The Heart of Me

[LaneyDoll]

~Tattered~

The edges of the photograph were tattered from the constant handling of the print. It was the only tangible souvenir I had of her, of us, although I had bittersweet memories in my mind. But the photograph was my favorite refuge. I wondered what she would think if she knew the amount of time I spent with her picture. If she could feel my fingers lightly tracing the smoothness of her skin, or the strong outline of her jaw, or the fullness of her soft lips, or the dark beauty of her hair.

I wondered if she would think I was crazy because I wouldn't frame the print and preserve it; I had thought so myself. But to frame it would create a barrier to my longing touch, my imagined contact with her.

A haunting reminder, her picture allowed me to kiss her every night before I went to bed. A simple familiarity that soothed me by allowing me to escape into a world where she was mine and I was hers. A nightly ritual performed without fail, comforting yet eternally new. I feared that time would eradicate her picture. The oils from my skin, the moisture from my lips and the constant contact were surely damaging.

But I could never resist the lure of the tattered picture beside my bed. The only tangible souvenir of the most fulfilling love I had ever known. The delicate proof that a love, worthy of fairy tales, could exist. And it existed now, in the gentle touches and spellbinding caresses bestowed upon a tattered photograph, of the one who would always, even in absence, have my love.

[LaneyDoll]

"The Letter" is NOT mine. But it is the inspiration for "Tattered."

Dearest J,

Some times I feel there is a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times, seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. In the moon tonight, there's a circle around it-a sign of trouble not far behind. I had this dream of being whole-of not going to sleep each night wanting, but still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I have had my happiness. I want to believe it but, there is no man, J. Only that moon.

[LaneyDoll]

"In the Moment" by Laney


In the moment that you loved me
I found the hope I needed so
And when you took me in your arms
I prayed you'd never let me go

A lifetime of doubt in myself
Suddenly, I was free
And I found that freedom
In the moment that you loved me

In the moment that you loved me
I took a breath and dried my tears
And when night fell upon me
I had the strength to face my fears

All of the times I felt alone
Like a broken harmony
But you helped me sing again
In the moment that you loved me

In the moment that you loved me
I knew I would never cry again
And in a simple band of gold
I knew my future had began

Struggling in the chains I wore
Fighting to find the key
And you helped my spirit fly
In the moment that you loved me

[LaneyDoll]

"Fate" by Laney

Walking through both time and space
I am a stranger in my soul
Watching as life passes me
I've never had control

Faking interactions
With each person that I see
Do they know my blank stare
Hides a heart that wants to flee

Suspended animation
Of a mind that screams alone
Silent trepidation
Of a heart with love unshown

A sudden flash of intrigue
In a wanderer so blue
The promise of a better world
In the open arms of you

Tiny fragile moments
Held securely in my hand
The times I feel alone
Slip away like sand

In your love I find hope,
Someone I can trust
And glimpes of passion
The treasures of lust

So take my hand, walk with me
Through this world unknown
Perhaps in one another,
Our hearts will find a home

[LaneyDoll]

“All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems... But all these stars are silent. You-You alone will have stars as no one else has them... In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night..You, only you, will have stars that can laugh! And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me... You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure... It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

[LaneyDoll]

~She~

When she is away from me, I ache for her.

It is only in her presence, in her embrace, that I feel complete.

There is never a moment where she is not in my thoughts,
in my heart,
in my soul.

My first thought in the morning,
my last in the evening.

She brings magic to my dreams and fills my sleep with peace.

She is my world and my world is empty without her.

[LaneyDoll]

"Wrap Me" by Laney

Wrap me in your darkness
for I need it to feel secure.
Tell me that no matter what,
you will always be here.
Take these quiet moments
and fill them with your kiss.
Embrace me in your darkness,
for that is my only wish.
When you tell me that you love me,
you cut me to the bone.
Because the times that we are apart,
leave me restless and forlorn.
It seems that I cannot find you
and I'm wandering without lead.
But my heart knows you are with me
and you are all I'll ever need.