Lesbian bed death?

*Anya* · 07-27-2011, 08:13 PM

I can't even count all the ways this is non-scientific, not evidence-based, sexist, etc. Absolutely ridiculous! In what universe are women naturally passive? Really? At first I thought you were joking until I realized you weren't!
Comparing us to animals? Sheep?!

Lesbian bed-death, I won't comment other than my own prior experience of 19 years with same woman, 18 living together because I have seen no studies on it done with a large, random-sample of lesbians, using a validated instrument for the study. It seems like a lot of generalizations to me. Did we have a hell of a lot more sex at age 29-30 than we did almost 20 years later, of course; for many of the reasons At Last Home stated in her comments. But did our bed die? Hardly!

We always need to be careful of generalizations and a self-fullfilling prophecy!

The cute widdle wesbian · 07-27-2011, 08:19 PM

Lolol, it's so fun making people just cringe. Chill out, I know what I do and you can believe whatcha want to, I'm just explaining what I meant, don't shoot the messenger. I didn't make it up. Oooh, it doesn't "self-fulfill" me, I'm perfectly happily sexual sexual sexual. :P

Admin · 07-27-2011, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The cute widdle wesbian

Lolol, it's so fun making people just cringe. Chill out, I know what I do and you can believe whatcha want to, I'm just explaining what I meant, don't shoot the messenger. I didn't make it up. Oooh, it doesn't "self-fulfill" me, I'm perfectly happily sexual sexual sexual. :P

Cute Widdle Wesbian,

Welcome to the site!
I don't know if your intent in this thread is to, indeed, "make people cringe" but I've had a couple of complaints from folks who think you are a troll looking to stir up trouble on this site. I really hope that isn't the case and that your humor just isn't translating well.

Either way, please review the Terms of Service for this site so that you will have a clear idea of how we would like the membership to interact with one another:

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/inde...20of%20Service

Thanks,
Admin

Softhearted · 07-27-2011, 09:37 PM

Hmmm, as a biologist and scientist, when some "facts" are stated, I'm always curious about the source, the methodology behind the statements and who made the research and in what year... just saying, that if someone has blanket statements and claims it to be science, give me the source... Thanks, end of my rent (and no, I'm not PMSing), any scientist, male or female, would wonder the same thing!

Mel · 12-25-2012, 02:14 PM

My last round of Chemo seriously effected my sex drive. It wasn't that I lost interest.....I tried to explain to my wife it must be how men feel with E.D. You want to.....you just can't.
I did lose interest in even trying when it became obvious she was getting her needs met elsewhere.
She moved out in August after 10 years together.
I have a "tentitive" date for NYE.........but will I be expected to do the NYE kiss?? I know this may sound odd, but I've been faithful to the ex since our first kiss in 2001. Even now....casual sex just doesn't interest me at all anymore.
Maybe I'm just being gun shy.
Suggestions.....comments....

imperfect_cupcake · 07-28-2011, 12:48 AM

I had bed death in a relationship once. It was with my boyfriend (xy male) at the time. We were both young and the best of friends. There was nothing "wrong" with our relationship to each other (no trust issues broken, we loved each other tons etc) but I think that our extremely high level of intimacy without the frission of sexual adventure made it just melt into a friendship only thing. The last year we were together, we had sex about four times, I think. It was pretty clunky the last two times. If you don't use it, you lose it - and what I didn't know back then was: you have to put aside times to just have a go anyway. and do it while doing something new and what both turns you on.

I like diiiiirty sex. And it wasn't dirty any more so I lost my desire for it. Not for him, really, just for the calm, intimate sex that is nice as a topping but I just can't get into as a main course. I also didn't know that then. I do know better now. stressors still happen and I have highly intimate relationships (which can put stress on your love life). But I know now to say, "I want my hands tied if you are going to do that" or "how bout here on the couch instead of in bed" - having sex in bed every single time in exactly the same way because we are both super tired most of the time and want to have sex but have 20 minutes to do so cause we need sleep... is a killer for me. I'd rather not have sex for an extra week then have it on a weekend afternoon we've put aside (regardless of if I'm in the mood or not - I can be stirred into the mood if it's different, novel, dirty or nasty in some way) because repetitiveness will get me to "neh, I think I'm too tired. lets sleep"

And from what I hear from my other friends, that's a common complaint that does lead to het/homo bed death.

Shystonefem · 12-05-2015, 07:14 AM

My ex yelled and screamed, at some point, every single day. Hurtful words, name calling, etc... I stayed because I loved her but our sex life went from once or twice each day to maybe once every three weeks.

I am not going to have sex with you if, 2 hours earlier, you were mean and nasty to me.

Poss · 12-14-2015, 04:56 AM

no wonder she's your ex!

I've never been treated like that by any of my partners to know what you must of gone through. I could not be intimate with anyone who spoke to me like that. She'd get zip satisfaction from me ...that's for sure.

07-27-2011, 08:13 PM	#1
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,445 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I can't even count all the ways this is non-scientific, not evidence-based, sexist, etc. Absolutely ridiculous! In what universe are women naturally passive? Really? At first I thought you were joking until I realized you weren't! Comparing us to animals? Sheep?! Lesbian bed-death, I won't comment other than my own prior experience of 19 years with same woman, 18 living together because I have seen no studies on it done with a large, random-sample of lesbians, using a validated instrument for the study. It seems like a lot of generalizations to me. Did we have a hell of a lot more sex at age 29-30 than we did almost 20 years later, of course; for many of the reasons At Last Home stated in her comments. But did our bed die? Hardly! We always need to be careful of generalizations and a self-fullfilling prophecy! __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

12-25-2012, 02:14 PM	#5
Mel Junior Member How Do You Identify?: I'm just me Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Georgetown Posts: 6 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1 Thanked 20 Times in 4 Posts Rep Power: 0	My last round of Chemo seriously effected my sex drive. It wasn't that I lost interest.....I tried to explain to my wife it must be how men feel with E.D. You want to.....you just can't. I did lose interest in even trying when it became obvious she was getting her needs met elsewhere. She moved out in August after 10 years together. I have a "tentitive" date for NYE.........but will I be expected to do the NYE kiss?? I know this may sound odd, but I've been faithful to the ex since our first kiss in 2001. Even now....casual sex just doesn't interest me at all anymore. Maybe I'm just being gun shy. Suggestions.....comments.... Last edited by Mel; 12-25-2012 at 02:15 PM. Reason: double use of feel

12-05-2015, 07:14 AM	#7
Shystonefem Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Shy for President Join Date: May 2014 Location: NH Posts: 1,105 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,475 Thanked 3,671 Times in 897 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	My ex yelled and screamed, at some point, every single day. Hurtful words, name calling, etc... I stayed because I loved her but our sex life went from once or twice each day to maybe once every three weeks. I am not going to have sex with you if, 2 hours earlier, you were mean and nasty to me. __________________ Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. ~Lao Tzu

12-14-2015, 04:56 AM	#8
Poss Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Gay, Lesbian, Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Legally Married in 2018 Join Date: Nov 2015 Location: Victoria, Australia Posts: 38 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 55 Thanked 160 Times in 33 Posts Rep Power: 1932747	What a horrid situation you were in Shystonefem ... no wonder she's your ex! I've never been treated like that by any of my partners to know what you must of gone through. I could not be intimate with anyone who spoke to me like that. She'd get zip satisfaction from me ...that's for sure.

07-27-2011, 08:19 PM	#2
The cute widdle wesbian Junior Member How Do You Identify?: A very pretty butch Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her Relationship Status: Taken Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: In Coyote country Posts: 13 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 20 Times in 9 Posts Rep Power: 179036	Lolol, it's so fun making people just cringe. Chill out, I know what I do and you can believe whatcha want to, I'm just explaining what I meant, don't shoot the messenger. I didn't make it up. Oooh, it doesn't "self-fulfill" me, I'm perfectly happily sexual sexual sexual. :P

07-27-2011, 09:37 PM	#4
Softhearted Member How Do You Identify?: --- Preferred Pronoun?: ---- Relationship Status: --- Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: --- Posts: 298 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 454 Thanked 285 Times in 109 Posts Rep Power: 1556234	Hmmm, as a biologist and scientist, when some "facts" are stated, I'm always curious about the source, the methodology behind the statements and who made the research and in what year... just saying, that if someone has blanket statements and claims it to be science, give me the source... Thanks, end of my rent (and no, I'm not PMSing), any scientist, male or female, would wonder the same thing!

07-28-2011, 12:48 AM	#6
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I had bed death in a relationship once. It was with my boyfriend (xy male) at the time. We were both young and the best of friends. There was nothing "wrong" with our relationship to each other (no trust issues broken, we loved each other tons etc) but I think that our extremely high level of intimacy without the frission of sexual adventure made it just melt into a friendship only thing. The last year we were together, we had sex about four times, I think. It was pretty clunky the last two times. If you don't use it, you lose it - and what I didn't know back then was: you have to put aside times to just have a go anyway. and do it while doing something new and what both turns you on. I like diiiiirty sex. And it wasn't dirty any more so I lost my desire for it. Not for him, really, just for the calm, intimate sex that is nice as a topping but I just can't get into as a main course. I also didn't know that then. I do know better now. stressors still happen and I have highly intimate relationships (which can put stress on your love life). But I know now to say, "I want my hands tied if you are going to do that" or "how bout here on the couch instead of in bed" - having sex in bed every single time in exactly the same way because we are both super tired most of the time and want to have sex but have 20 minutes to do so cause we need sleep... is a killer for me. I'd rather not have sex for an extra week then have it on a weekend afternoon we've put aside (regardless of if I'm in the mood or not - I can be stirred into the mood if it's different, novel, dirty or nasty in some way) because repetitiveness will get me to "neh, I think I'm too tired. lets sleep" And from what I hear from my other friends, that's a common complaint that does lead to het/homo bed death.