Al-anon, Nar-anon: when someone you love is practicing addiction.

[undone]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Well I am not the one who can do that, since I am not a direct witness to any crimes. Had Jess stolen money from me, I would report her. If Jess was living with me and pulling this garbage, I would ask her to go live somewhere else until she is ready to get help. But my hands are tied and every time I talk to her grandmother we have the same conversation:

Me: Jess needs to have some consequences for her behavior or it will get worse!

Her grandmother: But I just can't turn her into the police, she is my granddaughter! I can't do that to her and I'm not going to do it. I won't put her on the street either.

Me: Then she will just continue with this behavior and the next crime she commits may not be against you and she could get into much bigger trouble. Yes, we love her but we have to think about what's best for her. Letting this behavior continue isn't what is best for her.

Her grandmother: Well there has to be another way. I don't think she is really doing drugs a lot like you say anyway (this from a woman who told me she found a pot pipe and numerous bottles of heavy liquor in Jess's room).


Jessica has told me she uses and I have told her grandmother this, to no avail. So really, there is literally nothing I can do here. Jess lies to her grandmother and tries to lie to me (although I see right through it.) I can't get through to Jess or anyone else who has any power to help her. *sigh*

I am so very sorry for your situation. i understand it is painful to be the other parent with out any legal or custodial rights when you know the others are't doing the right thing. Drew I believe that the tough love is almost always the right love when there is any trouble.

i think you might be able to call the police because it is child endangerment, or contributing to the delinquency of the minor, but you might not like that because it would cause trouble for the grandmother and well that's understandable. You can try to explain that you daughter is threatening and abusing the grandmother emotionally, even if she doesn't report sometimes they can intervene enough for her grandmother to catch a breath, and maybe clear her thinking? call the police and ask them, generally they will help when they can. tell them that you know there is drugs and paraphernalia in the house, if the search and find it they have more options with that information.

i think you should if you have to trick the grandmother into attending al anon and she may stop feeling so at fault, i believe that it the biggest reason parent and such choose not to admit the truth. you know she know's but she needs to know she is not alone and there is support.

i actually went to my first meeting tonight, and it was the kindest group of women i have ever met. that might be another bonus for her to continue to go if you can find an all women's meeting.

other than that all you can do for any addict is realize you love them not there choices, and live your own life and let them learn they way they insist. it's an awful lesson to learn, and give heart ache and sorrow. It's rough when no one else is doing anything but enabling her addictions.


i whish you the verry best of luck in your endeavor. You will be in my thoughts tonight.

and it may not be mine or any one else's business but i hope you will keep us informed or for more support?

[Dominique]

The first thing I thought of this morning was Jess. That is how addiction works on you. I was tired last night and not getting to any points. I'd like you to try to keep in mind (and it was nice to hear from some people who are fighting this monster) while the drug itself is addictive, addiction and alcoholism is a sickness. I know I didn't believe that for years!

I'm hoping you can get the right people to do the right things, and you are going to be the big evil villian until that ball starts rolling

I was telling you the story about Roberta, Her and 3 other mom's, all nurses from others hospitals, have formed a *road show* for lack of a better word that travels to the high schools and even middle schools and speaks to parents to alert them that this is happening in their homes. All 4 have lost a child. (three to death, and one to incarceration).

My own anger surfaces when I try to engage in conversation about this, one, because my parents chose to ignore my brothers addictions and even more so because I could not help him. I appologize to you if my tone came across as angry. In a perfect world, I don't want anyone to endure the heart ache that comes with loving an addict.