Big Butch Love

[Kast]

Originally Posted by Metropolis

Kam, I think there's enough tinder around here that throwing gas isn't necessary.

I know you're probably trying to stand by Jet's side but considering the circumstance I don't think get people re-riled is going to help.

I get that what you've said sometime happens... but there's also where misunderstandings get fixed through a little honest explanation and open mindedness... moving on leaving space for people to be able to get back to business at hand.

That'd be great to see in this thread.

Metropolis

ETA: Your post was not reported but I'm (semi)-moderating it at my own discretion as it seems to me to be purposely inflammatory

I am speaking personally to my good buddy, did he seem inflamed?, no - it calmed him down - my intention. We have created a thread to talk to one another as how we normally speak in our everyday conversations on a particular topic... what are you asking?

[Kast]

Jet - You remember how I told you that I got up to 210 or so at one time, I carried the weight ok, but, had always been around 160 or so and decided to diet? And, BTW - I read an article recently where exercise has little to do with weight loss... what do you think about that? When I lost the 1 - 2 1/2 pounds each week for a year to get back to where I had been for years, exercise was not a part of the weight loss program.

It's all in what you eat and when. I incorporated a "modified-Atkins" as I call it - it worked for me. You have to cut back on the carbs to send the body into the fat reserves. I drank a 1 carb shake for breakfast, not all the time but some of the time, my biggest carb meal for lunch and more protein than carbs at night... and any of the non-carb foods anytime that I wanted to.

There's even this guy who has a diet out now that I think should work too, where you eat low carbs two days on and on the third day you eat what you want to. Losing weight is a slow and gradual process, if you do it too quickly, it's a shock to the body and painful - once you start steadily going into the fat reserves, the body gets used to it and accepts it.

I know you started a special diet a while back, Jet... tell us about it?

[Jet]

Well, the first thing that I think is blowing my dieting are my PTSD meds, the side effects are weight gain— BIG TIME. Secondly, I know my my cortisol is out of control. The reason I hit the weights more now is because muscle "eats" fat if you will. So everything is in conjunction with everything else, yanno? I'm not giving up, but I really think I need a doc's advice on some things. And I totally agree with your diet which is why I've gradually cut my carbs way down.

[Kast]

When you told me what you were eating... I knew you were headed for trouble, but - what can we do but be supportive, you were 'hot to trot' on this new diet... and I'm not the type to say... 'I told ya' so!'

You've got to eat 1 piece of bread a day and that's it - in the bread department, I remember that much... and very little sugar, and eat the pasta for lunch... and it'll hurt like hell - your body will think you're starving and hold onto your fat reserves for the first week or so... and then it starts accelerating when it gets used to the fact that your aren't dying afterall... lol

You have to look at genetics too... I had a tall, skinny father, and my brother who is 10 years older is all lean... but, me and my sister look like football players.

So, are your meds making you want to eat more?

[Cyclopea]

This is less like "Big Butch Love" and more like "Butch Fat Panic".
Not feelin' the love, yo.

[Kast]

Originally Posted by Cyclopea

This is less like "Big Butch Love" and more like "Butch Fat Panic".
Not feelin' the love, yo.

Well... there are other threads... do you have any 'love' to contribute or just driving by to shoot, Cyclopea?

[MrSunshine]

WTF?..........

[Admin]

All:

Folks need to stop picking at each other and engage with one another thoughtfully.

I know this thread is a difficult subject, especially when, clearly, we are all not at the same point in our journey. We are all going to have to recognize this in order to coexist.

Fat is a touchy subject because some folks turn it inward. It becomes self-hatred, something to be excised, worked out, exorcised even.
For others, fat isnt evil or ugly. It is just a part of their existence.

It is often very button-pushing for folks who dont have a problem with their body size to see other folks having a problem with their own body size. Especially if they are fat.
It pushes buttons because it says to them "Well hell, if they hate their OWN fat that much, what do they think of mine?"

This is one angle to consider. Not the only angle.

I also want to say that this thread is entitled "Big Butch Love". I suggest that we all need to find positive ways to show love for Big Butches.

There is a great amount of support for Big Butches to be found in this community. Let's make sure we are seeking support in ways that dont hurt. Learning to love yourself is a journey and it is often scary. Tell the truth and reach out...and be kind when doing so.

On a final note, we have had multiple reported posts from this thread tonight. I want everyone to TALK to one another. Stop sniping. Stop shutting down. And stop thinking you have all of the answers.

Much Love,
Admin

[Cyclopea]

Originally Posted by Kam

Well... there are other threads... do you have any 'love' to contribute or just driving by to shoot, Cyclopea?

Yes, I have plenty of love to contribute. I try to love my body - or as someone said geniusly somewhere "my earth vessel" for all it's flaws and foibles. I thought that's what this thread was for. There are plenty of threads and venues on this site for weight loss support. The title of this thread "Big Butch Love" promises enjoyment and acceptance of the bigger butch. Perhaps even a place for those who enjoy a big butch. All this talk about desperately needing to diet for butches who are moderately chubby? Not at all the same as loving big butches. Does that make sense?

[Butcher]

I wouldn't consider myself overweight, but I also know I am not small, or fit, or thin. I have been calling myself fat for years, and it wasn't until very recently that I decided to stop that, and to instead refer to myself as husky. I'm making an effort to embrace my size, and instead of focusing on my gut or the wideness of my hips, I'm looking at the wideness of my shoulders and the sheer power of my size when I stand proud.

I'm big enough to scoop up my femme, big enough to carry the heavy stuff, big enough to scare away assholes. If I was smaller, I wouldn't appear as powerful or strong. I've worked out and dieted enough times to say to myself...no, this is okay. You're a husky butch, and that's great. Now eat that fucking burger because you want to.

[fever]

Now, a Big Butch review would definitely be worth that plane ticket to the Reunion next year! Gee Butch has done some amazing reviews. This femme slipping right off the chair kind of reviews. Whew!!

[SleepyButch]

As I sit here resting my coffee cup on my gut, I'm not sure what I'll write but I'll just let it come out....

I'm a bigger Butch. My weight fluctuates, when I'm happy I gain weight. When I'm not, I lose it. My most recent break up left me 20 lbs lighter but it's coming back as it always does. I like to eat. What can I say?

I'm almost 5'9" and just shy of 200lbs at this point. I tend to struggle with my own weight issues more than I get them from others. What if I gain weight, will so and so not like me anymore? That's a hard one to work through when you are in a relationship or not in a relationship. Thankfully, none of my past gfs have ever judged me for my weight and have never left me because I gained or lost for that matter. No one has ever said, C, do you really want to eat all of those chocolate chip cookies? My answer would have been, not unless you want to share them with me.


99% of my pics are selfies because I'm too shy or embarrassed to ask someone to take a full length picture of me. So because my face is thinner, it may (or may not) look like I'm thinner than I am. I always make it a point to tell anyone I'm seriously going to date that I am by no means thin because I don't like surprises. (I always cringe a little not knowing what their reaction will be.) If I show up and am not what you expect, what a waste of time for you and definitely for me!


I remember way back in the stone ages, when there were no online forums such as these. I would pick up the local gay paper and look at the personal ads. (anyone else remember these?) I would read post after post of how they did NOT want Butches or fatties. It was so depressing because what if you were both? I never answered any of them anyway but still. What's wrong with being Butch and what is wrong with being large? People are cruel.
Right?

So fast forward to more recent. Holy hell, there are women called femmes that want Butches? Wow! Then, holy hell, there are women who are femmes that don't care about your weight and even like bigger guys?! Wow! Really Wow!

With that in mind, I want to thank all of you who love us for who we are, no matter our size because you can see the beauty that we are. Speaking for myself now, without you, I know I would be a pretty lonely guy and that is not the way I want to live my life. I want to be loved and appreciated for me and so many of you know exactly what that means and how to make me/us feel special.

I'm a Bigger Butch. I can be handsome, sexy and yes even beautiful because you help me see those things in me.

So thank you again from the bottom of my heart. You too are appreciated!

[JustLovelyJenn]

Thought I might come back around here again... hi folks...

[randrum]

This is a great thread. To read everyone's, both butch and femme alike, responses is enlightening.

I've never thought of myself as big until the last couple of years. Technically speaking, based on BMI and height-weight charts, I have always been overweight. Even in peak physical condition in high school and college (I was a swimmer).

I have naturally big shoulders, that are a source of pride really. I like how they look. And I have always been muscular. But over the last few years I've developed a gut. It's a sore spot for me.

I workout regularly. Lift weights, run, yoga, etc. I try to eat right, though I'm a sucker for pizza, burgers, and beer. Lol.

Life would be easier if I just accepted that I have the gut. If I was just happy with the body I'm in, because really there is nothing wrong with it. But even if I accepted it, it doesn't mean other people would.

My dad always comments about my size. My mom tells me every time she sees me that I need to "lose the gut". Or will give me a look when I'm eating something she doesn't approve of.

So that leads me to a bad place. If my parents can't accept my size, how am I going to find a woman to love me in spite of it? Honestly, it's why I haven't even put myself out there to find a gf. I figured I didn't stand a chance.

[imperfect_cupcake]

You shouldn't be finding someone who loves you Despite how you look. Someone will love you because of how you look. If you are attracted to a femme, in spite of her size, that is going to be felt. I'd hate that.
I find people hot because of how they think, how they move, how they handle their own bodies. I like a sense of confidence in movement. It's shows a sense of grace. That's hot. I've been with butches from size 8 to size 28. Literally. They were all very, very sexy in their bodies because of how they moved and held themselves. My physical attractions are about sense of self in body, movement, gesture, confidence, owning their space in a variety of ways that people do. That and being a bit cocky, playfully sarcastic, dark humoured and smart. Open about their desires. The willingness to experiment.
Hot. Very hot.

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by randrum

This is a great thread. To read everyone's, both butch and femme alike, responses is enlightening.

I've never thought of myself as big until the last couple of years. Technically speaking, based on BMI and height-weight charts, I have always been overweight. Even in peak physical condition in high school and college (I was a swimmer).

I have naturally big shoulders, that are a source of pride really. I like how they look. And I have always been muscular. But over the last few years I've developed a gut. It's a sore spot for me.

I workout regularly. Lift weights, run, yoga, etc. I try to eat right, though I'm a sucker for pizza, burgers, and beer. Lol.

Life would be easier if I just accepted that I have the gut. If I was just happy with the body I'm in, because really there is nothing wrong with it. But even if I accepted it, it doesn't mean other people would.

My dad always comments about my size. My mom tells me every time she sees me that I need to "lose the gut". Or will give me a look when I'm eating something she doesn't approve of.

So that leads me to a bad place. If my parents can't accept my size, how am I going to find a woman to love me in spite of it? Honestly, it's why I haven't even put myself out there to find a gf. I figured I didn't stand a chance.

I never have seen it that way. People tell me that I am small but I don't feel that way. I actually don't like being called small.....

My mother told me, every single day, how fat I was (at the time, I was a size 7).... She was thin (a size 3). What I am trying to say is that what one person appears to see is not what the rest of the world sees.

So what if you have a beer belly? You are still the same person.... just sayin.