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#1 |
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My birth mother has never really been a mother to me, but she has loved my three brothers. I don't understand it. there is quite a bit of pain and anger associated with her.
I have gone back and forth with: "well if I do______ than maybe she'll love me too" "what's wrong with me" "I don't need her" "Perhaps I am asking for what she can not give" "This has nothing to do with me". Although I do not feel as if we will ever have the relationship that I have longed for, I do think we can find some common ground.
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#2 |
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I keep coming back to this and it is kind of a hard place for me I lost my mother at age 9 but really I never had a relationship with her and it took me a long time to come to terms with it... she was close to my brother and they had a relationship I envyed but my mom had a lot of issues she was a functional drunk and by not getting involved with me she saved me and she loved me enough to find a woman to love and raise me my Nanny.. I still wonder would she be proud of how I turned out and I asked my brother what he thought his answer to me was that HE was proud of me and he is sure mom is to
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#3 |
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Hmmm...tough question....with being lesbian, she finally came around...took a few years.
We do not get along well, and right now (the past two years now) haven't gotten along at all. She is judgmental and overly critical and has to have the last word in every conversation. She can never be wrong. We did not have a relationship when I was growing up...she also was an alcoholic....but the experience made me who I am today and I understand why she is the way she is (she also had a difficult childhood) so I can forgive her. After she came to terms with my being gay we had a period of about 5 years where we did actually get along (for the most part) so I am thankful for the times when we are able to get along. Oddly she can not be happy with both my sister and me at the same time. It is simply my turn in the dog house. Ironically...she has accepted me being gay....she can't accept me being funny :P |
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#4 |
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My mother and I have an extremely strained relationship ... which, oddly enough, has nothing to do with me being gay.
When I came out, I didn't really give my family the opportunity to reject me because I was gay. It was love me or live without me. I had a zero tolerance attitude to anything less. I've been out for 15 years now and up until a few years ago my mother would still make comments to the sound of, "she's just going through a phase." Still, despite her dellusions, she has always been absolutely accepting of me and my partners and has treated every single one of them with respect and accepted them into our family just as any other sibling's significant other would be accepted. The strain on our relationship comes from the chaos that exists in our family now. One of my siblings has been enabled so extensively by her that there is little time for the remaining siblings and grandchildren. I go out of my way to invite her to events that my children take place in otherwise they too would never see or hear from her. I keep telling myself, it is what it is ... but no matter how many times I say it, it never feels any better. |
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#5 |
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my mother had a difficult time parenting. She was obviously not loved well herself as a child and thus, had problems loving her own children. Yet, she kept a roof over our heads, food on our table and good beds to sleep in. She was cruel with her humour and distant with her Truths. She damaged me but who doesnt get damaged along the way. I am not willing to beat the woman up any more for what she couldnt do for me. Its over. I did therapy and got over it. I love her nontheless tho truthfully, while she was alive and hurting me, it was very hard to keep that love in the forefront.
Being gay was not an issue with her. Her first words out of her mouth when i told her, was "I didnt raise you to be no queer". I responded that no, she hadnt. She raised me to be a good person, a loving mother, a hard worker, a decent citizen, etc. I just also happened to be gay.Because she realized she wasnt to "blame", she moved past this initial stage of shock and fear and anger. As she met my partners, and realized we didnt have three heads, she came to accept us for who we were, not what she had feared. She loved them each. And she loved me, tho again, thats hard to remember but I still know its true...
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#6 |
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I have always had a great relationship with my whole family. I have always been just a boi. I have five sisters and i guess i was the boi they never had. My Mother is my rockstar she has always just let me be the man i was meant to be.
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#7 |
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My mom is weird. I don't really talk to her but for reasons other than me being queer. She thinks that I'm too white or not black enough. Our relationship isn't like it used to be but again it's not because of the queer thing it's because I don't give her money. We used to have a good relationship though, when I gave her money. lol Also if I need anything I'm pretty certain that I can count on her if she has it.
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#8 |
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My mom's been gone for a few years now. She initially had a bit of a hard time with the gay thing (she didn't make it to my self awareness of being Queer) but that was really neither here nor there for us. We had so many other issues at hand. She loved me and I knew that and I loved her, but due to a lot of her decisions in life that affected me, I carried a pretty deep-seated dose of resentment towards her and, frankly, didn't like her very much. I think she knew that until she didn't. Thankfully, for her, as her illnesses progressed, her memories faded until only the ones that she conjured up in her head existed. I knew she did the best that she could at the time and I do give her credit for that. I just wish any of many circumstances had been different.
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#9 |
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Mother's been gone awhile now.I had a lot of video footage,voice recordings,photos taken of her through the years.In a way its like she is still here.Her presence can still be felt.We had a rocky relationship starting from my early childhood.My mom was very 'womanly' and as I grew older she looked to me for protection instead of from her husband.But dad was the best protector there can be.
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#10 |
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She just wants me to "stop it." Lol Totally clueless. I love her no matter how mean she is - always and forever.
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#11 |
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I get along well with my Mom. There have been times when she was my rock and I her rock. We've been threw a lot together and never mind leaning on each other picking each other up or crying together.
She has taught me so many things. Sometimes by what she has said or done and sometimes by what she didn't say or do in certain situations. She sacrificed so many things for "us". Of course I didn't realize that until I was older, and there have been soooo many times I've had to say you were right. Now as she has gotten older she seems to be doing some of the you were rights. LOL As she has aged she has changed a lot and sometime we have a communication gap. She will say something and I'm like...HUH? Then there are times I say something and it hurts her feelings because she has taken what I said wrong. All in all we work it out and are tight. We take trips together, have a lot of laughs together and try to fix all our little "chickies" when they need fixing together. I know I won't have her forever and I don't know that I won't lose my mind for a bit when she's gone but I'm sure God will prepare me for that day and will give me strength and lead me to comfort when the time come.
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#12 |
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Most of us can write page after page about our mothers, relations with our mothers, mothers known and not known, loving, unloving, "abusive", "kind/benevolent", etc etc etc. And you know what? Ultimately it doesn't matter. If all goes according to plan, your mother will die before you and if you don't make peace with her while she's alive...one way or another...you just never get free and you're stuck with a big dark hole in your own life.
If you want to dwell on what wasn't right, do it fast, accept you'll never really know everything, accept that you're limited by your own prejudices and/or lack of info/detail, and move the fuck on to be the best person you can be. Blaming imperfect people and blaming the dead is a losing, self defeating waste of your own life. Meanwhile, if you have lots of happy loving memories, lucky you...cherish them and just let the rest go. All the people you blame and rail against can't hear you any more. Make peace while you can and if you can't, accept that too...and move on...because another generation is just in the wings, waiting to blame you. |
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#13 |
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I have a good relationship with my mother and I show the appropriate respect to her.
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#14 |
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I have a terrible relationship with my mother. We're opposite personalities. I'm an introvert, she's an extrovert. I do forgive the horrible things she did to me as a kid and I know that she's sorry, but sometimes she starts to slip into that kind of behavior again. I want to love her from afar but she won't let me. I moved across the country from New York to Idaho and she followed me! I know she's sorry and wants to make up, but I just want her to leave me alone at this point.
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#15 |
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More on my relationship with my mother. We are Texan's and that comes with a set of rules. Being polite is expected. I open doors for my mother, pay the dinner check, do her yard work and fix her car. I am the last surviving child and my father is gone so it is up to me to care for her and that is my pleasure. Hard work and respect were two big traits in my family and I believe they are good traits.
My mother is an awesome lady that has been a gift to me. |
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#16 |
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BUMP BUMP BUMP!
Okay y'all more responses, I am anxious to see how relationships with our mom's carry over into the relationships with our partners. |
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#17 |
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My relationship with my mom was very special.She was giving and caring. She always said "if you give something.. do not have strings attached".We cared for her for until she pasted 4 yrs later from dementia related issues.I miss her and ALOT of my character traits/beliefs are from her... and yes my dad too.
She had old school politeness and charitable beliefs. I miss her. |
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#18 |
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My mom and I have a great relationship. I consider her a friend. We are very much alike in looks and personality.
We take an annual Mother-Daughter trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for the Induction. And usually have a couple other adventures throughout the year. Our relationship isn't perfect, by any means. And she struggled at first when I came out. We still don't always see eye to eye on the way I dress. But I wouldn't change things for the world.
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#19 |
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Whether you are a butch or femme or a polka dotted green alien, families are a shit show.... Anyone in here feels like they're "normal"? I don't ... fucked up shit! lol
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#20 |
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In my family I never knew what wasn't disfuntional (?) cause all my cousins has the same issues with there parents as I did, all the siblings from my mothers family had some kind of mental thing going. One minute all was just fine then the next it was hells bells ducking then running for cover, my uncles were the somewhere back in the feudal days 300 years ago, the women were not meek nor mild but had some bad issue with sex that none of us cousins could figure out. It went from "don't touch me ever" or its cause "I have to"
sex was never talked about.My gram had 12 kids and raised 8. Mom hated men I have no idea how I ever came to be. We had times we got along pretty well but mostly I did all I could to just to stay gone. No matter where I went or who I was with I knew I was going to have to give her a total list of what and where we all went and what went on no matter who did what ever, even what the adults did. It was like there were multiple personalities involved hear, at work or away from home she was a total diferent person it depended who she was with and what was going on. When times were good it was like walking through a mine field wondering what was going to set the next boom off. Thank goodness I didn't get what ever she got.. a beautiful mind was a big waist. |
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