Femme Led Relationships and Trans/Butch/Femme Bottoms

[The_Lady_Snow]

Tawse,

I too like you found my comfort in the Leather/BDSM world when it came to my gender, who I am, what I am, my sex and kinks. When I hang around my butch,trans,male,women and femme peers amongst this community I don't get shamed or eeewed because I happen to be a Femme Top or because I am proud of my Femme Cock.


Not once have my boys or girl been shamed, dismissed, looked upon as less, criticized, eeewwed because their Ms has a cock.

(BTW there are people here who been incredibly accepting, it's few but they exist and I heart them)

Misogyny, sexism, and machismo are so deeply enrooted in some people that it has leaked into our very own community I find that to be this online community more than the world I live in everyday. I don't know why so many people cling to the binary and heteronormative thinking of what masculine, feminine, cock, femme, butch should be, act like or look like. I don't know why a Femme cock is feared, laughed at, seen as entertainment, riduculed.

Wait, I do know why.. It's continued super imposed heirarchy that continues to be imposed over and over because sex= femme is the receiver only. NO MAS!!!

My aggressiveness and assertiveness is my passion and my fight that I have been doing on these boards for a long time won't end. It's funny how a Femme who is not of a quiet demeanor is viewed this way when protecting or fighthing for her right to also have desires and wants and to be able to freely express them like the butches and ftms on the boards.

We exist, Femme Tops, Bossy girls, Femme's who can rock a cock longer and stronger and sweeter than most, we are here within all the other expressions, desires and kinks that run amok freely without judgement and shame.

Thank you for apologizing and *seeing* that it's not anger, agression that I speak with, it's passion, frustration and WANT that you hear in my voice (words) because damn it my status, my dominance and my cock is just as valid it is not less than just because it's on me a Femme.


PS

I can't even go into how shitty butches, trans guys, boys, bois are treated, it angers me because NOT ONCE is a submissive girl dismissed in the demeanor the boys/bois are. It's just gross homophobic and rude

[Sachita]

I'm feeling a bit isolated these days. I spent a few days away from the farm while Wanton Boi looked after things. To be honest I was feeling pretty predatory (word stolen from a recent conversation with a friend) and needed to project my dominance. Wanton couldn't wait for me to get home so hy could go home and escape the work "I am". Hys words were "I need a few days off." Ok thats cool. But in I was still disappointed. It seems that hy is submissive to me when it suits hym and I've allowed this to happen because it's more then what I had before. These deep feelings in me have awoke and nothing else compares. To be honest I'm a little sad under all that hotness.

Many many moons ago although I did feel comfort in the BDSM community female domination was still frowned upon. My style was spiritual, nurturing and more of an emotional dynamic then physical BDSM play. I had this very strict protocol and it truly was "My way or the highway". I didn't have safewords and my relationships 24/7. Even BDSM'ers found my style a bit unrealistic and concluded that I was full of myself. I enjoy female supremacy as part of my sexual/spiritual scene. I don't really feel that I am superior to everyone else. I just enjoy that whole dynamic with someone. There were few circles I really felt comfortable even within BDSM.

Anyhow I need to sort some things out and was hoping I could share some things here and of course get some feedback. My life, for all intent and purposes, is great! I struggled with a lot of conflict, had a few butch-femme relationships and feel, for the most part, that I know what I want. Still looming is some conflict and fear wondering if what I want truly does exist.

I miss my old life. Especially now with the little dabblings from Wanton Boi. Many parts of me are the same, however I have evolved into a truly multifaceted woman. One who is truly with me needs to be flexible and secure. This is something Wanton is not. I'd like to find something in the middle, if that makes sense. Someone who feels comfortable with me leading and not threatened by it. I love butch boi's but I don't think I can do the stone thing. At the same time I don't always feel the need to wear cock and fuck someone, I prefer being fucked, but if that mood strikes (and it does!) I want them to be receptive.

One of Wanton's biggest complaints about me is that I am often aloof and hard to read. I often am focused on work and I might completely ignore you without thinking about it. I've heard this from others that have served me or been in relationships with. I enjoy my space a lone but I really enjoy someone in the background attending to me. Someone that truly is at my beck and call and enjoys it. Is this selfish?

There are times when I feel a poly relationship, myself and several bottoms, would work best for me. The only problem with this is that I need to "feel" primary and be totally in charge. It doesnt work for me any other way. I don't have jealousy and insecurity like some. It's more of a possession and ownership. Does this make sense?

Finally, I want to explore more of these types of relationships even if they are on a limited basis. Living in the country makes dating so hard as it is. I truly am a subculture within a subculture. Where do you feel is the best place to explore and find others of like mind? Is it me or is it hard finding femme lead folks in the queer community? I would also enjoy a more private venue. I dislike that anyone can come here and read the forums without being registered. Its not that I have anything to hide but prefer my private stuff private.

[The_Lady_Snow]

why not just get a part time service boi or girl without an expectation since you can't commit 100%? Perhaps there is a boy or girl out there that is willing to be around when the mood strikes you and can make themselves available with little maintenance and with the same aloofness you have. It is possible to have this, a boi or girl without a lot of hands on time or grooming time put into them, it can be negotiated as such. Fet life is a good place to look if you are unwilling to do your local BDSM scene. I would have some references ready in case something comes of your search.

I read your thoughts on how the boi you are doing stuff with left after taking care of your place while you vacationed and you were unable to project your dominance on them, I would have to guess it's because maybe hy.he was tired and figured his duties were done and he too needed something which may have been rest.

Have you tried negotiating with present person in your life??

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

why not just get a part time service boi or girl without an expectation since you can't commit 100%? Perhaps there is a boy or girl out there that is willing to be around when the mood strikes you and can make themselves available with little maintenance and with the same aloofness you have. It is possible to have this, a boi or girl without a lot of hands on time or grooming time put into them, it can be negotiated as such. Fet life is a good place to look if you are unwilling to do your local BDSM scene. I would have some references ready in case something comes of your search.

I read your thoughts on how the boi you are doing stuff with left after taking care of your place while you vacationed and you were unable to project your dominance on them, I would have to guess it's because maybe hy.he was tired and figured his duties were done and he too needed something which may have been rest.

Have you tried negotiating with present person in your life??

All good ideas but my brain is muddled. To be honest I probably need to evaluate what I'm actually looking for. I think I need something more intimate. My dominance is part of my love and sex today. Lately I have not explore service only subs but I suppose I could. In the past I was even cool with friendships that had that little "something-something" so I will try and tap into that. This is what Wanton always was for me but this last time things became more intense and emotional.

Yes, I am very clear about my expectations and open to communicate. I am VERY patient and flexible to a degree. Wanton is mentally unstable with some issues with depression. I've always known this and threaded lightly keeping this in mind, however hy has hys own perception and lately keeps changing our relationship. It's getting exhausting. Hy has also been playing these little passive aggressive games to get a reaction from me. I am a "cards on the table" type of woman. If you want something from me you need to ask. I also make it clear what I am willing and not willing to do. Our base arrangement is me paying hys rent, hym coming daily to work and that is the primary base of our relationship. Then we are friends and the days hy chooses to be submissive towards me hy does. It's a bit of a roller coaster and although I don't totally blame hym I would say hy is responsible for the bulk of it.

As for hym being tired.... If that was it then I would certainly understand. Hy had help and not that much to do. Hy has a drug problem and because hy couldn't get stoned while caring for my animals hy was most likely having withdrawals. We agreed for hym to get hys own place and I would help because every night hy would go out onto the deck and get shit faced to the point where hy couldn't even talk to me. I didn't enjoy being around hym like that. If someone wants to get high, go for it. But to get shit faced every night is just not something I want to be around. I am flexible and I believe fair. I am constantly negotiating and shifting my sails. I am a strong and capable woman with a lot of life experience. If I invest in anything I expect something back and when I give more then I get I leave. It's that simple.

There is a part of me that wants to put all this on hold for now because I'm enjoying so much of my life right now. I am in a good space spiritually and emotionally. I'm just not wanting to complicate it. In fact this morning I told Wanton not to come to work and that I needed time to think things over. The past few days I get these weird text msg and this fucked up attitude. I'm not use to so much drama and I'm thinking I don't need that in my life right now.

Thank you for your feedback.

[The_Lady_Snow]

You got some major red flags popping up all over your post:

Wanton is mentally unstable with some issues with depression.

I'll be honest with you, I get people have issues but for *me* as a Master I don't want your issues, I would certainly help out and make sure proper medical care was sought out.

hy has hys own perception and lately keeps changing our relationship

This for me as a Master is NOT acceptable, the person who serves me does not change the relationship I do. Hence why I am in Femme Led relationships perhaps you guys need to talk about his need to keep changing it.

Hy has also been playing these little passive aggressive games

Yeah, this one would get you a kick to the curb first time

the days hy chooses to be submissive towards me hy does.

Once again he is doing the choosing? As a Goddess shouldn't you be the chooser? I'm not being sarcastic I am being 100% honest woman to woman Femme to Femme Domina to Domina, why is this person choosing?

It's a bit of a roller coaster

No fun.

would say hy is responsible for the bulk of it.

That screams volumes that he.hy gotta go

get shit faced to the point where hy couldn't even talk to me. I didn't enjoy being around hym like that


This I am like I partake in the green and I will be honest I can't imagine smokin' to the point of the above statement. No one likes sloppy.


The beauty of these relationships is, we make the calls period, if it's not working we gently escort the person who thought they could occupy the space out the door because frankly who needs that? My mind can not wrap around at the thought continuing in an exchange where my needs are not met period. It's a good idea you did not allow he.hy to come over and taint your space with all this negative interaction and I do hope you take the time to think if you want to continue with the toxicity, I wish you much luck!

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

You got some major red flags popping up all over your post:

Wanton is mentally unstable with some issues with depression.

I'll be honest with you, I get people have issues but for *me* as a Master I don't want your issues, I would certainly help out and make sure proper medical care was sought out.

hy has hys own perception and lately keeps changing our relationship

This for me as a Master is NOT acceptable, the person who serves me does not change the relationship I do. Hence why I am in Femme Led relationships perhaps you guys need to talk about his need to keep changing it.

Hy has also been playing these little passive aggressive games

Yeah, this one would get you a kick to the curb first time

the days hy chooses to be submissive towards me hy does.

Once again he is doing the choosing? As a Goddess shouldn't you be the chooser? I'm not being sarcastic I am being 100% honest woman to woman Femme to Femme Domina to Domina, why is this person choosing?

It's a bit of a roller coaster

No fun.

would say hy is responsible for the bulk of it.

That screams volumes that he.hy gotta go

get shit faced to the point where hy couldn't even talk to me. I didn't enjoy being around hym like that


This I am like I partake in the green and I will be honest I can't imagine smokin' to the point of the above statement. No one likes sloppy.


The beauty of these relationships is, we make the calls period, if it's not working we gently escort the person who thought they could occupy the space out the door because frankly who needs that? My mind can not wrap around at the thought continuing in an exchange where my needs are not met period. It's a good idea you did not allow he.hy to come over and taint your space with all this negative interaction and I do hope you take the time to think if you want to continue with the toxicity, I wish you much luck!

all noted.

I guess the point I was also making is that my life is all about negotiation at the same time I have expectations that must be met. Because we were friends with benefits I was more flexible. Normally I am not. Mental illness doesn't always scare me away. I think we're all crazy. I'm also pretty experienced when it comes to dealing with complex emotional issues and scenes within sexual alternatives. There is just a point where my can gets full and I drop you.

I don't expect everything to be perfect. In fact I live in a world that is tolerant of choices, however I am looking to get my needs met. Right now the most wonderful thing that could happen to me, something that would be the icing on the cake would be a sweet boi who would serve me at ANY capacity I see fit. One who needs me as much as I need her/hym

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Sachita

all noted.

I guess the point I was also making is that my life is all about negotiation at the same time I have expectations that must be met. Because we were friends with benefits I was more flexible. Normally I am not. Mental illness doesn't always scare me away. I think we're all crazy. I'm also pretty experienced when it comes to dealing with complex emotional issues and scenes within sexual alternatives. There is just a point where my can gets full and I drop you.


We all come with some emotional baggage, and maybe cause I tend to be a micromanager I feel that one's baggage should be kept neatly in the over head compartment and dealt with in a manner it's not going to constantly be tripping everyone around your life. There's processing time and talk about it time and then there's just time for service, these things can NOT be the over all delegating factors in the exchange cause then honestly no one is getting their needs met if someone doesn't have it together enough to function. That's the key word for *me* can you function, because frankly if you can't no understanding, training, is gonna be able to get a grip of someone's emotional mental roller coaster ride.. Even if our cans are full as the Leads in these types of relationships *we* have to have our shit together and not lead them into our emotional, mental rides it's unfair to them, at that point one is better off alone till one can handle the full time care of a boy.boi.girl it's only fair.

I don't expect everything to be perfect. In fact I live in a world that is tolerant of choices, however I am looking to get my needs met. Right now the most wonderful thing that could happen to me, something that would be the icing on the cake would be a sweet boi who would serve me at ANY capacity I see fit. One who needs me as much as I need her/hym

Then you are going to have to specifically put that out there into the Universe and cultivate those thoughts, wants and desires to the Universe. I would be honest with the boi.boy you are dealing with now and release him.hym of all duties since hy.he is not the one who is goign to do that, it's an emotional, physical, mental yo-yo for hym.him and it could be one more trigger to his depression and need to get sloppy high. I'd seperate myself from him for 30 days and revisit to see if you could have a friendship, that's just me though and not something that you should do if you don't want or you like how things are going.

[Sachita]

Oh btw Snow, I meant to make a comment about the "green" and getting high.

I honestly have no problems with drugs and alcohol. I do have a problem with abuse and addiction. If someone makes that their choice then thats cool. I just don't enjoy being around that everyday. I also don't get high other then drinking so its hard for me to even relate to that space with someone who is.

If I didn't get so shit faced stoned, want to eat everything in my house I would smoke it. I hate the feeling of being out of control. I hold my liquor pretty good so when I party I drink. If I drink to much I fall asleep.

Wanton would smoke on the deck then try and come in and talk to me about spirit world, aliens and shit. Hy would talk as if hy tapped some other dimension and often insult my intellect without realizing it. Sometimes hy talked in circles and it made no sense. In hys perception tho hy was keenly focused and did everything much better high. I use to let hym clean the house high but hy made more of a mess and I couldn't find anything! lol Hy would do the craziest shit then make me think I lost my mind!

[The_Lady_Snow]

Yeah at that point it would be a limit, I need clear thinking.

[Sachita]

I have been having amazing dreams lately about this. There is a person in my dreams but I can't see hys face.

I have dreams and fantasies of someone kneeling in front of me with adoring eyes. Not because I require hym to but because hy knows it comforts me. Hy really enjoys spoiling me... fixing me healthy food, feeding me, bringing me coffee and even washing my hair. Hy wants my world to be perfect. I adore hym because of this.

I'm not sure I could be in a standard BF relationship again. Its not that I want or even expect someone to be my slave but to understand and address my core needs. That primal essence I call Goddess within me. The masculine aspect of my nature that wants to project aggression and penetrate hys very existence.

I miss this in Wanton boi- the adoration, the service, the whole entire dynamic but I don't miss the craziness and all the drama. I hope one day to find this again in a secure, sane and loving relationship.

[Sachita]

who here has a fetlife account? If so add me a friend? Sachita