Stone Butches

morningstar55 · 07-08-2011, 06:15 AM

morning Stoners...

ok i should know the answer to this ?
but ... does dating a stone butch .... make me a stone femme??
soo many variations

*Anya* · 07-08-2011, 06:41 AM

In the beginning, I knew I was lesbian but had no knowledge of all the sub-cultures within the culture.

My first GF's were femme because they were my friends. My best friend & I had a sexual relationship for a few years. I always felt like something was missing-something was: profound, visceral, sexual attraction.

Then I met my ex. She rocked my world. Besides the fact that I was able to respond to her as no others before her, I learned a great deal about lesbian culture of the time.

She never felt like a girl & frankly never really looked like one either. Her mother tried desperately to make her into one. Pictures of her as a little girl really look like a little boy in a dress. When she came out, in the bar culture, her friends strongly identified as stone.

They even had an old-school word for butches that allowed sexual touch: Kiki. In her world, you were either butch or femme, you did not "swing both ways", so to speak. She did not want to be Kiki!

I knew nothing of this sub-culture when we first got together and I did not understand this but accepted it.<<disallowed word>>

Having had relationships with selfish bio men before I came out, men who always seemed to suffer from premature ejaculation; honestly I thought I had died & gone to heaven! Someone happy to pleasure me for hours on end (hey we were young!) what's to think about?!! I fell in love with her & when you love someone, you accept them for who & what they are, right?

No actual thought process about her being stone for a long time. I
missed reciprocating but accepted it- I was too busy enjoying myself & she was too.<<disallowed word>>

Stone or not, lesbian sex is lesbian sex! I am pretty much open to whatever comes my way, I try not to use labels. Regardless if was with a stone butch, butch or TG; I would still be a queer femme, the sexual identity of my partner does not change who I am.

No thought process involved at all with that.

PS: what is the "disallowed word" thing all about? I don't understand. The word fuck is not disallowed but innocuous words are?

CherylNYC · 07-08-2011, 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morningstar55

morning Stoners...

ok i should know the answer to this ?
but ... does dating a stone butch .... make me a stone femme??
soo many variations

No, it doesn't. Having your own stone boundaries around where and how you can touch your partner makes you a stone femme. For most women who ID as stonefemme, penetrating a partner is a big boundary.

You aren't defined by who you partner with. You are who you are.

Gemme · 07-08-2011, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I don't see why being a stonefemme, or a stone butch for that matter, means that we aren't lesbians. My late gf IDed as such, and I certainly do, too. She was an old school butch who IDed as a lesbian, stone butch, butch dyke, and/or leatherdyke top. All of those IDs were female to her, and she didn't feel compelled to call herself anything other than a woman. A very, VERY butch woman. She had a vagina and a clit, just like any other woman. Being stone meant that she was the pitcher. My stonefemme nature means I'm the catcher. No more, no less.

I'm a lesbian and my sex is stone sex. I assume that no one on this site is going to be foolish enough to tell me that I'm not a lesbian because I'm a stonefemme.

Of course not!

I don't id as a lesbian. It just doesn't fit for me. I wouldn't wear ill-fitting clothes (well, usually) and I won't wear an ill-fitting identity on my sleeve either. I am, however, thoroughly Stone Femme.

Identities aren't exclusive, thank goodness. I like the blends and meshed identities that we have here on the site. It helps to make like interesting.

Electrocell · 07-08-2011, 06:17 PM

<--------------- Sits back in the corner and quietly listens .

ScandalAndy · 07-08-2011, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Electrocell

<--------------- Sits back in the corner and quietly listens .

no no, you are spota help!!

cuddlyfemme · 07-09-2011, 06:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Electrocell

<--------------- Sits back in the corner and quietly listens .

Hi Cell! Its always nice to see you

Electrocell · 07-09-2011, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

no no, you are spota help!!

When you have femmes debating it's just better to keep your mouth shut lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

Hi Cell! Its always nice to see you

Always nice to see you too Cuddly.

ScandalAndy · 07-09-2011, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Electrocell

When you have femmes debating it's just better to keep your mouth shut lol.

Always nice to see you too Cuddly.

Ahhh, I see your point, but this is the butch zone, so I, for one, would like some butch input please.

QueenofSmirks · 07-10-2011, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

Of course not!

I don't id as a lesbian. It just doesn't fit for me. I wouldn't wear ill-fitting clothes (well, usually) and I won't wear an ill-fitting identity on my sleeve either. I am, however, thoroughly Stone Femme.

Identities aren't exclusive, thank goodness. I like the blends and meshed identities that we have here on the site. It helps to make like interesting.

I, too, do not identify as a "lesbian". The term doesn't feel right to me, and I long ago discarded it as part of any identifier for myself. I wholeheartedly embrace the word queer, but even more to my liking and fit, I identify as a queer femme.

QueenofSmirks · 07-10-2011, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

No, it doesn't. Having your own stone boundaries around where and how you can touch your partner makes you a stone femme. For most women who ID as stonefemme, penetrating a partner is a big boundary.

You aren't defined by who you partner with. You are who you are.

'm in agreement with a lot of what you said, but some stonefemmes actually DO identify as such because their partner ID's as stonebutch. That isn't to say that it's right or necessary for everyone, but I have read posts from other femmes that do claim their stonefemme identity is in direct relation to the fact that they date stonebutches.

07-08-2011, 06:15 AM	#1
morningstar55 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme,she Preferred Pronoun?: she,her, Relationship Status: very single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: western NY Posts: 3,809 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,280 Thanked 4,240 Times in 1,845 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	morning Stoners... ok i should know the answer to this ? but ... does dating a stone butch .... make me a stone femme?? soo many variations __________________ -------------------------------------------- life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it... if it changes your life let it.

07-08-2011, 06:41 AM	#2
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,443 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Thought process? In the beginning, I knew I was lesbian but had no knowledge of all the sub-cultures within the culture. My first GF's were femme because they were my friends. My best friend & I had a sexual relationship for a few years. I always felt like something was missing-something was: profound, visceral, sexual attraction. Then I met my ex. She rocked my world. Besides the fact that I was able to respond to her as no others before her, I learned a great deal about lesbian culture of the time. She never felt like a girl & frankly never really looked like one either. Her mother tried desperately to make her into one. Pictures of her as a little girl really look like a little boy in a dress. When she came out, in the bar culture, her friends strongly identified as stone. They even had an old-school word for butches that allowed sexual touch: Kiki. In her world, you were either butch or femme, you did not "swing both ways", so to speak. She did not want to be Kiki! I knew nothing of this sub-culture when we first got together and I did not understand this but accepted it.<<disallowed word>> Having had relationships with selfish bio men before I came out, men who always seemed to suffer from premature ejaculation; honestly I thought I had died & gone to heaven! Someone happy to pleasure me for hours on end (hey we were young!) what's to think about?!! I fell in love with her & when you love someone, you accept them for who & what they are, right? No actual thought process about her being stone for a long time. I missed reciprocating but accepted it- I was too busy enjoying myself & she was too.<<disallowed word>> Stone or not, lesbian sex is lesbian sex! I am pretty much open to whatever comes my way, I try not to use labels. Regardless if was with a stone butch, butch or TG; I would still be a queer femme, the sexual identity of my partner does not change who I am. No thought process involved at all with that. PS: what is the "disallowed word" thing all about? I don't understand. The word fuck is not disallowed but innocuous words are? __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

07-08-2011, 06:17 PM	#5
Electrocell Member How Do You Identify?: Stonebutch Preferred Pronoun?: he/hy Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: TN Posts: 1,334 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,535 Thanked 2,768 Times in 981 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	<--------------- Sits back in the corner and quietly listens . __________________ Love and accept me for me not someone you want me to be.