Second Chances?

[Heart]

Time and space is not really yours to give or to withhold. Your focus should be on you - your needs, feelings, and boundaries.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Replies... very... nice, thank you.

Ah, basically, I did a complete 180 - my last girlfriend was an abusive alcoholic, and this woman is so completely the opposite. She's absolutely amazing, and what did I do? Well, I pushed her away, time and time again. Thing is, I didn't exactly realise what I was doing until it was too late.

Isn't that how it always works, though?

Anyway, after many, many tears and "I love yous" we have mutually decided to be friends, and she is still planning on flying down here next week to see me - no promises, no expectations.

I'm just hoping that by showing her that I really do love her, and I never intentionally tried to hurt her, and that I'm going to be seeing someone to try and work out my issues with pushing away great people and trying to hold onto abusive people, maybe we can slowly work things out.

Again, thank you.

[LaneyDoll]

OK, I have got a good feeling about this. The fact that you plan to see someone about your relationship habits (I don't care for the word issue here) speaks volumes about your dedication to making things work. At worst, you may end up learning the signs that you are starting to push and at best, you will end up with a really great friend who is able to call you out on potentially self-destructive relationship behavior. And, who knows, in the end, you may even get the girl.

I truly wish you all of the best and will send good luck energy your way, that is, if you want it.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Thanks

I really love this girl, and I just want her to know that I'm still me, I'm still the person she started falling in love with - I just have some emotional relationship habits that I am more than willing to work on and ultimately change. She is potentially the most wonderful person I've ever known, and after mapping out my destructive behaviours, I've realised that she has done nothing but try to make our relationship work - and all I've done is, well, dig and dig until I find something to call her out on - when, really, everything I've gotten upset about has been so insignificant and unintentional. Trivial, really

I'm ashamed, but willing to talk about it in person, and see if we can repair this bad patch.

Does anyone else have thoughts on second chances? Or, hopefully, there's someone else out there who pushes good people away, too - something I can relate to, haha... <3

[MysticOceansFL]

Everyone deserves a second chance thats part of learning and growing and going forward that is if you both can work the "issues out."

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

It's not looking good, over here

I tried opening up to her, telling her how much I really do love her, and am working on myself... she said she is here to support me, but just as my friend, and that she feels like she had to change to become perfect for me.

Now, this is not the case, as I love her for exactly who she is - nothing more, nothing less. However, my fears and insecurities took over and led her to believe that she was never good enough for me

Funny thing is, everyone I talk to, seems to believe that if the feelings were in fact, genuine and honest, that time and space is going to help heal because we're both in very vulnerable states of mind. Talking to her may feel like running my head into a brick wall right now, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's suddenly over me - she's protecting herself?

Gah, I don't know. I just feel like we had something too beautiful to just throw away like this, and that what I did was awful - but not unforgiveable?

Sorry for the incessant rambling...

[MissPriss]

Depending on what happened, time and space may do the trick. Wait it out and if its right for both of you, it will return.

[Chazz]

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

It's not looking good, over here

I tried opening up to her, telling her how much I really do love her, and am working on myself... she said she is here to support me, but just as my friend, and that she feels like she had to change to become perfect for me.

Now, this is not the case, as I love her for exactly who she is - nothing more, nothing less. However, my fears and insecurities took over and led her to believe that she was never good enough for me

Funny thing is, everyone I talk to, seems to believe that if the feelings were in fact, genuine and honest, that time and space is going to help heal because we're both in very vulnerable states of mind. Talking to her may feel like running my head into a brick wall right now, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's suddenly over me - she's protecting herself?

Gah, I don't know. I just feel like we had something too beautiful to just throw away like this, and that [B

Sorry for the incessant rambling...

If what you did was "was awful - but not unforgivable?", you owe her time to heal. You are obliged to accept the consequences of your behavior, and the final outcome of her decisions.

You are not entitled to impatience; you do not have the "right" to pressure her. Chances are the "awful" behavior was based in ego-centricism and impulsiveness. It won't do to replicate that behavior now.

Perhaps the best thing for you to be focusing on right now, is why you sabotaged the relationship in the first place. And, why you so totally discounted her feeling to do, what you did, in the first place.

After all, this situation was caused by your behavior, not hers. Seems like you're focusing on her reactions to your behavior more than your behavior, itself. That seems like a reversal of the order of things to me.