Long Distance - How do you cope?

Julie · 04-23-2011, 02:41 PM

One really important (uber important) matter.

Keep your relationship private. You will find that many people meet in such forums as this or other online venues, such as dating sites, etc... Keep it private.

Very few people knew Dreamer and I even existed. We kept quiet about our relationship for close to a year - Only a few people knew and they kept it quiet. Thank you PEOPLE (you know who you are).

People TALK - People LOVE Drama and everybody has a fucking opinion. And for god sake, do not listen to YOUR FRIENDS. They Do NOT know what is best for you. Only you know what is best for you. When you are sobbing, because you miss that person, don't call your best friend expecting them to simply say, this to shall pass, because they do not really know. And do not listen to the friends who say - Are you crazy? You are setting yourself up for hurt! Honestly, I have seen outside people destroy even the strongest relationships, because they seem to think they know what's best for you. Talk to one another.

This is about TWO people - You and Her/Hym - If your friends cannot be supportive, then perhaps you need to reevaluate.

And most important - Do not bring your fights here (online). While your relationship is online, your relationship does not need to be.

Okay - I am done -- For Now!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and have lots of phone sex. Sometimes, it's all you get.

Kiss Kiss!
Julie

Tommi · 04-23-2011, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julie

One really important (uber important) matter.

Keep your relationship private. You will find that many people meet in such forums as this or other online venues, such as dating sites, etc... Keep it private.

Very few people knew Dreamer and I even existed. We kept quiet about our relationship for close to a year - Only a few people knew and they kept it quiet. Thank you PEOPLE (you know who you are).

People TALK - People LOVE Drama and everybody has a fucking opinion. And for god sake, do not listen to YOUR FRIENDS. They Do NOT know what is best for you. Only you know what is best for you. When you are sobbing, because you miss that person, don't call your best friend expecting them to simply say, this to shall pass, because they do not really know. And do not listen to the friends who say - Are you crazy? You are setting yourself up for hurt! Honestly, I have seen outside people destroy even the strongest relationships, because they seem to think they know what's best for you. Talk to one another.

This is about TWO people - You and Her/Hym - If your friends cannot be supportive, then perhaps you need to reevaluate.

And most important - Do not bring your fights here (online). While your relationship is online, your relationship does not need to be.

Okay - I am done -- For Now!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and have lots of phone sex. Sometimes, it's all you get.

Kiss Kiss!
Julie

Yes & Yes again

Julie, you must have a golden hammer for the nails you just hit. You expressed it so well, and wrapped it all up in nice tight package, and put a ribbon on it. All I can say IMO is ~ it is fucking hard, and that is ALL I am saying.

Silverseastar · 04-23-2011, 03:43 PM

I hear ya Julie and I am SO not a drama queen that way. I'm okay with folks knowing we are into each other. Ironically we met irl, not a forum, but many of the folks who were there and instrumental in us meeting are HERE. So far I've only experienced a lot of support and I hope I've chosen my friends wisely in that respect.

But I'll take your wise words under advisement nonetheless.

L.

Silverseastar · 04-23-2011, 03:50 PM

PapaC that clarifies it and makes me feel more hopeful, thank you. You must be committed to her and the relationship and that is something special right there. The idea around shaking up the communication is an awesome one as well. Oh, and I forgot to wave across the water to you! I have dear friends in Sooke and a brother in Victoria.

Scorp that is an awesome story of risk and payoff. It gives a clear picture of the reality in all relationships really. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. But dang if we don't move towards seeing what is there out of fear we may lose out on something amazing. I'm willing to risk that hurt because so far walking away would feel incredibly wrong.

Goo · 04-23-2011, 09:26 PM

Ya'll are so on the nail about LDR's, being in one myself. I know it's hard as he** to deal with the loneliness that goes along with being in one. I usually try to see my Daddi at least every month or every other month. Right now it's going on 3 months, because of finances. But after my court date in early May, I'll be moving down there to be with her.

Must commend everyone who is in a LDR here, whether it be the next state over, or even across borders. It's a tough thing to do, but the heart wants who the heart wants.

msW8ing · 04-24-2011, 02:16 AM

Been in a couple LDR's myself. It's the bittersweet of the internet. Meeting all types of people from all walks of life and all over the world. Amazing and astounding to me. Such good advice from everyone. Being the pathetic romantic i am personally. We mailed or collected articles of clothing to sleep with so we had at least one anothers scents to drift off with. It got to be a fun game bartering for articles of one anothers. And it indeed made the phone sex much more personal to have Hys scent with me. Hy worked construction and I always wanted Hys sweaty work tees. (Yes i know i'm a sick puppy) lol But it helped alot. Just my two cents.

Tcountry · 04-24-2011, 03:34 AM

For the most part I agree with what has been said...
Stay connected however you can(txt, call, Skype, msg, pictures, videos, movie night, voice mail, etc etc). Even get creative with it...cards or 'snail mail' or surprise flowers/gifts...the things that show eachother that u are thinking about them.
Don't get so caught up in the ldr that u forget to do the things that made u happy before u met hym/her(job, family things, doing stuff with friends)...
It is super hard tho...especially after you have spent 'in person' time together...u know what it feels like to wake up together & some days you feel like you would give anything for one touch or kiss or whatever....
On the other hand you have an Awesome opportunity to talk & get to know everything about eachother without getting too "distracted" with the physical...have fun with it. Play 20 questions or the 'what if' game & be honest & learn the things about eachother that no one else knows.
When it is worth it....you'll do just about anything to make it work...but don't forget to just be yourself...

04-23-2011, 02:41 PM	#1
Julie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Angel * Femme * Lesbian * Girl * Woman * Slut * Bitch * Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: No longer a Virgin Bride to Dreamer ~ May 17th, 2014 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New York Posts: 4,674 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,676 Thanked 18,160 Times in 3,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	One really important (uber important) matter. Keep your relationship private. You will find that many people meet in such forums as this or other online venues, such as dating sites, etc... Keep it private. Very few people knew Dreamer and I even existed. We kept quiet about our relationship for close to a year - Only a few people knew and they kept it quiet. Thank you PEOPLE (you know who you are). People TALK - People LOVE Drama and everybody has a fucking opinion. And for god sake, do not listen to YOUR FRIENDS. They Do NOT know what is best for you. Only you know what is best for you. When you are sobbing, because you miss that person, don't call your best friend expecting them to simply say, this to shall pass, because they do not really know. And do not listen to the friends who say - Are you crazy? You are setting yourself up for hurt! Honestly, I have seen outside people destroy even the strongest relationships, because they seem to think they know what's best for you. Talk to one another. This is about TWO people - You and Her/Hym - If your friends cannot be supportive, then perhaps you need to reevaluate. And most important - Do not bring your fights here (online). While your relationship is online, your relationship does not need to be. Okay - I am done -- For Now! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and have lots of phone sex. Sometimes, it's all you get. Kiss Kiss! Julie __________________ “Sometimes only one person is missing and the whole world seems depopulated.” ~ Alphonse de Lamartine - 1790-1869 http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/o...ps4d9fb6c0.jpg I Love You ~ I Love Us May 17, 2014

04-23-2011, 09:26 PM	#5
Goo Member How Do You Identify?: dapper and androgynous by nature, human by choice Preferred Pronoun?: i usually answer to anything Relationship Status: in a LDR since Oct 2010 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: somewhere on Planet Earth, in a house, in a city Posts: 116 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 68 Thanked 118 Times in 54 Posts Rep Power: 505456	Ya'll are so on the nail about LDR's, being in one myself. I know it's hard as he** to deal with the loneliness that goes along with being in one. I usually try to see my Daddi at least every month or every other month. Right now it's going on 3 months, because of finances. But after my court date in early May, I'll be moving down there to be with her. Must commend everyone who is in a LDR here, whether it be the next state over, or even across borders. It's a tough thing to do, but the heart wants who the heart wants. __________________ http://en.spongepedia.org/images/thu...-Goolagoon.jpg The Artist formerly Known as CottonCandy

04-24-2011, 02:16 AM	#6
msW8ing Member How Do You Identify?: multi-faceted gem, femme, submissive babygirl if the chemistry is there. Preferred Pronoun?: lady Relationship Status: working on myself Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Lewiston, Idaho Posts: 920 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,700 Thanked 2,497 Times in 654 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Been in a couple LDR's myself. It's the bittersweet of the internet. Meeting all types of people from all walks of life and all over the world. Amazing and astounding to me. Such good advice from everyone. Being the pathetic romantic i am personally. We mailed or collected articles of clothing to sleep with so we had at least one anothers scents to drift off with. It got to be a fun game bartering for articles of one anothers. And it indeed made the phone sex much more personal to have Hys scent with me. Hy worked construction and I always wanted Hys sweaty work tees. (Yes i know i'm a sick puppy) lol But it helped alot. Just my two cents. __________________ *Don't judge me by my past..I don't live there anymore* A lady who knows the ropes..will never be bound. ~Mae West

04-24-2011, 03:34 AM	#7
Tcountry Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?: call it as u see it Relationship Status: Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Either at the beach or in the pool Posts: 1,665 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,929 Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	For the most part I agree with what has been said... Stay connected however you can(txt, call, Skype, msg, pictures, videos, movie night, voice mail, etc etc). Even get creative with it...cards or 'snail mail' or surprise flowers/gifts...the things that show eachother that u are thinking about them. Don't get so caught up in the ldr that u forget to do the things that made u happy before u met hym/her(job, family things, doing stuff with friends)... It is super hard tho...especially after you have spent 'in person' time together...u know what it feels like to wake up together & some days you feel like you would give anything for one touch or kiss or whatever.... On the other hand you have an Awesome opportunity to talk & get to know everything about eachother without getting too "distracted" with the physical...have fun with it. Play 20 questions or the 'what if' game & be honest & learn the things about eachother that no one else knows. When it is worth it....you'll do just about anything to make it work...but don't forget to just be yourself... __________________ "You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way"

04-23-2011, 03:43 PM	#3
Silverseastar Member How Do You Identify?: femme, submissive, girl Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 133 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 348 Thanked 492 Times in 107 Posts Rep Power: 3095523	I hear ya Julie and I am SO not a drama queen that way. I'm okay with folks knowing we are into each other. Ironically we met irl, not a forum, but many of the folks who were there and instrumental in us meeting are HERE. So far I've only experienced a lot of support and I hope I've chosen my friends wisely in that respect. But I'll take your wise words under advisement nonetheless. L.

04-23-2011, 03:50 PM	#4
Silverseastar Member How Do You Identify?: femme, submissive, girl Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 133 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 348 Thanked 492 Times in 107 Posts Rep Power: 3095523	PapaC that clarifies it and makes me feel more hopeful, thank you. You must be committed to her and the relationship and that is something special right there. The idea around shaking up the communication is an awesome one as well. Oh, and I forgot to wave across the water to you! I have dear friends in Sooke and a brother in Victoria. Scorp that is an awesome story of risk and payoff. It gives a clear picture of the reality in all relationships really. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. But dang if we don't move towards seeing what is there out of fear we may lose out on something amazing. I'm willing to risk that hurt because so far walking away would feel incredibly wrong.