Single Butches & Femmes Cafe

[*Anya*]

Since am new to this, I would like some feedback please:

How do you handle it as a femme if you find yourself attracted to the mind/intellect/politics, etc., of a butch on the planet (and their picture doesn't hurt)?

If you are a butch do you send a pm or wait to see if the femme sends you one?

Do you tell them you would like to get to know them better?

Do you wait to see if they respond to you?

What if they give you quite a few reps on your posts but nothing beyond that?

Do you read between the lines that they just have no interest in getting to
know you better beyond appreciating your posts?

I am rather old school, kind of shy & in no way needy & would hate to be perceived as such.

Thanks,

Anya

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia

Since am new to this, I would like some feedback please:

How do you handle it as a femme if you find yourself attracted to the mind/intellect/politics, etc., of a butch on the planet (and their picture doesn't hurt)?

If you are a butch do you send a pm or wait to see if the femme sends you one?

Do you tell them you would like to get to know them better?

Do you wait to see if they respond to you?

What if they give you quite a few reps on your posts but nothing beyond that?

Do you read between the lines that they just have no interest in getting to
know you better beyond appreciating your posts?

I am rather old school, kind of shy & in no way needy & would hate to be perceived as such.

Thanks,

Anya

Having been in the BF community almost 15 years here is my take...

It seems that so many butches wait to be approached. You heard the saying 2 X 4? (hitting them over the head with a board) Well that is very much true, or so it seems. Personally I don't chase anyone. I may be flirty but I will not chase or settle for dribblings or attention. lol- Maybe why I'm single? But when I do find someone who is interested they appreciate my high expectations. They are mature enough to know that a woman like me is an investment in time, a bit of work and consistency.

I think that if you wait around for them to approach you you might be waiting a while. I think it takes a bit of flirting to let them know you are interested. If they dont grab the bait wait for one who will.

My advice on this probably sucks. lol

[Sachita]

But sense I mentioned it..... lol


how come it seems like so many butches here don't approach femmes? Is it just me? How come so many of you seem scared or like your waiting for someone to do back flips? If you're interested in a femme why not tell her, make a plan to woe her and win her affection? This seems the natural order of things. Shall I give lessons boi's?

[WolfyOne]

A/G and S, both of you ask valid questions
I can only answer for me

Not wanting to get my heart ripped out again would top my list of reasons why I don't look like I'm interested even if I am
Second on my list for the time being, not financially able to woo anyone at this time
Perhaps when my work hours are FT I may consider it


S, I could use lessons in learning to not be a 2x4 butch
I rarely ever know when a femme is flirting or interested in me
I'm usually the one on the sidelines with admiration or some might say crush
I look at a person from the inside, the head and heart first
Looks can be deceiving, if that's what one first admires in another


So, if someone wants to get to know me better, put it out there
I may never know otherwise because I may not be looking at you

[bigbutchmistie]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

A/G and S, both of you ask valid questions
I can only answer for me

Not wanting to get my heart ripped out again would top my list of reasons why I don't look like I'm interested even if I am
Second on my list for the time being, not financially able to woo anyone at this time
Perhaps when my work hours are FT I may consider it


S, I could use lessons in learning to not be a 2x4 butch
I rarely ever know when a femme is flirting or interested in me
I'm usually the one on the sidelines with admiration or some might say crush
I look at a person from the inside, the head and heart first
Looks can be deceiving, if that's what one first admires in another


So, if someone wants to get to know me better, put it out there
I may never know otherwise because I may not be looking at you

I am the same way Wolfy I am a huge 2x4 butch. I never know when a femme is flirting or interested. I just crush from a far. And yes if someone wants to get to know me she is definitely gonna have to make the first move

[Sachita]

Ok Wolfy and BBM

Unfortunately you'll need to step out of this. In my last post I mentioned friends. I think you both could learn a lot being just friends with femmes and letting your guard down. BUT don't do the passive aggressive drama rama thing. Take relationship completely out of the equation. If the chemistry is strong enough you won't be able to do anything about it, but don't give unwelcome advances. Let things flow naturally.

Wolfy you made a comment in a rep and on my wall that was so flattering. It was just beautiful. You spoke from the heart and I would have loved to just spend the day with you talking and hanging out. Dating doesn't have to be hook, line and sinker.... its can be a simple exchange of like minds coming together to experience a dynamic. Maybe its just not meant to go any further then that and thats really ok. At least in my book. If a butch wants to hang out with me as a friend and charm me a bit then I say "hell yeah- bring it on!"

[Sachita]

more from me... lol

ok here is a novel idea- BAM upside your head- pay attention!!!! lol

I love starting as friends. In fact I can easily have a butch as a buddy, go fishing, hang out and not have the pressure of dating. Let's face it, I'm pretty damn cool. lol (I'm in that kind of mood today) I always say "friends first". If something happens, great! if not, thats ok too. I enjoy butch company. I don't have to do the "jump your bones then call uhaul". In fact I might be slow to commit for some.

lez be friends, shall we?

[WolfyOne]

Originally Posted by Sachita

more from me... lol

ok here is a novel idea- BAM upside your head- pay attention!!!! lol

I love starting as friends. In fact I can easily have a butch as a buddy, go fishing, hang out and not have the pressure of dating. Let's face it, I'm pretty damn cool. lol (I'm in that kind of mood today) I always say "friends first". If something happens, great! if not, thats ok too. I enjoy butch company. I don't have to do the "jump your bones then call uhaul". In fact I might be slow to commit for some.

lez be friends, shall we?

Ummmmm, now paying attention, lol

I'd go fishing with you, if I was in the neighborhood...heck, I'm even good for hanging out

I'd be more of a lets have a non date and just talk kind of person

Being pretty and damn cool works

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

Ummmmm, now paying attention, lol

I'd go fishing with you, if I was in the neighborhood...heck, I'm even good for hanging out

I'd be more of a lets have a non date and just talk kind of person

Being pretty and damn cool works

awwww now you're talking! Polite, a little flirty but genuine. It keeps the doors of friendship open. You can flirt with me anytime love muffins and should you find yourself in my neck of the woods I'll even take you fishing. Don't count on my going to OK- never was on my list.

[WolfyOne]

Originally Posted by Sachita

awwww now you're talking! Polite, a little flirty but genuine. It keeps the doors of friendship open. You can flirt with me anytime love muffins and should you find yourself in my neck of the woods I'll even take you fishing. Don't count on my going to OK- never was on my list.

I'm still remembering, way back, you said you'd make a home cooked meal if I ever got your way
I like to flirt and have been told I can be charming
I enjoy mental stimulation with a like minded person
Learning something new every day is exciting, no matter how small
OK swept me up due to 2 women I was with in IL and both from OK
I moved here with the second one and stayed after the break up

Fishing, good eats and conversation...couldn't think of a better way to start a friendship in person

[Invictus]

Self admitted 2x4 Butch

Maybe its just the Old Fashioned/Old School in me

[Invictus]

Wishing everyone an enjoyable sunday....