For those for whom Mother's Day is not a Good Day

MsTinkerbelly · 05-07-2011, 12:10 PM

Thank you Ruthie for reminding me that I have so much more than I lost. I hope you find a way to be at peace tomorrow, and I am sending you a huge hug. (((((((Ruthie))))))

ruthie14 · 05-07-2011, 08:59 PM

Peace would be wonderful!

RockOn · 05-07-2011, 09:45 PM

For those of you who, for various reasons, experience difficulty regarding Mother's Day, I send you my compassion. Hugs too!

My mom passed in '84. I don't think anything about Mother's Day except it is just another day. Both my parents were alcoholic. Charlie (father) was very violent and physically abusive. How sad to live life so mad and angry all the time. It was a hell of a ride growing up with those two clowns - you never knew what was about to happen. Dull moments were unheard of. These poor souls never sought recovery - their choice ... so the insanity rocked on.

I will be 55 years old this summer. When I was about 31 years old, I am so thankful I had a moment of clarity and sought help ... started my recovery path for my alcohol/drug addictions. I cut the demons off at the pass.
Recovery is a pretty good deal!

Mtn · 05-07-2011, 11:15 PM

I lost my beautiful, amazing, oldest daughter this past July to ovarian cancer, 2 days short of her 32nd birthday. I have been in major denial about it being Mother's Day, so much so that I failed to plan a Mother's Day Special for the little restaurant I run, oops. I was a "step-parent", but she was "mine". After she got sick, was when she started calling me "Ma". Sweetest word I ever heard. I would like tomorrow to pass quickly, please and thank you. I also recently had to send my mother to go live with my brother, after caring for her for over 20 years. Her dementia is progressing rapidly and I just couldn't keep her safe with me anymore, and unfortunately the transition is not going well on that front, my brother tells me she cries for me. I am grateful for the loving understanding people I have in my life (love you Syl) that are gonna let me take a pass on the day. Hugs around to all that feel pain on this day... and squeeze them (Mothers and children) if you can! PEACE

Gráinne · 05-07-2011, 11:52 PM

I always get weird and weepy around this time. My mother died April 28, 1996-yeah, two weeks before Mother's Day, and on her birthday to boot. She had cancer; one month from discovery to death. It was the nasty one that got Michael Landon and Patrick Swazey-pancreatic. I miss her a lot, and I can't tell you how many times I used to go to the phone to call her, before I'd remember. I did that for nearly a year.

She and my dad are both buried in Ohio, so I can't get back up there to "see" them.

My daughter is 12 and it still feels weird when the kids take me out. I have to remember that I'm "the mom" now. Their dad's mom is only in her early 60's, so we'll be calling Grandma, too. Sometimes I feel almost jealous that my kids' dad has both his parents and both his siblings, and I don't have any, plus I've lost two brothers. Irrational, but it's how I feel.

I'm already dreading Father's Day. My dad went almost the same way-throat cancer, two weeks from discovery to death! He was 92, and very ready, I think. He lived in Oregon, and I'm glad I got to see him before the cancer, when he was "with it" and able to get around. At least we had that last good visit.

Goodness, sorry for rambling!

ruthie14 · 05-08-2011, 04:20 PM

Almost over... dinner done... mom watching the news. Just a few more hours and the day is done.

ruthie14 · 05-08-2011, 09:02 PM

Well friends, I'm off to bed. This day has finished for me. It wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be.. which is good. No phone/text/email message from my former stepkids. They are grown and make thier own choices. I am not one of them. No way to adopt a child with my life the way it is. No way to really change it, so there it is. My annual whine! The one day a year I allow myself to feel really shitty, really angry, really sad and really empty. I can only allow them this day... for I need to be about the task of living day to day, and allow the positives of THOSE days, push out the negatives of this one.

I would wish that this day could be good for everyone, but since it isn't, I thank all those who have posted this year and last. For being part of each other's journey to healing and hope. For allowing each other the time and place to be mournful,sad and angry... and also to be encouraged, supported, and understood.

Blessings to you all,

Ruthie

Bard · 05-09-2011, 08:48 AM

Well Abigail called to sing happy mothers day to me and make me laugh.. I also got some very sweet texts from the guys at work and a hug and flower from my 1stSGT when we signed in at drill. Desd took me to dinner on the way home and I had a wonderful talk with Jenn my step- mom on the way home. I tried in my rater clumsy way to express to her what she means to me Bu I think she gets it.. when she and my Dad come for the wedding we are going to see skyler so I can show her the four legged grandchild..

Apocalipstic · 05-09-2011, 09:11 AM

Well, we made it another year!

Love to all of us! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

ruthie14 · 05-10-2012, 08:14 PM

Feeling the need to bump this thread. Mother's day is upon us. I am blue, weepy and edgy. Trying to keep the positives in mind and the negatives in perspective. I know it will be better next week... but right now.. not so much. It just never seems to get easier.

Post your feelings, rant and rage. This is the place to get support. My wish is that some of us are having an easier time of it this year. If not, know you have my ear and my heart is with you.

Ruthie

Licious · 05-10-2012, 08:20 PM

Thanks. It is not a great day. She died 20plus years ago and there were mixed emotions there, though I did love her. I don't like Mothers day and sometimes other holidays too much and try to shut them out mentally every year as they pass. For those who recently lost their mothers, it does get better, but I think it never goes away.

Rockinonahigh · 05-10-2012, 08:50 PM

Mothers day was always about my mom and grandma,just like fathers day was about my grandpa.When I had kids I really never felt it was a day for me and it was ok.Both my grannie and mom are gone now so I do think of them on this day.My son takes me out to lunch or dinner or not but always gives me a hug and love you mom on this day(he dose this every day any how).Nither of us are scrooges, its just not that big a day for me.

05-07-2011, 11:15 PM	#4
Mtn Member How Do You Identify?: Stone butch, daddy type Relationship Status: sylvie calls me her studmuffin Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: OR Posts: 691 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,005 Thanked 3,834 Times in 617 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I lost my beautiful, amazing, oldest daughter this past July to ovarian cancer, 2 days short of her 32nd birthday. I have been in major denial about it being Mother's Day, so much so that I failed to plan a Mother's Day Special for the little restaurant I run, oops. I was a "step-parent", but she was "mine". After she got sick, was when she started calling me "Ma". Sweetest word I ever heard. I would like tomorrow to pass quickly, please and thank you. I also recently had to send my mother to go live with my brother, after caring for her for over 20 years. Her dementia is progressing rapidly and I just couldn't keep her safe with me anymore, and unfortunately the transition is not going well on that front, my brother tells me she cries for me. I am grateful for the loving understanding people I have in my life (love you Syl) that are gonna let me take a pass on the day. Hugs around to all that feel pain on this day... and squeeze them (Mothers and children) if you can! PEACE __________________ If you don't sleep in my bed, or sign my paycheck, your opinion probably does not matter to me...

05-07-2011, 11:52 PM	#5
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,117 Thanked 7,386 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I always get weird and weepy around this time. My mother died April 28, 1996-yeah, two weeks before Mother's Day, and on her birthday to boot. She had cancer; one month from discovery to death. It was the nasty one that got Michael Landon and Patrick Swazey-pancreatic. I miss her a lot, and I can't tell you how many times I used to go to the phone to call her, before I'd remember. I did that for nearly a year. She and my dad are both buried in Ohio, so I can't get back up there to "see" them. My daughter is 12 and it still feels weird when the kids take me out. I have to remember that I'm "the mom" now. Their dad's mom is only in her early 60's, so we'll be calling Grandma, too. Sometimes I feel almost jealous that my kids' dad has both his parents and both his siblings, and I don't have any, plus I've lost two brothers. Irrational, but it's how I feel. I'm already dreading Father's Day. My dad went almost the same way-throat cancer, two weeks from discovery to death! He was 92, and very ready, I think. He lived in Oregon, and I'm glad I got to see him before the cancer, when he was "with it" and able to get around. At least we had that last good visit. Goodness, sorry for rambling! __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

05-09-2011, 08:48 AM	#8
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Well Abigail called to sing happy mothers day to me and make me laugh.. I also got some very sweet texts from the guys at work and a hug and flower from my 1stSGT when we signed in at drill. Desd took me to dinner on the way home and I had a wonderful talk with Jenn my step- mom on the way home. I tried in my rater clumsy way to express to her what she means to me Bu I think she gets it.. when she and my Dad come for the wedding we are going to see skyler so I can show her the four legged grandchild.. __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

05-09-2011, 09:11 AM	#9
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Well, we made it another year! Love to all of us! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoox __________________

05-10-2012, 08:20 PM	#11
Licious Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Relationship Status: single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: California Posts: 686 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,502 Thanked 1,971 Times in 546 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Thanks. It is not a great day. She died 20plus years ago and there were mixed emotions there, though I did love her. I don't like Mothers day and sometimes other holidays too much and try to shut them out mentally every year as they pass. For those who recently lost their mothers, it does get better, but I think it never goes away. __________________ Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth. ~Rumi

05-07-2011, 12:10 PM	#1
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,907 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	Thank you Ruthie for reminding me that I have so much more than I lost. I hope you find a way to be at peace tomorrow, and I am sending you a huge hug. (((((((Ruthie))))))

05-07-2011, 08:59 PM	#2
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335	Peace would be wonderful!

05-07-2011, 09:45 PM	#3
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	For those of you who, for various reasons, experience difficulty regarding Mother's Day, I send you my compassion. Hugs too! My mom passed in '84. I don't think anything about Mother's Day except it is just another day. Both my parents were alcoholic. Charlie (father) was very violent and physically abusive. How sad to live life so mad and angry all the time. It was a hell of a ride growing up with those two clowns - you never knew what was about to happen. Dull moments were unheard of. These poor souls never sought recovery - their choice ... so the insanity rocked on. I will be 55 years old this summer. When I was about 31 years old, I am so thankful I had a moment of clarity and sought help ... started my recovery path for my alcohol/drug addictions. I cut the demons off at the pass. Recovery is a pretty good deal!

05-08-2011, 04:20 PM	#6
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335	Almost over... dinner done... mom watching the news. Just a few more hours and the day is done.

05-08-2011, 09:02 PM	#7
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335	Well friends, I'm off to bed. This day has finished for me. It wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be.. which is good. No phone/text/email message from my former stepkids. They are grown and make thier own choices. I am not one of them. No way to adopt a child with my life the way it is. No way to really change it, so there it is. My annual whine! The one day a year I allow myself to feel really shitty, really angry, really sad and really empty. I can only allow them this day... for I need to be about the task of living day to day, and allow the positives of THOSE days, push out the negatives of this one. I would wish that this day could be good for everyone, but since it isn't, I thank all those who have posted this year and last. For being part of each other's journey to healing and hope. For allowing each other the time and place to be mournful,sad and angry... and also to be encouraged, supported, and understood. Blessings to you all, Ruthie

05-10-2012, 08:14 PM	#10
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335	Feeling the need to bump this thread. Mother's day is upon us. I am blue, weepy and edgy. Trying to keep the positives in mind and the negatives in perspective. I know it will be better next week... but right now.. not so much. It just never seems to get easier. Post your feelings, rant and rage. This is the place to get support. My wish is that some of us are having an easier time of it this year. If not, know you have my ear and my heart is with you. Ruthie

05-10-2012, 08:50 PM	#12
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Mothers day was always about my mom and grandma,just like fathers day was about my grandpa.When I had kids I really never felt it was a day for me and it was ok.Both my grannie and mom are gone now so I do think of them on this day.My son takes me out to lunch or dinner or not but always gives me a hug and love you mom on this day(he dose this every day any how).Nither of us are scrooges, its just not that big a day for me.