Cancer Support and Caregivers Who Are Trail Blazers!

[deb_U_taunt]

Hard evening. My partner has been sober for several years. Tonight he isn't. His family is his slippery place and that is where he has been.
Yesterday, I had my 3rd of 8 chemo treatments and I don't feel he is going to strong enough to deal with this.
I am scared as all fuck, that I will be doing this alone. My family is 5 states away and I am covered by medical here.
Glad I am strong. I have been thinking tonight. I can take medical transport to chemo, etc. I have wonderful friends to help, I just need to ask!
Why the fuck now? Feels so out of the blue.

[DapperButch]

Hi, Debby.

I am so sorry to hear this is happening. I would suggest that it is his anxiety and fear about you being ill that as perhaps a reason that he decided to drink.

Even if there is no danger of losing you (I don't recall you saying your diagnosis/prognosis, but I am assuming you are not terminal), something like cancer can create the fear of loss.

I am sorry this is happening when you need him. Hopefully, he will go to the cancer support group he has and get support around the cancer. If he is in AA, I hope he goes back to that, too. Does he have a sponsor?

I am glad that you have friends there to support you. Hang in there.

Originally Posted by Debby

Hard evening. My partner has been sober for several years. Tonight he isn't. His family is his slippery place and that is where he has been.
Yesterday, I had my 3rd of 8 chemo treatments and I don't feel he is going to strong enough to deal with this.
I am scared as all fuck, that I will be doing this alone. My family is 5 states away and I am covered by medical here.
Glad I am strong. I have been thinking tonight. I can take medical transport to chemo, etc. I have wonderful friends to help, I just need to ask!
Why the fuck now? Feels so out of the blue.

[deb_U_taunt]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Hi, Debby.

I am so sorry to hear this is happening. I would suggest that it is his anxiety and fear about you being ill that as perhaps a reason that he decided to drink.

Even if there is no danger of losing you (I don't recall you saying your diagnosis/prognosis, but I am assuming you are not terminal), something like cancer can create the fear of loss.

I am sorry this is happening when you need him. Hopefully, he will go to the cancer support group he has and get support around the cancer. If he is in AA, I hope he goes back to that, too. Does he have a sponsor?

I am glad that you have friends there to support you. Hang in there.

I am floored and heartbroken. The day after I had chemo and two days after our anniversary. He told his family, he can't be here and watch me die. I have invasive ductal carcinoma, stage 2B, triple negative and grade 3. I am not dying!
And no he hasn't been to mtgs lately. I know he has spoken with his sponsor.

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by Debby

I am floored and heartbroken. The day after I had chemo and two days after our anniversary. He told his family, he can't be here and watch me die. I have invasive ductal carcinoma, stage 2B, triple negative and grade 3. I am not dying!
And no he hasn't been to mtgs lately. I know he has spoken with his sponsor.

((((((((Debby and your SO))))))))))))))
Amazing what dynamics come into play when we are members of this special club we did not ask to become members of.
Maybe this is his way of dealing with the pain YOU are going through. I know partners feel helpless and sometimes act out in the worst ways, and say things that need to be discussed. I know I can't change another's way of dealing with issues, but I know I have to take care of myself.

My best advice...Al Anon. There are gay meetings in some area's, and there are on-line meetings. It really is One Day at a Time.
http://webcache.googleusercontent.co...www.google.com

[mustangjeano]

Debby, I am so sorry to read that your guy is not there for you right now. Hopefully he will get some help and be back by your side. I was surprised to find out that this happens more frequently than I would have thought. I ended up going to a counselor who specializes in cancer patients in order to understand my ex and best friend who baled on me in the middle of my cancer treatment. Please ask your friends for ANYTHING you need---whether it is someone to take you to your treatments, or a shoulder to cry on, or someone to watch a funny movie together. Also. I found it really helpful to see a counselor who specialized in cancer patient's issues. Your guy should find someone to talk to about his feelings as well--a safe place where he can express his fears. Cancer affects the whole family. One thing I used to tell myself on the way to my chemo appointments was "It won't always be like this" ---my mantra
I will be sending lots of loving, healing energy to you and your guy.
Jeano

[deb_U_taunt]

Originally Posted by mustangjeano

Debby, I am so sorry to read that your guy is not there for you right now. Hopefully he will get some help and be back by your side. I was surprised to find out that this happens more frequently than I would have thought. I ended up going to a counselor who specializes in cancer patients in order to understand my ex and best friend who baled on me in the middle of my cancer treatment. Please ask your friends for ANYTHING you need---whether it is someone to take you to your treatments, or a shoulder to cry on, or someone to watch a funny movie together. Also. I found it really helpful to see a counselor who specialized in cancer patient's issues. Your guy should find someone to talk to about his feelings as well--a safe place where he can express his fears. Cancer affects the whole family. One thing I used to tell myself on the way to my chemo appointments was "It won't always be like this" ---my mantra
I will be sending lots of loving, healing energy to you and your guy.
Jeano

I spoke with a counselor at the cancer center today. This isn't so uncommon that a spouse/partner bales. Sad. I am blessed with great support. Very blessed.

[deb_U_taunt]

Some moments, this just sucks.

[deb_U_taunt]

Originally Posted by Tommi

((((((((Debby and your SO))))))))))))))
Amazing what dynamics come into play when we are members of this special club we did not ask to become members of.
Maybe this is his way of dealing with the pain YOU are going through. I know partners feel helpless and sometimes act out in the worst ways, and say things that need to be discussed. I know I can't change another's way of dealing with issues, but I know I have to take care of myself.

My best advice...Al Anon. There are gay meetings in some area's, and there are on-line meetings. It really is One Day at a Time.
http://webcache.googleusercontent.co...www.google.com

I do go to Alanon. LOVE Alanon and I know this isn't on me. Some people just don't have the ovaries.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Debby

I am floored and heartbroken. The day after I had chemo and two days after our anniversary. He told his family, he can't be here and watch me die. I have invasive ductal carcinoma, stage 2B, triple negative and grade 3. I am not dying!
And no he hasn't been to mtgs lately. I know he has spoken with his sponsor.

{{{{{{{{Debby}}}}}}}}}} I wish I could give you a real hug right now. Like mustangjeano said, it isn't always going to be like this...and it won't because things will and do get better! The patient advocate at the chemo clinic had stage 3c ovarian cancer and has been cancer free for almost 6 years now, so no, you are in no way dying!! I can tell you are a strong woman and you will keep the faith and keep going. Can I pm you my phone number in case you ever want to talk?

Much love, support and prayer for you right now, dear one!