Being perceived as ditzy, flaky or shallow for being femme

[atomiczombie]

The notion that anyone would think someone is ditzy, flaky or shallow because they are femme is really disturbing to me. I don't associate any of those things with femininity, be it queer or straight. Femmes are beautiful, strong, amazing people. Whoever doesn't think so doesn't deserve a second look by you, Ms Star.

Oh, and sorry for posting here I just realized this is the femme zone. Sorry!!

[Greco]

"Oh, and sorry for posting here I just realized this is the femme zone. Sorry!!"

Oops! I did the same thing.

Back to Femme thread

Greco

[little_ms_sunshyne]

I say Fuck 'em

Sorry, I curse like a sailor and yes I am as femme as they come. There is always someone out there that has some judgement to pass or a stereotype to use. If you let them get to you then they win. They do not define you, you define who you are.

I have met many butches that love girly and extra feminine women. In fact, it drives them nuts

From a femme's perspective, there is nothing sexier than a woman embracing all that feminine beauty. From the curve of her neck to the curve in her waist.

Be you, be confident,thank the lord you have a sense of fashion lol, and that other half that completes you will make their way to you.

Just my two cents, hope it helps!

[Rockinonahigh]

I agree with what BBM and everyone else has said,be yourself,you cant be but who u r wich is just fine,anyone who says any thing diffrent is just going by what ever standard they want..that dosent ever have to agree or disagree
with who ppl are.

[Soft*Silver]

and so you have discovered why marilyn monroe indulged in numbing drugs...her beauty came at a cost...no one would take her seriously as an actress and everyone wanted her for her looks but found no value in her substance. She was forced to play out the part of the dumb but beautiful blonde until she became the archetype of said godzilla. She loathed it as well as herself for the very thing that made her an american icon...

my daughter is beautiful and blonde. I raised her strong and yet I find she plays the dumb blonde a few too many times...she believes it now. I hope this is a passing phase. She is 27. It only started recently....

femmes, are held under the wings of beauty and we are expected to play out the soft submissive role...also, a less intelligent role. I speak in vague generalities because I would say MOST if not ALL people of this site would argue strongly that is not the case for them. But none could argue that the stereotype is not out there...it is...and we femmes feel it at different times in our lives...

it isnt always the intent of the Interested Party (be they butch, FtM, etc) to make a femme feel less intelligent, but sometimes in the way they address us or court us or behave toward us, it translates that way....

and yet, sometimes, WE are the ones who interpret it that way when in fact, it was not meant that way at all...that falls to our issues of self worth and where we place ourselves in value...

the older I get (and I am 54 now) the more capable I see myself and the more value I place on my strength of character, personality and ethics, than i do on my beauty. I have also just recently broken free of stereotypes that I thought were me, but really were not. It was as if miles of heavy chains has been lifted off my shoulders and back. I could look back and be sullen about the way I was treated by others when I wore those chains, but those others only responded to me in the way I presented myself. It was not their fault I carried myself under a mask. Even if it was subconsciously worn. But once awareness hit, I could not step another foot until I laid those chains down....

I am not suggesting my experience has anything to do with yours. I am merely stating I had to look at myself before I could really See my Self. We are all modeled after our socialization, which by definition is an UNCONSCIOUS integration of beliefs and values. How can we even begin to identify the issues if its under our conscious noses? LOL....

You are at a point in your life where you are analyzing life in general, let alone yourself. Your answers will become known to you...

until then, hold your head high and know the value of yourself regardless of how others may act around you. If i call someone a chair, it does not make them a chair. If they expect you to be less intelligent, give them an education and prove them wrong...but remember....they are figuring it all out too...be kind unless that doesnt work, then be fierce!

[Star Anise]

There have been so many wonderful responses here, I do feel inspired again!

And I appreciate responses from all in this thread no matter how you ID.

Thank you all!

~~Anise

[Tcountry]

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

I say Fuck 'em

Sorry, I curse like a sailor and yes I am as femme as they come. There is always someone out there that has some judgement to pass or a stereotype to use. If you let them get to you then they win. They do not define you, you define who you are.

I have met many butches that love girly and extra feminine women. In fact, it drives them nuts

From a femme's perspective, there is nothing sexier than a woman embracing all that feminine beauty. From the curve of her neck to the curve in her waist.

Think Sunshyne sums it up here...(side note she really does swear a lot, and wears a pencil skirt that is oh so very tempting to skip whatever event we have planned)
Anyway...back on topic...*head out of clouds*
It is about YOU...how you define yourself, what you feel comfortable in, & how you "work what you have" that matters. The more confident you are just being YOU...the more likely you are to attract someone who is going to appreciate you for who you are.

I dunno how many more times I can say you...so I'll wrap it up & say just be proud & stop analyzing everyone else. Go out, have fun, & be happy in your choices.

*tip hat*

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by greco

"Oh, and sorry for posting here I just realized this is the femme zone. Sorry!!"

Oops! I did the same thing.

Back to Femme thread

Greco

Thanks for realizing and hoping that the Femme Zone continue to be respected and our space as well.

Anise,

I'm sorry that you are experiencing this... It's never easy when someone tries to super impose their sexism, mysoginy and stereotypes on you due to their lack of evolved thinking. I suggest you not give up your space and call them out on their assumptions of you. Take your power back and gently remind these people you are no ditzy anything... I've learned that no one can take your power or invade your space if you are clear. These people sound jerky please don't give them no mind and I hope you reading, discussing and using your Femme sister network it helps you and recharges your soul. I'm grateful and glad we have so many variations of Femme that will give you good advice, empathize and support you during times like this. I get you, and it's dismissing, don't let them though reach deep down to your Femme soul and do not give their ignorance one more minute of your thoughts.

Good luck

(((( hugs ))))