Healthy Weight Loss

Liam · 08-02-2011, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matthew

...how do you handle someone who is constantly using your weight against you? When they are not rational or think its just plain funny to make fun of you, how do you really make them understand that its not okay? I'm still trying to figure this out and short of telling him to eff off and get out of My life, I don't know what else to do ~ I'm at a loss here.

Sounds to me as if you are describing a bully, perhaps your answers can be found in that direction.

PinkieLee · 08-02-2011, 08:30 AM

(((Matthew)))

I am so sorry that you've got this "friend" in your life, that is using your weight as a bullying tool. Honey, that is NOT cool! I don't care how long I've known someone or what their relationship is to me... if you disrepect me or cause me pain ~ you can get the hell out of my life!

Life is too short to center yourself around that kind of negativity. You need to surround yourself with people (family & friends included) that support you, your goals and the positive changes you are making in your life. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." You are well on your way Matthew... do not give away your power or self-confidence.

JustJo · 08-02-2011, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matthew

how do you handle someone who is constantly using your weight against you? When they are not rational or think its just plain funny to make fun of you, how do you really make them understand that its not okay? I'm still trying to figure this out and short of telling him to eff off and get out of My life, I don't know what else to do ~ I'm at a loss here.

Anyways enough of a thread derail, I hope that everyone has a fantastic day and that everyone's weight loss is on track :-)

Hi Matthew,

It's not a derail at all. I think that a lot of us have dealt with people like this and it's painful and difficult...and that feeds into the negativity that pushes some of those emotional eating buttons...so it's a vicious circle.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liam

Sounds to me as if you are describing a bully, perhaps your answers can be found in that direction.

I agree with Liam. People who honestly think it's funny to hurt other people after being alerted to the fact that their comments are painful ....for me, those are bullies or worse.

I certainly don't have all the answers but, for me, I try to be firm and straightforward and let them know that what they're doing isn't okay with me and that, if it continues, I'm done.

If they continue...then I really am done. I create distance, and silence. For how long? It depends. There are people I've cut completely out of my life. There were others that I distanced from long enough that they got the message and changed their behavior towards me.

Honestly, I think some people are just plain toxic...and I'm better off with them out of my life.

It's one of those tough calls that everyone has to make for themselves.

Wishing you the best on figuring this out.

And.....just because....anyone who called me a friend and then said "suck it up princess" after I honestly and directly told them they were hurting me? They'd get more than a "fuck off". But that's just me.

Nina · 08-02-2011, 08:52 AM

(for what it's worth) I too agree that this person is behaving in ways a bully behaves...and, if I may be blunt, is just plain Mean...especially when they've been told it's hurtful and disrespectful, and continue to do it?---that'd be The Door for me...and, I do know how it can be hard to cut someone out who is toxic and mean...we can rationalize their 'good' points....we can rationalize how they may even be 'right' in their criticism on some levels..we can, and do, many things to accept bad behavior...I believe we move away from it when and as we are ready...I hope for you that either they Stop It...and in the alternative, you are able to step away from such ugly and mean-spirited comments...

anyway...I just hope that you are able to be kind and supportive to and for yourself and create a life where the people you invite into your life do the same...

I echo Jo's last statement

Leigh · 08-02-2011, 09:12 AM

I agree with everyone here, and Nina trust Me your opinion means as much to Me as everyone else's does. Yes he is mean and I've seen it before, and his girlfriend (who has been My best friend for 15 yrs) says its just him and somehow thinks she is changing him ............ and yet, I've seen no changes! Worst thing is that, she has begun to pick up his same mannerisms and knows she is doing it yet doesn't think any of it is wrong. I apologize for bringing the thread down or derailing its intended purpose, its just nice to hear others opinions on this kind of situation.

Everyone's thoughts mean alot to Me, giving Me a different perspective on things so thank you ~ back to your regularily scheduled thread :-)

PinkieLee · 08-02-2011, 09:28 AM

Matthew, do not apologize for sharing how you feel. I'm very sorry to see that your best friend is picking up some of her boyfriend's bullying traits. Just let me say this... just because someone has been your friend for 15 years, doesn't mean that they are a GOOD friend.

It is up to YOU, to take back control of your life & stand up for yourself. If it means walking away from their negativity, than so be it. It's quite evident that they don't have your best interest at heart. Friendships are supposed to lift you up... NEVER bring you down.

You do have many friends here & family that wants to see you succeed on this journey. Take care of you!!

Leigh · 08-02-2011, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

Matthew, do not apologize for sharing how you feel. I'm very sorry to see that your best friend is picking up some of her boyfriend's bullying traits. Just let me say this... just because someone has been your friend for 15 years, doesn't mean that they are a GOOD friend.

It is up to YOU, to take back control of your life & stand up for yourself. If it means walking away from their negativity, than so be it. It's quite evident that they don't have your best interest at heart. Friendships are supposed to lift you up... NEVER bring you down.

You do have many friends here & family that wants to see you succeed on this journey. Take care of you!!

I don't know what I'd do without friends like you Pinkie, thank you! I was never very close friends with L (the one I've known for 15 yrs) but she's been there for Me since I came out last year as FTM and was one of very extremely few people in My life real time who accepted Me and supported Me without fail and she's never been this way ~ she's only started acting this way ever since she met him. We had an incident yesterday where it basically came down to Me getting upset with the guy and telling him our friendship was done, only to have him text Me back and tell Me that if I was done with him then she said she was done with Me too. I don't want to throw 15 years out the window but she has already alienated another one of My friends, one that her b/f bullies besides Me, and neither of them think anything is wrong with it.

I find alot wrong with it and am tired of it already but I'm giving them one more chance ~ if it happens again, they can both go away because I refuse to keep that kind of negativity in My life!

little_ms_sunshyne · 08-02-2011, 11:59 AM

Matthew~there is nothing wrong with you, just a whole lot wrong with them! Sounds like a bully for sure! And if there is anything I have learned in my years of teaching and dealing with bullies, even the adults bully to distract from their own weakness and insecurities. You are above that Matthew and you have a great heart that it puts you far above those assholes. You are doing a great job, dont let them distract you. You have friends here that will love and support you through it!

I have made some progress

I am back at my gym doing my regular workouts...feeling sore but loving it. The sauna has become my best friend lol Miss T but have not done any emotional eating! Thats hard for me!

My darn phone doesnt let me rep and it is driving me nuts! My computer is not workingand my phone makes it hard to use! Blah! Sorry off topic

Sparkle · 08-02-2011, 09:46 AM

Matthew, maybe you can limit the amount of time you spend in the presence of your best friend's boyfriend? Make plans to see her at your place or some place out and about where he won't be. He sounds like a wanker and neither you (nor she) is likely to change that. Keep your chin up, you're doing great things for yourself and his snide comments should carry no weight (pun intended

) with you.

I work really hard to maintain a positive attitude and I have no tolerance for people who are negative and mean-spirited. For me, pervasive negativity can be like a black-hole and can drag down my attitude (even if it isn't directed at me). If at all possible I cut people like that out of my life and if I can't do that (if they're a family member or a work colleague) I make conscious decisions to limit the amount of time I have to interact with them.

I know it is tricky when it is a close friend or family members' partner though.
Good luck!

****

I'm quite excited because I weighed in today to find that I lost an additional 1.2lbs last week... despite the fact that I had special weekend company; I went out to eat (a lot), I had more cocktails than I normally would have over the course of a long-weekend and I didn't exercise on my normal schedule or intensity level.

I had given myself permission not to fret too much about counting points or marking times of workouts, but I expected to see a gain or a hold-steady on the scale. 'Tis a pleasant surprise and means I've lost 5lbs total in the past 3 weeks.

I think that means that *for the most part* I was making good choices about what I ate and drank in terms of content and portion size.

PinkieLee · 08-02-2011, 10:05 AM

WOOOHOO Sparkle, you go honey! Congrats on the weight loss! 5 lbs in 3 weeks is amazing... keep up the great work!

For me, cocktails are my downfall. I'm not gonna lie, my friends love to "encourage" me to eat out or have a night out on the town. Which of course used to mean mass amounts of margaritas. Once I learned how many points were in a 4 ounce serving of margaritas I almost choked! 9 points for a 4 ounce (yep a bathroom size dixie cup) margarita. I used to drink fishbowl margaritas (32 ounces)... which totals 72 freakin' WW points for ONE margarita! That's almost 2 days worth of points! I guess I never wrapped my brain around the empty calories that most cocktails have!!

Now when I go out with friends, I drink vodka, tonic water & lime for 4 points (thanks Sparkle for the advice) or I stick to the MGD 64 beer which is only 1 point each! If we go out to eat, I stick with chicken or fish that's been grilled and add a salad (ok, and split a roll with someone, just because I wanna taste the damn bread!).

Portion size has always been iffy for me. A heaping pile of 1 cup, is not the same as a leveled off 1 cup. I was convincing myself that I was keeping up with the portion size... but truth be told I was adding extra portions. Now, I take a knife & level it off, then add it to the plate.

Ok, y'all... let's get the momentum going! After dinner tonight, we'll be heading to the gym for a workout. I am ready!

08-02-2011, 09:12 AM	#5
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I agree with everyone here, and Nina trust Me your opinion means as much to Me as everyone else's does. Yes he is mean and I've seen it before, and his girlfriend (who has been My best friend for 15 yrs) says its just him and somehow thinks she is changing him ............ and yet, I've seen no changes! Worst thing is that, she has begun to pick up his same mannerisms and knows she is doing it yet doesn't think any of it is wrong. I apologize for bringing the thread down or derailing its intended purpose, its just nice to hear others opinions on this kind of situation. Everyone's thoughts mean alot to Me, giving Me a different perspective on things so thank you ~ back to your regularily scheduled thread :-) __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

08-02-2011, 09:46 AM	#9
Sparkle Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please Relationship Status: Loved Up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Western MA Posts: 2,183 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,001 Thanked 6,555 Times in 1,553 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Matthew, maybe you can limit the amount of time you spend in the presence of your best friend's boyfriend? Make plans to see her at your place or some place out and about where he won't be. He sounds like a wanker and neither you (nor she) is likely to change that. Keep your chin up, you're doing great things for yourself and his snide comments should carry no weight (pun intended ) with you. I work really hard to maintain a positive attitude and I have no tolerance for people who are negative and mean-spirited. For me, pervasive negativity can be like a black-hole and can drag down my attitude (even if it isn't directed at me). If at all possible I cut people like that out of my life and if I can't do that (if they're a family member or a work colleague) I make conscious decisions to limit the amount of time I have to interact with them. I know it is tricky when it is a close friend or family members' partner though. Good luck! **** I'm quite excited because I weighed in today to find that I lost an additional 1.2lbs last week... despite the fact that I had special weekend company; I went out to eat (a lot), I had more cocktails than I normally would have over the course of a long-weekend and I didn't exercise on my normal schedule or intensity level. I had given myself permission not to fret too much about counting points or marking times of workouts, but I expected to see a gain or a hold-steady on the scale. 'Tis a pleasant surprise and means I've lost 5lbs total in the past 3 weeks. I think that means that for the most part I was making good choices about what I ate and drank in terms of content and portion size. __________________ I am made of stars

08-02-2011, 08:30 AM	#2
PinkieLee Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: I need ya boo, gotta see ya boo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Big Money Texas Posts: 4,708 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,309 Thanked 13,074 Times in 3,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	(((Matthew))) I am so sorry that you've got this "friend" in your life, that is using your weight as a bullying tool. Honey, that is NOT cool! I don't care how long I've known someone or what their relationship is to me... if you disrepect me or cause me pain ~ you can get the hell out of my life! Life is too short to center yourself around that kind of negativity. You need to surround yourself with people (family & friends included) that support you, your goals and the positive changes you are making in your life. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." You are well on your way Matthew... do not give away your power or self-confidence.

08-02-2011, 08:52 AM	#4
Nina Timed Out How Do You Identify?: unmistakably Preferred Pronoun?: dearheart Relationship Status: In love, loved and Happy, thanks for askin' Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: SF CA Posts: 1,720 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,113 Thanked 3,384 Times in 931 Posts Rep Power: 0	(for what it's worth) I too agree that this person is behaving in ways a bully behaves...and, if I may be blunt, is just plain Mean...especially when they've been told it's hurtful and disrespectful, and continue to do it?---that'd be The Door for me...and, I do know how it can be hard to cut someone out who is toxic and mean...we can rationalize their 'good' points....we can rationalize how they may even be 'right' in their criticism on some levels..we can, and do, many things to accept bad behavior...I believe we move away from it when and as we are ready...I hope for you that either they Stop It...and in the alternative, you are able to step away from such ugly and mean-spirited comments... anyway...I just hope that you are able to be kind and supportive to and for yourself and create a life where the people you invite into your life do the same... I echo Jo's last statement

08-02-2011, 09:28 AM	#6
PinkieLee Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: I need ya boo, gotta see ya boo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Big Money Texas Posts: 4,708 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,309 Thanked 13,074 Times in 3,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Matthew, do not apologize for sharing how you feel. I'm very sorry to see that your best friend is picking up some of her boyfriend's bullying traits. Just let me say this... just because someone has been your friend for 15 years, doesn't mean that they are a GOOD friend. It is up to YOU, to take back control of your life & stand up for yourself. If it means walking away from their negativity, than so be it. It's quite evident that they don't have your best interest at heart. Friendships are supposed to lift you up... NEVER bring you down. You do have many friends here & family that wants to see you succeed on this journey. Take care of you!!

08-02-2011, 11:59 AM	#8
little_ms_sunshyne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: . Posts: 3,312 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,339 Thanked 12,241 Times in 2,541 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Matthew~there is nothing wrong with you, just a whole lot wrong with them! Sounds like a bully for sure! And if there is anything I have learned in my years of teaching and dealing with bullies, even the adults bully to distract from their own weakness and insecurities. You are above that Matthew and you have a great heart that it puts you far above those assholes. You are doing a great job, dont let them distract you. You have friends here that will love and support you through it! I have made some progress I am back at my gym doing my regular workouts...feeling sore but loving it. The sauna has become my best friend lol Miss T but have not done any emotional eating! Thats hard for me! My darn phone doesnt let me rep and it is driving me nuts! My computer is not workingand my phone makes it hard to use! Blah! Sorry off topic

08-02-2011, 10:05 AM	#10
PinkieLee Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: I need ya boo, gotta see ya boo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Big Money Texas Posts: 4,708 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,309 Thanked 13,074 Times in 3,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	WOOOHOO Sparkle, you go honey! Congrats on the weight loss! 5 lbs in 3 weeks is amazing... keep up the great work! For me, cocktails are my downfall. I'm not gonna lie, my friends love to "encourage" me to eat out or have a night out on the town. Which of course used to mean mass amounts of margaritas. Once I learned how many points were in a 4 ounce serving of margaritas I almost choked! 9 points for a 4 ounce (yep a bathroom size dixie cup) margarita. I used to drink fishbowl margaritas (32 ounces)... which totals 72 freakin' WW points for ONE margarita! That's almost 2 days worth of points! I guess I never wrapped my brain around the empty calories that most cocktails have!! Now when I go out with friends, I drink vodka, tonic water & lime for 4 points (thanks Sparkle for the advice) or I stick to the MGD 64 beer which is only 1 point each! If we go out to eat, I stick with chicken or fish that's been grilled and add a salad (ok, and split a roll with someone, just because I wanna taste the damn bread!). Portion size has always been iffy for me. A heaping pile of 1 cup, is not the same as a leveled off 1 cup. I was convincing myself that I was keeping up with the portion size... but truth be told I was adding extra portions. Now, I take a knife & level it off, then add it to the plate. Ok, y'all... let's get the momentum going! After dinner tonight, we'll be heading to the gym for a workout. I am ready!