Your relationship with your mom.

Amber2010 · 08-10-2011, 09:52 AM

You are so very lucky
I have not talked to my mom in over two years.
She can not accept me ant I have now grown use to never talking to her anymore. I am pretty sure I have closed off.

ruffryder · 08-10-2011, 10:39 AM

My mom was my best friend. She passed away a few years ago. She accepted me for who I was. She accepted my g/f as her own child. She was great. I was blessed to have her in my life and instill the qualities that she did.

Just_G · 08-10-2011, 10:44 AM

I have been so very blessed to have one of the best moms on this earth! She has never tried to change a thing about me...just loves me for me and has always accepted my friends at her house when they have no place to go on holidays. (she calls them "your little friends", like I am still in 2nd grade..lol)

She helps me when and if I need it, watches my dog Frankie when I need her to...though half the time she leaves me voicemails wanting to know if Frankie can come spend the night with grandma..lol. We take trips to Big Lots to shop every so often and when people say we look alike, she tells them she is my sister and just giggles...she is so funny. She always tells me how proud she is of me, hugs me, tells me she loves me, and is one of the most positive, loving people I have ever known. She has been such a great influence on me over the years.

I'd say that my mom is one of my best friends. She will come to the shop and let my dad have it if he isn't treating me right. (they are divorced) She works with the handicap children in her church and treats all the neighborhood kids like family; taking ice cream out to them, making doll clothes for the one little girl, and lets them play in her yard so they aren't in the street.

She is amazing...I could go on and on....

MissPriss · 08-10-2011, 07:27 PM

My birth mother and I really do not have a relationship. I used to not even talk to her because I was mad that she gave me away and kept my twin, only after years of thinking it over I realized that she is a great woman and that choice made me who I am and allowed me to have the best MOM ever.

jelli · 08-10-2011, 09:12 PM

My birth mother has never really been a mother to me, but she has loved my three brothers. I don't understand it. there is quite a bit of pain and anger associated with her.

I have gone back and forth with:
"well if I do______ than maybe she'll love me too"
"what's wrong with me"
"I don't need her"
"Perhaps I am asking for what she can not give"
"This has nothing to do with me".

Although I do not feel as if we will ever have the relationship that I have longed for, I do think we can find some common ground.

Bard · 08-10-2011, 09:22 PM

I keep coming back to this and it is kind of a hard place for me I lost my mother at age 9 but really I never had a relationship with her and it took me a long time to come to terms with it... she was close to my brother and they had a relationship I envyed but my mom had a lot of issues she was a functional drunk and by not getting involved with me she saved me and she loved me enough to find a woman to love and raise me my Nanny.. I still wonder would she be proud of how I turned out and I asked my brother what he thought his answer to me was that HE was proud of me and he is sure mom is to

RavynTuqiri · 08-10-2011, 09:50 PM

Hmmm...tough question....with being lesbian, she finally came around...took a few years.

We do not get along well, and right now (the past two years now) haven't gotten along at all. She is judgmental and overly critical and has to have the last word in every conversation. She can never be wrong.

We did not have a relationship when I was growing up...she also was an alcoholic....but the experience made me who I am today and I understand why she is the way she is (she also had a difficult childhood) so I can forgive her.

After she came to terms with my being gay we had a period of about 5 years where we did actually get along (for the most part) so I am thankful for the times when we are able to get along. Oddly she can not be happy with both my sister and me at the same time. It is simply my turn in the dog house.

Ironically...she has accepted me being gay....she can't accept me being funny :P

RadiantYearning · 08-10-2011, 11:14 PM

My mother and I have an extremely strained relationship ... which, oddly enough, has nothing to do with me being gay.

When I came out, I didn't really give my family the opportunity to reject me because I was gay. It was love me or live without me. I had a zero tolerance attitude to anything less. I've been out for 15 years now and up until a few years ago my mother would still make comments to the sound of, "she's just going through a phase." Still, despite her dellusions, she has always been absolutely accepting of me and my partners and has treated every single one of them with respect and accepted them into our family just as any other sibling's significant other would be accepted.

The strain on our relationship comes from the chaos that exists in our family now. One of my siblings has been enabled so extensively by her that there is little time for the remaining siblings and grandchildren. I go out of my way to invite her to events that my children take place in otherwise they too would never see or hear from her. I keep telling myself, it is what it is ... but no matter how many times I say it, it never feels any better.

Soft*Silver · 08-10-2011, 11:29 PM

my mother had a difficult time parenting. She was obviously not loved well herself as a child and thus, had problems loving her own children. Yet, she kept a roof over our heads, food on our table and good beds to sleep in. She was cruel with her humour and distant with her Truths. She damaged me but who doesnt get damaged along the way. I am not willing to beat the woman up any more for what she couldnt do for me. Its over. I did therapy and got over it. I love her nontheless tho truthfully, while she was alive and hurting me, it was very hard to keep that love in the forefront.

Being gay was not an issue with her. Her first words out of her mouth when i told her, was "I didnt raise you to be no queer". I responded that no, she hadnt. She raised me to be a good person, a loving mother, a hard worker, a decent citizen, etc. I just also happened to be gay.Because she realized she wasnt to "blame", she moved past this initial stage of shock and fear and anger. As she met my partners, and realized we didnt have three heads, she came to accept us for who we were, not what she had feared. She loved them each. And she loved me, tho again, thats hard to remember but I still know its true...

Tuff Stuff · 08-04-2015, 12:48 AM

Mother's been gone awhile now.I had a lot of video footage,voice recordings,photos taken of her through the years.In a way its like she is still here.Her presence can still be felt.We had a rocky relationship starting from my early childhood.My mom was very 'womanly' and as I grew older she looked to me for protection instead of from her husband.But dad was the best protector there can be.

It's late...I may come back and finish this post.

EnchantedNightDweller · 11-01-2015, 08:19 PM

She just wants me to "stop it." Lol Totally clueless. I love her no matter how mean she is - always and forever.

Blade · 11-07-2015, 12:31 PM

I get along well with my Mom. There have been times when she was my rock and I her rock. We've been threw a lot together and never mind leaning on each other picking each other up or crying together.

She has taught me so many things. Sometimes by what she has said or done and sometimes by what she didn't say or do in certain situations. She sacrificed so many things for "us". Of course I didn't realize that until I was older, and there have been soooo many times I've had to say you were right.
Now as she has gotten older she seems to be doing some of the you were rights. LOL

As she has aged she has changed a lot and sometime we have a communication gap. She will say something and I'm like...HUH? Then there are times I say something and it hurts her feelings because she has taken what I said wrong.

All in all we work it out and are tight. We take trips together, have a lot of laughs together and try to fix all our little "chickies" when they need fixing together.

I know I won't have her forever and I don't know that I won't lose my mind for a bit when she's gone but I'm sure God will prepare me for that day and will give me strength and lead me to comfort when the time come.

JDeere · 03-17-2016, 08:09 PM

BUMP BUMP BUMP!

Okay y'all more responses, I am anxious to see how relationships with our mom's carry over into the relationships with our partners.

firegal · 03-17-2016, 08:23 PM

My relationship with my mom was very special.She was giving and caring. She always said "if you give something.. do not have strings attached".We cared for her for until she pasted 4 yrs later from dementia related issues.I miss her and ALOT of my character traits/beliefs are from her... and yes my dad too.

She had old school politeness and charitable beliefs.

I miss her.

batZeev · 08-31-2016, 09:24 PM

My relationship with my mom is fine I guess. She doesn't know I'm gay but I'm sure she has her suspicions. My biggest issue with her, besides her "hate the sin, love the sinner" homophobic facebook statuses, is the fact that she has started distancing herself from me in public ever since I took on a more butch appearance (I shaved my head and I normally wear sweatpants and a t-shirt, so I look kinda butch now).

For example, she now sits in the next chair over instead of right next to me in public. And when she took me to the airport and hugged me goodbye, she loudly told me to text her "or your brothers incase I'm asleep." I know this seems like a harmless comment, but it's unusual for her. She normally tells me to "keep her posted" and she never says it loud enough for the whole room to hear. It was obvious that she was trying to let people know that we're related.

My mother had me very young and looks very young for her age, and even when I was in high school and took on a more feminine appearance, our neighbors still thought we were lesbians. Now that I'm more butch, I guess her paranoia has gone into overdrive. She has always been someone who cares way too much what other people think of her; she's never had a backbone when it comes to things that actually matter. It's what I've always hated about her.

Since I don't plan on growing my hair out anytime soon, I guess I'll have to visit less, which sucks because we were finally starting to get along but I refuse to be treated like a disease. I guess I'm just disappointed that she didn't open her mind like I thought she would. Instead she switched from "kill the gays" to "hate the sin, love the sinner" (while still posting anti-gay statuses on facebook). She has a niece who is gay, so that's who her homophobic statuses are usually about. She sees nothing wrong with what she says and my attempts at opening her mind over the past 10 years have gotten nowhere. It's starting to look like she's not going to be a huge part of my life.

Sorry my first post is a rant. I just needed to get that off my chest.

08-10-2011, 10:44 AM	#3
Just_G Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch, Switch, Comedian...G...whichever. Preferred Pronoun?: He....with an e! Relationship Status: I'll take kinky & twisted for $200, Alex!! Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: in the middle Posts: 2,281 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 874 Thanked 6,165 Times in 1,450 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I have been so very blessed to have one of the best moms on this earth! She has never tried to change a thing about me...just loves me for me and has always accepted my friends at her house when they have no place to go on holidays. (she calls them "your little friends", like I am still in 2nd grade..lol) She helps me when and if I need it, watches my dog Frankie when I need her to...though half the time she leaves me voicemails wanting to know if Frankie can come spend the night with grandma..lol. We take trips to Big Lots to shop every so often and when people say we look alike, she tells them she is my sister and just giggles...she is so funny. She always tells me how proud she is of me, hugs me, tells me she loves me, and is one of the most positive, loving people I have ever known. She has been such a great influence on me over the years. I'd say that my mom is one of my best friends. She will come to the shop and let my dad have it if he isn't treating me right. (they are divorced) She works with the handicap children in her church and treats all the neighborhood kids like family; taking ice cream out to them, making doll clothes for the one little girl, and lets them play in her yard so they aren't in the street. She is amazing...I could go on and on.... __________________ Happy are those who dream and are ready to pay the price to make them come true!

08-10-2011, 07:27 PM	#4
MissPriss Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: only lasting realtionship I have is with my job, my gun and my truck. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Tennessee Posts: 566 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 789 Thanked 580 Times in 259 Posts Rep Power: 2223294	My birth mother and I really do not have a relationship. I used to not even talk to her because I was mad that she gave me away and kept my twin, only after years of thinking it over I realized that she is a great woman and that choice made me who I am and allowed me to have the best MOM ever. __________________ Keep the trucks muddy and the Cowbois sexy!!

08-10-2011, 09:12 PM	#5
jelli Member How Do You Identify?: Femmilicious Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: And you said I wasn’t your type!!! Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: SC Posts: 836 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,758 Thanked 1,079 Times in 377 Posts Rep Power: 16588549	My birth mother has never really been a mother to me, but she has loved my three brothers. I don't understand it. there is quite a bit of pain and anger associated with her. I have gone back and forth with: "well if I do______ than maybe she'll love me too" "what's wrong with me" "I don't need her" "Perhaps I am asking for what she can not give" "This has nothing to do with me". Although I do not feel as if we will ever have the relationship that I have longed for, I do think we can find some common ground. __________________ “Sometimes we make the right decision; sometimes we make the decision right.” “Every conflict is a lesson in self-discovery for both of us. Sometimes it's only hindsight that makes it worth it. For you, I would do it all again.“

08-10-2011, 09:22 PM	#6
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I keep coming back to this and it is kind of a hard place for me I lost my mother at age 9 but really I never had a relationship with her and it took me a long time to come to terms with it... she was close to my brother and they had a relationship I envyed but my mom had a lot of issues she was a functional drunk and by not getting involved with me she saved me and she loved me enough to find a woman to love and raise me my Nanny.. I still wonder would she be proud of how I turned out and I asked my brother what he thought his answer to me was that HE was proud of me and he is sure mom is to __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

08-10-2011, 11:29 PM	#9
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	my mother had a difficult time parenting. She was obviously not loved well herself as a child and thus, had problems loving her own children. Yet, she kept a roof over our heads, food on our table and good beds to sleep in. She was cruel with her humour and distant with her Truths. She damaged me but who doesnt get damaged along the way. I am not willing to beat the woman up any more for what she couldnt do for me. Its over. I did therapy and got over it. I love her nontheless tho truthfully, while she was alive and hurting me, it was very hard to keep that love in the forefront. Being gay was not an issue with her. Her first words out of her mouth when i told her, was "I didnt raise you to be no queer". I responded that no, she hadnt. She raised me to be a good person, a loving mother, a hard worker, a decent citizen, etc. I just also happened to be gay.Because she realized she wasnt to "blame", she moved past this initial stage of shock and fear and anger. As she met my partners, and realized we didnt have three heads, she came to accept us for who we were, not what she had feared. She loved them each. And she loved me, tho again, thats hard to remember but I still know its true... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

08-10-2011, 09:52 AM	#1
Amber2010 Member How Do You Identify?: Happy, Crazy, Bubbly, Funny, Strong, Outgoing, Friendly Preferred Pronoun?: Femme Relationship Status: Complicated Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 920 Thanked 594 Times in 154 Posts Rep Power: 3787185	You are so very lucky I have not talked to my mom in over two years. She can not accept me ant I have now grown use to never talking to her anymore. I am pretty sure I have closed off.

08-10-2011, 10:39 AM	#2
ruffryder Senior Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: guy ones Relationship Status: ... Join Date: May 2011 Location: chillin' in FL Posts: 3,690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,951 Thanked 9,679 Times in 2,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	My mom was my best friend. She passed away a few years ago. She accepted me for who I was. She accepted my g/f as her own child. She was great. I was blessed to have her in my life and instill the qualities that she did.

08-10-2011, 09:50 PM	#7
RavynTuqiri Member How Do You Identify?: Butch/Boi Preferred Pronoun?: Anything but it... Relationship Status: Hide n go Seek Join Date: May 2010 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 123 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 338 Thanked 223 Times in 74 Posts Rep Power: 1464163	Hmmm...tough question....with being lesbian, she finally came around...took a few years. We do not get along well, and right now (the past two years now) haven't gotten along at all. She is judgmental and overly critical and has to have the last word in every conversation. She can never be wrong. We did not have a relationship when I was growing up...she also was an alcoholic....but the experience made me who I am today and I understand why she is the way she is (she also had a difficult childhood) so I can forgive her. After she came to terms with my being gay we had a period of about 5 years where we did actually get along (for the most part) so I am thankful for the times when we are able to get along. Oddly she can not be happy with both my sister and me at the same time. It is simply my turn in the dog house. Ironically...she has accepted me being gay....she can't accept me being funny :P

08-10-2011, 11:14 PM	#8
RadiantYearning Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Girlie ones ... Relationship Status: Damsel, non-distressed, seeks knight in shining armour! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mt. Olympus Posts: 39 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 54 Thanked 146 Times in 27 Posts Rep Power: 1528401	My mother and I have an extremely strained relationship ... which, oddly enough, has nothing to do with me being gay. When I came out, I didn't really give my family the opportunity to reject me because I was gay. It was love me or live without me. I had a zero tolerance attitude to anything less. I've been out for 15 years now and up until a few years ago my mother would still make comments to the sound of, "she's just going through a phase." Still, despite her dellusions, she has always been absolutely accepting of me and my partners and has treated every single one of them with respect and accepted them into our family just as any other sibling's significant other would be accepted. The strain on our relationship comes from the chaos that exists in our family now. One of my siblings has been enabled so extensively by her that there is little time for the remaining siblings and grandchildren. I go out of my way to invite her to events that my children take place in otherwise they too would never see or hear from her. I keep telling myself, it is what it is ... but no matter how many times I say it, it never feels any better.

08-04-2015, 12:48 AM	#10
Tuff Stuff Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married Join Date: May 2013 Location: California Posts: 695 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 904 Thanked 1,315 Times in 505 Posts Rep Power: 9408454	Mother's been gone awhile now.I had a lot of video footage,voice recordings,photos taken of her through the years.In a way its like she is still here.Her presence can still be felt.We had a rocky relationship starting from my early childhood.My mom was very 'womanly' and as I grew older she looked to me for protection instead of from her husband.But dad was the best protector there can be. It's late...I may come back and finish this post.

11-01-2015, 08:19 PM	#11
EnchantedNightDweller Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: her, she Relationship Status: Being single is a good thing and I like it. Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: Texas Posts: 1,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,907 Thanked 2,462 Times in 803 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	She just wants me to "stop it." Lol Totally clueless. I love her no matter how mean she is - always and forever.

11-07-2015, 12:31 PM	#12
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,413 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I get along well with my Mom. There have been times when she was my rock and I her rock. We've been threw a lot together and never mind leaning on each other picking each other up or crying together. She has taught me so many things. Sometimes by what she has said or done and sometimes by what she didn't say or do in certain situations. She sacrificed so many things for "us". Of course I didn't realize that until I was older, and there have been soooo many times I've had to say you were right. Now as she has gotten older she seems to be doing some of the you were rights. LOL As she has aged she has changed a lot and sometime we have a communication gap. She will say something and I'm like...HUH? Then there are times I say something and it hurts her feelings because she has taken what I said wrong. All in all we work it out and are tight. We take trips together, have a lot of laughs together and try to fix all our little "chickies" when they need fixing together. I know I won't have her forever and I don't know that I won't lose my mind for a bit when she's gone but I'm sure God will prepare me for that day and will give me strength and lead me to comfort when the time come. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

03-17-2016, 08:09 PM	#13
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,833 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	BUMP BUMP BUMP! Okay y'all more responses, I am anxious to see how relationships with our mom's carry over into the relationships with our partners.

03-17-2016, 08:23 PM	#14
firegal Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Don't let the gal part of my screen name fool ya I,m ALL butch! Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Tacoma,Washington Posts: 2,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,853 Thanked 11,702 Times in 2,469 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	... My relationship with my mom was very special.She was giving and caring. She always said "if you give something.. do not have strings attached".We cared for her for until she pasted 4 yrs later from dementia related issues.I miss her and ALOT of my character traits/beliefs are from her... and yes my dad too. She had old school politeness and charitable beliefs. I miss her.

08-31-2016, 09:24 PM	#15
batZeev Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: 'Murica Posts: 1 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 11 Times in 1 Post Rep Power: 0	My relationship with my mom is fine I guess. She doesn't know I'm gay but I'm sure she has her suspicions. My biggest issue with her, besides her "hate the sin, love the sinner" homophobic facebook statuses, is the fact that she has started distancing herself from me in public ever since I took on a more butch appearance (I shaved my head and I normally wear sweatpants and a t-shirt, so I look kinda butch now). For example, she now sits in the next chair over instead of right next to me in public. And when she took me to the airport and hugged me goodbye, she loudly told me to text her "or your brothers incase I'm asleep." I know this seems like a harmless comment, but it's unusual for her. She normally tells me to "keep her posted" and she never says it loud enough for the whole room to hear. It was obvious that she was trying to let people know that we're related. My mother had me very young and looks very young for her age, and even when I was in high school and took on a more feminine appearance, our neighbors still thought we were lesbians. Now that I'm more butch, I guess her paranoia has gone into overdrive. She has always been someone who cares way too much what other people think of her; she's never had a backbone when it comes to things that actually matter. It's what I've always hated about her. Since I don't plan on growing my hair out anytime soon, I guess I'll have to visit less, which sucks because we were finally starting to get along but I refuse to be treated like a disease. I guess I'm just disappointed that she didn't open her mind like I thought she would. Instead she switched from "kill the gays" to "hate the sin, love the sinner" (while still posting anti-gay statuses on facebook). She has a niece who is gay, so that's who her homophobic statuses are usually about. She sees nothing wrong with what she says and my attempts at opening her mind over the past 10 years have gotten nowhere. It's starting to look like she's not going to be a huge part of my life. Sorry my first post is a rant. I just needed to get that off my chest.