Scaring straight women.. rawwrrr... lol

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by Strappie

Welcome to a Butches world.... We or at least I go through this almost daily. Not being asked but the gesture's and the looks and yes even the "sir, you have the wrong bathroom."

It's every day living for me.

I know, Strappie. I was just venting in the femme room, cause well.. it bugged me. It was never my intent to diminish a butches experience at all! I know that I have femme privilege, and I guess I am just used to it, to be frank. I was raised in a queer household, and am pretty much surrounded by the queer community and supporters, so I have never really encountered this (besides an isolated incident that happened in the past). Femme privilege and invisibility can be a bitch tho too... but that's another thread.

Hugs to you Strap
Starry

[The_Lady_Snow]

I think it's great that you vented in the Femme Zone starry, we Femme's need to vent and have OTHER Femmes share this form of imposed intrusion. Sorry YOU had to experience this ickiness with your ignorant co worker.

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I think it's great that you vented in the Femme Zone starry, we Femme's need to vent and have OTHER Femmes share this form of imposed intrusion. Sorry YOU had to experience this ickiness with your ignorant co worker.

Thanks!

[dixie]

Totally agree with the "every man" thing. Normally when I run across this scenario I simply ask them "Do you believe every man you meet is attracted to you?" They always say no. I then ask them why they think every woman would be. (Unless they're totally rude then I just say "Then why would you be so conceited to think that every woman would".) Usually you can see the light bulb go off above their heads as if this thought process never occurred to them.

(We're discussing gender/non-gendered issues next week, so can't wait to see what the girl comes up with for that one. )

[starryeyes]

Me too... lol. Let us know!!!

[always2late]

Sigh...I work with a woman who, once she found out I was gay, felt the need to adamantly assert that she is straight in just about every conversation. Finally I kinda put it out there that I was not attracted to her...and got the reaction that others on the thread have described. The "Why not???" reaction. And then...having decided she could still be my "friend" even though I don't want her...now weekly tries to set me up...with other femmes! And canNOT for the life of her understand why I tell her that I am not attracted to them...because, after all...they are GAY (and apparently that is the only thing I require to find someone attractive). I tried the "Well are you attracted to every man that crosses your field of vision just because they are men?" The response? "But they're gay!" *rme* If it wasn't so pathetically ignorant it would almost be funny.

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

I know, Strappie. I was just venting in the femme room, cause well.. it bugged me. It was never my intent to diminish a butches experience at all! I know that I have femme privilege, and I guess I am just used to it, to be frank. I was raised in a queer household, and am pretty much surrounded by the queer community and supporters, so I have never really encountered this (besides an isolated incident that happened in the past). Femme privilege and invisibility can be a bitch tho too... but that's another thread.

Hugs to you Strap
Starry

I didn't see your post at all diminishing of the "butch experience." Nor do I see this as a discussion about privilege (for which there are threads), but rather an entirely separate issue unique to feminine presenting queer women.

This:

Originally Posted by Ms. Meander

I think part of what scares them is that they didn't see us coming. They were hanging out with us, enjoying our company, thinking that we are pretty cool - and one of them.

Finding out that their neat little definitions of us are completely wrong and that we are the dreaded "other", throws them into a narrow-minded spin.

And then, also:

Originally Posted by Ms. Meander

Because the next thing out of their mouths is going to be something about what I really want is a real man but I don't know it because I am fucked up in some way. AT THIS POINT - someone is about to be slapped.

and

Originally Posted by Martina

i kinda agree that this is not exactly the same as what butches deal with. There is that shock of betrayal because they assumed we were straight, and they identify with us more, find it harder to "other" us. They are more likely then to say inappropriate and intrusive things, even people who are not normally like that.

Butches, transgendered folk, we're already "othered;" we're not in the club, and so this isn't something we are likely to experience. It's not the same as the looks we get when someone decides we're in the wrong restroom. Over the years, I have heard isolated tales from femme friends; incidents like yours, starry, that speak to this acceptance (the privilege of which you spoke), then "betrayal" or shock, or objectification, and then the "othering." I hope it doesn't seem weird or inappropriate, but I suppose I was interested in seeing if your post was going to open up that discussion among the feminine women here. I really hope I'm making sense here (and probably should get out of the way of those to whom this issue is relevant).

[foxyshaman]

Invisible here too.

I seem to live in the black singleton, black jean, black boot capital of the prairie closed mind. I love my tight jeans, my heels, or flip flops, fun hair, multi-colored toe nails, earrings that never match.... and the list goes on. I tell ya when I walk into our gay bars I am OUT OF PLACE. I swear if I walked in wearing the black attire, it would be easier... But for the most part I am never seen on the street. I am always SHOCKED when I am spotted out and about.

In the straight world... like work...well this is one thing I accidentally learnt...never ever playfully flirt with a co-worker (no matter how cute her ass looks in the sweet black skirt) cause one day she may be your boss. Yup fun times for me. It has been four years since I transferred to her group, and she is still not comfortable with me... what's a gal to do?? I should have done what my grandmother taught me "save my breath to cool my porridge". I don't ever flirt anymore at work...nope not ever...

[Gemme]

My boss kind of knows I'm queer. One of her sons is gay and we've discussed that and her diffiiculties in coming to terms with it. She knows that one of my past partners was female. She has no idea, as far as I know, that Ebon is TG.

I don't think she'll go all 'ohhh, now it's going to be weird working with you, etc' but there's that fear that does lie in the back of my mind that it could happen, if not with her, then with others. This company is designed to be a family environment and with that comes gossip and familial judgements. I am most likely going to be with this company for a while and I don't want to create any blunders that could make that time more difficult for me than it has to be. Perhaps that's being selfish and maybe I'm not putting forth the "proper" amount of GLBT3Q2I activism, but it's my reality.

I've never had anyone directly say to me, once they learned I'm Queer, that they thought I would hit on them or that there would be any kind of inappropriate work relationship with them. There was one girl who I did detect a slight bit of disappointment as time went on after she found out and I think she was hoping I'd hit on her. She was soooo not my type though.

Even though I haven't had that confrontation with someone, I do keep in mind it could come any time someone new finds out. It's not as bad as walking on eggshells but I do feel stifled a bit. One day....one day....I'll be able to not worry about it at all and that will be a nice day.

[Pixie]

I find it humorous that when, specifying what your interests are, a person can come back with "ohhhh, that explains alot." Wtf???
A minute ago you thought I was swimming after the same fish? People astound me at times.