Pressurised to transition.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Corkey

I have to also say that there are Stone Butches, some of who have top surgery and some who don't. They are not transitioning either.
I hope you take a look in the forums on the gender threads to get a better understanding of how genders are thought and discussed. It's very useful to folks who are new to the site.

So true. And I know FIBs that have had or are considering top surgery.

It sure can be confusing- plain complicated. The Planet gives space to so many issues, topics, processes, and gender ideology. I hope new members take a look and I also hope we all understand that many folks may just not have had much about transgender and intergender information or people around them. I know I have to be careful not to assume that every person on the site has this experience or knowledge.

I am always learning something from the site and our diverse membership. And hell, I'm old!!

Addition- there is a thread about the upcoming Butch Voices Conference in Oakland. I went to the first one a couple of years ago. I will attend this one and I highly recommend this to members. The organization has multuple events around the US (or has in the past). Really covers all aspects of gender and a good way to learn about trans issues as well as butch issues- covers all of us!! www.butchvoices.com

[Merlin]

Other forums I am on have had alot of butches who have gone through or are going through gender re-assignment.

Like I said previously the butch/femme community is tiny and close to dying out.

Afraid I don't sit on the fence when I have something on my mind.

It's not that I feel pressured to change,i don't want to am more than happy in my skin.

It's more the fact that society would like me to change,so they can feel more "comfortable" with who I am.

[Turtle]

There have been times in my life when I wanted to have surgery and now I do not. Nobody has said anything, but there have been transguys who have given off a stink that I was not good enough or "real" for not having surgery or taking T.

And I have gotten to the "fuck 'em" stage. I'm me and I don't need to be accepted by you and it's unfortunate that they can't be more respectful of other folks.

[iamkeri1]

I too am in the "old" group, so listen up because I have some good advice for y'all. I am a femme who has spent more than half of her life partnered to FTM's, and I would NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER (I can't say it enough) encourage ANYONE to transition. It is the hardest thing that any person could ever go through, and for the partner, I speculate that it is even harder than it is for the person who transitions.

If you genuinely feel displaced in your body or your spirit, then transitioning will be one high after another for you. BUT - it will still be the hardest thing you will ever do.

To any femmes (or anyone else for that matter) who may encourage or pressure your friends, partners, acquaintences to transition, PLEASE stop. Almost all relationships end when one of the partners transition. In fact most end right away when one partner expresses the desire to transition. When my late husband transitioned, we were in a support group that included about fifty couples, both FTM and MTF. Out of these fifty couples only two survived the transition. My husband and I were one, the other was a couple that began their lives together as Gay men, and one of them transitioned MTF. They are a wonderfully loving couple and I am still friends with them .

I could go on for three hours about all the hard painful things that happen when your partner transitions, but you can find that information elsewhere. I loved my husband with everything I had in me, and he returned my love at least that strongly. He has been dead for seven plus years and I am still not fully recovered ... Not from losing him and not from losing me. Cause that's what happened when he transitioned. I transitioned too - from gay to straight.

Finding my way back to myself, or rather TO my new self has been a long complicated (though sometimes exciting) journey.

Finding oneself is hard and is a journey that continues throughout ones life. Let people find their own selves. Don't push them in any direction. The world had room for every variation on the gender spectrum. Make room for everyone as they are and as they evolve ON THEIR OWN.
Smooches,
Keri

[Corkey]

I thought about this last night as I was falling blissfully asleep.
It's about maturity, the knowledge of self and being secure enough in ones self. No one can pressure anyone into anything if that person is secure enough in knowing who they are. It's as simple as that.

Just be you!

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

I too am in the "old" group, so listen up because I have some good advice for y'all. I am a femme who has spent more than half of her life partnered to FTM's, and I would NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER (I can't say it enough) encourage ANYONE to transition. It is the hardest thing that any person could ever go through, and for the partner, I speculate that it is even harder than it is for the person who transitions.

If you genuinely feel displaced in your body or your spirit, then transitioning will be one high after another for you. BUT - it will still be the hardest thing you will ever do.

To any femmes (or anyone else for that matter) who may encourage or pressure your friends, partners, acquaintences to transition, PLEASE stop. Almost all relationships end when one of the partners transition. In fact most end right away when one partner expresses the desire to transition. When my late husband transitioned, we were in a support group that included about fifty couples, both FTM and MTF. Out of these fifty couples only two survived the transition. My husband and I were one, the other was a couple that began their lives together as Gay men, and one of them transitioned MTF. They are a wonderfully loving couple and I am still friends with them .

I could go on for three hours about all the hard painful things that happen when your partner transitions, but you can find that information elsewhere. I loved my husband with everything I had in me, and he returned my love at least that strongly. He has been dead for seven plus years and I am still not fully recovered ... Not from losing him and not from losing me. Cause that's what happened when he transitioned. I transitioned too - from gay to straight.

Finding my way back to myself, or rather TO my new self has been a long complicated (though sometimes exciting) journey.

Finding oneself is hard and is a journey that continues throughout ones life. Let people find their own selves. Don't push them in any direction. The world had room for every variation on the gender spectrum. Make room for everyone as they are and as they evolve ON THEIR OWN.
Smooches,
Keri

I once dated a genderqueer woman whose previous relationship had pressured her to change. "N" (not her real initial) was involved with a girl who, on a daily basis, pressured her to start taking T and to start saving for the series of surgeries. But, the problem was that, although N did want to have top surgery and did want to have a hysterectomy (because of period problems), she wanted to remain a woman. She is a singer so wants to preserve her voice; she likes wearing make-up and she likes being in a woman/woman sexual relationship-amoung many other reasons. Her ex put her through HELL and N ended up being insecure about herself, her body and her mind. She realizes that she had masculine energy but had accepted that she was born into a woman's body. However, her ex was determined to make her change and all of her self acceptance was destroyed when that relationship finally ended.