Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

To all the non-femme-identified persons who have posted here about their wants and needs on a date: I am, as the OP, asking that you all let this thread be just for the femmes. Another thread or 2 can be started for butches and trans guys and others to say what they like on a date. I put this in the femme zone because I wanted the femmes to have the exclusive voice here.

Again, all you beautiful, amazing femmes, a big THANK YOU to you all! Please feel free to keep sharing. I am learning a lot!!

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by tantalizingfemme

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

Thanks sister femme-I was wondering about that myself!

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by tantalizingfemme

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

Nope. Please folks, this is for femmes only. Thx.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

I like to keep it simple and intimate...I want to be able to hold a conversation, laugh, and be silly. Perhaps making a gesture that shows you listen to what I tell you and actually remember. For example, I dont like roses..T will bring/send edible arrangements or a beautiful assortment of flowers. Make me feel like I am the only woman in the room....It is definately not about the money you spend. I am happy watching a beautiful sunset in good company. Be thoughtful and be yourself (that usually sets my nerves at ease)....Be spontaneous I love moments of randomness...jut go with it! Not everything needs a plan!

T does a great job with all of this The best part is that it is effortless. Sometimes people just fit like perfect puzzle pieces

[EmpressM]

If it is a first date or within the first few dates, I really enjoy it when the date reflects the personality of the person that requested my company. It gives me an idea of what you are really like. I don't need to be impressed. I'd rather get to know the real you, not see the show. Personally, I will not accept a blind date. Call and chat with me on the phone and discover some of my likes and interests. Plan a date we will both enjoy and most importantly although cliché, be yourself!

One of my biggest turn offs is when a potential suitor assumes that I fit a mold of likes/dislikes because of the way I look, dress, the car I drive, my job, etc. Some of the worst dates I've been on have been planned around my date's assumptions of me. What they didn't know is everything they assumed about me is A. Dead Wrong and B. Because I've worked for it. I may an old school stomefemme and spend 98% of my life in skirts, heels, and lipstick, but I grew up in the Texas dirt. I still love camping, (yes in a tent) fishing, and I can tack and ride a horse. I also have a range of geeky interests including video games, Doctor Who, and all things Star Trek.

The best date I've ever been on, I walked out to my car after work and under my windshield wiper was a small bouquet of daisies and a note with a clue. The note read "For a sweet treat to beat the heat, meet me on 7th street! ~J" Well, J had taken the time to know that I adore little gestures, surprises, and ice cream, not to mention my crazy schedule. The clue was a dead giveaway of where I was supposed to meet hym based on a conversation about our mutual love of ice cream a few days earlier.

Needless to say, I met J for a treat that evening. Hy dressed casually in shorts and a ball cap, hy was clean, smelled nice, and was chivalrous. We got ice cream cones and took a walk arm in arm looking in the shop windows, chatting and laughing the whole time. We ended up at a fountain in front of the courthouse and made penny wishes. It was all very sweet and lovely, but the things I remember most is how special hy made me feel with hys attentiveness, how much hy made me laugh, and how natural it felt to be with hym. No flash, ALL substance, and very romantic! It was the beginning of many more dates to come.

Perhaps for me, actions really do speak louder than anything else.

[pinkajl]

For me, how you ask me on a date is directly related to whether or not we will have a first date. Do not give me your phone number and ask *me* to call *you*. It won't happen. Do not ask, "Don't you think it would be nice to go out one night?" The answer will be, "No".

If you want to date me and I haven't necessarily encouraged your attention, then it is your job to show me why I should make time for you - because I don't date everyone who asks. I am attracted to butches, in part, for the level of self-confidence they possess to be true to who they are in the face of the world. Please, let's begin this dance with a show of self-confidence in the way that you approach me.

If we haven't talked much in the past, inquire a bit to find out a few things about my likes and preferences and then plan something nice. Simple is fine. Fancy is fine. What matters most is that you demonstrate that you've listened to me and have put some thought into what you believe is a nice outing. If you can't come up with one idea for what we can do together, then we won't be going out on a date.

Neat and clean is essential. When you come to pick me up, I will not come to you if you honk the horn. As a matter of fact, I will not even open the door to let you know I've heard. You are welcome to bring me flowers, but roses are not an appropriate first date gift, in my opinion. For that matter, no "gift" is really appropriate on a first date, beyond flowers or a bottle of wine. I cannot be bought.

I expect help with my jacket, my doors to be opened, and my chair to be pulled out. When I used to smoke, I expected my cigarettes to be lit - and, no, I will not lean into you. If we go out to supper, I will let you know what I would like to order and allow you to handle the conversation with the wait staff. And, since you asked me out on this first date, I do expect you to pay for the evening. Should we have another date and I ask you, then I will pay for that outing.

Conversation is extremely important. Yes, I do want to hear about you, your life, and what you do for work - but all in moderation, please. If I find something particularly intriguing, trust me, I will ask you lots of questions. At the same time, I appreciate your interest in me. Chances are, I don't know what exactly interests you, so help me out with some questions. But, as we talk on our first date, I truly have no interest in hearing about your last date or your ex. Although, those are okay topics on subsequent dates.

If you must keep your cell phone on buzz-mode because of work or kids, I understand and respect your need to see if you must excuse yourself for a short call. However, if you haven't mentioned this at the front end of our date, I will assume that I am boring you and will seek to end the date sooner rather than later.

Please do not presume that because you are paying that you have the privilege of touching me. As we walk, you're welcome to put out your arm and I very well may take it in mine. If you ask if you may hold my hand, the answer will likely be yes - unless you have bored me with your conversation or your manners are atrocious. As for a kiss at the end of the evening... If you don't ask, you will be left groping for air as I move swiftly inside my house. If you do ask, well, it will all depend upon whether or not I'm interested in a second date.

With all this said, should we have a first date, I would like for you to know that you will have my undivided attention. When you do me the courtesies of opening my door, etc, I will smile and look you in the eyes and say thank you. Should your tie be askew, I'll ask if I can straighten it for you. If I see your hair is out of place and it's clear you care about such things, I'll discreetly let you know so you can take care of it. Everyone in the room and on the street that we pass will know that I am proud and happy to be by the side of a handsome butch.

If necessary, I will accompany you to the restroom without your asking. Should someone make an unwanted remark about the b-f dynamic or your butchness without you being present, I will firmly assert myself and let them know it's none of their business. I will neither encourage nor accept attention from anyone else while we are on a date.

In short, I expect to be treated with respect for the femme that I am because I will treat you with the utmost of respect for the butch that you are.

Pink

[blush]

I've always considered a date to be a "social gift.". We obviously think enough of each other to spend time together. Since it is a compliment to be asked out, I don't impose strict expectations. If we don't mesh, we don't mesh. But impossible expectations can strangle a date.

[Starbuck]

[COLOR="Indigo"] Since I am in a relationship, I will approach this question from that angle. When we go out, I want her eyes on me, not on the televisions or on her phone, which I would prefer to be on vibrate (since she has kids, they can still reach her). I appreciate the door being opened for me and simple gestures of affection like touching my hand as she smiles. It took me by surprise the first few times she ordered for me but now I kind of expect it. I'll just tell her what I want and she tells the waiter what I want; I like it./COLOR]

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

Just treat me the same way you want to be treated!

First dates for me are always a meeting at a coffee house for coffee-dutch, of course. When we make arrangements, I always suggest either morning or afternoon. Never a fancy dinner at a restaurant. I like to keep it low-key with minimal expectations for either of us.

If I don't feel a connection for any reason, it is easy to keep the date short and sweet and be on my way.

If there is any sort of connection, we will know it and can take it from there to arrange other dates.

This is how my honey and I started our dates


One date was also watching football at a sports bar/restaurant with her wearing one of my shirts and sharing food. She had a blast!

A lot of our dates were coffee , lunch, dinner dates and we just laughed and laughed and laughed and then we fell in love.

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by pinkajl

p, I will not come to you if you honk the horn. As a matter of fact, I will not even open the door to let you know I've heard.

THIS. I think this is when I realized my ex and I were doomed to fail.

[Martina]

i think i've said this before, but don't pick me up and then go get gas and stop at the ATM. Do that stuff BEFORE.

Do know how to get where we're going if you are driving. Fine if you get lost or whatever, but at least have the directions.

Do not scare me with your driving.

Do not diss femmes. i have had this happen in the guise of "you are cool, unlike other femmes."

Be nice to service people.

Don't complain a lot or expect me to reassure you or do emotional care for you unless your mother has just died or something.

Do not posture too much. Rein it in some. i definitely do not want to hear about how you kicked someone's ass.

Do not expect me to share my life story on the first date.

Don't talk about the things that you own.

Do not tell me you like me because i am smart.

Laugh. Make me laugh.

By all means, show me your tatoos.