For those for whom Mother's Day is not a Good Day

Goo · 05-03-2011, 12:52 PM

Thank you for starting this thread.

Mothers Day for the last 8 years has been a hard time for me. I get to thinking about my daughter who I lost when I was 6 months pregnant with her. I get to looking at the sonograms of her when she was in the womb and start to cry, because I feel some how robbed of her being in my life.

*hugs to all who have experienced loss of children/mothers*

Kobi · 05-03-2011, 01:09 PM

My Mom will turn 82 next month. Since the beginning of the year
I have been seeing her memory failing, her comprehension waxing
and waning.

Decisions will need to be made soon. I am not looking forward to this.
I cant tell if I am angry or sad or something in between.

But to watch someone physical capable but fading mentally is something
I never envisioned having to deal with. I feel very unprepared and a little
lost.

Have to find someway to make this Mother's Day special before it is too
late.

MaggieBluIze · 05-03-2011, 02:03 PM

I am already feeling an ache that is associated w/this Mother's day.

I lost my mother to a bout of cancer back in 1994 (7 months total from finding it to her passing) ... Miss her horribly every single day ... And this will be my first year in 17 years that I will most likely not be celebrating this day with my own daughter.

Having my beautiful daughter is such a true joy in my life and such a complete ache in my heart while she is taking her journey that does not include contact with me.

I miss you Mom, you are in my heart always ... I miss you my darling daughter ... I wish you nothing but success and triumph with this journey you are taking in life ... I will always be here for you and love you, even if from a distance.

((((hugs)))) to A/all!!!

Apocalipstic · 05-03-2011, 02:58 PM

I have been pretty down today too, then I realized this Sunday is Mother's Day. Not sure what I will do Sunday. Maybe take flowers to the cemetary and cry.

AtLast · 05-03-2011, 03:58 PM

Some of us find Mother's (and Father’s) Day a time to remember our Mother’s and how they nurtured and loved us. I miss my Mother every single day and always will. Holding her as she left and thanking her for what she graced in my life was an honor for me. She did not have an easy childhood, but did not allow that history of abuse and alcoholism by her own mother in vade her own parenting. More than once, I heard her words- "I will not be my mother to you, I do not have to do that."

I always think about her experiencing the loss of 3 children in her own lifetime as well as not only the love of her life, but her best friend, my Dad. Both of whom were a mix of the values and challenges of early 20th century immigrant life in the US.

Others of us did not have very safe and nurturing mothers and Mother’s Day is painful in very different ways. Most likely harder than what I feel because their mothers are still alive and will not be feeling many positive thoughts about their mothers. Some people just didn’t get the “good stuff” that I know I did and am grateful for. Perfection or being faultless, no. But a loving, strong influence in my life, yes. All I can say is “Thank You, Ma- you did good.”

Oneida · 05-03-2011, 04:08 PM

First one without Mom...a tear rolls down my face now just like the one that dropped on her cheek as she left us that Autumn morning...

NorCalStud · 05-03-2011, 04:49 PM

This is the first year without my mother. In her death she looked beautiful...I was in awe of her and am in awe of her.

AtLast · 05-03-2011, 05:31 PM

Additional post- forgive me.

I came to parenthood in a very unconventional manner- through death and family duty (which is quite OK). I know I will get one of 3 Mother's Day calls from my son (and that he is). We will laugh, we will cry and I will have pride in the father he grew to be.

Also, there will be a call from one of his childhood friends that we all just took in because the kid had assholes for parents. More laughs and tears. he too, grew into a wonderful parent. This makes me so happy because this kid could have been not a very good dad at all.

I don't want flowers or candy or even a card. I love those calls and the conversations. But mostly, I love seeing how resilient humans can be even in the face of ugliness and cruel circumstances.

Yet, I can look at my son's biological mother and Andrew's and know that they did love their kids. They just couldn't overcome some horrible demons. So, they both will get my annual call to see how they are doing. Not so many laughs, and more tears, but there is strength in forgiveness. And I do always let them both know that I know they loved their kids.

05-03-2011, 12:52 PM	#1
Goo Member How Do You Identify?: dapper and androgynous by nature, human by choice Preferred Pronoun?: i usually answer to anything Relationship Status: in a LDR since Oct 2010 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: somewhere on Planet Earth, in a house, in a city Posts: 116 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 68 Thanked 118 Times in 54 Posts Rep Power: 505456	Thank you for starting this thread. Mothers Day for the last 8 years has been a hard time for me. I get to thinking about my daughter who I lost when I was 6 months pregnant with her. I get to looking at the sonograms of her when she was in the womb and start to cry, because I feel some how robbed of her being in my life. hugs to all who have experienced loss of children/mothers __________________ http://en.spongepedia.org/images/thu...-Goolagoon.jpg The Artist formerly Known as CottonCandy

05-03-2011, 01:09 PM	#2
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,617 Times in 7,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	My Mom will turn 82 next month. Since the beginning of the year I have been seeing her memory failing, her comprehension waxing and waning. Decisions will need to be made soon. I am not looking forward to this. I cant tell if I am angry or sad or something in between. But to watch someone physical capable but fading mentally is something I never envisioned having to deal with. I feel very unprepared and a little lost. Have to find someway to make this Mother's Day special before it is too late. __________________

05-03-2011, 02:03 PM	#3
MaggieBluIze Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Feisty Kick Butt Bratty Babygirl Femme LOL Preferred Pronoun?: Something Sweet Please =) Relationship Status: My rainbow bubble holds love, happiness and life with my sweet Husbutch Daddy Bass! Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Austin TX Baby!!! Posts: 2,154 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,912 Thanked 5,385 Times in 1,504 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I am already feeling an ache that is associated w/this Mother's day. I lost my mother to a bout of cancer back in 1994 (7 months total from finding it to her passing) ... Miss her horribly every single day ... And this will be my first year in 17 years that I will most likely not be celebrating this day with my own daughter. Having my beautiful daughter is such a true joy in my life and such a complete ache in my heart while she is taking her journey that does not include contact with me. I miss you Mom, you are in my heart always ... I miss you my darling daughter ... I wish you nothing but success and triumph with this journey you are taking in life ... I will always be here for you and love you, even if from a distance. ((((hugs)))) to A/all!!! __________________ s her sweet Daddy Bass ~~http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a1...ion/maggie.jpg

05-03-2011, 02:58 PM	#4
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I have been pretty down today too, then I realized this Sunday is Mother's Day. Not sure what I will do Sunday. Maybe take flowers to the cemetary and cry. __________________

05-03-2011, 03:58 PM	#5
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Some of us find Mother's (and Father’s) Day a time to remember our Mother’s and how they nurtured and loved us. I miss my Mother every single day and always will. Holding her as she left and thanking her for what she graced in my life was an honor for me. She did not have an easy childhood, but did not allow that history of abuse and alcoholism by her own mother in vade her own parenting. More than once, I heard her words- "I will not be my mother to you, I do not have to do that." I always think about her experiencing the loss of 3 children in her own lifetime as well as not only the love of her life, but her best friend, my Dad. Both of whom were a mix of the values and challenges of early 20th century immigrant life in the US. Others of us did not have very safe and nurturing mothers and Mother’s Day is painful in very different ways. Most likely harder than what I feel because their mothers are still alive and will not be feeling many positive thoughts about their mothers. Some people just didn’t get the “good stuff” that I know I did and am grateful for. Perfection or being faultless, no. But a loving, strong influence in my life, yes. All I can say is “Thank You, Ma- you did good.”

05-03-2011, 04:08 PM	#6
Oneida Member How Do You Identify?: Free Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Eden Posts: 241 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 99 Thanked 268 Times in 100 Posts Rep Power: 142535	First one without Mom...a tear rolls down my face now just like the one that dropped on her cheek as she left us that Autumn morning...

05-03-2011, 04:49 PM	#7
NorCalStud Member How Do You Identify?: gaea's Daddy and Fiance Preferred Pronoun?: Ours Relationship Status: Engaged with gaea:-) Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Island Mountain Posts: 440 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,630 Thanked 1,465 Times in 359 Posts Rep Power: 18918589	This is the first year without my mother. In her death she looked beautiful...I was in awe of her and am in awe of her.

05-03-2011, 05:31 PM	#8
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Additional post- forgive me. I came to parenthood in a very unconventional manner- through death and family duty (which is quite OK). I know I will get one of 3 Mother's Day calls from my son (and that he is). We will laugh, we will cry and I will have pride in the father he grew to be. Also, there will be a call from one of his childhood friends that we all just took in because the kid had assholes for parents. More laughs and tears. he too, grew into a wonderful parent. This makes me so happy because this kid could have been not a very good dad at all. I don't want flowers or candy or even a card. I love those calls and the conversations. But mostly, I love seeing how resilient humans can be even in the face of ugliness and cruel circumstances. Yet, I can look at my son's biological mother and Andrew's and know that they did love their kids. They just couldn't overcome some horrible demons. So, they both will get my annual call to see how they are doing. Not so many laughs, and more tears, but there is strength in forgiveness. And I do always let them both know that I know they loved their kids.