How did you get to where you are today?

[Ebon]

I knew I was trans growing up. I never felt like I was in the right body, never understood why my chest couldn't be flat like it was supposed to be and wondered where my penis was(I made my own when I was little). Then I realized that apparently I'm in a girl's body. WTF?! Then I thought ok I can deal with this. This led me to being extremely unhappy, an alcoholic, abusing my body because I didn't give a shit about it, smoking (cigs), being lazy, and eating crap. I don't give a shit it's not the right body. It's not my body.

As I got older I became comfortable in this body, not happy but comfortable. Better able to deal with it by numbing myself with alcohol.
The cycle continued. Then I met a young man that I would become really good friends with. I had soooo many questions. I had no idea that I could make myself appear on the outside, like I did on the inside. Like he did. I thought it was beautiful. From that moment on it has been my goal. Recently (within the past couple of years) the Universe have put people in my life/path that accept that part of me and that also bring it out.

I thank the Universe for these people. Right now I am working on my inner self and my physical self. Once those are complete then it will be time for the last piece of the puzzle. I still have quite a way to go but at least I am on my way.

Disclaimer: When I say abusing my body and I talk about drinking and smoking and sinning and what not, that is my story for my body. I don't care or judge what anyone else does to theirs.

[SelfMadeMan]

I knew I was a boy at the age of 4. I tried to tell my Mom around that time, and I just remember for years, her telling me, "you're a tomboy, lots of little girls are tomboys" and I didn't like that answer at all. I was just a boy. I used to lay in bed at night around the age of 9-10 and daydream about growing up and having a wife. I wanted to be a Dad. It wasn't because there was anything wrong with being a girl, or being a Mom, it just didn't feel like me. It wasn't what I saw when I looked in the mirror.

When I was 10, I would go stay at a family friend's apartment on the weekends. I LOVED going there because I told all the kids there that I was a boy named Larry. I even had a "girlfriend" - and this family friend was cool with it. Even to the point of buying me boy's swim trunks and letting me swim in the pool in just my trunks like the other boys. Life was so good then! At 12, puberty struck and Larry was no more. This would be the start of some VERY traumatic years for me. Traumatic because I felt betrayed by my body, and because we moved from the neighborhood I grew up in, in Houston, to a very small East Texas town.

From 7th grade until about 10th grade, I was bullied relentlessly. I was beat up, spit on, followed from class to class being called "dyke", "lezbo", "linebacker", "freak", etc. It was horrible. My parents tried to help but in the end, felt like I was bringing a lot of it on myself for the way I dressed and cut my hair. I remember my Mom saying that if I just TRIED dressing like a girl and wearing some make-up, that things would probably be better for me. Of course, I wasn't about to do that, bullying or not. It got better the summer before my Junior year when I tried out, and made the school (boys) baseball team. I was good at baseball, and earned my teammate's respect - then things started getting better - not great, but better.

My freshman year in college was bad - I wanted to keep playing ball but wasn't brave enough to try out for the team at my college. This started some major depression - I would go sit at practices and wish I looked like the other guys, wish I could play, but feeling like an outcast. Halfway through the 1st semester I would attempt suicide and lose a full ride Journalism scholarship and have to move home.

I moved to Houston shortly after this, and things got a bit better. I got very involved in the gay & lesbian community, and came out as a lesbian because it's the only way I knew to fit in. I knew I didn't feel like a lesbian, but it worked for awhile. After a couple of years, I was feeling very detached again and unsettled. I knew I was trans at this point, I was about 25, but still had NEVER seen or heard of a transMAN. I had seen transwomen on TV, and figured maybe there was a way for a biological female to have a sex change, but just had no clue how one would go about doing anything about it if it was possible. It was very frustrating. Then, one afternoon I was in a bookstore in Montrose (Houston's gay mecca) and found a gender section. I happened to pick up a copy of Body Alchemy by Loren Cameron - a photo book of FTMs including before & after pics - and I stood there with tears streaming down my face. I knew this was me. I knew there was a way. I sat there looking at the pictures bawling.

About 4 months or so later, I moved to Boston, MA and started my transition by changing my name. That was 1997. I started T about a year and a half later, had my hysto in 2000, and top surgery in 2005. It was a long, hard road to get to where I am now - but I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world! Where I am now is well worth all the pain. I have the wife I dreamed of when I was a little boy, and I am a Dad. I am everything I wanted to be

Thank you to everyone else who has shared their stories, I loved reading them all, and we are ALL brave - those who transition and those who don't... anyone who says FUCK YOU to gender norms and paves their own way - my hat is off to you

[CockyDude]

I've read thru this thread & come to realize we all share some commonality on more than a few things. I realized at a very young age I was a boy & having a younger brother never understood why he was different than me. It was a small town; I was expected to conform & I constantly refused. I started drinking at 12 & drugs at 13. I couldn't understand why/how God made such a huge error; I was obviously in the wrong body. I excelled at all sports & badassness. I was referred to as a " hooligan" in grade school & high school ( I was a greaser then). I fell in love with the girl of my dreams at 16. She formed the basis for what I still desire today. She couldn't take the family pressure, & moved back home after 2 years. I became involved with a Playboy Bunny @ 19. She was bi-sexual & introduced me to gay bars. But I just wasn't comfortable. I wasn't a woman, I wasn't gay, why was I here? Then I heard/found out about transsexuals. The light bulb went off, I started T, & life got better. Like most guys in my situation, the road traveled has or still does involve alcohol, drugs & thoughts of suicide. We do the best we can & hope for what everyone else does; true love.
And that's about as much as I can type with one thumb for now.

[CockyDude]

After rereading I realized it sounded way too morbid. I have indeed found love more than a few times. I have been blessed to gave been with sine amazing women. My first wife was pregnant when we married, & long story short, I got custody when she was 4 & I raised an amazing young woman (who only knows me as dad). In the end, life is what we make of it. Period.