Breaking up

Mister Bent · 05-22-2011, 09:00 AM

"stuck on the porn phase."

pajama · 05-22-2011, 09:25 AM

I think too, it's important to understand that the other person may not grieve for the same length as you do. Just because they have moved on to another relationship doesn't necessarilly mean they aren't grieving some of the loss of the relationship as well.

Someone mentioned earliler too that the person ending the relationship may not grieve, but I disagree. They still grieve the loss of what they thought they had, the future they were hoping to make, and the time they may have invested in this relationship before realizing that it wasn't quite the right one.

So yes we all grieve, and that's ok.

A

Merlin · 05-22-2011, 03:17 PM

^ agree totally.

Mister Bent · 05-23-2011, 05:33 PM

And you just have to get over it.

I'm not going to think about how for a long time it really seemed like it was going to work out.

Merlin · 05-29-2011, 06:24 AM

There are places I remember,all my life though some have changed. Some forever not for better,some have gone and some remain. All these places have their moments with lovers and friends I can recall. Some are dead and some are living in my life i've loved them all - The Beatles.

Quintease · 08-27-2011, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pajara2

I think too, it's important to understand that the other person may not grieve for the same length as you do. Just because they have moved on to another relationship doesn't necessarilly mean they aren't grieving some of the loss of the relationship as well.

Someone mentioned earliler too that the person ending the relationship may not grieve, but I disagree. They still grieve the loss of what they thought they had, the future they were hoping to make, and the time they may have invested in this relationship before realizing that it wasn't quite the right one.

So yes we all grieve, and that's ok.

A

Agree. I coped with a horrendous breakup once by jumping into a new relationship. I ended up grieving for 2 years! I knew I was better when I could finally look at my life and want something more for myself.

Glenn · 08-27-2011, 08:18 AM

I haven't seen hind nor hair of my wife since last Spring. She's probably camping in a corn field waiting for the Mother Ship If anyone meets a femme who claims to be the first gay woman Jesus, that's my wife... Tell her to come home please

No regrets..just love.

*Anya* · 08-27-2011, 10:09 AM

There are so many layers of healing I have discovered.

It is as though I were an onion, pulling/tearing off layer by layer.

The first one was the bitter pill of betrayal that repeated unfaithfulness did to both my outer layer as well as the deepest core of me.

This bitter, angry layer was healed and acceptance of what was, and choices I made, soon followed.

Somehow, I thought that once I reached peace, acceptance and the end of outward grieving; I could move on.

Only to find...

that the very core of my onion self is so scarred by all of those years, that I have truly lost the ability to trust myself, my own feelings, the love and care of another. I am so unsure that I will recognize goodness again that I am fearful if pulling off the scar tissue that protects the core of me.

My intellect tells me clearly life holds no guarantees and surely my life has proven nothing but this idiom to be true, but my emotions, that ability to once again open my heart totally and completely, are fused with that scar tissue and I fear tearing it off so much it terrifies me.

I just do not know at the point if I fear living alone for the rest of my life more than I do the fear of believing once again that I just might chose a person of goodness and worthy of my trust.

I used to know so clearly who I was and that I could make good and healthy choices for myself. I just do not trust me anymore.

Guy · 08-27-2011, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pajara2

I think too, it's important to understand that the other person may not grieve for the same length as you do. Just because they have moved on to another relationship doesn't necessarilly mean they aren't grieving some of the loss of the relationship as well.

Someone mentioned earliler too that the person ending the relationship may not grieve, but I disagree. They still grieve the loss of what they thought they had, the future they were hoping to make, and the time they may have invested in this relationship before realizing that it wasn't quite the right one.

So yes we all grieve, and that's ok.

A

This is a great point. I also think that its important to remember that the relationship just doesn't go sour overnight and that the person ending the relationship may have been grieving the loss of their relationship for awhile, and the other just not caring enough to notice and taking the relationship for granted.

Apocalipstic · 08-27-2011, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mister Bent

"stuck on the porn phase."

Right now alone seems way less stressful.

*Anya* · 08-27-2011, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Right now alone seems way less stressful.

Oh, just love this! I went through phases one and two and skipped to parts of phase 5 (cyberdyke.com anyone?).

Thanks, I needed this today

05-22-2011, 09:00 AM	#1
Mister Bent Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: . Posts: 2,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,151 Thanked 5,825 Times in 1,722 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Pretty much it's exactly like this. "stuck on the porn phase." __________________ Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

05-22-2011, 03:17 PM	#3
Merlin Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Knight in shining armour. Relationship Status: Spoken for Join Date: May 2011 Location: England Posts: 250 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 87 Thanked 547 Times in 170 Posts Rep Power: 6763778	^ agree totally. __________________ https://youtu.be/IWvEXChflEE

05-23-2011, 05:33 PM	#4
Mister Bent Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: . Posts: 2,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,151 Thanked 5,825 Times in 1,722 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	It's also a lot like this. And you just have to get over it. I'm not going to think about how for a long time it really seemed like it was going to work out. __________________ Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

05-29-2011, 06:24 AM	#5
Merlin Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Knight in shining armour. Relationship Status: Spoken for Join Date: May 2011 Location: England Posts: 250 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 87 Thanked 547 Times in 170 Posts Rep Power: 6763778	There are places I remember,all my life though some have changed. Some forever not for better,some have gone and some remain. All these places have their moments with lovers and friends I can recall. Some are dead and some are living in my life i've loved them all - The Beatles. __________________ https://youtu.be/IWvEXChflEE

08-27-2011, 10:09 AM	#8
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,459 Times in 7,283 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	There are so many layers of healing I have discovered. It is as though I were an onion, pulling/tearing off layer by layer. The first one was the bitter pill of betrayal that repeated unfaithfulness did to both my outer layer as well as the deepest core of me. This bitter, angry layer was healed and acceptance of what was, and choices I made, soon followed. Somehow, I thought that once I reached peace, acceptance and the end of outward grieving; I could move on. Only to find... that the very core of my onion self is so scarred by all of those years, that I have truly lost the ability to trust myself, my own feelings, the love and care of another. I am so unsure that I will recognize goodness again that I am fearful if pulling off the scar tissue that protects the core of me. My intellect tells me clearly life holds no guarantees and surely my life has proven nothing but this idiom to be true, but my emotions, that ability to once again open my heart totally and completely, are fused with that scar tissue and I fear tearing it off so much it terrifies me. I just do not know at the point if I fear living alone for the rest of my life more than I do the fear of believing once again that I just might chose a person of goodness and worthy of my trust. I used to know so clearly who I was and that I could make good and healthy choices for myself. I just do not trust me anymore. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

05-22-2011, 09:25 AM	#2
pajama Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Klingon Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Just South of Nashvegas Baby Posts: 3,115 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,546 Thanked 7,476 Times in 1,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I think too, it's important to understand that the other person may not grieve for the same length as you do. Just because they have moved on to another relationship doesn't necessarilly mean they aren't grieving some of the loss of the relationship as well. Someone mentioned earliler too that the person ending the relationship may not grieve, but I disagree. They still grieve the loss of what they thought they had, the future they were hoping to make, and the time they may have invested in this relationship before realizing that it wasn't quite the right one. So yes we all grieve, and that's ok. A

08-27-2011, 08:18 AM	#7
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dear ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old G Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,601 Thanked 3,729 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I haven't seen hind nor hair of my wife since last Spring. She's probably camping in a corn field waiting for the Mother Ship If anyone meets a femme who claims to be the first gay woman Jesus, that's my wife... Tell her to come home please No regrets..just love.