Jokes and things that made you laugh.

Guy · 05-14-2011, 05:22 PM

LOL ok, just clarifying, since everything is bigger in Texas, that maybe you had some kind of funky new tomatoes.

JustJo · 05-14-2011, 05:24 PM

Used to love eating at Dinosaur BBQ in Syracuse when we lived there....but it was always a little tricky at business lunches when what I really wanted to order was the "Big Ass Pork Plate."

Image hell....it was worth the momentary

look that followed from co-workers.

Gemme · 05-14-2011, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guy

LOL ok, just clarifying, since everything is bigger in Texas, that maybe you had some kind of funky new tomatoes.

Guy · 05-15-2011, 02:53 PM

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, sits down and orders a drink. Shortly after, the monkey starts jumping all over the place and acting crazy. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them… grabs some sliced limes and eats them… then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, Did you see what your monkey just did? No, what? says the guy. He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole! says the bartender. Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ball and other things he ate. He the finishes his drink, pays the bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s back at the same bar again, monkey by his side as usual. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. Did you see what your monkey did? What this time? asks the patron. Well, he stuck a cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it! says the barkeeper.
Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first.

Guy · 05-21-2011, 09:07 PM

So theres a guy drowning in water, and a boat comes by and says do u need help, and the guy says no thank you, God will help me

so then he's still drowning, and another boat comes by and says do u need help, and the guy says no thank you, God will help me

so the man dies

goes to heaven

and asks God, why didn't u help me

and God says....

i sent TWO big boats u dummy

05-14-2011, 05:24 PM	#2
JustJo Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: pushy broad Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Follow your heart; it knows things your mind cannot explain. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Southeast corner Posts: 5,633 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,417 Thanked 25,406 Times in 4,660 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Used to love eating at Dinosaur BBQ in Syracuse when we lived there....but it was always a little tricky at business lunches when what I really wanted to order was the "Big Ass Pork Plate." Image hell....it was worth the momentary look that followed from co-workers. __________________ I'm not tall enough to ride emotional roller coasters

05-14-2011, 05:22 PM	#1
Guy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 1,858 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,258 Thanked 2,574 Times in 889 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	LOL ok, just clarifying, since everything is bigger in Texas, that maybe you had some kind of funky new tomatoes.

05-15-2011, 02:53 PM	#4
Guy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 1,858 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,258 Thanked 2,574 Times in 889 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, sits down and orders a drink. Shortly after, the monkey starts jumping all over the place and acting crazy. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them… grabs some sliced limes and eats them… then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, Did you see what your monkey just did? No, what? says the guy. He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole! says the bartender. Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ball and other things he ate. He the finishes his drink, pays the bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s back at the same bar again, monkey by his side as usual. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. Did you see what your monkey did? What this time? asks the patron. Well, he stuck a cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it! says the barkeeper. Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first.

05-21-2011, 09:07 PM	#5
Guy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 1,858 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,258 Thanked 2,574 Times in 889 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	So theres a guy drowning in water, and a boat comes by and says do u need help, and the guy says no thank you, God will help me so then he's still drowning, and another boat comes by and says do u need help, and the guy says no thank you, God will help me so the man dies goes to heaven and asks God, why didn't u help me and God says.... i sent TWO big boats u dummy