For those for whom Mother's Day is not a Good Day

Apocalipstic · 05-03-2011, 02:58 PM

I have been pretty down today too, then I realized this Sunday is Mother's Day. Not sure what I will do Sunday. Maybe take flowers to the cemetary and cry.

AtLast · 05-03-2011, 03:58 PM

Some of us find Mother's (and Father’s) Day a time to remember our Mother’s and how they nurtured and loved us. I miss my Mother every single day and always will. Holding her as she left and thanking her for what she graced in my life was an honor for me. She did not have an easy childhood, but did not allow that history of abuse and alcoholism by her own mother in vade her own parenting. More than once, I heard her words- "I will not be my mother to you, I do not have to do that."

I always think about her experiencing the loss of 3 children in her own lifetime as well as not only the love of her life, but her best friend, my Dad. Both of whom were a mix of the values and challenges of early 20th century immigrant life in the US.

Others of us did not have very safe and nurturing mothers and Mother’s Day is painful in very different ways. Most likely harder than what I feel because their mothers are still alive and will not be feeling many positive thoughts about their mothers. Some people just didn’t get the “good stuff” that I know I did and am grateful for. Perfection or being faultless, no. But a loving, strong influence in my life, yes. All I can say is “Thank You, Ma- you did good.”

Oneida · 05-03-2011, 04:08 PM

First one without Mom...a tear rolls down my face now just like the one that dropped on her cheek as she left us that Autumn morning...

NorCalStud · 05-03-2011, 04:49 PM

This is the first year without my mother. In her death she looked beautiful...I was in awe of her and am in awe of her.

AtLast · 05-03-2011, 05:31 PM

Additional post- forgive me.

I came to parenthood in a very unconventional manner- through death and family duty (which is quite OK). I know I will get one of 3 Mother's Day calls from my son (and that he is). We will laugh, we will cry and I will have pride in the father he grew to be.

Also, there will be a call from one of his childhood friends that we all just took in because the kid had assholes for parents. More laughs and tears. he too, grew into a wonderful parent. This makes me so happy because this kid could have been not a very good dad at all.

I don't want flowers or candy or even a card. I love those calls and the conversations. But mostly, I love seeing how resilient humans can be even in the face of ugliness and cruel circumstances.

Yet, I can look at my son's biological mother and Andrew's and know that they did love their kids. They just couldn't overcome some horrible demons. So, they both will get my annual call to see how they are doing. Not so many laughs, and more tears, but there is strength in forgiveness. And I do always let them both know that I know they loved their kids.

05-03-2011, 02:58 PM	#1
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I have been pretty down today too, then I realized this Sunday is Mother's Day. Not sure what I will do Sunday. Maybe take flowers to the cemetary and cry. __________________

05-03-2011, 03:58 PM	#2
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Some of us find Mother's (and Father’s) Day a time to remember our Mother’s and how they nurtured and loved us. I miss my Mother every single day and always will. Holding her as she left and thanking her for what she graced in my life was an honor for me. She did not have an easy childhood, but did not allow that history of abuse and alcoholism by her own mother in vade her own parenting. More than once, I heard her words- "I will not be my mother to you, I do not have to do that." I always think about her experiencing the loss of 3 children in her own lifetime as well as not only the love of her life, but her best friend, my Dad. Both of whom were a mix of the values and challenges of early 20th century immigrant life in the US. Others of us did not have very safe and nurturing mothers and Mother’s Day is painful in very different ways. Most likely harder than what I feel because their mothers are still alive and will not be feeling many positive thoughts about their mothers. Some people just didn’t get the “good stuff” that I know I did and am grateful for. Perfection or being faultless, no. But a loving, strong influence in my life, yes. All I can say is “Thank You, Ma- you did good.”

05-03-2011, 04:08 PM	#3
Oneida Member How Do You Identify?: Free Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Eden Posts: 241 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 99 Thanked 268 Times in 100 Posts Rep Power: 142535	First one without Mom...a tear rolls down my face now just like the one that dropped on her cheek as she left us that Autumn morning...

05-03-2011, 04:49 PM	#4
NorCalStud Member How Do You Identify?: gaea's Daddy and Fiance Preferred Pronoun?: Ours Relationship Status: Engaged with gaea:-) Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Island Mountain Posts: 440 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,630 Thanked 1,465 Times in 359 Posts Rep Power: 18918589	This is the first year without my mother. In her death she looked beautiful...I was in awe of her and am in awe of her.

05-03-2011, 05:31 PM	#5
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Additional post- forgive me. I came to parenthood in a very unconventional manner- through death and family duty (which is quite OK). I know I will get one of 3 Mother's Day calls from my son (and that he is). We will laugh, we will cry and I will have pride in the father he grew to be. Also, there will be a call from one of his childhood friends that we all just took in because the kid had assholes for parents. More laughs and tears. he too, grew into a wonderful parent. This makes me so happy because this kid could have been not a very good dad at all. I don't want flowers or candy or even a card. I love those calls and the conversations. But mostly, I love seeing how resilient humans can be even in the face of ugliness and cruel circumstances. Yet, I can look at my son's biological mother and Andrew's and know that they did love their kids. They just couldn't overcome some horrible demons. So, they both will get my annual call to see how they are doing. Not so many laughs, and more tears, but there is strength in forgiveness. And I do always let them both know that I know they loved their kids.