Breaking up

[Quintease]

Friends of mine and I have experienced the 'losing three months' phenomenon. When you walk around in a daze for 3 months and come out the other end as though it began the day before. I came out of one once to discover I was already in another relationship! What a mistake that was

There is never anything nice about breakups with someone who you once loved, adored and cherished. I'm hoping I'll never have to go through another ever again.

[T4Texas]

I think you absoloutely do go through a grieving process. It's because of the loss and the knowledge that you won't be seeing that person again or sharing those little things you used to do on a daily basis. I think when breakups are ugly, with lots of hurt feelings, slanderous accusations and such, the grieving process is shortened as feelings of love can turn to hate pretty quickly. But even then, there is still that element of loss. I believe we go through three phases. First sadness, then anger and finally a kind of realization settles in that we are moving on which is the real goal. One thing is for certain, that time takes care of it all.

[Apocalipstic]

Sometimes I ask myself it is worth it.

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Sometimes I ask myself it is worth it.

Absolutely! Every person who has walked into my life has changed it in some way. I wouldn't be the person I am or have the life I do had I stayed with the first person who loved me. I regret nothing

actually that's a lie, I regret one or two but hey, silver lining and all that

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Quintease

Absolutely! Every person who has walked into my life has changed it in some way. I wouldn't be the person I am or have the life I do had I stayed with the first person who loved me. I regret nothing

actually that's a lie, I regret one or two but hey, silver lining and all that

Ha, we posted at same time. Agreed! I have gained something from all of my over 2 month relationships lololol.

No regrets! I need that! Thank you Q!

[foxyshaman]

I am grieving right now and trying to figure out how we can stay in our 'community' at the same time. We have good days and bad days. This is the hardest breakup I have EVER been through. I seriously thought this was my forever.

But here I am. The hardest part for me can be trying to let go of thinking of her. Sometimes it drives me crazy. One thing I am grateful for is that I have a very busy life. But I did take time to marry my couch after she dumped my ass. My couch has never let me down. And then one day she pushed me off and said "hey you have a life get off me". And so i did and found out I still have a life.

Right now I am trying to figure out stuff about myself. I have found every relationship has been a mirror. What are the good things I see and what are the bad things I look quickly away from. I am taking the time to have a GOOD HARD LOOK, therapy and lots of reading. Fortunately for me I have a deep spiritual connection that has helped me heal in ways that unfortunately others don't have access to.

But it still hurts. One day it won't hurt. One day, a day will go by when I don't think of her. One day, I won't regret the stuff I wish we had done together.

One day is coming. And each day that passes, that one day gets closer.

[hpychick]

I absolutely believe it's necessary to grieve the loss of a relationship - no matter how long of a relationship it was.

Getting outdoors, exercising, finding people of value to spend time with and talk to are great ways for me to get past the hurt and disillusionment.

Sometimes, there are those relationships that you just know you are better off without though, and you can breathe an interminable sigh of relief when it's finally over.

[blackboot]

Originally Posted by T4Texas

I think you absoloutely do go through a grieving process. It's because of the loss and the knowledge that you won't be seeing that person again or sharing those little things you used to do on a daily basis. I think when breakups are ugly, with lots of hurt feelings, slanderous accusations and such, the grieving process is shortened as feelings of love can turn to hate pretty quickly. But even then, there is still that element of loss. I believe we go through three phases. First sadness, then anger and finally a kind of realization settles in that we are moving on which is the real goal. One thing is for certain, that time takes care of it all.

This really resonates with me. I had a sixteen year relationship end. Ugly would be an understatement. I took time for myself. I sought out counseling and found a wonderful Therapist. I stayed single--on purpose for nearly five years. Time did take care of it and I learned about myself and that I had to "do the work." That hard stuff about loving yourself before you attempt to love another. I met that wonderful someone on the dash site and now am having the healthiest relationship I have ever had. Optimist? Probably. But it took time and work.

[Jar]

For sure! You grieve for lost dreams, love that you have to watch die, the feeling that you were loved ... you miss the person. I'm going through it now and some days it feels like I'm trying to quit smoking. It's like I'm going through withdrawals from it all. It's miserable!

Sorry Merlin!

[Apocalipstic]

Therapy, exercise, having great friends around, getting things accomplished all seem to help.

My mother died when I was 13 and I survived, so breakups..while painful...are not going to destroy me or make me not have a heart. I try to look at it like we each learned from each other what we needed to and now its time to go on the next chapter. Heart even bigger for having loved.

So yes, it's worth it...but definitely worth looking at ways to keep out of trouble without resorting to a hostage situation girlfriendship. At least not right this second.

[funkyfemme]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Therapy, exercise, having great friends around, getting things accomplished all seem to help.

My mother died when I was 13 and I survived, so breakups..while painful...are not going to destroy me or make me not have a heart. I try to look at it like we each learned from each other what we needed to and now its time to go on the next chapter. Heart even bigger for having loved.

So yes, it's worth it...but definitely worth looking at ways to keep out of trouble without resorting to a hostage situation girlfriendship. At least not right this second.

I really like that part and am going to try and keep that in my head while my heart is still very broken and trying to mend.

[Apocalipstic]

It sure is not easy.

[ruffryder]

I do agree that when there is a breakup (especially when you're with someone for awhile and you thought they were "the one") that you will grieve. It is normal. I think with this grieving period it is important to get a closure. Talk to the person if you can, understand why it didn't work. Take time to accept it. Take time for yourself. Take time to realize their mistakes and yours and move on from it growing and learning and being a better person. It doesn't mean you have to close yourself off from the world, family, and friends, but it does help to take time for yourself and figure out what went wrong and be okay with moving on. It takes time. It will make you a stronger person and in time you will be ready to open your heart again to experience and love.

[ruffryder]

On a personal note I went through this in the past year and a half. I was with someone who I thought was it for me. I wanted to make it work so bad. I wanted to be with her forever I thought. However, God doesn't always want that for you. It took me awhile to figure it out and move on from this relationship. Now, I am happy. I talk to her still. I love her and care for her still. She has a special place in my heart and always will. However, I can't control people or love. I can only have the feelings I have and trust in faith and God that things work out for reasons unknown.. and for me it's because I haven't found "the one." It is okay to have the great memories and grieve and pray for strength and faith to get through a breakup and know that better things await you. (:

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

I'm grieving right now. Sitting here at the computer, a hopeless blubbering mess.

The end of this most recent relationship has unexpectedly triggered memories of a relationship that truly, truly broke me. I not only lost my lover, I lost my best friend, our community of friends, and ten years worth of memories.


I'm grieving the person I was before this happened, when I could let people in and trust them. Now all I do is second guess myself, second guess them, and worry that I'll be abandoned again.

I know I have work to do. I've spent the last three years working very, very hard on myself, But I'm backsliding right now and it is painful.

Thanks for letting me share this.

((((((((((letter)))))))))) Its so hard to let go, and it turns us into a mess of emotions and self doubt and we are left to wonder why does this happen to us? I still experience grief and losing certain relationships that I thought were forever but as much as love can leave you a broken wing one day you will fly again and everything will be okay

Originally Posted by ruffryder_0187

On a personal note I went through this in the past year and a half. I was with someone who I thought was it for me. I wanted to make it work so bad. I wanted to be with her forever I thought. However, God doesn't always want that for you. It took me awhile to figure it out and move on from this relationship. Now, I am happy. I talk to her still. I love her and care for her still. She has a special place in my heart and always will. However, I can't control people or love. I can only have the feelings I have and trust in faith and God that things work out for reasons unknown.. and for me it's because I haven't found "the one." It is okay to have the great memories and grieve and pray for strength and faith to get through a breakup and know that better things await you. (:

This is *SO* very true bro, thank you for posting it ~ sometimes we need to see it in order to be able to hear it :-)