"straight" women and Butches.

[Gayla]

Off the top of my head, I don't recall the topic being discussed on this site before and even if it has, the OP is a new member and might not be aware that the conversation has taken place before in our community.

I have known many butches who date straight women, including a few who will only date women who ID as straight. I have dated, and had LTRs with, straight women. I can't speak for them, but in my experience the draw was probably a combination of several different things including the taboo factor and the "best of both worlds" factor.

On my end, it was never about intentionally seeking out straight women, it was just something that happened in the same way that I have met, dated and have had relationships with any other person.

[Merlin]

Oh dear,

It seems this has gone a bit twisted with people jumping on the defensive.

This is a discussion board is it not?

Hmmm maybe I shouldn't ask questions that seemed to have hit a nerve ..

My bad .. Maybe the pond is too big and we won't connect.

Haven't been on the scene for a long time so I don't know of all the genders,id's etc.

And it's not a shit stirring thread .. Nor was I asking because I get kicks out of turning straight women.

I date them because they the gay pond in which we all fish over here is tiny,itsmore of a puddle.

Think of the spider gram on the l word , America has a huge lake in which you fish.

Seems some folk like to jump on newbies .. This is why some forums are cliquey.

[Merlin]

Oh and for the record ..

I don't know any Americans, I have never been to America .. I thought this might be a good place to break the ice.

Maybe I shouldn't paddle into fast waters without a canoe or paddle.

[Camo Eagle]

Originally Posted by Merlin

What is the fascination ?

I guess I never realized that there was a fascination. Is it done a lot in your area? (you may have already addressed it by saying you have a "small dating pool" in your area)

Originally Posted by Merlin

Oh dear,

It seems this has gone a bit twisted with people jumping on the defensive.

This is a discussion board is it not?

Hmmm maybe I shouldn't ask questions that seemed to have hit a nerve ..

My bad .. Maybe the pond is too big and we won't connect.

Haven't been on the scene for a long time so I don't know of all the genders,id's etc.

And it's not a shit stirring thread .. Nor was I asking because I get kicks out of turning straight women.

I date them because they the gay pond in which we all fish over here is tiny,itsmore of a puddle.

Think of the spider gram on the l word , America has a huge lake in which you fish.

Seems some folk like to jump on newbies .. This is why some forums are cliquey.

Merlin, I dont think its anything personal against you. Its just the norm on these sites for some to be defensive. I see it as being from many places. It may be from someones past bad exp, lives, psychological make up, circumstances, personality, etc.
On this side of the pond, some will even argue over "agreeing to disagree". LOL For the most part you can have a good discussion.
After youve been around a while, you will just learn to ignore some, and engage w/ others.
It may just take everyone a while to get used to the cultural diffs..
Do stay and feel welcomed.

[Merlin]

^ thank you I appreciate that.

[Medusa]

Hey Merlin -

It's not really that the forums are all that "cliquey" but I do think people on these boards are super protective of the Queer space and are pretty watchful for the glorification of dating straight women. (not saying you are doing that)
In years past, many Femmes (and Butches too!) have felt erased and devalued when folks talk about dating straight women as if it is the apex of all things hot. Especially in a space where Femmes want to be seen and appreciated (because let's face it, we're mostly invisible out in the world)

I do think there are cultural differences, especially in a microcasm such as this site where many folks have been having these discussions for years. Either way, I'm interested in what you have to say!

Medusa

[JustJo]

Hi Merlin, and welcome to the site

I think it's a question of defining "straight"...

Would a truly, 100% straight woman be interested in having a relationship with a butch? I think not.

It might be a matter of where you found her on her own personal growth curve. Most people (including myself) would have called me straight until I was in my 40s. For a variety of reasons, including some I wasn't even aware of myself for a long time, I pushed down my own sexuality and went along with what I was "supposed" to do and want.

It took me a long time to come out, even to myself.

Maybe that's true for them too...

[TickledPink]

I cringe when I hear the word "straight woman" only because I'm sick of everyone assuming I am. I've heard it over, and over, "but you look straight." WTF does straight look like????

As far as butches with straight women, femmes with straight women, straight women with straight women, whatever floats your ducky!

Welcome to BFP!

[Merlin]

Here the bf community isn't as good as there,it's a really small community. Alot of it has been aided through the net. Due to the distance between cities bf folk live things are very fractured.

I've tried to date mainstream lesbians but they shun me. I guess my look and any whiff of testosterone puts them off.

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Oh dear,

It seems this has gone a bit twisted with people jumping on the defensive.

This is a discussion board is it not?

Hmmm maybe I shouldn't ask questions that seemed to have hit a nerve ..

My bad .. Maybe the pond is too big and we won't connect.

Haven't been on the scene for a long time so I don't know of all the genders,id's etc.

And it's not a shit stirring thread .. Nor was I asking because I get kicks out of turning straight women.

I date them because they the gay pond in which we all fish over here is tiny,itsmore of a puddle.

Think of the spider gram on the l word , America has a huge lake in which you fish.

Seems some folk like to jump on newbies .. This is why some forums are cliquey.

I don't think this has anything to do with British prespectives vs. American ones. I haven't been here as long as some and even I've noticed that every once in a while a new member will come in and ask about straight women and butches. Seemed to happen every so often on the bf site too. Usually in those topics a lot of heteronormative stereotypes are thrown around that are usually more a result of people's exposure/inexposure to certain gender issues that really have nothing to do with nationality, since there have been Americans that have come in and talked about it too.

I don't see it as a specific fascination. People like who they like, and I don't think we can generalise about butches and straight women any more than any other queer group and straight people.

[Apocalipstic]

Merlin, welcome to BFP!

Please don't think you are being picked on, a lot of people just read the title of a thread and then jump....it happens to all us! Keeps us on our toes!

Butches and straight women? It takes all kinds. For some, yes it may be easier to be seen with a Butch who passes, and some may not really be straight, just don't know they are queer yet?

Best to you and don't get discouraged here! I have visited London several times and communication is a bit different, but definitely workable and fun!

[Chazz]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Oh dear,

It seems this has gone a bit twisted with people jumping on the defensive.

This is a discussion board is it not?

Hmmm maybe I shouldn't ask questions that seemed to have hit a nerve ..

My bad .. Maybe the pond is too big and we won't connect.

Haven't been on the scene for a long time so I don't know of all the genders,id's etc.

And it's not a shit stirring thread .. Nor was I asking because I get kicks out of turning straight women.

I date them because they the gay pond in which we all fish over here is tiny,itsmore of a puddle.

Think of the spider gram on the l word , America has a huge lake in which you fish.

Seems some folk like to jump on newbies .. This is why some forums are cliquey.

Hiya, Merlin

Nice to meet you. I'm an Irish expatriate. There are cultural differences, indeed.

Whatever you do, don't start talking about willets, thews or lallies. Someone's bound to call a sharpy.

I've never slept with a straight women. If they slept with me, they ain't.

Sláinte, Chazz