Relationships - What things do you want & need?

[LieslKate]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Marry me.....

hmmmmmmmm maybe... grits with that roasted peach and pecan stuffed french toast?

[Sachita]

I use to have a list. It included everything Rogue had on her list and probably a few more things. I spent most of my adult life single. At first it was my choice because I looked around me and didnt see anything about a relationship I wanted for my life. The couples I knew were fighting and the often had secrets. The expectations within a relationship were just too much for me.

Eventually I got around to giving it a roll. I had some good ones, really bad ones and to be honest a list didnt mean anything. In my last relationship, it was awful and it kept me down for a few years but as I look back I see how much it taught me and prepared me for the love of my life.

Today I want someone that is mature, intelligent and compassionate towards humans and animals. Someone that sees the big picture and isnt going to get caught up in the small shit. That if we dont agree, thats ok, we move on and if we fight, thats ok too as long as we stay focused on the big picture.

Today I will not settle for less then I know I deserve and I refuse to be in a relationship just because I'm lonely. Today I want a partner in life and not just a lustful interlude.

I know he will make mistakes and I also know sometimes we'll go in separate directions/paths for a while just as long as we come back around and remember why we got together in the first place.

I am convinced that the secret to a really great relationship is to be commitment in each others happiness. That each day you put your selfishness aside and find ways to make each other happy. It can be anything but the day you dont want to do things to make them happy is the day it begins to fall apart.

[Blade]

Wise wise Lady

Originally Posted by Sachita

I am convinced that the secret to a really great relationship is to be commitment in each others happiness. That each day you put your selfishness aside and find ways to make each other happy. It can be anything but the day you dont want to do things to make them happy is the day it begins to fall apart.

[suebee]

I guess there are some basic things we all want in a partner, otherwise it's just being with someone because we don't want to be alone. But what I've learned over the years is that it's the person's soul I fall in love with. Pretty much everything else is negotiable.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by cybersuebee

I guess there are some basic things we all want in a partner, otherwise it's just being with someone because we don't want to be alone. But what I've learned over the years is that it's the person's soul I fall in love with. Pretty much everything else is negotiable.

For me this is true. Anyone I've ever been with I knew instantly. In fact I can sometimes see a name, never meet someone face to face but somehow know they will be in my life even if just passing through. I've always had this. The only difference today, for me is that I dont try and project shit that isnt there. When you're younger you fall in lust and your mind starts creating a relationship based on what you need and desire. You build this perfect love in your mind & heart then when they fall short you're disappointed and its downhill from there.

My honey is a man in every sense of the word. If you asked me 10 years ago if I'd ever date a man I'd laugh at you. In fact my family thought I was teasing them at first. But you see that isnt an issue here because right away we made a soulful connection, not based on what we had or what gender we are. Now it did scare the shit out of us because we had never done that before, quite like that but as we talked, learned more about how compatible we are the more drawn we were to be together.

You can have all the lust and fireworks in the world but if you're not on the same page you'll struggle. I could have enjoyed him, the ride but I partner with him because we share the same moral convictions, lifestyle interest, animals, spiritual, etc. We are almost the same in many ways yet different and definitely a masculine/feminine dynamic which is important to both of us. In fact essential.

For me it has to make sense. Otherwise I'm happy to love someone, laugh with them and be close without sharing my life. Sharing my life, a marriage, etc. requires a hearty foundation.

[Soft*Silver]

I use to have this laundry list of what I looked for in someone. It started it out with the "givens"..honesty, faithfulness, emotionally available, sober, good conversationalist, responsible, financially secure, developmentally mature, good hygiene, accepting of my daughter, understands my love of horses, and of course, trustworthy.

I have dated people who were not those things...in one or more ways. I thought that I could ignore these characteristics I desired or I thought they had the potential for these things and in time would come around to them.

I was just plain stupid in thinking that! But until recently, I was angry at them for not meeting up with my desires.

Fairly recently I have pretty much decided that the real answer lies in me. I need to be all of the above and not quiver away from it when the other person doesnt seem to fit. Its ME that doesnt fit them! ME!

So, I have worked hard at making sure I am secure in myself and that I have myself, what characteristics I want in someone else.

right now I have a LDR with a very nice guy. We are moving very slowly...very very slowly....meaning no geographic changes, and no making decisions in our personal lives based on the other person. We love and care for the other...but we both are working on ourselves. Until we are ready, we simply arent ready for the Big Stuff.

So...what I needed in someone, was for them not to grab for the brass ring when the ride just started. What I needed was to have that brass ring and enjoy it and wait awhile befire I am willing to share it with someone else, and not just give them a free ride.

What I want, is to live happily ever after...and what I know, is I am doing that..with or without someone. I am the only one who can make me happy. Me. Someone can match me, like a twin, in happiness but I am not relying on anyone again, to do for me what I need to do for myself.

I am so much calmer nowadays...lol.

[Just_G]

I have never been the type that can't live happily unless partnered with someone...quite the opposite really. I will admit that I have gotten into a couple of relationships that I knew in my heart wouldn't work out....as my gut is never wrong....but when all of my friends are coupled and I was the only single going to all the events with them, it got old, so I thought I could make something work with someone. WRONGO G!

I have learned that I would rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones.

Sachita is the one that mentioned secrets I believe (without going back and looking..correct me if I am wrong), and while I think everyone has skeletons in their closets, myself included, I think that secrets in relationships do not work out in the end. I try to be an open book to everyone I know...within limits of course, but I don't want secrets to come between us. Feelings get hurt, resentment starts, trust is damaged, and those are all things that are hard to overcome and move on from....yet they are all things that you need in any kind of relationship. One of my exes kept some things from me that my friends knew about, and after the break up, they all came to me and told me they knew...which then made me resent them in a way because they didn't come to me sooner. I thought my friends were supposed to be there for me....not just after the fact, but when it went down so that I didn't get hurt to begin with. I had to distance myself from them and when I see them out, they want to act like nothing is wrong and hang out like before.

My grandma always said, "secrets don't make friends". Wise woman! So, I don't think secrets have any room in a relationship.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by LieslKate

hmmmmmmmm maybe... grits with that roasted peach and pecan stuffed french toast?

have to pass on the grits, darlin'

[Semantics]

1. Should have the ability to cock one eyebrow at me.
2. Must like children, animals, and plants.
3. I’ll share my closet but not my bookshelf. Bring your own.
4. I don't mind weird but I don't do well with inconsistent.
5. Should be non-religious.
6. Unwillingness to let me push the cart in the grocery store is a deal breaker.
7. Never, ever compare my Italian Greyhound to a rat.

[bigbutchmistie]

I should add to mine

Someone who is a complete girly girl. But who isnt materialistic or stuck up.

Down to earth, and funny, kind and sweet. Someone with a huge heart like mine...

I love to spoil and pamper my partner. Someone who loves it but doesnt expect it.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Semantics

1. Should have the ability to cock one eyebrow at me.
2. Must like children, animals, and plants.
3. I’ll share my closet but not my bookshelf. Bring your own.
4. I don't mind weird but I don't do well with inconsistent.
5. Should be non-religious.
6. Unwillingness to let me push the cart in the grocery store is a deal breaker.
7. Never, ever compare my Italian Greyhound to a rat.

great list!

[LieslKate]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

have to pass on the grits, darlin'

NO grits??????????? Ohhhhhhhhhhh wait you are a GA transplant... skip the grits... how about lots of good, dark coffee with real cream??

[LieslKate]

A well seasoned Butch... confident, comfy in their own skin, must LOVE sex, monogamous, a sense of humour, adores Femmes, snogging and has not forgotten how to play... in every sense of the word !

[bigbutchmistie]

I forgot to add. A girly girl that accepts the fact that I am trans.