Have you met or know a psychopath/sociopath?

[luv2luvgirls]

Originally Posted by JustJo

It makes a ton of sense. Most of these people are experts at making everyone around them feel like "the crazy one." They depend on it...and work that weakness.

I agree with Sassy...the only "solution" is distance. Just run....fast and far and don't look back.

exactly!! run run run lol and go whew...

they do make you feel like it was all your fault,just like your the crazy one right on Jo! said it perfect

[NJFemmie]

I've come across more than I care to admit in my lifetime - but more recently, a friend of ours dated this guy who stated he worked for Homeland Security. As a former employee of a federally mandated program that dealt directly with various military branches but more specifically, the US Coast Guard and Homeland Security - I found it interesting that he couldn't answer basic questions.

Mare and I repeatedly told our friend that something was wrong with this guy. Even in the very beginning, I asked for his birth data and pulled up a quick astrology chart. One of the things I predicted was that he was living a double life - and sure enough - it was all that and more.

To make a long story short - turned out he was not an employee of Homeland Security. The DHS badge he was carrying was a fake that was purchased on the internet. All the DHS clothes he wore were also purchased online. He was in the military, but nothing to the extent of what he claimed. He made up elaborate stories of how he flew with a president and engaged in various crime investigations. He even tried to tell her that he was involved in a shooting where a young boy was shot - and that he was the one who shot him. All of his stories never made sense to me and put him in a timeline that didn't fit. Besides the fact that the military would not have been involved in the specific shooting he claimed to have been involved in. All he was was security at a shipyard.

He was also married and had a baby recently with another woman, even though he stated to our friend that he was unmarried. When his wife came by his house one day while our friend was there - he tried to tell our friend that she was an ex girlfriend who tried to claim that the baby she was carrying was his and it wasn't. It was. In fact, during the baby's christening - he left early to take our friend out to a concert. He was also only there a few hours when the baby was born - I think to take her out to dinner. He also told her that he "dated" some girl down south who had a baby, and even though the child wasn't his - he was supporting it because he felt bad that this woman was raising a child on her own. Turned out to be an ex wife and the baby was his.

He never let her come to his house - and he was always "working late". Everything he told her became more grandiose and unbelievable and we insisted that maybe she should show up at his door and demand to be let in. She never did that, but if she had, she would have discovered that he was married - as there was evidence of this all over the house. The wife, while pregnant, was temporarily staying with her parents that lived close by.

What ultimately led him to get busted was a text message that she received from his wife. Friends that were with her at the time of the text insisted that she meet with her and find out what was going on. That's when it all unraveled. Our friend even went to court proceedings on behalf of the wife. They have since divorced and last I heard, he was still playing a game of push/pull with the ex wife and child.

Another thing that was unsettling, was that this guy had several unregistered guns in his house and in his truck. They have since been confiscated. There is A LOT more to this story - but we are just happy this psycho is out of her life and she has since moved on - and we won't allow her to bring anyone here until we feel comfortable enough with whoever it is she dates.

[Softly]

It's a very sad mental illness.

Run away and never look back. I dealt with threats of suicide, ruining my life, excessive lies and lost a shit ton of money all because I was in love. Its even more sad when you realize that they never loved you, only what you could do for them.

Thankfully, I came out of it on my feet and learned a huge lesson.

[Sun]

My first experience dating someone that I met online was a total mind F*** in that she lied about everything. The woman said that she was single, 10 years younger, was enslaved to her successful sister as the babysitter of her sisters 4 kids, when she was not flying for a major airline as a flight attendant. Here is where laws were broken and this went way overboard: she sent me pics of her babysitter who was an attractive 15 yr old, whom she had styled up to look mid 20's. Hair, makeup, clothing. Wow. It was a very amazing job. Law #2 broken: She rented a mailbox under her assumed name and accepted gifts from me. Fraud. Child endangerment. The list goes on. When I found out that she was actually married to a man and had 2 kids of her own I was floored, but she claimed to have been in an abusive relationship, depressed and suffering from borderline personality disorder so I fell for the excuses and tried to be forgiving. Mind you I was recently out of a long term relationship and really liked this woman so I bought the bait.


My one request of her was to get psych help and get on meds if needed because part of her lie was that she had been abducted as a child and molested. The story was elaborate, and she claimed that it was "all over the news" at the time. This was very much pre-internet and news archives are hard to access but I tried and found no such information regarding a high profile abduction at the time that she claimed that this occurred. I made excuses because I refused to believe that anyone would make up a story claiming to have been abducted and she gave me graphic details. The details included her cousin being raped. They were supposedly young girls. This same woman by the way freaked out over the concept of any Butch claiming to be a "Daddy" and having a "Daddy/girl" dynamic, so I suspected that there was some deep trauma there and as is my inherent style, I wanted to help. Ive since backed away from the "rescuer" mentality with the help of a good therapist and the CODA book.


I do not wish to trash this woman or speak ill of her nor do I wish to "out" her, but I must say that when she came clean with me I could not let go of the "abduction" fraud and asked only that she get some pysch help for what seemed to be obvious trauma. She promised to do so and then refused. I tried really hard to be forgiving and focus on what I saw as really important stuff such as her fun personality, and so many things that we had in common. But faking an abduction and molestation, as well as involving a teenager in her game went way beyond bored bisexual housewife playing in an AOL chatroom. This was emotionally terrifying to me on many levels. As I am not a Pscyh professional I will not assume to name the illness that this woman suffers from. Labels get tossed around too easily. I will say that this situation made me aware of how some married bi women struggle with identity and will do almost anything to find someone on the queer spectrum to connect with.

Many people have excuses for their behavior such as feeling trapped in a marriage and so on, but if a person truly has mental health issues and works on them, God bless them. Those that blame others for their behavior and refuse treatment seem like they are just potential loose cannons. They look for people who have big hearts and are compassionate, people who will listen and want to help. My advice to all is to proceed with caution and dont believe everything that you hear. See with your own eyes and believe with your own heart.

[musicman]

Oh, I know of one. nuff said.

[Sun]

Adding....the way that I learned that the "abduction & molestation" story was a fraud was that she told me "go ask my sister and she will tell you what happened". The sister is a PhD in education and I was hopeful that she and I could have a dialogue about how this woman suffered from the abduction. So I did. The sister looked at me and said "My sister is a pathological liar and needs to be hospitalized!!" she was in a rage. I was beyond humiliated. When I confronted the woman who I will refer to as "M" (no relationship to her real name" with this utter humiliation I was told that she only made the story up because she believed that my "ex partner" had invented a story about being molested just to keep me in the relationship. My mind was toasted. I did understand fully that I was dealing with some sort of mental illness, no idea what kind, but I was so devastated and sick over this that I could barely function. In my mind, detaching enough to invent a crime that so many people suffer from was unreal to me. Again, my denial kicked in and I had to find some justifiable way to make sense of this (co-dependent behavior to the max). It was as though I had found someone wonderful and then started to uncover so much deception that I did not want it to be real. When I shared this with a close friend her only response was "run". Humiliation is a form of abuse and while I do believe that M was humiliated as a child, as part of an abusive parent/child relationship, I had hoped that she would get help. M has 2 great kids that would never believe that their Mother was capable of this. The really scary part however is that when she spoke to me, justifying the abduction/molestation lie, she seemed emotionally detached.

Trauma is a fascinating thing in that any new trauma can bring up past trauma so I do have compassion for people that act out in trauma. M had a huge fear of losing me once she realized that I was much more than the booty call that she had logged online to find. The whole situation was very sad. Tragic even and it has impacted my ability to trust strangers. Today I am much more cautious and also very curious as to what could have been had she received good Psychological care as she had vowed to.

[NJFemmie]

What's interesting is - when you deal with someone like this - especially within a close intimate relationship - you start to question your own sanity. "How did you not see this coming? How could you let this happen? Why didn't you see the red flags?" They are so good at what they do, you don't see all of this until it's too late - then it all makes sense. They damage you, even when you think you aren't damaged at all.

[Scota_Parisi]

Interesting topic. Would have to say yes to that question. And the internet hasn't helped people stay safe either. But, I did find an interesting article on the net.

Really, pay attention the warning signs. The last one kinda caught me when I was at a serious low point, eventually I saw those flags.

http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/4...ingLosers.html


The part that speaks volumes is here:

"The Loser" may have two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there. "The Loser" may actually brag about their reputation as a "butt kicker", "womanizer", "hot temper" or "being crazy". They may tell you stories where other's have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.

[J. Mason]

Oh yeah I know of a few.

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by Scota_Parisi

If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.

One comment I'd like to make here is that it is not always possible to determine what type of relationship this "loser" has with other people right off the bat. Take for instance, the long distance relationship - where not being around this person makes it very easy for them to camouflage.

Most, if not all, "buy" their relationships in one form or another - and to the outside world - that is difficult to see until you are actually in it to see it. Those on the receiving end of this "buying" will claim that this person is "too nice" to be anything other than exemplary. Granted, they have a different investment in knowing this person than "you" (the sincere) would - which makes determining the healthy and moral individuals that surround them another hard call to make. They could be just as bad. "Birds of a feather...." It takes time to get to know them as well - and by then it's usually too late.

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Scota_Parisi

"The Loser" may have two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there. "The Loser" may actually brag about their reputation as a "butt kicker", "womanizer", "hot temper" or "being crazy". They may tell you stories where other's have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.

I nearly choked on my coffee when I read this. Someone actually pointed this out to me when I first started dating my loser, only I ignored it. It did all seem very weird, so weird that I ignored it thinking there must be a perfectly rational explanation for it... which there WAS as it turned out

[Toph]

according to Dr. Martha Stout, 1 in 25 people are sociopaths. i personally just dated and was engaged to one who also (i believe) suffers from borderline personality disorder.

they can be high functioning and because they are practiced at the 'con' of acting human or acting moral, they make the greatest actors in the world...that is until they are caught in a lie or in a 'mistruth' or in completely different recollection of a story they forgot they already told.

i have been around a few blocks in my day and a few other peoples blocks, but i have never in my life fallen prey to the 'twisted life' of a sociopath, until recently.

i suggest everyone reads the book The Sociopath Next Door it is a wealth of knowledge and a wonderful guide line to help us see not only what they are capable of but what next to look for before entering into any other situation. it is also a great read for those who need to heal from being the victim of a sociopath.

knowledge is power.

[rustedrims]

As i read all the stuff everyone provides and i do read it all it is my sister to the letter.It is her! She has no sence of responsibility from raising her own kid to renewing her drivers license.Rules and laws do not apply to her.She has no emotion that is reconizeable as human.The cats in her house that was foreclosed on all died of starvation.[At least 20 of them.Another thread}That was her controlling weather they live or die.She could have let them outside on their own to survive.She chose death for them.She does not know i know this and many other things about her.If she knew i can only think of more bad things she will put me through.She manipulates people and gets what she needs at the time from them then throws them away for her next victom/target.People are disposible to her.She is not human.She is no longer part of my life or the kids cousins and her friends no longer exist for her.Sad but true.When mom talks about her kids she says the 3 kids.In reality she has 4.That is sad.I am not diagenosing her but the similaritys are very accurate in this case.It is her.I do miss my sister.I do not miss the person she has become.She is dead to me.

[Toph]

Originally Posted by rustedrims

As i read all the stuff everyone provides and i do read it all it is my sister to the letter.It is her! She has no sence of responsibility from raising her own kid to renewing her drivers license.Rules and laws do not apply to her.She has no emotion that is reconizeable as human.The cats in her house that was foreclosed on all died of starvation.[At least 20 of them.Another thread}That was her controlling weather they live or die.She could have let them outside on their own to survive.She chose death for them.She does not know i know this and many other things about her.If she knew i can only think of more bad things she will put me through.She manipulates people and gets what she needs at the time from them then throws them away for her next victom/target.People are disposible to her.She is not human.She is no longer part of my life or the kids cousins and her friends no longer exist for her.Sad but true.When mom talks about her kids she says the 3 kids.In reality she has 4.That is sad.I am not diagenosing her but the similaritys are very accurate in this case.It is her.I do miss my sister.I do not miss the person she has become.She is dead to me.

from experience, they [sociopaths] are not capable of the emotion of compassion, they know only how to act it.
your sister sounds like my ex only, my ex did not abuse nor hinder the animals at all. however, that being said, she too believed she floated above the law in so many ways...so many entitlements, that no-one who actually lives in the reality of humanity...would expect.

you are best being away from her and to share what once was said to me 'run from her twisted world'

the separation hurts, the situation is appalling but in the long run you will be best off and you will heal.

remember 1 in 25 people are sociopaths...learn what you can from that.

[rustedrims]

Gotta get past Wednesday.Seeing the moderator and my sister.I will be getting my "Shit together" tomorrow.I will be sitting at my new counter/island after work in the morning going through all my paperwork i have collected through these months.I made some notes a while ago at work when i had some free time.I will get them in order and pick out the most important things i want to say.The thing is that this will be the LAST TIME i will talk to her in my lifetime.I am sad because i will loose my sister but extremely angry what she has done to me by putting me in the legal system all based on a lie that she truley believes.I will most definately bring that up.The rage inside me is very over whelming.Working on the breathing thing so my chest doesnt tighten up on me.Not a good feeling.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by rustedrims

Gotta get past Wednesday.Seeing the moderator and my sister.I will be getting my "Shit together" tomorrow.I will be sitting at my new counter/island after work in the morning going through all my paperwork i have collected through these months.I made some notes a while ago at work when i had some free time.I will get them in order and pick out the most important things i want to say.The thing is that this will be the LAST TIME i will talk to her in my lifetime.I am sad because i will loose my sister but extremely angry what she has done to me by putting me in the legal system all based on a lie that she truley believes.I will most definately bring that up.The rage inside me is very over whelming.Working on the breathing thing so my chest doesnt tighten up on me.Not a good feeling.

How did it go yesterday?

[rustedrims]

Originally Posted by Toph

from experience, they [sociopaths] are not capable of the emotion of compassion, they know only how to act it.
your sister sounds like my ex only, my ex did not abuse nor hinder the animals at all. however, that being said, she too believed she floated above the law in so many ways...so many entitlements, that no-one who actually lives in the reality of humanity...would expect.

you are best being away from her and to share what once was said to me 'run from her twisted world'

the separation hurts, the situation is appalling but in the long run you will be best off and you will heal.

remember 1 in 25 people are sociopaths...learn what you can from that.

Hey Toph,

I have learned alot from this expirence.I have learned to cut my losses and sacrifice a sister to her twisted way of life.My contact with her ended yesterday.This i will struggle with but will enforce it within my lifes journeys.My older sister says she needs a pill.I told her no,there is nothing and nobody that can help her.She is an emptyness of a human being.A way i explained it to her was trying to start a car without an engine.It just isnt going to start.I also tried to explain that she is a target/victum and not a sister.How she sets small goals with each person she needs something from.It is all crazy and heart breaking.Slowly i am getting it.
Thank you Toph.

s.

[rustedrims]

Last wednesday was kinda tough and nerve racking.Before we even got started i said what i wanted from now on from her.That being said i told her i wanted no contact with her and i do not like her ect..ect..ect..The thing i said at the ending of that statement is that she is dead to me.That was the last time i will ever be in contact with my second oldest sister.I did see a very small,Very Small fraction of a human emotion in her once maybe twice.Very small i will say again.I was very surprised that when i was talking she never intrupted however i did inturupt her.I have zero tolerance for adults that lie.The thing that was surprising the most to me was that she told "her" story of the events that happened to get us where we are today.I was there and i do know the facts to the story.That didnt put one hesitation in the lies she told when explaining the events that happened.She brought up the fact that i still have those 10 days in jail hanging over my head for a year.Kept repeating it and i asked her why do i need to be in jail?She didnt have an answer.The Moderator was a very soft spoken guy and listened to everything.He finally seperated us and heard both sides to the story.I had those pictures sitting infront of me the whole time.They were pictures of her house inside and out.She never put those cats out in life as well as in death.She didnt clean up after them or herself.The guy that "cleaned" out her house said at least 20 cats were in there.The smell was horriffic as well as what i saw.I will never forget what i saw and smelled that day.The Moderator did ask to see the pictures and as he was looking through them he said "You know she has a problem" I said "Yes i know".
Fast forward a little.We were able to see the Magistrate before we left and agreed to the Civil Protection Order i think it is called.He asked my sister how long she would like it on me and she said 2 years.Then i was asked if i agreed to that and i said i would agree to five years and life if i could pick that.She was asked if she agreed to that and she said yeah lets do that,the five year.She of course made it all sound like it was her idea.I think it is pretty sad that the county court system has to tell me to stay way and dont call my own sister.Iwas already doing that for a few years.The only up side thing to all this is that she has to abide to the same rules as i do.I am not as "jumpy" as i was a week ago.I never know when or where she will pop up. There was a time that she did show genuine anger.She mentioned to the Moderator i was not to pick the kid up at school or have any contact with her.He said why?You see she only had her name on that Protection Order and not the kids name like the last one.She was a little pissed that she couldnt control that.I am thinking i will be texting the kid in a few days just to tell her i miss her and still love her.She is 16.There has not been a week or a few days that would go by that i didnt talk to her text her call her or stop by and visit her.I was there when she was born.I saw the color of her hair before her mom did.She is with her dad now and i miss her terribly.I havent had any contact with her in almost 8 months.When i do text her i will not expect a response.That will be ok.I did get some things out of the house for her after the bank forclosed on the house she grew up in.She hasnt seen and knows nothing on the condition of the house at its worst.My sister was given 45 days to get her stuff out and never made an attempt.She was concentrating on getting me in jail.She doesnt know i have what i have and know how her mom was living.
However i am confident my sister will still get me in some way cash in on those 10 days in jail.
I am confident she is not completely done with me and the legal system.
I am confident she will some how and some way find something to keep me away from my niece.
I am confident she will loose yet another job she has had for 2 weeks.Another story.
I am confident i will not have a problem staying away from her.
I am confident i will be ok.

With that being said it is in the past and that is where it will stay.I am going forward with my life and planning happy and fun things to do.
I still have a heavyness in my chest i need to get rid of.I believe i will put myself in counseling.I have also had a few bad dreams i do not want to come back.Had one again today that woke me up.

Thank you all for the support and kind words.None of it goes un-noticed.
A BIG THANK-YOU for reading !!Very much appreciated.

You all have my best.
Sheila.