Your relationship with your mom.

Bard · 08-10-2011, 09:22 PM

I keep coming back to this and it is kind of a hard place for me I lost my mother at age 9 but really I never had a relationship with her and it took me a long time to come to terms with it... she was close to my brother and they had a relationship I envyed but my mom had a lot of issues she was a functional drunk and by not getting involved with me she saved me and she loved me enough to find a woman to love and raise me my Nanny.. I still wonder would she be proud of how I turned out and I asked my brother what he thought his answer to me was that HE was proud of me and he is sure mom is to

RavynTuqiri · 08-10-2011, 09:50 PM

Hmmm...tough question....with being lesbian, she finally came around...took a few years.

We do not get along well, and right now (the past two years now) haven't gotten along at all. She is judgmental and overly critical and has to have the last word in every conversation. She can never be wrong.

We did not have a relationship when I was growing up...she also was an alcoholic....but the experience made me who I am today and I understand why she is the way she is (she also had a difficult childhood) so I can forgive her.

After she came to terms with my being gay we had a period of about 5 years where we did actually get along (for the most part) so I am thankful for the times when we are able to get along. Oddly she can not be happy with both my sister and me at the same time. It is simply my turn in the dog house.

Ironically...she has accepted me being gay....she can't accept me being funny :P

RadiantYearning · 08-10-2011, 11:14 PM

My mother and I have an extremely strained relationship ... which, oddly enough, has nothing to do with me being gay.

When I came out, I didn't really give my family the opportunity to reject me because I was gay. It was love me or live without me. I had a zero tolerance attitude to anything less. I've been out for 15 years now and up until a few years ago my mother would still make comments to the sound of, "she's just going through a phase." Still, despite her dellusions, she has always been absolutely accepting of me and my partners and has treated every single one of them with respect and accepted them into our family just as any other sibling's significant other would be accepted.

The strain on our relationship comes from the chaos that exists in our family now. One of my siblings has been enabled so extensively by her that there is little time for the remaining siblings and grandchildren. I go out of my way to invite her to events that my children take place in otherwise they too would never see or hear from her. I keep telling myself, it is what it is ... but no matter how many times I say it, it never feels any better.

Soft*Silver · 08-10-2011, 11:29 PM

my mother had a difficult time parenting. She was obviously not loved well herself as a child and thus, had problems loving her own children. Yet, she kept a roof over our heads, food on our table and good beds to sleep in. She was cruel with her humour and distant with her Truths. She damaged me but who doesnt get damaged along the way. I am not willing to beat the woman up any more for what she couldnt do for me. Its over. I did therapy and got over it. I love her nontheless tho truthfully, while she was alive and hurting me, it was very hard to keep that love in the forefront.

Being gay was not an issue with her. Her first words out of her mouth when i told her, was "I didnt raise you to be no queer". I responded that no, she hadnt. She raised me to be a good person, a loving mother, a hard worker, a decent citizen, etc. I just also happened to be gay.Because she realized she wasnt to "blame", she moved past this initial stage of shock and fear and anger. As she met my partners, and realized we didnt have three heads, she came to accept us for who we were, not what she had feared. She loved them each. And she loved me, tho again, thats hard to remember but I still know its true...

Phyl · 08-11-2011, 10:09 AM

I have always had a great relationship with my whole family. I have always been just a boi. I have five sisters and i guess i was the boi they never had. My Mother is my rockstar she has always just let me be the man i was meant to be.

Ebon · 08-11-2011, 10:42 AM

My mom is weird. I don't really talk to her but for reasons other than me being queer. She thinks that I'm too white or not black enough. Our relationship isn't like it used to be but again it's not because of the queer thing it's because I don't give her money. We used to have a good relationship though, when I gave her money. lol Also if I need anything I'm pretty certain that I can count on her if she has it.

Gemme · 08-11-2011, 05:23 PM

My mom's been gone for a few years now. She initially had a bit of a hard time with the gay thing (she didn't make it to my self awareness of being Queer) but that was really neither here nor there for us. We had so many other issues at hand. She loved me and I knew that and I loved her, but due to a lot of her decisions in life that affected me, I carried a pretty deep-seated dose of resentment towards her and, frankly, didn't like her very much. I think she knew that until she didn't. Thankfully, for her, as her illnesses progressed, her memories faded until only the ones that she conjured up in her head existed. I knew she did the best that she could at the time and I do give her credit for that. I just wish any of many circumstances had been different.

Abigail Crabby · 08-11-2011, 05:39 PM

My Mom and I had a weird relationship most of our lives.

When I came out to her it changed for the better dramatically.

She loved my partners and accepted them as part of the family just as she had my daughters father.

She's gone now, but there are three people who blessed my life as partners and she is missed by them as much as she is missed by me.

I was lucky to have her support.

lipstixgal · 08-11-2011, 05:44 PM

I didn't have a very good relationship with my mother(she is deceased). She didn't accept me when I told her I wanted to be with women. I never became the doctor she wanted and therefore was probably not good enough but I have gotten through all of this with the help of friends and therapy so I am happy now and with a great girl that I think my mother would even like.

08-10-2011, 09:22 PM	#1
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I keep coming back to this and it is kind of a hard place for me I lost my mother at age 9 but really I never had a relationship with her and it took me a long time to come to terms with it... she was close to my brother and they had a relationship I envyed but my mom had a lot of issues she was a functional drunk and by not getting involved with me she saved me and she loved me enough to find a woman to love and raise me my Nanny.. I still wonder would she be proud of how I turned out and I asked my brother what he thought his answer to me was that HE was proud of me and he is sure mom is to __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

08-10-2011, 11:29 PM	#4
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	my mother had a difficult time parenting. She was obviously not loved well herself as a child and thus, had problems loving her own children. Yet, she kept a roof over our heads, food on our table and good beds to sleep in. She was cruel with her humour and distant with her Truths. She damaged me but who doesnt get damaged along the way. I am not willing to beat the woman up any more for what she couldnt do for me. Its over. I did therapy and got over it. I love her nontheless tho truthfully, while she was alive and hurting me, it was very hard to keep that love in the forefront. Being gay was not an issue with her. Her first words out of her mouth when i told her, was "I didnt raise you to be no queer". I responded that no, she hadnt. She raised me to be a good person, a loving mother, a hard worker, a decent citizen, etc. I just also happened to be gay.Because she realized she wasnt to "blame", she moved past this initial stage of shock and fear and anger. As she met my partners, and realized we didnt have three heads, she came to accept us for who we were, not what she had feared. She loved them each. And she loved me, tho again, thats hard to remember but I still know its true... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

08-11-2011, 10:09 AM	#5
Phyl Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: Sir. He Relationship Status: ~☆SOLO☆~ Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: there's no place like home! Posts: 50 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 73 Thanked 133 Times in 36 Posts Rep Power: 1733430	I have always had a great relationship with my whole family. I have always been just a boi. I have five sisters and i guess i was the boi they never had. My Mother is my rockstar she has always just let me be the man i was meant to be. __________________ It's not my first time to the rodeo!!! ~BIG DADDY~

08-11-2011, 10:42 AM	#6
Ebon Senior Member How Do You Identify?: With my souls eyes. Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: lol Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Here Posts: 3,476 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,524 Thanked 11,143 Times in 2,757 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My mom is weird. I don't really talk to her but for reasons other than me being queer. She thinks that I'm too white or not black enough. Our relationship isn't like it used to be but again it's not because of the queer thing it's because I don't give her money. We used to have a good relationship though, when I gave her money. lol Also if I need anything I'm pretty certain that I can count on her if she has it. __________________ In Lak'ech Ala K'in I'm a Soul Rebel http://wannabereverend.wordpress.com/ Spirituality is not a belief system or ideology, it is the surrender of one's ego to the infinite wisdom and knowledge that is the universe.

08-11-2011, 05:23 PM	#7
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	My mom's been gone for a few years now. She initially had a bit of a hard time with the gay thing (she didn't make it to my self awareness of being Queer) but that was really neither here nor there for us. We had so many other issues at hand. She loved me and I knew that and I loved her, but due to a lot of her decisions in life that affected me, I carried a pretty deep-seated dose of resentment towards her and, frankly, didn't like her very much. I think she knew that until she didn't. Thankfully, for her, as her illnesses progressed, her memories faded until only the ones that she conjured up in her head existed. I knew she did the best that she could at the time and I do give her credit for that. I just wish any of many circumstances had been different. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

08-10-2011, 09:50 PM	#2
RavynTuqiri Member How Do You Identify?: Butch/Boi Preferred Pronoun?: Anything but it... Relationship Status: Hide n go Seek Join Date: May 2010 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 123 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 338 Thanked 223 Times in 74 Posts Rep Power: 1464163	Hmmm...tough question....with being lesbian, she finally came around...took a few years. We do not get along well, and right now (the past two years now) haven't gotten along at all. She is judgmental and overly critical and has to have the last word in every conversation. She can never be wrong. We did not have a relationship when I was growing up...she also was an alcoholic....but the experience made me who I am today and I understand why she is the way she is (she also had a difficult childhood) so I can forgive her. After she came to terms with my being gay we had a period of about 5 years where we did actually get along (for the most part) so I am thankful for the times when we are able to get along. Oddly she can not be happy with both my sister and me at the same time. It is simply my turn in the dog house. Ironically...she has accepted me being gay....she can't accept me being funny :P

08-10-2011, 11:14 PM	#3
RadiantYearning Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Girlie ones ... Relationship Status: Damsel, non-distressed, seeks knight in shining armour! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mt. Olympus Posts: 39 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 54 Thanked 146 Times in 27 Posts Rep Power: 1528401	My mother and I have an extremely strained relationship ... which, oddly enough, has nothing to do with me being gay. When I came out, I didn't really give my family the opportunity to reject me because I was gay. It was love me or live without me. I had a zero tolerance attitude to anything less. I've been out for 15 years now and up until a few years ago my mother would still make comments to the sound of, "she's just going through a phase." Still, despite her dellusions, she has always been absolutely accepting of me and my partners and has treated every single one of them with respect and accepted them into our family just as any other sibling's significant other would be accepted. The strain on our relationship comes from the chaos that exists in our family now. One of my siblings has been enabled so extensively by her that there is little time for the remaining siblings and grandchildren. I go out of my way to invite her to events that my children take place in otherwise they too would never see or hear from her. I keep telling myself, it is what it is ... but no matter how many times I say it, it never feels any better.

08-11-2011, 05:39 PM	#8
Abigail Crabby Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Princess Relationship Status: Single, but sociable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 4,226 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,554 Thanked 9,668 Times in 2,484 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	My Mom and I had a weird relationship most of our lives. When I came out to her it changed for the better dramatically. She loved my partners and accepted them as part of the family just as she had my daughters father. She's gone now, but there are three people who blessed my life as partners and she is missed by them as much as she is missed by me. I was lucky to have her support. __________________ Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust Turns whatever happens to you into a positive...

08-11-2011, 05:44 PM	#9
lipstixgal Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: coupled Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New Jersey Posts: 3,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 201 Thanked 1,690 Times in 1,064 Posts Rep Power: 1494761	I didn't have a very good relationship with my mother(she is deceased). She didn't accept me when I told her I wanted to be with women. I never became the doctor she wanted and therefore was probably not good enough but I have gotten through all of this with the help of friends and therapy so I am happy now and with a great girl that I think my mother would even like. __________________ Gail