2011, 02:33 PM

Just wait until you are getting your AARP card... THEN you will feel like you are 24!

Quote:

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

I'm 24 years old, and I feel a lot older spiritually, if that makes any sense

dixie · 03-15-2011, 09:47 PM

Age means nothing to me. Maturity level is definitely not age specific. The most immature, childish person I ever dated was almost 24 years older than me. On the reverse, I've dated someone in their early 20s who was very level-headed and mature.

I tend to usually date older. Specifically because older is more physically attractive to me than someone my own age or younger. Not quite sure why that is, but if a 40/50 something hottie is standing beside a 20/30 something hottie, the 20/30 something hottie won't even get a glance...lol

In all honesty it does come down to the person that they are and how we click. Doesn't really matter if they are younger or older. It's all about the personality, not the age.

Guy · 03-19-2011, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I have a rule. Don't date anyone close to the kids age or below.

That's just for *me'*

I agree. I don't have kids, so no rules.

If we click we click at whatever age, just go with it. It's all about the person, not their age.

Gráinne · 03-19-2011, 09:55 PM

I too think that it's not so much the age gap as the gap in maturity and experience between partners. The older might take a "parental" role or resent the younger partner who is not at their stage of life yet. I have known couples with 10-20 years age gaps, and it works because they are very compatitble in maturity.

There are challenges in even good relationships, such as the retirement issue.

I suppose if both partners are just looking for something non-serious, a large gap wouldn't matter. It becomes more of an issue when you are talking a committment.

Bard · 03-19-2011, 11:24 PM

This is a bit close to the heart for me.. it really depends on the people involved and the life stages they are at..
SO simplly put DESD amd I have a age gap her folks are ok with it as are mine my daughter loves her and I think she is the best thing in my life well next to the before mentioned daughter
yes I am immature but she gets me and it works for us she supports me in my job in the military all around something that my ex who was close to my age never did

I will say I did get kind of offened by reading this but we are all intilted to our own opnions and the lovely safe space to air them

BUT the two most meaning full relationships I have ever had have been with younger Femmes in thier 20s
guess it just works for me or I am just peter pan and ain't never growing up

Bard · 03-19-2011, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bard

This is a bit close to the heart for me.. it really depends on the people involved and the life stages they are at..
SO simplly put DESD amd I have a age gap her folks are ok with it as are mine my daughter loves her and I think she is the best thing in my life well next to the before mentioned daughter
yes I am immature but she gets me and it works for us she supports me in my job in the military all around something that my ex who was close to my age never did

I will say I did get kind of offened by reading this but we are all intilted to our own opnions and the lovely safe space to air them

BUT the two most meaning full relationships I have ever had have been with younger Femmes in thier 20s
guess it just works for me or I am just peter pan and ain't never growing up

Sorry Y'all for my spelling in this I am tired and was ticked off

AtLast · 03-20-2011, 12:33 AM

It is interesting to me how all of us have a different sense of "how many" years in much of an age difference. 5-7 years either way to me doesn't sound like much.

PumaJ · 03-19-2011, 11:39 PM

I find this to be a thought provoking conversation.

I have zero age issues regarding the women I am friends with. Their ages range from mid-twenties to mid-sixties. They are all intelligent, mature in their own ways, all have great senses of humor, and all have the ability to be quite playfull. The mix is straight, bi, & lesbian (Femme & Butch), and lest I forget, the one lonely male, a 18 y.o. Bi guy.

That being said, I'm not sure if I would have issues dating someone more than
a few years youngernor older. I did date a quite handsome & much younger
Butch, years ago. We only went out three times, though. Her age was only one of a few issues. Taken by itself, her age wasn't the deciding factor, though to stop dating.

I've been single by choice for several years, now, & have intentionally not been involved with my local Queer community beyond hanging out with a couple of friends every now & then. I've only just in the past couple of months begun to take very small steps to re-engage with the community. I'm not even sure if I am interested in dating. I'll make a decision on that issue if it presents itself.

I know coupleships in which there are age differences. As far as I can see, the age difference hasn't been a significant issue in them. The greatest age difference is 18 yrs. It seems that this is an issue that is highly personal and dependent upon the individuals involved, really.

If I decide that I want to date or get involved in a relationship again, I hope that I'm able to be open minded enough to not miss out on a decent relationship just based on the number of years someone else has been alive. I think that truly good, decent, & stable relationships are hard enough to find in our communities, as it is.

Silverseastar · 04-25-2011, 10:54 AM

My last three exes were 29 when I started dating them. The last became a big relationship and the almost 9 years between us was an issue in the end. Mostly because she simply did not have the life experience.

I'm currently exploring a relationship with someone close to my age (She is 46 I'm 42) and I find it totally different. We have so much in common including more advanced communication skills (grin). I agree with the poster who talked about wanting to be at parallel times for retirement etc... I can totally see the importance in that.

So I'd have to say not pro not against but think that it should be thought about carefully and that it may change at different times in your life.

~baby~doll~ · 11-27-2013, 04:20 AM

i have enjoyed reading such wonderful responses. Thank you all for sharing.

For me maturity level and character are far more important than age. O/our home is poly, so some of the relationships are looser. Ages vary a great deal, half working age and half retired. Home and life is somewhat divided along this framework. W/we retirees are naturally more closely knit. This is not to say there is a gap or breakdown in the relationships with the rest. W/we just spend more time together and have been together longer and this familiarity creates a stronger and lasting bond. W/we know we are together forever and the others may just be passing through. They are very mature and W/we have many common bonds. Age difference has little to do with the relationships.
As W/we share this life together each one fills a different role. It is a happy household. Sometimes the music gets on my nerves.

Paradox · 12-27-2013, 07:55 PM

It can be....

That being said if it was rigidly in place, I or my younger sister wouldn't have been born.
On other aspects pertaining life experiences that's where either issues begin or they are worked through.

I have dated younger and older, but more younger - and maturity/wisdom is no where associated with age. Do I prefer someone around my age group +- 5 years yes. However you do not control who you are attracted to. And if the person feels right that's you best gauge to start.

03-15-2011, 07:47 PM	#1
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,079 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	I have a rule. Don't date anyone close to the kids age or below. That's just for me' __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

03-15-2011, 09:27 PM	#2
Pixie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Equal Opportunity Friend Preferred Pronoun?: Girl Relationship Status: in service Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Sacramento! Posts: 2,868 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,691 Thanked 4,103 Times in 1,332 Posts Rep Power: 15274784	For me its about character and how a person holds themselves. I have yet to be with anyone my age because they don't see or handle life in the manner I do. I know that I am younger and I have life to live, but I also know that I am beyond my physical years and wish to be with someone that compliments that. I believe its truly beyond numbers, because I have met some who are higher in age and younger in all other aspects. Just my .02 __________________ Unexplored glimmering in the rough How does a diamond hide? -Pixie-

03-15-2011, 09:43 PM	#4
Lynn Member How Do You Identify?: Unabashed Feminine Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: Her, She Relationship Status: Married! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 689 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,499 Thanked 2,413 Times in 504 Posts Rep Power: 9668975	I'm with Oiler on this question. My most important relationships have been with people close to my age. I'm four years younger than my partner. I was dating someone who was ten years older, and there were a lot of missed connections between us. But, that was when I was 22 and he was 32--at entirely different stages of life. We might have done alright together through our 40's and 50's, but, as Oiler said, there would have been other challenges to deal with in retirement. This is entirely personal, however. I don't think it's "wrong" to choose a relationship with someone much older or younger. I just wouldn't seek this out, myself. __________________ In the flush of love's light we dare be brave And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free. Maya Angelou Wedding Photos: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?...1&l=22b092b98c

03-19-2011, 09:55 PM	#13
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,116 Thanked 7,387 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I too think that it's not so much the age gap as the gap in maturity and experience between partners. The older might take a "parental" role or resent the younger partner who is not at their stage of life yet. I have known couples with 10-20 years age gaps, and it works because they are very compatitble in maturity. There are challenges in even good relationships, such as the retirement issue. I suppose if both partners are just looking for something non-serious, a large gap wouldn't matter. It becomes more of an issue when you are talking a committment. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

03-19-2011, 11:24 PM	#14
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	This is a bit close to the heart for me.. it really depends on the people involved and the life stages they are at.. SO simplly put DESD amd I have a age gap her folks are ok with it as are mine my daughter loves her and I think she is the best thing in my life well next to the before mentioned daughter yes I am immature but she gets me and it works for us she supports me in my job in the military all around something that my ex who was close to my age never did I will say I did get kind of offened by reading this but we are all intilted to our own opnions and the lovely safe space to air them BUT the two most meaning full relationships I have ever had have been with younger Femmes in thier 20s guess it just works for me or I am just peter pan and ain't never growing up __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

03-19-2011, 04:55 PM	#8
proximitywithoutintimacy Member How Do You Identify?: Rocker Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: That One Girl ;) Relationship Status: Putting My Heart Back Together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: USA Posts: 175 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 141 Thanked 290 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 670282	Hey, thanks for all the replies! Quite honestly, for me, I've found that people who have more life experience are the ones who are mature beyond their age. I'm 24 years old, and I feel a lot older spiritually, if that makes any sense - one of my closest friends is 26, her friends are 29, and I'm becoming slowly immersed into their circle. Don't get me wrong, I love my best friend to death (she's also 24) but I feel as though I'm outgrowing her. I think age, or rather, maturity levels play a part in both friendships and relationships.

03-19-2011, 05:21 PM	#9
adorable Member How Do You Identify?: Sarcastically Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home of the Yankee's Posts: 752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,708 Thanked 2,643 Times in 590 Posts Rep Power: 12725119	Age matters for me. I don't date anyone my age. They must be significantly older or younger. It doesn't work for me any other way.

03-15-2011, 09:47 PM	#11
dixie Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: I usually just poke it with a stick. Preferred Pronoun?: Bitch Relationship Status: Intertwined deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: We're all a little mad here. Posts: 6,627 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,972 Thanked 21,383 Times in 4,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Age means nothing to me. Maturity level is definitely not age specific. The most immature, childish person I ever dated was almost 24 years older than me. On the reverse, I've dated someone in their early 20s who was very level-headed and mature. I tend to usually date older. Specifically because older is more physically attractive to me than someone my own age or younger. Not quite sure why that is, but if a 40/50 something hottie is standing beside a 20/30 something hottie, the 20/30 something hottie won't even get a glance...lol In all honesty it does come down to the person that they are and how we click. Doesn't really matter if they are younger or older. It's all about the personality, not the age.

03-20-2011, 12:33 AM	#16
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	It is interesting to me how all of us have a different sense of "how many" years in much of an age difference. 5-7 years either way to me doesn't sound like much.

03-19-2011, 11:39 PM	#17
PumaJ Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Queer Feminist Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Portland Metro, Oregon Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,419 Thanked 500 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 1652642	I find this to be a thought provoking conversation. I have zero age issues regarding the women I am friends with. Their ages range from mid-twenties to mid-sixties. They are all intelligent, mature in their own ways, all have great senses of humor, and all have the ability to be quite playfull. The mix is straight, bi, & lesbian (Femme & Butch), and lest I forget, the one lonely male, a 18 y.o. Bi guy. That being said, I'm not sure if I would have issues dating someone more than a few years youngernor older. I did date a quite handsome & much younger Butch, years ago. We only went out three times, though. Her age was only one of a few issues. Taken by itself, her age wasn't the deciding factor, though to stop dating. I've been single by choice for several years, now, & have intentionally not been involved with my local Queer community beyond hanging out with a couple of friends every now & then. I've only just in the past couple of months begun to take very small steps to re-engage with the community. I'm not even sure if I am interested in dating. I'll make a decision on that issue if it presents itself. I know coupleships in which there are age differences. As far as I can see, the age difference hasn't been a significant issue in them. The greatest age difference is 18 yrs. It seems that this is an issue that is highly personal and dependent upon the individuals involved, really. If I decide that I want to date or get involved in a relationship again, I hope that I'm able to be open minded enough to not miss out on a decent relationship just based on the number of years someone else has been alive. I think that truly good, decent, & stable relationships are hard enough to find in our communities, as it is. __________________ PumaJ

04-25-2011, 10:54 AM	#18
Silverseastar Member How Do You Identify?: femme, submissive, girl Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 133 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 348 Thanked 492 Times in 107 Posts Rep Power: 3095523	My last three exes were 29 when I started dating them. The last became a big relationship and the almost 9 years between us was an issue in the end. Mostly because she simply did not have the life experience. I'm currently exploring a relationship with someone close to my age (She is 46 I'm 42) and I find it totally different. We have so much in common including more advanced communication skills (grin). I agree with the poster who talked about wanting to be at parallel times for retirement etc... I can totally see the importance in that. So I'd have to say not pro not against but think that it should be thought about carefully and that it may change at different times in your life.

11-27-2013, 04:20 AM	#19
~baby~doll~ Member How Do You Identify?: femme-bottom, lesbian, queer Preferred Pronoun?: feminine ones Relationship Status: Leather polyamorous family Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: with HER Posts: 1,110 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,494 Thanked 2,856 Times in 905 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	i have enjoyed reading such wonderful responses. Thank you all for sharing. For me maturity level and character are far more important than age. O/our home is poly, so some of the relationships are looser. Ages vary a great deal, half working age and half retired. Home and life is somewhat divided along this framework. W/we retirees are naturally more closely knit. This is not to say there is a gap or breakdown in the relationships with the rest. W/we just spend more time together and have been together longer and this familiarity creates a stronger and lasting bond. W/we know we are together forever and the others may just be passing through. They are very mature and W/we have many common bonds. Age difference has little to do with the relationships. As W/we share this life together each one fills a different role. It is a happy household. Sometimes the music gets on my nerves. __________________ i will wait to love You. i will wait another day For You i'd leave all this behind. i will wait for you tonight. iwill waste another dream on You Always run to You. Uh Huh Her

12-27-2013, 07:55 PM	#20
Paradox Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Constant Outsider - Humanist Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Toronto - Canada Posts: 59 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 57 Thanked 191 Times in 49 Posts Rep Power: 1217577	It can be.... That being said if it was rigidly in place, I or my younger sister wouldn't have been born. On other aspects pertaining life experiences that's where either issues begin or they are worked through. I have dated younger and older, but more younger - and maturity/wisdom is no where associated with age. Do I prefer someone around my age group +- 5 years yes. However you do not control who you are attracted to. And if the person feels right that's you best gauge to start.