PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by J. Mason

Anyone else suffer from being scared over small things after having major surgery?

I had major surgery over a year ago and am not fully healed and I am scared to death about falling.

Yes, that feeling takes a while to go away, but it will as you heal.

[J. Mason]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Yes, that feeling takes a while to go away, but it will as you heal.

Good cuz I can't stand the feelings I have, I am scared about almost everything.

[Nat]

Got triggered tonight for the first time in a long while. Not terribly triggered but still. triggered. And the weird thing about being triggered for me is that I *cannot* communicate effectively when it happens. I just get rigid. frozen. cold. distant. hostile. And just like it's way easier to spend money than it is to earn it, it's way easier to get triggered than it is to get untriggered. There's really no explaining what's going on. I know well enough that time will help. Pretty much nothing but time helps. And I feel split. Part of me in this dark, silent, awful void - and then this other part just floating above it observing it all go down and waiting for my heart and mind to be a safe place to be again. I know it's a matter of time.

Speaking of which, it's past my bedtime. So time for meditation and hopefully eventually sleep. And tomorrow I hope to feel like me again.

[SoNotHer]

I appreciate someone giving voice to this, Nat. Time and sleep help heal. I hope you get a good sleep tonight.

Originally Posted by Nat

Got triggered tonight for the first time in a long while. Not terribly triggered but still. triggered. And the weird thing about being triggered for me is that I *cannot* communicate effectively when it happens. I just get rigid. frozen. cold. distant. hostile. And just like it's way easier to spend money than it is to earn it, it's way easier to get triggered than it is to get untriggered. There's really no explaining what's going on. I know well enough that time will help. Pretty much nothing but time helps. And I feel split. Part of me in this dark, silent, awful void - and then this other part just floating above it observing it all go down and waiting for my heart and mind to be a safe place to be again. I know it's a matter of time.

Speaking of which, it's past my bedtime. So time for meditation and hopefully eventually sleep. And tomorrow I hope to feel like me again.

[greeneyedgrrl]

i wish i'd known about this thread sooner! i've been really struggling with my ptsd lately and have had several severe panic attacks for the first time in years.. it's comforting to know i'm in good company.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Nat

Got triggered tonight for the first time in a long while. Not terribly triggered but still. triggered. And the weird thing about being triggered for me is that I *cannot* communicate effectively when it happens. I just get rigid. frozen. cold. distant. hostile. And just like it's way easier to spend money than it is to earn it, it's way easier to get triggered than it is to get untriggered. There's really no explaining what's going on. I know well enough that time will help. Pretty much nothing but time helps. And I feel split. Part of me in this dark, silent, awful void - and then this other part just floating above it observing it all go down and waiting for my heart and mind to be a safe place to be again. I know it's a matter of time.

Speaking of which, it's past my bedtime. So time for meditation and hopefully eventually sleep. And tomorrow I hope to feel like me again.

(((Nat))) I wish I could just sit next to you quietly like you did for me at Reunion. I get the same way.

Originally Posted by greeneyedgrrl

i wish i'd known about this thread sooner! i've been really struggling with my ptsd lately and have had several severe panic attacks for the first time in years.. it's comforting to know i'm in good company.

I still have good days and bad...more good right now, but I totally understand.

I hope you can find some answers or just come in here and vent. I did not know how to subscribe till recently (hangs head in shame) but do now and will be in more often to discuss or just listen.

We all have days when we just need to be listened to.

Glad we are still here to live another day....even when that seems like the hardest thing to do.

[Nat]

It was an important discussion I had with my mom last night. I think it was anyway. Talking about the underbelly of our family. The secrets in the complicated family dynamic as those who have wounded most have become increasingly frail and in need of care. Looking at the most horrible behaviors and how they affected us all either directly or indirectly or both. It was a good conversation - the two of us satellites of an elderly predator and another who was first prey and then preyed on us in different ways. It's like trying to put mismatched puzzle-pieces together. There are no answers I can see.

The hardest thing is that these were the men I've loved the most, depended on the most. And now they both are facing mortality indifferent ways. I love them both and so does she. Love is a hard thing when it's the kind that comes with scars well-formed.

I have learned to turn away from thoughts that cause me to relive the realities that formed my demons. I have figured out that deeper digging retraumatizes and re-wounds. It makes the groove deeper. But sometimes having a deep-down honest conversation about the history we share and the history we don't seems so necessary. But I'm tired of openin up old wounds.