what NOT to do in a relationship....... - Page 24

Kenna · 04-07-2011, 01:16 PM

don’t always put your needs infront of another's ...and don't expect them to push asside their personality, identity, self-worth, inner securities and safe place or needs and desires to accommodate all of your needs.

Jesse · 04-07-2011, 02:09 PM

Don't repeatedly make promises that you have no idea at all how to keep.

Corkey · 04-07-2011, 03:02 PM

From a past experience, and this does not apply to my marriage.

DO NOT get a joint checking account...Ever!

AtLast · 04-07-2011, 03:12 PM

Thinking about how it might be better for me to focus on what to do in a relationship. Trying to stay in the here & now. What applied in the past... is past!!

Wishing the very best to everyone that has taken that leap of faith and are doing the best possible in their relationship. Darn things are a work in progress!

Yup, I'm just wanting to support love and my people (BF Planeteers!!!)...

girl_dee · 04-07-2011, 07:32 PM

Don't get into a relationship with someone who has an addiction (and in denial, unwilling to change or get help), you will never be a priority.

tommyboy66 · 04-07-2011, 08:07 PM

Don't give your girls dog away..
when she's away..
and expect everything to be ok..
when she gets home..
from being away..

Tommyboy66

WingsOnFire · 04-07-2011, 08:22 PM

Stay in the relationship because it is comfortable and your scared to be alone.. Life is too short to be unhappy.. I know.. I spent 10 years of which 7 were miserable in a relationship for that very reason.. Never again..

Thank you Sir for making me happier than I ever have been.

Soft*Silver · 04-07-2011, 08:41 PM

dont jump to conclusions...

AtLast · 04-07-2011, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

Don't get into a relationship with someone who has an addiction (and in denial, unwilling to change or get help), you will never be a priority.

Since addiction issues are widespread in our society, this comes up a lot. The co-dependency/enabling stuff can really kick in for some of us. You hit it on the head- the addiction is the priority unless someone is willing to deal with it.

I have certainly seen many folks deal with their addictions and be able to have good relationships- but it has to do with them being ready and yes, not in denial.

I can be a "fixer" and have learned to pay attention to this in myself- it has not served me well. I caqn't fix someone else- only me.

Nat · 04-07-2011, 11:22 PM

Don't forget to give and forgive.

Don't forget to pay attention and appreciate.

Don't forget - people come as-is.

Nat · 04-07-2011, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Since addiction issues are widespread in our society, this comes up a lot. The co-dependency/enabling stuff can really kick in for some of us. You hit it on the head- the addiction is the priority unless someone is willing to deal with it.

I have certainly seen many folks deal with their addictions and be able to have good relationships- but it has to do with them being ready and yes, not in denial.

I can be a "fixer" and have learned to pay attention to this in myself- it has not served me well. I caqn't fix someone else- only me.

I'm a cheese addict. It's a sad life. But thankfully I'm loved. Though I think she might be catching my cheese addiction. Mmmm feta.

Sweet_Amor_Taino · 04-07-2011, 11:44 PM

I will not repeat what others did to you I am me.

Do not be afraid of love when you feel its real and it might take you places you fear.

Do not ask yourself is this real becuase its to good to be, trust it and enjoy it.

Recognized the patterns of behavior that sabotage and destroy a possible beautiful romance/relationship that will bring you happiness.

Do not say its not going to work non of the others did... this one might be the one.

girl_dee · 04-08-2011, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Since addiction issues are widespread in our society, this comes up a lot. The co-dependency/enabling stuff can really kick in for some of us. You hit it on the head- the addiction is the priority unless someone is willing to deal with it.

I have certainly seen many folks deal with their addictions and be able to have good relationships- but it has to do with them being ready and yes, not in denial.

I can be a "fixer" and have learned to pay attention to this in myself- it has not served me well. I caqn't fix someone else- only me.

THIS is what has got me in trouble way too many times. I want to "fix" people. Then when it doesn't work, and I have to walk away, I am told I am the deserter, leaving someone in their " time of need". (Always a crisis) Yah, well I "need" to be safe and sane. Watching someone you love self destruct is painful. I am willing to be patient, to hold someones hand to get help, but I can't force them to if they are not interested. If the addiction always comes before the partner, and it will, it won't work.

girl_dee · 04-08-2011, 06:46 AM

Don't believe you know someone by their online persona. You don't. Hiding ones icky stuff may not be intentional but it happens. Major deal breakers can be hiding behind the monitor.

apretty · 04-08-2011, 06:54 AM

debate me.

apretty · 04-08-2011, 07:00 AM

*or give me your dumb cold that you SAID was just allergies that lasted 4 days last week, now that i have time off i have caught your "allergies" and can't breathe or do much besides whimper a little and blow the random snot bubble... and post my inner most thoughts online.

*when you went to the gym this morning and i said i'd go with you and 'spot you' while i blew my nose and wore my fuzzy robe you didn't accept my sweet and sincere offer.

just, *you're doing it wrong!

Rook · 04-08-2011, 07:29 AM

-♦-If you plan to travel, take a break..Maybe visit friends....?
LET THE PERSON KNOW....
Don't just disappear for MONTHS, and show up expectin' cuddles, kisses and everything in its usual spot..
Yes, Love should be timeless, but then...after the first few months, u can't blame me if I start asking "wtf?!?!"

-♦-Don't expect mind-reading, I'm as good in said talent as you are when u see my obviously not-too-happy glance and u're clueless as to why.

-♦-If you kick, shove or sprawl out in your sleep(feeding me a sleepy foot somehow beyond my comprehension), don't be baffled when u see me sleeping in the spare room.

-♦-If I know I'm right, and I still "inherit" the Couch, please...
The next Morning?
Don't ask what was so fucking funny the previous night, after you slammed and locked the bedroom door. It's called TV, satellite and DVD options. Believe me, we Both suffer when I'm in the "doghouse"....But, you have books{and maybe a 'power tool'}, and I have late night "shows"{..maybe cinemax}.

-♦-If you wash dishes, or flush the Toilet, while I'm in the Shower...?
Don't come rushing, almost knocking the bathroom door down, scared shitless cuz I just let out a very rare high pitched painful Scream....

-♦-If you're "hearing"{as in Not-Deaf}, and this vital...
pay attention, pleez...
If you say "never mind", after your failed attempt at explaining something 3 times, we will have a problem.
I understand it's frustration galore for you, imagine My frustration in not having a clue.
Do not get pissed off when I'm rapidly "Signing" with a Deaf Femme {maybe boi} and they giggle, if you ask "what?" and I try to explain, and you're still clueless, welcome to my world...k?

-♦-You like Romantic Comedies, chick Flicks...
I like suspense, Horror {some gore} and Psych Thriller, let us not debate this, I'll sit thru Adam Sandler & Drew Barrymore when you sit through Matt Damon and Forest Whitaker.

-♦-Oh, and share the popcorn, pookie.

[namaste !!!!]

Dreams · 04-08-2011, 07:32 AM

when you look out on the horizon and see a tantrum coming in,every flippen day?..never a good sign..

04-08-2011, 08:00 AM

Tell her you love her for her intellect whilst not taking yer eyes off her rack!

girl_dee · 04-08-2011, 08:03 AM

Do not ignore someone's past. It's the best prediction of the future.

04-07-2011, 01:16 PM	#461
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,194 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	don’t always put your needs infront of another's ...and don't expect them to push asside their personality, identity, self-worth, inner securities and safe place or needs and desires to accommodate all of your needs. __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

04-07-2011, 02:09 PM	#462
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,784 Times in 3,940 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Don't repeatedly make promises that you have no idea at all how to keep. __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

04-07-2011, 03:02 PM	#463
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,269 Times in 6,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	From a past experience, and this does not apply to my marriage. DO NOT get a joint checking account...Ever! __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

04-07-2011, 08:07 PM	#466
tommyboy66 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Tom-Boy/Soft-Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Soft-Butch/Tom-Boy & All Woman..! Relationship Status: Single & looking Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 48 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 52 Thanked 65 Times in 34 Posts Rep Power: 122446	Don't.. Don't give your girls dog away.. when she's away.. and expect everything to be ok.. when she gets home.. from being away.. Tommyboy66

04-07-2011, 08:22 PM	#467
WingsOnFire Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer..femme.. .babygirl...girl Preferred Pronoun?: Female Ones... Relationship Status: Enjoying life but ready to meet someone Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Portland Oregon Posts: 3,945 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,015 Thanked 12,476 Times in 3,357 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Stay in the relationship because it is comfortable and your scared to be alone.. Life is too short to be unhappy.. I know.. I spent 10 years of which 7 were miserable in a relationship for that very reason.. Never again.. Thank you Sir for making me happier than I ever have been. __________________ Previously known as MidnightBlueEyes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ http://gailsforum.files.wordpress.co...-psd340941.png

04-07-2011, 03:12 PM	#464
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,828 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Thinking about how it might be better for me to focus on what *to do* in a relationship. Trying to stay in the here & now. What applied in the past... is past!! Wishing the very best to everyone that has taken that leap of faith and are doing the best possible in their relationship. Darn things are a work in progress! Yup, I'm just wanting to support love and my people (BF Planeteers!!!)...

04-07-2011, 07:32 PM	#465
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Don't get into a relationship with someone who has an addiction (and in denial, unwilling to change or get help), you will never be a priority.

04-07-2011, 08:41 PM	#468
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,907 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	dont jump to conclusions... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

04-07-2011, 11:22 PM	#470
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,971 Times in 2,591 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Don't forget to give and forgive. Don't forget to pay attention and appreciate. Don't forget - people come as-is. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl

04-07-2011, 11:44 PM	#472
Sweet_Amor_Taino Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Gentleman Preferred Pronoun?: he/him Relationship Status: Exclusively dating, Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Austin Tx Posts: 538 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 388 Thanked 853 Times in 298 Posts Rep Power: 4397590	Do not !! I will not repeat what others did to you I am me. Do not be afraid of love when you feel its real and it might take you places you fear. Do not ask yourself is this real becuase its to good to be, trust it and enjoy it. Recognized the patterns of behavior that sabotage and destroy a possible beautiful romance/relationship that will bring you happiness. Do not say its not going to work non of the others did... this one might be the one. __________________ When we are aware that each moment of each day and each step we take,is truly mystical and full of wonder,we will live our lives with greater thought and care, we will also respect and appreciate This moment.

04-08-2011, 06:46 AM	#474
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Don't believe you know someone by their online persona. You don't. Hiding ones icky stuff may not be intentional but it happens. Major deal breakers can be hiding behind the monitor.

04-08-2011, 06:54 AM	#475
apretty Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: sea shell Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: san diego Posts: 1,687 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,927 Thanked 4,373 Times in 1,012 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	debate me.

04-08-2011, 07:00 AM	#476
apretty Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: sea shell Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: san diego Posts: 1,687 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,927 Thanked 4,373 Times in 1,012 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	or give me your dumb cold that you SAID was just allergies that lasted 4 days last week, now that i have time off i have caught your "allergies" and can't breathe or do much besides whimper a little and blow the random snot bubble... and post my inner most thoughts online. when you went to the gym this morning and i said i'd go with you and 'spot you' while i blew my nose and wore my fuzzy robe you didn't accept my sweet and sincere offer. just, *you're doing it wrong!

04-08-2011, 07:29 AM	#477
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,182 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	-♦-If you plan to travel, take a break..Maybe visit friends....? LET THE PERSON KNOW.... Don't just disappear for MONTHS, and show up expectin' cuddles, kisses and everything in its usual spot.. Yes, Love should be timeless, but then...after the first few months, u can't blame me if I start asking "wtf?!?!" -♦-Don't expect mind-reading, I'm as good in said talent as you are when u see my obviously not-too-happy glance and u're clueless as to why. -♦-If you kick, shove or sprawl out in your sleep(feeding me a sleepy foot somehow beyond my comprehension), don't be baffled when u see me sleeping in the spare room. -♦-If I know I'm right, and I still "inherit" the Couch, please... The next Morning? Don't ask what was so fucking funny the previous night, after you slammed and locked the bedroom door. It's called TV, satellite and DVD options. Believe me, we Both suffer when I'm in the "doghouse"....But, you have books{and maybe a 'power tool'}, and I have late night "shows"{..maybe cinemax}. -♦-If you wash dishes, or flush the Toilet, while I'm in the Shower...? Don't come rushing, almost knocking the bathroom door down, scared shitless cuz I just let out a very rare high pitched painful Scream.... -♦-If you're "hearing"{as in Not-Deaf}, and this vital... pay attention, pleez... If you say "never mind", after your failed attempt at explaining something 3 times, we will have a problem. I understand it's frustration galore for you, imagine My frustration in not having a clue. Do not get pissed off when I'm rapidly "Signing" with a Deaf Femme {maybe boi} and they giggle, if you ask "what?" and I try to explain, and you're still clueless, welcome to my world...k? -♦-You like Romantic Comedies, chick Flicks... I like suspense, Horror {some gore} and Psych Thriller, let us not debate this, I'll sit thru Adam Sandler & Drew Barrymore when you sit through Matt Damon and Forest Whitaker. -♦-Oh, and share the popcorn, pookie. [namaste !!!!] __________________

04-08-2011, 07:32 AM	#478
Dreams In memory of How Do You Identify?: self proclaimed ruler of nekid monday's Preferred Pronoun?: Hey you.. Relationship Status: busy.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: over there~~> Posts: 398 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 712 Thanked 802 Times in 255 Posts Rep Power: 10433810	when you look out on the horizon and see a tantrum coming in,every flippen day?..never a good sign.. __________________ DREAMS.... It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters in the end. Ursula Le Guin

04-08-2011, 08:00 AM	#479
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	Tell her you love her for her intellect whilst not taking yer eyes off her rack!

04-08-2011, 08:03 AM	#480
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Do not ignore someone's past. It's the best prediction of the future.