Second Chances?

proximitywithoutintimacy · 07-19-2011, 07:04 PM

Miscommunications are very difficult, indeed, especially when it comes to long-distance relationships (which is the case with us).

Second chances, when they do come, I need to realise won't be overnight decisions; she's not going to just come running back to me, and the brick wall she has put up is a way to protect herself from getting hurt again. I completely understand that and do not blame her in any way, shape, or form. She is perfectly justified in guarding herself against me. I hurt her, a lot, and made her feel like she wasn't good enough. That alone can really create an emotional catastrophy.

I've been advised to let her have her space, and avoid telling her how much I love and miss her, etc. However, I've also been advised to not disappear from her life completely, so she knows I'm still here, and I still care about her.

I just know that I need to work on myself; work out what went wrong, why I push good people away, why I feel the need to say things, and why I don't believe I deserve better. Etc.

Wow, I'm going on and on... I guess it's hard to see things for what they are when you're hurting so much. My heart may be screaming for her, and the crying is constant, but I also need to stop being so pessimistic and realise that even if she gives me a second chance... we both need some time first.

Thank you for allowing me to, ah, type?

I'd love it if others would share their experiences...

Corkey · 07-19-2011, 07:56 PM

I think when you start equating peoples opinions as advice, you need to step back and do what is right for you.
No one here can advise you, not even me. We have opinions, we however don't know you from Eve.
YOU are the one to be your own best counselor.
I would hope you take some time and do what is right for you.

Have fun and be yourself.

LaneyDoll · 07-19-2011, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

Miscommunications are very difficult, indeed, especially when it comes to long-distance relationships (which is the case with us).

Second chances, when they do come, I need to realise won't be overnight decisions; she's not going to just come running back to me, and the brick wall she has put up is a way to protect herself from getting hurt again. I completely understand that and do not blame her in any way, shape, or form. She is perfectly justified in guarding herself against me. I hurt her, a lot, and made her feel like she wasn't good enough. That alone can really create an emotional catastrophy.

I've been advised to let her have her space, and avoid telling her how much I love and miss her, etc. However, I've also been advised to not disappear from her life completely, so she knows I'm still here, and I still care about her.

I just know that I need to work on myself; work out what went wrong, why I push good people away, why I feel the need to say things, and why I don't believe I deserve better. Etc.

Wow, I'm going on and on... I guess it's hard to see things for what they are when you're hurting so much. My heart may be screaming for her, and the crying is constant, but I also need to stop being so pessimistic and realise that even if she gives me a second chance... we both need some time first.

Thank you for allowing me to, ah, type?

I'd love it if others would share their experiences...

Long-distance relationships are hard. I think the advice to give her a bit of space is good advice. Let her know you are there, and want to work thing out, but do not suffocate her.

And yes, work on yourself! We should all strive to better ourselves-be it in a relationship or out of one.

bigbutchmistie · 07-19-2011, 08:48 PM

Reasons I would never give someone a second chance are :

Lying

Emotional And Physical Cheating

Illegal Actions

Without trust you have nothing. For me once it is broken I will never trust again.

That being said that is MY opinion. I have no right to judge you or offer you advice because I dont know you. All I can tell you is do what is right for you. If you love yourself it all will fall into place naturally

Good luck to you...

07-19-2011, 07:56 PM	#2
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,270 Times in 6,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I think when you start equating peoples opinions as advice, you need to step back and do what is right for you. No one here can advise you, not even me. We have opinions, we however don't know you from Eve. YOU are the one to be your own best counselor. I would hope you take some time and do what is right for you. Have fun and be yourself. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

07-19-2011, 07:04 PM	#1
proximitywithoutintimacy Member How Do You Identify?: Rocker Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: That One Girl ;) Relationship Status: Putting My Heart Back Together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: USA Posts: 175 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 141 Thanked 290 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 670282	Miscommunications are very difficult, indeed, especially when it comes to long-distance relationships (which is the case with us). Second chances, when they do come, I need to realise won't be overnight decisions; she's not going to just come running back to me, and the brick wall she has put up is a way to protect herself from getting hurt again. I completely understand that and do not blame her in any way, shape, or form. She is perfectly justified in guarding herself against me. I hurt her, a lot, and made her feel like she wasn't good enough. That alone can really create an emotional catastrophy. I've been advised to let her have her space, and avoid telling her how much I love and miss her, etc. However, I've also been advised to not disappear from her life completely, so she knows I'm still here, and I still care about her. I just know that I need to work on myself; work out what went wrong, why I push good people away, why I feel the need to say things, and why I don't believe I deserve better. Etc. Wow, I'm going on and on... I guess it's hard to see things for what they are when you're hurting so much. My heart may be screaming for her, and the crying is constant, but I also need to stop being so pessimistic and realise that even if she gives me a second chance... we both need some time first. Thank you for allowing me to, ah, type? I'd love it if others would share their experiences...

07-19-2011, 08:48 PM	#4
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Reasons I would never give someone a second chance are : Lying Emotional And Physical Cheating Illegal Actions Without trust you have nothing. For me once it is broken I will never trust again. That being said that is MY opinion. I have no right to judge you or offer you advice because I dont know you. All I can tell you is do what is right for you. If you love yourself it all will fall into place naturally Good luck to you...