What does the "B-F Dynamic" mean to you?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

But .... there are some people who consider the things that are often touted as a "butch-femme dynamic" to be a big part of it for them. In fact, I know (and have been with butches) who demand it. I personally, don't agree with those things ... in fact, I am historically known to defy anything considered traditional 50's middle america/stereotypical butch/femme stuff. I also get that it makes your heart ache.

Perhaps the lack of information provided after that statement left it open for misunderstanding.

then that's what they want in a partner. they want a partner who enjoys their need to do X.

but I know butch-butch couples and femme-femme couples, who do the same thing. One person likes to mow the lawn, pay the rent, fix the car, open doors, get chairs.

so, if butch-butch and femme-femme do it, how is that all about the butch-femme dynamic, then? It's not. it's personal preference.

you see what I'm saying?

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

then that's what they want in a partner. they want a partner who enjoys their need to do X.

but I know butch-butch couples and femme-femme couples, who do the same thing. One person likes to mow the lawn, pay the rent, fix the car, open doors, get chairs.

so, if butch-butch and femme-femme do it, how is that all about the butch-femme dynamic, then? It's not. it's personal preference.

you see what I'm saying?

I totally get you. Seriously.

[Jess]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

then that's what they want in a partner. they want a partner who enjoys their need to do X.

but I know butch-butch couples and femme-femme couples, who do the same thing. One person likes to mow the lawn, pay the rent, fix the car, open doors, get chairs.

so, if butch-butch and femme-femme do it, how is that all about the butch-femme dynamic, then? It's not. it's personal preference.

you see what I'm saying?

I do!!!


I agree that "energy" is a huge factor in the b-f tango, but submit that it is specifically "butch" energy drawn toward "femme" energy.

[imperfect_cupcake]

lol completely agree but my personal preference for saying that is "I prefer masculine/boyish read women" cause if you are talking to people who don't do butch-femme the whole "energy thing" isn't going to be very helpful as it's not entirely descriptive.

and what's really important, the key thing, for me is that sexually they have a dick and a snatch. that's non-negotiable. it won't work if that's not there.

all of the rest? is personality and interaction and how we work as two people. People vary so much in what's important to them and how they work that I can't assign "I like butches cuz they ____." Cause they don't. Not all of them. And probably only a certain percent do.

And that's REALLY apparent when you go to different countries and see how they express their feminine and masculine grooves.

[amiyesiam]

Originally Posted by UofMfan

You see, this is the same as trying to say that I am butch because my hair is short and I wear masculine clothes. The dynamic, as well as my gender identity run much deeper than that. This is of course, my opinion.

I have reread this. I think we are coming to the same point from different sides. My point and some others point is exactly the same. The dance/the energy/ etc is much more than some outward signs.

Originally Posted by amiyesiam

Not how I took her post. The point is to move away from steriotyping folks.
Just cause of how you dress or do your hair has not a lot to do with how you ID. Have you ever stopped to notice how many straight women wear their hair very short? Jeans and tee shirts are worn by all kinds of people.

who opens doors isn't a butch or femme thing.

Originally Posted by UofMfan

I got caught up in the arcade and the MA elections so I forgot to reply to this post until now.



It is open to interpretation, as for me, the mere mention that it is not abut those things to HB simply implies that it comes down to those very same things, then what it came down to was sex. Again, to me this implies that the dynamic is about those things. HB simply stated that in HER relationship it wasn't about opening doors and such, but it is inferred that perhaps in another relationship it would be. I am sorry, I am a language geek and as such would not want language to diminish a dynamic that I hold so dear to my heart.

Language is what we use to communicate. Language isn't always able to convey the emotions fully. I am femme my husband butch. I also don't want that dynamic diminished. But in cherishing what I hold dear I personally dont want to diminish others dynamic.



Again interpretation, read her post again and perhaps you can see what I saw, then again, perhaps not. I am not arguing with anyone here, I am stating my opinion based on my interpretation of her post. Of course, my interpretation is based not only on the language used but on the things that were implied by said usage.



You obviously misinterpreted my post! Goodness, I feel as if I am speaking a different language. I will stick with the arcade, as I feel my style of communication is not understood here. Ami, I suggest you read my post again, then you may see how I may feel a little frustrated here.



I have highlighted exactly why I responded the way I did to begin with. It still makes my heart ache and now maybe even my stomach turn. I will not try to explain it any further as I feel that I will be misunderstood, once more. it is difficult to discuss the BF dynamic with those who truly do not understand it and/or live it as I do.



Honestly, in no way being disrespectful, what this comes across as saying is:
I feel and experiece the BF dynamic in a way others do not (perhaps more strongly, more deeply) I can not bare to discuss this with those who do not understand.
Again, honestly, that might fly other places, but we are on a BF site, full of BF people, all of whom care very very deeply about BF dynamics.
If you chose to leave fine do so. But don't blame me or anyone else.
Also it seems to me that the folks in here were/are willing to discuss this with everyone. No one has to agree but we can all learn



Thanks for explaining strappie. I would love to do so but the dynamic is complex and very personal. You live it, feel it, breath it, it comes down to so much that is unexplainable. Perhaps later, when I feel less frustrated.

I want to thank those who sent reps You understood me!

I also understood you.
As a couple our BF dynamic is joyously wonderful. That is why we took the time to go to Canada and get married.
I think what I want to say is that while this is special for me other types of relationships also experience this. The joy of finding the right person is in fact a beautiful thing, be they straight, gay, lesbian, trans, bi etc.
I can not say BF is "THE Best" I can only say that it is "The Best" for butches and femmes.