Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by Metropolis

Hey you *s*

I totally get what you're saying here and I don't believe it's shallow at all to know what we like and trying to act with that in mind. Physical attraction is a natural part of over-all attractions and I don't think we have a lot of choice what makes out heart go boom.

I'm attracted to female/feminine cues/markers in many different forms and incarnations, but yeah there has to be some outward fem/ factor to heighten my attraction to the next level.

Good thread...

Metro

Thanks Met. I love the "heart go boom"

So, I am curious...what do you see as the fem/factor for you?

Originally Posted by Blade

I agree with Metropolis, I don't think we have a real choice in what trips our trigger. Physical attraction is what normally draws us together in real time. I'm certain there are those who really don't care what someone looks like, but I think those are really few and far between. We know what we are each interested in or a certain way we expect our potential partner to look. Wonder how many of us have "fallen" in love online or over the phone and met someone and ummm this is not what I expected but still had feelings for the person, even though they didn't look like you thought or would have liked for them to look. I know I have.

I like a feminine femme, who doesn't mind getting her fingernails dirty from time to time. However that is not what I seem to attract most of the time. Great thread by the way

Thanks for the feedback!

I'm curious to hear more about this...:However that is not what I seem to attract most of the time."

Do you tend to attract less feminine women? Do you think it is energy driven?

[Blade]

Originally Posted by SassyLeo

[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]
Thanks for the feedback!

I'm curious to hear more about this...:However that is not what I seem to attract most of the time."

Do you tend to attract less feminine women? Do you think it is energy driven?

Oh no they are seemingly more high femme, frilly lacey types. Which I love also but the ones I've been with seem to be afraid of getting their fingernails dirty or God forbid broken. LOL I think a woman can be just a sexy and feminine in a pair of jeans and boots with horse crap on them as she can be in fishnets and high heels. And I'd actually be more attracted to a femme if I saw her in jeans and boots for the first time I saw a pic of her than in fishnets and high heels. urrr ummm I think I would

I don't know if it is energy driven or what drives it but it drives me crazy LOL

[NJFemmie]

I tend to believe that the eyes tell us what to love .. but the heart tells us who to love. (If that makes sense).

Coming from someone who has had relationships "all over the map" to exclusively b/f relationships, and is currently in a long term relationship with someone who does not identify as butch (or femme for that matter) - I think it really all comes down to how a person flips that switch for you.

She would often ask me what attracted me to Her, since She knew I was primarily attracted to butches - but She was someone I could not resist. She pulled on my heartstrings, and I fell in love. She made it go boom. Something I had no control over.

I never really factored in physical appearance as a pre-requisite - HOWEVER - there have been very few instances in my life where I have dated femmes. (It really depended on how strongly I felt about them).

Sometimes, you think you know what you want - but your heart knows best.

I don't think it's shallow if you know what attracts you. But I do also have a tendency to believe in keeping an open mind and listening from "within". But, that's just me.

Love, to me, is just that unconditional.

[Jett]

Originally Posted by SassyLeo

Thanks Met. I love the "heart go boom"

So, I am curious...what do you see as the fem/factor for you?

Ok that's hard (lol). But since we're just talking appearance for me it's as simple as the traditional feminine characteristics. Not necessarily clothes... it's more a natural thing, the hips... defined brows... fuller lips... eyes... maybe hair.

Sometimes all of the above but even one can often be powerful enough to paint the whole picture.

I'd say other than that, clothes or styles aren't as important as I do have a very eclectic taste in that area so I'm attracted to many different personal styles from tough to soft or retro to geeky etc.

Hope that answers your question *s*

Metro

[Blade]

It's the total package for me, not just any one or two things about a femme that attracts me to her.

[atomiczombie]

Good thread. I think that physical appearance is important, and those that say it shouldn't be confuse me. I have had a friend tell me I am shallow for only preferring a certain physical type and not being open-minded about people who don't fit that type. Shallow? I can't help who does it for me, and some physical types just don't no matter what. That includes cisgendered men, which I think most of us on this site can relate to.

My type is femmes. Feminine in appearance, but also in how she carries herself in the world. Graceful, elegant, but also a strength in her femininity. Curvy, can fill out a dress beautifully, but wear pants and be just as sexy. A girl that just oozes femininity from every pore of her body, no matter what she wears or how much or little make-up is applied. I generally don't find super heavy make up to be all that flattering for a girl, for it hides her beauty. Hair in a feminine style, long enough to thread my fingers through. Full lips. Things like that turn me on.

That said, a girl who looks like that can open her mouth and totally ruin it for me. I have had it happen and it is a bit jarring, but it is a lot more than looks that draws me in. A girl who is mature and intelligent and strong in herself, who is gentle and kind and genuinely cares about others and not just in words but deeds as well, who respects herself as well as others, THAT turns me on tremendously. I don't generally find it attractive when a girl puts herself down all the time or goes around putting others down. That really disturbs me. A powerful intellect makes me crazy in a good way. I want someone I can talk to and share ideas with. Even if we disagree, we can learn from each other and respect each other's point of view. I don't expect to be with someone who is perfect in these ways all the time. Everyone is human and so am I. She doesn't have to have it all together all the time. I sure don't. But someone who takes care of herself and refuses to be a door mat gets my respect and admiration.

So yeah, its a lot more than physical. But physical matters, it really does. Nothing wrong with that, it just is what it is. I don't think you are shallow at all, Miss Sassy. Your attraction to masculinity in women is just part of who you are, and that, just like every other part of who you are, should be respected by others.

[Blade]

SON ya about had me foaming at the mouth there for a little bit....panting panting LOL

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Good thread. I think that physical appearance is important, and those that say it shouldn't be confuse me. I have had a friend tell me I am shallow for only preferring a certain physical type and not being open-minded about people who don't fit that type. Shallow? I can't help who does it for me, and some physical types just don't no matter what. That includes cisgendered men, which I think most of us on this site can relate to.

My type is femmes. Feminine in appearance, but also in how she carries herself in the world. Graceful, elegant, but also a strength in her femininity. Curvy, can fill out a dress beautifully, but wear pants and be just as sexy. A girl that just oozes femininity from every pore of her body, no matter what she wears or how much or little make-up is applied. I generally don't find super heavy make up to be all that flattering for a girl, for it hides her beauty. Hair in a feminine style, long enough to thread my fingers through. Full lips. Things like that turn me on.

That said, a girl who looks like that can open her mouth and totally ruin it for me. I have had it happen and it is a bit jarring, but it is a lot more than looks that draws me in. A girl who is mature and intelligent and strong in herself, who is gentle and kind and genuinely cares about others and not just in words but deeds as well, who respects herself as well as others, THAT turns me on tremendously. I don't generally find it attractive when a girl puts herself down all the time or goes around putting others down. That really disturbs me. A powerful intellect makes me crazy in a good way. I want someone I can talk to and share ideas with. Even if we disagree, we can learn from each other and respect each other's point of view. I don't expect to be with someone who is perfect in these ways all the time. Everyone is human and so am I. She doesn't have to have it all together all the time. I sure don't. But someone who takes care of herself and refuses to be a door mat gets my respect and admiration.

So yeah, its a lot more than physical. But physical matters, it really does. Nothing wrong with that, it just is what it is. I don't think you are shallow at all, Miss Sassy. Your attraction to masculinity in women is just part of who you are, and that, just like every other part of who you are, should be respected by others.

[SassyLeo]

Drew, thanks for your very thoughtful post!

I specifically like "I can't help who does it for me, and some physical types just don't no matter what."

Based on yours and others input, I have been thinking alot about the initial physical attraction to someone. In my experience, I have some kind of chemical/hormonal reaction to a specific type. As much as I want to feel like I would be open to all kinds of types, I am not convinced we are all built that way.

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Good thread. I think that physical appearance is important, and those that say it shouldn't be confuse me. I have had a friend tell me I am shallow for only preferring a certain physical type and not being open-minded about people who don't fit that type. Shallow? I can't help who does it for me, and some physical types just don't no matter what. That includes cisgendered men, which I think most of us on this site can relate to.

My type is femmes. Feminine in appearance, but also in how she carries herself in the world. Graceful, elegant, but also a strength in her femininity. Curvy, can fill out a dress beautifully, but wear pants and be just as sexy. A girl that just oozes femininity from every pore of her body, no matter what she wears or how much or little make-up is applied. I generally don't find super heavy make up to be all that flattering for a girl, for it hides her beauty. Hair in a feminine style, long enough to thread my fingers through. Full lips. Things like that turn me on.

That said, a girl who looks like that can open her mouth and totally ruin it for me. I have had it happen and it is a bit jarring, but it is a lot more than looks that draws me in. A girl who is mature and intelligent and strong in herself, who is gentle and kind and genuinely cares about others and not just in words but deeds as well, who respects herself as well as others, THAT turns me on tremendously. I don't generally find it attractive when a girl puts herself down all the time or goes around putting others down. That really disturbs me. A powerful intellect makes me crazy in a good way. I want someone I can talk to and share ideas with. Even if we disagree, we can learn from each other and respect each other's point of view. I don't expect to be with someone who is perfect in these ways all the time. Everyone is human and so am I. She doesn't have to have it all together all the time. I sure don't. But someone who takes care of herself and refuses to be a door mat gets my respect and admiration.

So yeah, its a lot more than physical. But physical matters, it really does. Nothing wrong with that, it just is what it is. I don't think you are shallow at all, Miss Sassy. Your attraction to masculinity in women is just part of who you are, and that, just like every other part of who you are, should be respected by others.

[IrishGrrl]

Very interesting. I've thought about this very thing myself in relation to my husband..and my past relationships. Initially, my eye (and other parts) gravitate toward the traditional masculine appearence. What's wierd is..I dont really go crazy over someone who appears TOO masculine. There has to be that hint of softness...in thier hands, thier face..thier voice..thier eyes.
I too wonder..if my husband had been more feminine "looking" if I would have initially picked him out as someone I wanted to date. These days, I'm much more flexiable about it. I used to only date butches who were pretty masculine. Now when I see butches who are less masculine appearing..it's thier energy I gravitate towards.(if I were single and gravitating!!!)

Another question that plaques me..

Am I the only femme that thinks..even if my partner is female ID'd..that.

I'm the girl
and
you are the boy?

And what does that mean?

[Jett]

Originally Posted by IrishGrrl

Very interesting. I've thought about this very thing myself in relation to my husband..and my past relationships. Initially, my eye (and other parts) gravitate toward the traditional masculine appearence. What's wierd is..I dont really go crazy over someone who appears TOO masculine. There has to be that hint of softness...in thier hands, thier face..thier voice..thier eyes.
I too wonder..if my husband had been more feminine "looking" if I would have initially picked him out as someone I wanted to date. These days, I'm much more flexiable about it. I used to only date butches who were pretty masculine. Now when I see butches who are less masculine appearing..it's thier energy I gravitate towards.(if I were single and gravitating!!!)

Another question that plaques me..

Am I the only femme that thinks..even if my partner is female ID'd..that.

I'm the girl
and
you are the boy?

And what does that mean?

I'm totally with you in the line of thought that, though I'm attracted to femininity... (outward feminine cues etc) but more does not necessarily equate to more attractive... as in the more stereotypically feminine doesn't raise the woo factor at all.

There is an essence definitely, the outer cues attract but it's the feminine energy that has the woo-ing power.

(I agree with you on the boy/girl thingy too in that context)

Metro

[Jet]

Only attracted to feminine women. It's presence and demeanor that get me more than anything.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I feel the same way Jet does.

[Jett]

Originally Posted by Blade

It's the total package for me, not just any one or two things about a femme that attracts me to her.

Oh yeah, the total package in the end, but truth, there can for me be one or two individual factors that initially get me interested in even having a first date to explore the rest (if I was dating).

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by Blade

Oh no they are seemingly more high femme, frilly lacey types. Which I love also but the ones I've been with seem to be afraid of getting their fingernails dirty or God forbid broken. LOL I think a woman can be just a sexy and feminine in a pair of jeans and boots with horse crap on them as she can be in fishnets and high heels. And I'd actually be more attracted to a femme if I saw her in jeans and boots for the first time I saw a pic of her than in fishnets and high heels. urrr ummm I think I would

I don't know if it is energy driven or what drives it but it drives me crazy LOL

Thanks for providing more detail! It sounds like it is about how she carries herself, maybe her energy. I have the same kinds of feelings...just on the more masculine side

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

I tend to believe that the eyes tell us what to love .. but the heart tells us who to love. (If that makes sense).

Coming from someone who has had relationships "all over the map" to exclusively b/f relationships, and is currently in a long term relationship with someone who does not identify as butch (or femme for that matter) - I think it really all comes down to how a person flips that switch for you.

She would often ask me what attracted me to Her, since She knew I was primarily attracted to butches - but She was someone I could not resist. She pulled on my heartstrings, and I fell in love. She made it go boom. Something I had no control over.

I never really factored in physical appearance as a pre-requisite - HOWEVER - there have been very few instances in my life where I have dated femmes. (It really depended on how strongly I felt about them).

Sometimes, you think you know what you want - but your heart knows best.

I don't think it's shallow if you know what attracts you. But I do also have a tendency to believe in keeping an open mind and listening from "within". But, that's just me.

Love, to me, is just that unconditional.

Thanks for sharing! I definitely agree...in terms of your heart pulling you in a certain direction. But if you meet someone for the first time and on the initial appearance, the person is not your traditional "type" (if you have one), do you think you might still have some kind of initial attraction? If it is really about the person inside, how would you know from a 15 min conversation? I guess maybe I have not experienced that so I don't know? Curiosity

Originally Posted by Words

I agree that this applies to long-term attraction, but initial attraction?

Nope, definitely not the heart.

Words

See, I think this is part of what I am trying to figure out...

Originally Posted by Metropolis

Ok that's hard (lol). But since we're just talking appearance for me it's as simple as the traditional feminine characteristics. Not necessarily clothes... it's more a natural thing, the hips... defined brows... fuller lips... eyes... maybe hair.

Sometimes all of the above but even one can often be powerful enough to paint the whole picture.

I'd say other than that, clothes or styles aren't as important as I do have a very eclectic taste in that area so I'm attracted to many different personal styles from tough to soft or retro to geeky etc.

Hope that answers your question *s*

Metro

Thanks Met, yes...it is helpful

[UofMfan]

Attraction, to me has to be on all levels, but let’s be honest, initial attraction is almost exclusively physical. This may seem shallow, but it is a reality. For me though, physical attraction is not enough to keep me interested. I need more than a pretty face, otherwise I get bored quickly.

As far as physical attraction, a few years back I came to the realization that I am not willing to compromise. A femme complements my butch, the yin and the yang, etc… I need this dichotomy to be happy in the long run.

Mental attraction is to me the most important, let’s face it, if you can’t keep my mind interested I don’t care how beautiful you are, eventually it will get old for me. I need to be mentally stimulated; I need a complex individual who keeps me on my toes.

Emotional attraction I think develops with the relationship, once and if one is established.

I have more to say but Mercury being retrograde has limited my ability to be articulate…

[Lady Jewel]

For me, its ALL the about the "energy" between myself and the person. Looks dont play into that for me. On many levels. I know this answer sounds simple. But for me it is. How does does the energy interaction feel to me. How does it make me feel emotionally, physically (meaning how does my body react to them), mentally and otherwise.

Warmly,
Jewel

[FeminineAllure]

It is way past my bedtime so...I was sitting here thinking, what do blind people do with no visual stimulation? They have use of touch, smell, taste, hearing all available to them. I wonder what initially attracts them to a person? Also, what if your *new* lover you are dating was diagnosed with some illness that may affects their looks?Would you stick around?
I know it is a bit off the topic but I am just curious.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by UofMfan

I have more to say but Mercury being retrograde has limited my ability to be articulate…

Damn that's what up! No wonder!

I need to be physically attracted but its more about chemistry, a connect and our interest need to be compatible. I prefer someone taller then I and stronger. I don't really have a look per se but masculine is a much and someone well groomed.

A person's character is important to me. They have to be a good person, honest, sincere and compassionate. Strong family values are very important to me.

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by UofMfan

Attraction, to me has to be on all levels, but let’s be honest, initial attraction is almost exclusively physical. This may seem shallow, but it is a reality. For me though, physical attraction is not enough to keep me interested. I need more than a pretty face, otherwise I get bored quickly.

As far as physical attraction, a few years back I came to the realization that I am not willing to compromise. A femme complements my butch, the yin and the yang, etc… I need this dichotomy to be happy in the long run.

Mental attraction is to me the most important, let’s face it, if you can’t keep my mind interested I don’t care how beautiful you are, eventually it will get old for me. I need to be mentally stimulated; I need a complex individual who keeps me on my toes.

Emotional attraction I think develops with the relationship, once and if one is established.

I have more to say but Mercury being retrograde has limited my ability to be articulate…

I agree...if I did not have an emotional connection or be able to hold a decent intelligent conversation, whatever physical attraction I had would be out the window.

Originally Posted by Lady Jewel

For me, its ALL the about the "energy" between myself and the person. Looks dont play into that for me. On many levels. I know this answer sounds simple. But for me it is. How does does the energy interaction feel to me. How does it make me feel emotionally, physically (meaning how does my body react to them), mentally and otherwise.

Warmly,
Jewel

Originally Posted by Sachita

Damn that's what up! No wonder!

I need to be physically attracted but its more about chemistry, a connect and our interest need to be compatible. I prefer someone taller then I and stronger. I don't really have a look per se but masculine is a much and someone well groomed.

A person's character is important to me. They have to be a good person, honest, sincere and compassionate. Strong family values are very important to me.

I get the chemistry thing...totally. But how much chemistry is there when you first meet someone?
So imagine yourself at a social event where there are a mixture of b/f folks. If a feminine appearing person/femme (or the opposite of how you identify) struck up a conversation with you, would you have any physical reaction/attraction to them intially? Or is there a certain type of person whom you might pick out of a crowd as attractive?

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by SassyLeo

I agree...if I did not have an emotional connection or be able to hold a decent intelligent conversation, whatever physical attraction I had would be out the window.





I get the chemistry thing...totally. But how much chemistry is there when you first meet someone?
So imagine yourself at a social event where there are a mixture of b/f folks. If a feminine appearing person/femme (or the opposite of how you identify) struck up a conversation with you, would you have any physical reaction/attraction to them intially? Or is there a certain type of person whom you might pick out of a crowd as attractive?

Chemistry doesn't always happen for me instantly. Not at all. I have to be attracted and then the interaction and knowing who they are starts to brew chemistry for me. Sometimes it takes a while, even months as it starts to deepen.

I've seen butches and thought "damn, he's hot" but its just not enough to spark something inside. As I get older there are so many other things that set it a flame.