Age... an issue?

Corkey · 03-20-2011, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Oh, and Corkey- I'm in no way think your post was judgemental- I really like your "translation" idea and I just got off on the rest of my post after letting you know this.... just 'cause that is where my mind went.

Yep, it isn't about judgement, personal experience and translation. If I have to explain every saying that came outta my mouth, I'd get more grey hairs than I have right now. Life is at this point in life is too friggen short to have to go through that every day.
As always your mileage may vary.

proximitywithoutintimacy · 03-21-2011, 10:25 AM

I sure hope I didn't offend anyone.

The issue I took, with contemplating dating this younger girl, is mainly because she's still in that "player" mindset, and whether she realises it or not - she comes off as someone who's only interested in one thing. I'm a lady, I have a lot of class (despite what others may assume) and I've just grown out of that. I'm not saying I want a relationship, but I certainly don't want to be "just another girl."

If that makes sense?

AtLast · 03-21-2011, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

I sure hope I didn't offend anyone.

The issue I took, with contemplating dating this younger girl, is mainly because she's still in that "player" mindset, and whether she realises it or not - she comes off as someone who's only interested in one thing. I'm a lady, I have a lot of class (despite what others may assume) and I've just grown out of that. I'm not saying I want a relationship, but I certainly don't want to be "just another girl."

If that makes sense?

Makes a lot of sense- goes to the life stages and where we just are as people.

I can look back in my life at many things and see that at different times, different situations worked- or just didn't. We experience and learn- about ourselves.

This can be a very sensitive topic, especially for folks that are in relationships with large age differences.

My parents had 11 years between them- although, it was my Dad that was older- usually more accepted. When they met, my Mom was 17, my Dad wad 28. They married at 20 and 31 and were together 47 years until my Dad died. Funny, as my first significant love relationship was with a man 9 years older- I was 16 at the time. I was not sexual with him until I was 18 and had left home. We were together for 10 years- and well later I realized I was queer.

I was with a woman 10 years my junior for a brief time between the break-up of a LTR (21 years) and the last LTR I was in (6 years, ending in her death). I found that for me, the differences we had in our "eras" just didn't work well. But, that is me- other people don't have this experience even when they have 15, 20 or more years between them.

I do think there can be some negative motivations behind age disparate relationships- like trophy wives, etc. Or one's ego being wrapped up in seeing a much younger person. And my guess is that those people have always had problems with relationships that have nothing to do with age variables.

It is the whole judgement thing that I wish we wouldn't get involved with- I really try to just get to know people and not put my personal values on them- they are not me.

Bard · 03-25-2011, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

I sure hope I didn't offend anyone.

The issue I took, with contemplating dating this younger girl, is mainly because she's still in that "player" mindset, and whether she realises it or not - she comes off as someone who's only interested in one thing. I'm a lady, I have a lot of class (despite what others may assume) and I've just grown out of that. I'm not saying I want a relationship, but I certainly don't want to be "just another girl."

If that makes sense?

It is not that I was offended I just get cranky when people judge or are in a way condescending of the age difference. to me love is hard to find harder to hold. I have been through a lot with Desd in a way she heals the parts in me that are broken she understands me and judges me not she gets me it is kind of like to lost ships that collided she is a old soul and me I am kind of peter pan.. My daughter loves Desd and yes my kiddo is young only 7. but yes the may - december romance is not for everyone but I have seen enough to know you dont spit in the face of love. so I will walk this path with Desd with my head held high in May of 2012 with both of our family and many friends by our sides we will be bound together and I will commit to her all that I am >>> the poor dear

proximitywithoutintimacy · 03-25-2011, 11:33 AM

I'm not the type of person who judges anyone; I suppose I'm just pretty clear on what I want, whether I'm dating someone or trying to develop a relationship. I've found that in my age bracket, dating someone younger isn't an option for me. At least, not someone who's significantly younger, because I do hold a place in my heart for a girl who's twenty-one <3 I think it just depends on the person, really, but I also believe that someone who's nineteen and doesn't really have a lot of experience with life... wouldn't mesh with me, so to speak

I am getting to know this person who's 29 and so far I just adore her

Dating someone who is older than me, has always been a positive experience, and I just see it as what works for me - just as it may not work for someone else. We're all different, hey?

PumaJ · 03-25-2011, 01:59 PM

This is really such a personal issue, isn't it?

It is my belief that we are each Spiritual Beings inhabiting human bodies living lives over time, in the mundane. As Beings of Spirit we are ageless. However, all too obviously, that is not the case with the human bodies we inhabit and that is where I see the issues of maturity coming into the picture.

For myself, sometimes the daily stuff of life in the mundane overwhelms the knowingness of my self as a Being of Spirit. I hope always that I am never so overwhelmed that my knowingness is obscured so totally that I forget the truth of who I am or become unable to see the truth that others are also Beings of Spirit living human lives.

Those that I've been in intimate relationships with have tended to have a similar view. Not, always, though. But I think that with such a view it would be easier to love across differences in age.

Speculation only on my part at this point, because I don't have any real time experience in the area of big age differences, and I'm not looking for love or an intimate relationship at this time. I can say, however, that in the past, my view has afforded me the opportunity to love across the lines of race, religion, culture and economic background.

daisygrrl · 03-25-2011, 03:54 PM

I truly empathize with Dixie’s post. I am more attracted to “older” partners; and it has always been. When I began college, my parents laughed and said that I was going to marry one of my professors. Since then, three of my partners and I have shared approximately 22-24-year age gaps.

True, “maturity” (a term that is subjective) is not defined by age; however, I do agree that many experiences come with age—simply by virtue of time. However, everyone is different—and has encountered different experiences, some of which “mature” our outlook “earlier.”

As for the retirement issue, I would also like to mention that is also an issue of socioeconomics. Sadly, not everyone has the luxury to retire. And, like Puma, I have dated and befriended individuals from various cultures, classes, etc.; I firmly believe that “differences” do not necessarily have to be gaps to conquer—but actually can be appreciated (and this goes for age and experiences).

Some relationships work, and some do not; I can see where some issues that may be age-related may make a relationship less successful—but those situations are going to depend on the individuals (her/his/hys/ze’s wants, needs, goals, etc.).

Just a few of my thoughts

princessbelle · 03-25-2011, 04:10 PM

I pretty much have always dated older people. Not way older but roughly my age or a couple of years older. Younger is ok to. I guess i pretty much think 5-6 years either way is really close enough to be considered "my age".

But more than that.....it would be more of a cultural difference that i would be more worried about than anything. Music, movies, sayings and memories of even political events would be lost and it would feel weird to say, explain to someone what watergate was or whatever.

So, IMO 6 either way ok. Anything more? Would have to really be something special.....really, really, really special.

03-25-2011, 01:59 PM	#6
PumaJ Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Queer Feminist Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Portland Metro, Oregon Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,419 Thanked 500 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 1652642	This is really such a personal issue, isn't it? It is my belief that we are each Spiritual Beings inhabiting human bodies living lives over time, in the mundane. As Beings of Spirit we are ageless. However, all too obviously, that is not the case with the human bodies we inhabit and that is where I see the issues of maturity coming into the picture. For myself, sometimes the daily stuff of life in the mundane overwhelms the knowingness of my self as a Being of Spirit. I hope always that I am never so overwhelmed that my knowingness is obscured so totally that I forget the truth of who I am or become unable to see the truth that others are also Beings of Spirit living human lives. Those that I've been in intimate relationships with have tended to have a similar view. Not, always, though. But I think that with such a view it would be easier to love across differences in age. Speculation only on my part at this point, because I don't have any real time experience in the area of big age differences, and I'm not looking for love or an intimate relationship at this time. I can say, however, that in the past, my view has afforded me the opportunity to love across the lines of race, religion, culture and economic background. __________________ PumaJ

03-25-2011, 03:54 PM	#7
daisygrrl Member How Do You Identify?: mouthy but adorable; kinky Gerbera Preferred Pronoun?: hey, cutie (or dudette) Relationship Status: xoxo Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The South (Gooogia peach) Posts: 475 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,157 Thanked 524 Times in 222 Posts Rep Power: 1065211	I truly empathize with Dixie’s post. I am more attracted to “older” partners; and it has always been. When I began college, my parents laughed and said that I was going to marry one of my professors. Since then, three of my partners and I have shared approximately 22-24-year age gaps. True, “maturity” (a term that is subjective) is not defined by age; however, I do agree that many experiences come with age—simply by virtue of time. However, everyone is different—and has encountered different experiences, some of which “mature” our outlook “earlier.” As for the retirement issue, I would also like to mention that is also an issue of socioeconomics. Sadly, not everyone has the luxury to retire. And, like Puma, I have dated and befriended individuals from various cultures, classes, etc.; I firmly believe that “differences” do not necessarily have to be gaps to conquer—but actually can be appreciated (and this goes for age and experiences). Some relationships work, and some do not; I can see where some issues that may be age-related may make a relationship less successful—but those situations are going to depend on the individuals (her/his/hys/ze’s wants, needs, goals, etc.). Just a few of my thoughts __________________ You can’t change that system by just getting your own rights, tinkering with the engine and leaving. You have to take on the whole machine. --Riki Anne Wilchins Hold on to the lessons, let go of the pain. --Leslie Feinberg

03-25-2011, 04:10 PM	#8
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,497 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I pretty much have always dated older people. Not way older but roughly my age or a couple of years older. Younger is ok to. I guess i pretty much think 5-6 years either way is really close enough to be considered "my age". But more than that.....it would be more of a cultural difference that i would be more worried about than anything. Music, movies, sayings and memories of even political events would be lost and it would feel weird to say, explain to someone what watergate was or whatever. So, IMO 6 either way ok. Anything more? Would have to really be something special.....really, really, really special. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou Last edited by princessbelle; 03-25-2011 at 04:13 PM.

03-21-2011, 10:25 AM	#2
proximitywithoutintimacy Member How Do You Identify?: Rocker Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: That One Girl ;) Relationship Status: Putting My Heart Back Together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: USA Posts: 175 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 141 Thanked 290 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 670282	I sure hope I didn't offend anyone. The issue I took, with contemplating dating this younger girl, is mainly because she's still in that "player" mindset, and whether she realises it or not - she comes off as someone who's only interested in one thing. I'm a lady, I have a lot of class (despite what others may assume) and I've just grown out of that. I'm not saying I want a relationship, but I certainly don't want to be "just another girl." If that makes sense?

03-25-2011, 11:33 AM	#5
proximitywithoutintimacy Member How Do You Identify?: Rocker Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: That One Girl ;) Relationship Status: Putting My Heart Back Together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: USA Posts: 175 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 141 Thanked 290 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 670282	I'm not the type of person who judges anyone; I suppose I'm just pretty clear on what I want, whether I'm dating someone or trying to develop a relationship. I've found that in my age bracket, dating someone younger isn't an option for me. At least, not someone who's significantly younger, because I do hold a place in my heart for a girl who's twenty-one <3 I think it just depends on the person, really, but I also believe that someone who's nineteen and doesn't really have a lot of experience with life... wouldn't mesh with me, so to speak I am getting to know this person who's 29 and so far I just adore her Dating someone who is older than me, has always been a positive experience, and I just see it as what works for me - just as it may not work for someone else. We're all different, hey?