Femme Led Relationships and Trans/Butch/Femme Bottoms

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by Sachita

Softness I was thinking about you, about all this and wondered how your femdom relationship was going. I hope you're having fun being treated like a Goddess.

Hello Sachita and all others reading this thread. My femdom relationship is going well. He is above board in his service to me. He has extensive experience, far beyond anything I could ever imagine, and brings it humbly to me to honor my needs. Being sickly again, his service is needed more in a caretaking role at the moment. I adore him and am grateful for his devotion.

I dont expect anyone to treat me like a Goddess except me. I take that role upon myself. I spoil me and indulge me and meet my own needs, especially if its by finding the right people to be around me. As for foot rubs or having my porch painted, those are negotiable items. I ask for nothing I would not be extremely appreciative of. None of it is ever expected out of foolish whimsical "show me you love me" shit. I dont need to be loved. Seriously. When you love yourself well, like I have discovered to do, you dont need to have anyone prove their love to you. When someone is in my life, they are there because I want them to be there. Very very few people are there for any other reason. And those are mostly non social contacts.

I also see people discussing masculine energy. I use to think I didnt have any. Then I put a cock on. Hah. I am still a femme but something bended around inside me and I got to see how not different I was to the masculined version of humans I am. For a long time after packing for the first time, I would look in the mirrors as I passed them as tho I were seeing myself for the first time. I embrace who I am and dont get caught up in the pronouns of our language. I know I am not the girl I once thought I was...

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by softness

I dont expect anyone to treat me like a Goddess except me. I take that role upon myself. I spoil me and indulge me and meet my own needs, especially if its by finding the right people to be around me. As for foot rubs or having my porch painted, those are negotiable items. I ask for nothing I would not be extremely appreciative of. None of it is ever expected out of foolish whimsical "show me you love me" shit. I dont need to be loved. Seriously. When you love yourself well, like I have discovered to do, you dont need to have anyone prove their love to you. When someone is in my life, they are there because I want them to be there. Very very few people are there for any other reason. And those are mostly non social contacts.

I understand your point. It's not a question of need for me. Truth is I don't really need anyone and I love myself. It's not proof I require but an expectation or standard I've acquired and it sooooooo enhances the dynamic.

I'm happy for you. You totally deserve it

[Gentle Tiger]

Can I just say I am really enjoying this thread? Ok, good.
I am enjoying this thread. Makes you think. And critical thinking, contrary to popular belief is a good thing.

[Martina]

But doncha just love it when you can make Her feel like a god?

i am in a femme-led poly D/s relationship. i like it that i am the only one in Her life who can help Her feel THAT particular way.

[DamonK]

Keep in mind MBE and I are switches... And since it can be hard, J is the switch side of me...

We've gone through changes. Some bad, some good. I had to have an attitude adjustment. And she had to learn some nasty lessons. We stepped back into an equal role, yet at the same time I always know who is in charge. I ask for permission to do things -- sometimes. If it goes outside the scope of my reality, which is really too hard to explain, I ask for permission.

The one thing that never changed is the feeling of her strength over me when I can't do it anymore.

Last week, I found out I was, in many ways, disowned by my parents for being trans. I'm not welcome home, that's for sure. As a result, being dominant is proving to be almost impossible. I can at times, but most of the time, I just can't right now.

Lucky for me, she understands what I'm going through and is such an amazing person.

What amazes me is that, being switches, when I can't; she can and vice versa.

For now, she leads. And I follow. I trust that she is capable of holding her own and she trusts I'm doing okay. As my dominant, she is my strength.

For us, I guess that's what it comes down to.

[Sachita]

Oh and the primal thing.... I love tapping that but admit it doesn't come around often enough. It's rare to share space with another human who can leave all the outside shit outside and get get down to the essence of sexual energy.

[Tawse]

great thread!

If someone were to ask - I'd say I was a switch (both D/s and S/M), however my soul for lack of a better word - is firmly rooted in the submission and masochism part of the equation.

I absolutely love taking care of the wife, pampering her, spoiling her, following her agenda, itinerary, rules, regulations, whims... you name it. And don't get me started on masochism

It's been good reading through this thread though it's also been a sobering wake up call.

Trying to figure out how to word this.

Gillian and I just are how we are in person. I am naturally submissive to her and it's pretty damn hard not to notice it. I get no flack from people in real life and I honestly don't know if they think less of me - but if they do they don't have the stupidity to approach me about it... so good for them! lol

I was in SL for a bit - and it wasn't a problem there either, but that may be because for some odd reason (not intentional by any means) the people we hung around had either a similar mindset, or they didn't give a rats ass about it.

I haven't since I've been here read anything that was derogatory as far as someone being butch and submissive... I have read some "ooook" statements about femmes and cocks though..

But anyway - this thread has both been fun, and a reminder that there are idiots out there and that apparently I've surrounded myself with a great group of people that have allowed me to pretty much forget the idiocity of others in regards to this situation.

[Tawse]

Not sure if this is the right place for this, but since I've been more and more active on the Planet I've noticed something and it perplexed me.

All the hating on Femme Cocks, Femme Dominance/Leadership... and I'll take everyone's word for it, Butch bottoms and by association with the Femme cock - Butches who take cock.

I was trying to figure out why this was such a wake up call for me and I think I may have figured it out.

I left the online "GLBTQI" community in favor of the BDSM community.

I remember back in the MSN chat room days - we had to fight like dogs to be able to discuss BDSM in the open room while in gay chat rooms. Then there was the ostracism of the B&Fs, and those who didn't call themselves Lesbian.. those who weren't born female.. and literally anything else under the sun that the lesbian police could think of to bully you about.

And it didn't stop online - the bars I went to were full of the same looking people. No one too butch and no one too femme, and if you were then by golly you were sitting at the bar by yourself and chances are you were getting some serious ass stares.

My response? I went to a BDSM bar/club (and forums online). holy shit was that an eye opener. Every single body type, orientation, hell you think of it and it was there. And no one gave a single fucking damn. As long as you followed the protocol and the rules... who gave a shit.

It didn't matter if you were a butch bottom, if you took cock.. if you took cock up the ass.. hell if you took an arm up the ass.. who the fuck cares!! As long as it was consensual (and safe) for both people.

And I admit it - I got used to being in that atmosphere. I forgot about the hating of people who were different than you.

So yeah.. here I am... being reminded. Wow.

Snow - you may not even know it but I owe you an apology. When I first started reading threads I was just blown away (not in a happy fuzzy way lol) at how assertive and aggressive you seemed to be about Femme Cock... I had no idea the bullshit you put up with. You have my apologies.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Tawse,

I too like you found my comfort in the Leather/BDSM world when it came to my gender, who I am, what I am, my sex and kinks. When I hang around my butch,trans,male,women and femme peers amongst this community I don't get shamed or eeewed because I happen to be a Femme Top or because I am proud of my Femme Cock.


Not once have my boys or girl been shamed, dismissed, looked upon as less, criticized, eeewwed because their Ms has a cock.

(BTW there are people here who been incredibly accepting, it's few but they exist and I heart them)

Misogyny, sexism, and machismo are so deeply enrooted in some people that it has leaked into our very own community I find that to be this online community more than the world I live in everyday. I don't know why so many people cling to the binary and heteronormative thinking of what masculine, feminine, cock, femme, butch should be, act like or look like. I don't know why a Femme cock is feared, laughed at, seen as entertainment, riduculed.

Wait, I do know why.. It's continued super imposed heirarchy that continues to be imposed over and over because sex= femme is the receiver only. NO MAS!!!

My aggressiveness and assertiveness is my passion and my fight that I have been doing on these boards for a long time won't end. It's funny how a Femme who is not of a quiet demeanor is viewed this way when protecting or fighthing for her right to also have desires and wants and to be able to freely express them like the butches and ftms on the boards.

We exist, Femme Tops, Bossy girls, Femme's who can rock a cock longer and stronger and sweeter than most, we are here within all the other expressions, desires and kinks that run amok freely without judgement and shame.

Thank you for apologizing and *seeing* that it's not anger, agression that I speak with, it's passion, frustration and WANT that you hear in my voice (words) because damn it my status, my dominance and my cock is just as valid it is not less than just because it's on me a Femme.


PS

I can't even go into how shitty butches, trans guys, boys, bois are treated, it angers me because NOT ONCE is a submissive girl dismissed in the demeanor the boys/bois are. It's just gross homophobic and rude

[Sachita]

I'm feeling a bit isolated these days. I spent a few days away from the farm while Wanton Boi looked after things. To be honest I was feeling pretty predatory (word stolen from a recent conversation with a friend) and needed to project my dominance. Wanton couldn't wait for me to get home so hy could go home and escape the work "I am". Hys words were "I need a few days off." Ok thats cool. But in I was still disappointed. It seems that hy is submissive to me when it suits hym and I've allowed this to happen because it's more then what I had before. These deep feelings in me have awoke and nothing else compares. To be honest I'm a little sad under all that hotness.

Many many moons ago although I did feel comfort in the BDSM community female domination was still frowned upon. My style was spiritual, nurturing and more of an emotional dynamic then physical BDSM play. I had this very strict protocol and it truly was "My way or the highway". I didn't have safewords and my relationships 24/7. Even BDSM'ers found my style a bit unrealistic and concluded that I was full of myself. I enjoy female supremacy as part of my sexual/spiritual scene. I don't really feel that I am superior to everyone else. I just enjoy that whole dynamic with someone. There were few circles I really felt comfortable even within BDSM.

Anyhow I need to sort some things out and was hoping I could share some things here and of course get some feedback. My life, for all intent and purposes, is great! I struggled with a lot of conflict, had a few butch-femme relationships and feel, for the most part, that I know what I want. Still looming is some conflict and fear wondering if what I want truly does exist.

I miss my old life. Especially now with the little dabblings from Wanton Boi. Many parts of me are the same, however I have evolved into a truly multifaceted woman. One who is truly with me needs to be flexible and secure. This is something Wanton is not. I'd like to find something in the middle, if that makes sense. Someone who feels comfortable with me leading and not threatened by it. I love butch boi's but I don't think I can do the stone thing. At the same time I don't always feel the need to wear cock and fuck someone, I prefer being fucked, but if that mood strikes (and it does!) I want them to be receptive.

One of Wanton's biggest complaints about me is that I am often aloof and hard to read. I often am focused on work and I might completely ignore you without thinking about it. I've heard this from others that have served me or been in relationships with. I enjoy my space a lone but I really enjoy someone in the background attending to me. Someone that truly is at my beck and call and enjoys it. Is this selfish?

There are times when I feel a poly relationship, myself and several bottoms, would work best for me. The only problem with this is that I need to "feel" primary and be totally in charge. It doesnt work for me any other way. I don't have jealousy and insecurity like some. It's more of a possession and ownership. Does this make sense?

Finally, I want to explore more of these types of relationships even if they are on a limited basis. Living in the country makes dating so hard as it is. I truly am a subculture within a subculture. Where do you feel is the best place to explore and find others of like mind? Is it me or is it hard finding femme lead folks in the queer community? I would also enjoy a more private venue. I dislike that anyone can come here and read the forums without being registered. Its not that I have anything to hide but prefer my private stuff private.

[The_Lady_Snow]

why not just get a part time service boi or girl without an expectation since you can't commit 100%? Perhaps there is a boy or girl out there that is willing to be around when the mood strikes you and can make themselves available with little maintenance and with the same aloofness you have. It is possible to have this, a boi or girl without a lot of hands on time or grooming time put into them, it can be negotiated as such. Fet life is a good place to look if you are unwilling to do your local BDSM scene. I would have some references ready in case something comes of your search.

I read your thoughts on how the boi you are doing stuff with left after taking care of your place while you vacationed and you were unable to project your dominance on them, I would have to guess it's because maybe hy.he was tired and figured his duties were done and he too needed something which may have been rest.

Have you tried negotiating with present person in your life??