Big Girl Love

[IrishGrrl]

I'm glad I wasnt around to read this thread in the last few days.

The only thing I'm going to comment on is Junes post. I dont disagree persay, but I do not share your feelings about threads/spaces like this.
I feel like you were right on the money when you said that people of size are marginalized, and treated as less than. That is exactly the reason I feel we need threads/spaces like this. I dont see it being that much different than other groups who are marginalized setting up positive space for themselves.
Sometimes after a long day of being dismissed, and discrimiated against, it's nice to come to a place where I feel loved, appreciated, seen.

That's why I come here to the planet. To be appreciated and seen for WHO I am ..not WHAT I am.

xoxoxo

[hippieflowergirl]

Originally Posted by IrishGrrl

I'm glad I wasnt around to read this thread in the last few days.

The only thing I'm going to comment on is Junes post. I dont disagree persay, but I do not share your feelings about threads/spaces like this.
I feel like you were right on the money when you said that people of size are marginalized, and treated as less than. That is exactly the reason I feel we need threads/spaces like this. I dont see it being that much different than other groups who are marginalized setting up positive space for themselves.
Sometimes after a long day of being dismissed, and discrimiated against, it's nice to come to a place where I feel loved, appreciated, seen.

That's why I come here to the planet. To be appreciated and seen for WHO I am ..not WHAT I am.
xoxoxo

i DO. i want to be appreciated for WHAT i am. i'm a "fat, delicious, femme genius". (my best gay boyfriend coined the term and i love it!) i want to be appreciated for my WHAT, WHO, WHEN, WHERE and WHY. i want to be appreciated for all of me. if someone likes my WHO but not my WHAT then they dont like ME.

i want someone to like me, flaws and all. fat is not one of those flaws. a propensity to be long-winded and selfish is...but fat is not. i want to be loved because i'm flawed. loving someone who's perfect is too much work. (there's no room on the pedestal for both of you and who wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt understand struggle?)

i'm glad there are threads like this as well. most days anyway. i see things posted this thread that are meant to be supportive...but they really serve to remind me that it's socially acceptable to discriminate against people who dont conform to cutural weight standards.

i get so tired of being seen as "less than" because i'm booty-liscious.

i get tired of being treated as though i'm disfigured because i have round thighs and large breasts.

i get tired of people's looks of surprise when i show up on my bike or ask to be included in a hike or some other physical activity.

it irks the hell out of me when someone responds with an incredulous look when they see a flier/advertisement for a class (yoga or belly dance) i'm teaching/have taught.

why is it socially acceptable to assume (and treat me as thought) i'm completely sedentary, out of control, unhealthy, and piggish because i weigh 50 pounds more than i care to at the moment? (and no...the "appropriate maximum weight" listed for someone my height on height/weight charts is NOT my goal).

why is there a cultural assumption that i'm "lucky" or should be "grateful" if i have a lover? maybe it's the lover who is lucky!

why should anyone be judged based on something this arbitrary? i'm not raping dogs or burning babies. i'm fat. i'm not afraid of being fat. i'm not embarrassed or apologetic.

why do i want to take out an ad in every major newspaper in the world and tell the asshats to step off when i know it wont matter...to them or me...in the end?

dear haters,

i dont want to be angry at you. i dont want to give you any of my time or any space in my head. you will never be worth it. i may be fat...but you're stupid and i'd rather be me than you. stupid is ugly. fat is simply more of me...and that's always a good thing.

p.s. i dont have a "weight problem". you have a problem with my weight.

[HeartBreak Kid]

Originally Posted by hippieflowergirl

dear haters,

i dont want to be angry at you. i dont want to give you any of my time or any space in my head. you will never be worth it. i may be fat...but you're stupid and i'd rather be me than you. stupid is ugly. fat is simply more of me...and that's always a good thing.

p.s. i dont have a "weight problem". you have a problem with my weight.

YOU ROCK TO THE 10TH POWER.......Thank you
Peace and Love

[SassyLeo]

Here is Portland, we have a shop called Fat Fancy!

It is owned by 2 amazing Queer Femmes in our community. For several years, they held sales in basements and at festivals to raise money for the shop. And even got a grant from Intuit! Now they have a full storefront-

Beth Ditto has been a true advocate as well, and I believe they even carry some of her clothing line!

I don't think they have online shopping yet, but if you are even here in town... we could go together!

[hippieflowergirl]

Originally Posted by SassyLeo

Here is Portland, we have a shop called Fat Fancy!

It is owned by 2 amazing Queer Femmes in our community. For several years, they held sales in basements and at festivals to raise money for the shop. And even got a grant from Intuit! Now they have a full storefront-

Beth Ditto has been a true advocate as well, and I believe they even carry some of her clothing line!

I don't think they have online shopping yet, but if you are even here in town... we could go together!

i enjoy beth ditto quite a bit. if only had been that confident in my "youth"! now i just have to come and visit so we can go shopping!

[Softly]

no idea what this thread is about because I am about to go out for break but I love my curves....and all of yours too. xoxo

[always2late]

I really like this thread. I am all for celebration of, and acceptance of self....no matter what shape or size. And its good to see lots of folks with healthy body images who don't feel the need to conform to society's idea that beauty only comes in a size 2.

There are a few posts that are kinda troubling me though....and maybe its none of my business (but when has that ever kept my mouth shut before? lol)

I read a post by Ol' Jet...and I found it very sad. The end of a relationship is never easy...and that ending sounded particularly painful. There is one thing I have to say though...there seems to be a rush of judgement about how Jet conducted himself. That the woman he was seeing ended the relationship because of how he felt, or how he couldn't "accept" her.

I know neither party involved, and I have no idea why the relationship ended...however, I read the post as him telling his side of it in hindsight. We have no idea what the woman felt, or did not feel.

From what I read, this person was, at best, dishonest. I am not a small girl, and as a mother and a 42-year-old I will never again look the way I did at 21 (nor would I want to really), but I have never lied about how I look, or what size I wear. How can you build a relationship based on a lie? Look, no matter what we say, relationships are usually begun based on attraction. And no matter what kind of intellectual, or emotional attachment one feels for another....if there is no physical attraction, then the relationship will not really get off the ground. Who knows if the relationship discussed in the post would have started or lasted had the woman been honest from the beginning....the point is, she wasn't. And, from what I read, despite the initial reaction...he wanted it to work because of the person he believed she was. I really don't see the fault in that.

And, no matter why the relationship ended....I think any human being deserves to be told in person that their relationship is over. Email just doesn't cut it. I also find the circumstances a little odd....the woman disappears and then sends an email saying that they don't "fit". Come on...I just think that's wrong. Whatever the reason that it ended, he at least deserved to be told to his face. That's just a matter of respect.

Sigh....ok...off the soapbox. I'm tired and probably not making much sense anyway. G'night thread.

[hippieflowergirl]

Originally Posted by June

I know, Irish. And I know the thread was started with very good intent and there has been some great conversation in here. And also, as per usual, there has been asshattery, misunderstandings and hurt feelings along with a few reconciliations.

I remember a few years ago, there was a thread like this on another forum, and someone very dear to me, who is not a person of size talked to me about how she felt about it as someone who struggled to be a healthy weight for her. I never forgot that. Body image issues come in all sizes.

when i was teaching (it was a massage school) i got to teach A & P, kinesiology, clinical practicum and massage theory & practice classes. one of the things that was NOT built into the curriculum was what it would be like for the client, if they had body issues, laying on the table nude (under a sheet). each area of the body is exposed to work on it if the client allows, right? so...when the students practiced on one another (which they did 4 times a week for a year) they had to take off their clothes.

for the most part, the new students were always freaked out about taking off their clothing as part of the learning process. after a while, that fear was greatly diminished for most of them...but definitely not all. it inspired me to make time in my first term classes to have a round robin discussion about body image. one of the best things to come of it was this:

our opinions about our bodies arent innate...we arent born loving our physical selves (or our intellectual, emotional and spiritual selves for that matter). we're handed our self image by others...friends, family, lovers, culture, media and so on...and expected to assimilate what's "right" or "wrong" from all of that information. some of us get great images...most of us dont. most of us learn that there's something wrong with us somehow and we spend an inordinate amount of time trying to fit the paradigm we've been taught.

no one wants to be unhealthy. but as has been said before, fat does not necessarily equal unhealthy; just as slender doesnt automatically indicate good health.

i know that my doctor does not like that i smoke, but she also knows that smoking increases dopamine interaction and that makes my drugs work more efficiently. she now also knows that i'm smoking more because i'm struggling not to put unnecessary food in my mouth. i know a lot of people who smoke in order to avoid eating more. i know one man who uses chewing tobacco for the same reason...and he's in his 50s. he knows better. he's always been active. but as he's gotten older tobacco is part of what he does to stay slim.

what have we learned from our friends/families/lovers/culture/media...?



that the risk of cancer is better than extra weight?

[HeartBreak Kid]

I must admit, I love this Thread...As a curvacious woman it is refreshing to see dialouge regarding body issues and how it can and does affect and shape our view on sensuality..

Medusa Honey...U are a stone cold FOX.....

and I can Honestly say I LOVE a woman with curves. But more than that I love a woman thats comfortable in her body. Maybe thats becuase I hope to learn how to become more comfortable in mine.
Thank you for this thread...and while it might seem like I just like starting shit I assure you I am not. I am truley interested in the perception of others and I look foward to further communications with you all.....

Here is my question....
Being a Curvacious woman, is there anyone in the media or literary world that inspires you (me, us) to be not just comfortable but also aware of your sexiness in a positive way?

Peace and Love

[Inuus]

Camryn Manheim. If you havent read her book "Wake Up, I'm Fat" you should. Great book funny as heck. She talks about what she went through because of her size in Hollywood etc very candid

Originally Posted by HeartBreak Kid

Here is my question....
Being a Curvacious woman, is there anyone in the media or literary world that inspires you (me, us) to be not just comfortable but also aware of your sexiness in a positive way?

Peace and Love