Beyond Owning It...

[atomiczombie]

I am far too hard on myself. I set impossible standards for myself to follow and then when I don't meet those standards, I bash myself. I would never expect things from others that I expect from myself. I guess I am my own self-abuser.

It's really mostly the voice of my older brother than I have internalized (and probably that mean baby-sitter I had when I was 6, and a mean 1st grade teacher too), but it doesn't make it much easier to remember that. I work on this in therapy all the time, but I don't really *do* much about it beyond occasionally acknowledging it. I really need to cut myself some slack. It's hard. My brain is so programmed from childhood to do this, it seems almost impossible to find a new way to think. Does anyone have any advice for me?

[SoNotHer]

AZ, I think some of us hear that voice. It's good that you know where it comes from. A next step would be to start to classify the kind of thought it is:

Oh looky there, another pot shot comment.

Oh, here we go with another burst-my-own bubble comment

And what do you know, here's another completely baseless self-disparaging remark that feels like a rotten tomato tossed at me.

Once you classify the thoughts, you can start to realize a type and pattern, This no only quantities and clarifies the problem, it diminishes the power of the problem.

So call these thoughts what the are. Thank them and let them go. And then follow up with a chaser of positive thought like, "Hey, wasn't I great at___ yesterday" or "I'm so thankful for _______" or simply "I'm a good person doing good things."

This takes some practice, but it does work. And you will begin to feel differently in time.

The other thing you can do is start to catalog what your body does when you have a disparaging vs. an affirming thought. Just pay attention to your body's reaction. I think you'll find it fascinating.

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I am far too hard on myself. I set impossible standards for myself to follow and then when I don't meet those standards, I bash myself... I really need to cut myself some slack. It's hard. My brain is so programmed from childhood to do this, it seems almost impossible to find a new way to think. Does anyone have any advice for me?