How Do You Self-Identify...and why.

[Glenn]

Lifelong Stonebutch..."I'm on the right track baby I was born this way".

[redrose]

I am femme because I am feminine in appearance and manner

[Just_G]

I am Queer. I was born Butch; it is who I am, it is what I am, it is how I dress, it is how I look. I feel Transgendered; a mix if two things that come together to make me unique.

Queer is my umbrella term out in the every day world; Trans-Butch around these parts since I don't have to explain myself to people here.

Y'all can just call me G.

[Jett]

Grown-ass unapologetic *Tomboy*. Why? Because it relays things at my core that have remained steady and true throughout my life- though at times (like decades) I have tried to shun/hide/smother pieces and parts of these things due to my own life experiences and that resulted in un-examined internal misogyny.

After self examination in the last couple years, self work on so many things OTHER than my identity, after scraping off the shit and allowing parts of myself light that I hadn't seen for decades... a cocky hardcore Tomboy remained... lol. The only part of me (in relation to these particular identities) I believe innate, and who I can most clearly remember always having been... if that makes sense. I could technically still claim butch, I am very butch (the adjective) inside still, my relationship has the yin yang of the dynamic... but for me in Tomboy I feel more "freedom" for integral parts of me, though not unheard of in "*butch* more unusual no doubt... and the conglomerate of them tip the scales in my mind. So it's honestly (for me) it's just more accurate in that it describes better and encompasses my personal *fluid-ness* being comfortable all in one vessel. I have strong masculine traits and also strong feminine traits and that works great for me... I enjoy both, they are not at odds in me but seamless and natural.

Did I break the rules because I spoke about not id'ing butch? I did it b/c I did ID that way for so long... or maybe because I'm a rule-breaker at heart... oh well... either way I have breakfast to make and a truck engine to play with... in other words, life calls... you can punish me later.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I'm a girl, a woman, gay, lesbian and femme.......why? Because gay and lesbian were the only two adjectives known in small town NZ.

I'm grew up a girl, I'm now a woman and identify as a femme.

[dykeumentary]

I'm a working class (manual laborer) butch dyke.
I'm a daughter, a feminist, an artist and a recreational soccer player.

[clay]

I am a woman identified Butch Lesbian.
Why? Because I was born this way..it is my soul, my fabric of who I am, and I can be this!

[Katalina]

Thank you for this thread...it is actually something I have been giving quite a bit of thought lately.

The relevant parts of my standard self-ID (long version upon request are:

Queer Leather Femme

Queer: I find 'queer' to be more expressive and encompassing of the way I live my life, and more aspects of my life than just my sexuality. "Lesbian" never sat right with me.

Leather: My leatherwalk is an integral part of how I live my life, and with whom.

Femme: I am comfortable with my assigned gender, although I'm certainly not High Holy Femme - don't have the stamina nor the inclination. I'm a feminine, low-maintenance femme. And I don't pay too much attention to the artificial boundaries between gender roles, although I do tend by nature to stay more on the 'feminine' side of the equation.

The word I'm mulling over adding is Stone. (Queer Leather Stone Femme). I've been reading and doing research, and there is apparently a lot of debate over definition. Plus, I've been slammed in previous relationships many times over how my sexuality works, so there's a lot of pain and 'un-learning' to deal with. But what I've learned so far goes a long way to explain things...and explain them a LOT. Too bad it took me so long (I'm 50) to look into it....

Anyway, great question, and thanks for posting it.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Lesbiana Femme

Lesbiana~ I am latina through and through lol

Femme~ I know no other way

[suebee]

I'm a gay woman. Hadn't thought about it before coming to b-f sites. It was just who I was. I've certainly learned a great deal about our community and the various I.D.'s since I came here though. Especially since I fell in love with a butch woman. However, gay, or queer or lesbian.....it's not necessarily the most important part of my identity. Of course that's probably in part because I've never lived anywhere where there's been a sizable gay community.

Sue

[AlphaDrug]

I usually identify as a femme dyke, femme, because I'm girly and I love my butches in their boxers and baggy jeans, and dyke because (a) I like the sound of it and (b) it's a word that tends to make people pay more attention... make people uncomfortable. You say lesbian and men go straight to the last porn they watched with two women with fake tits making out, say dyke and they're mind has less tendency to wonder.

Recently I've been contemplating changing to Queer Femme, because queer encompasses all that I'm interested in. If I were to date a FtM, or just someone who identifies as male or carries on in life with male pronouns, I feel like I might hurt their feelings by walking around calling myself a lesbian or dyke, because I'm not with a woman, in some amount of mindset both his and mine, I'm dating a man. Yet I'm sure as hell not identifying as straight, queer just covers the bases, and its a comfortable place to be for me. I say this because a friend of mine identified as lesbian for the longest time, began dating another friend who's FtM, she had a huge identity crisis within herself over whether or not she was still gay or accepted by the lesbian community for being with a "man"... very over dramatic, but I still understood where she was coming from in a way. I'm the kind of person to avoid drama and awkward situations, and Queer does that for me.

I hope my rambling made sense. Its late and I'm about to crash. <3

[Gentle Tiger]

I identify as a freaky tiger. Why? Because I am of course. I will post a more complete answer when I am not waiting for my lunch.

[oblivia]

I identify as a few things...

Queer Femme - this is my primary identifier within GLBTQ & Friends community. I like Queer.... for many of the same reasons others have stated. I love that it holds so much space for other identities, and feels more unified than other terms (to me). Femme is so important to me - and i never claim myself as Queer (or Lesbian) without adding "Femme" to it. That title is like a badge of honour for me.... it took me years to discover it, and once I did - I was NEVER letting it go. My tattoo has "Queer Femme" integrated into it.

Lesbian - I never used to use this label for myself but I am much more comfortable with it now and use it sometimes, particularly if I feel like it gets the idea across simpler with a particular person or group of people.

Little Girl - For those who get it - it's self explanatory. And for those who may not right away, I call this my "inner five year old". But really, this IS a huge part of my identity. I have a little side that I let out a LOT among people I trust - when I feel safe - and it's not so much about playing young, as it is literally letting myself squeal with joy and clap my hands when I want to. Letting my eyes go super wide and my mouth gape when I'm surprised in a good way.... bouncing up and down... tugging on Sparx's sleeve when I want her attention because I just HAVE TO SHOW HER SOMETHING RIGHT NOW. LOL It's just a huge part of me. She gets it. The man-children get it. My closest friends get it. It's just me.

[xxzalciaiomenxx]

I identify as a dyke...most of the time...why...because I like the word, it fits who I am, in personality and appearance.

There are times I view myself as genderqueer because I don't feel like either a man nor a woman at times.

There are also instances that I view myself as genderfluid, depending on my mood I can feel incredibly masculine or feminine, and I can move between these two very easily, sometimes I feel as if I am both at once....

I'm very complicated, all depending on my mood, the environment surrounding me, and the company I am in.

[Quintease]

I had to look through this to see if I'd answered before, only it doesn't appear that I have.

I am female
I am difficult
I am lesbian
I am femme(ish)
I am sometimes pseudo-heterosexual
I am always wife
I am a warm climate girl
I am hopefully a mother one day
I am someone who hangs out on online forums rather than real life
I am all the different types of me

[MarineCorps1]

I identify as queer because it's all inclusive - totally both and absolutely neither, and boi because it's male but soft around the edges. My personal leanings are MUCH more on the male side, but every once in a while I wake up on the femme side of the bed and rock that, too. Androgyn would be an appropriate term as well.

[EnderD_503]

Cool thread. I've been thinking a lot about why I identify the way I do lately, and increasingly I'm finding myself feeling a bit indifferent as far as my identity, but at the same time feel like it becomes clearer every day. It makes me wonder what role it plays in my life.

I identify as queer, stone butch and transguy. The first I see as my sexuality, the second a combination of my gender and sexual boundaries, and the third my sex, but all of them a bit of a mixed of meaning for me.

As far as my queer orientation, the reason I identify that way is very similar to the reason given in the OP, as far as it's ability to mean both nothing and anything/everything. Queer for me means very little about the gender/sex of the people someone chooses to fuck, and more to do with a detachment from a heteronormative framework so that anything flies. I don't see queer as something necessarily opposed to any other sexual orientation, but something that is so open-ended that it is pretty much inclusive of anything...and by that nature is non-heteronormative even if some under the queer banner choose to replicate some aspect of it for the shits n' giggles, or somehow incorporate some similar aspect into their relationship. The important part, to me, is that lack of restriction and ability to be anything without worrying about maintaining an image of what sexuality should/shouldn't be. I also see it as an important show of strength and unity politically/socially, as far as working together with others that count themselves a part of the queer community. Queer means having a community that doesn't exclude you.

I see stone as representative of my sexual boundaries, though I'm not sure how I feel about calling them boundaries. I feel like if they were boundaries for me, then they would be impeding me or restricting me, but I don't feel that way. It's just another marker of sexuality...which kind of leads me on to butch. Butch to me is both about gender and sexuality. For me (though evidently not for everyone) it's about the dynamic I enjoy in a relationship, and a dynamic that isn't really predefined the way I see it. On the other hand, it acts as my gender, too. Gender for me has kind of become a "how do I feel" vs. "what do I find desirable" kind of deal. I've kind of become disenchanted with masculinity/femininity as far as using them to define myself, personally, and I don't feel either fits me, whereas butch feels right on all accounts because it doesn't have to depend on either of those words. Its another one of those words for me that can mean a million different things to a million different butches, and no one ever has to (or at least shouldn't) worry about living up to expectation. There's no butch "archetype," and so there's no pressure to be anything but yourself. It's greater proof that gender isn't as black and white as the mainstream world would have people believe. It also allows my gender to be completely detached from sex, because butch has nothing to do with other people's thoughts on my "biological sex," nor even my thoughts on my own sex. It just is.

My trans identity is both related to the way I view my own sex, as well as the need I feel to pursue obtaining basic rights/protections for trans people. I feel that it's necessary for me to be visible as some form of trans identity in order to help gain certain rights for myself and other trans people in Canada. I also view my sex through the lens of "trans." I prefer trans alone, instead of tagging on any suffix to it, because I really don't feel like I'm going from one gender or sex to another. I just view it as a way of differentiating me from other sexes. I identify my sex as transmale, which I view differently from those born XY and assigned male at birth, as well as those born XX and assigned female at birth, and who agree with those sex assignments. I also don't see my sex as dictating my gender in any way whatsoever. More and more I feel its ridiculous for me to continue to view my sex or gender as dictated to me by non-trans people who see trans people as a "threat" to their own sense of normalcy.

[PumaJ]

When I first came out, I just called myself Gay. That was back during the days of "Gay Liberation" before the Women's Liberation movement & feminism swept up those of us who were lesbians. Then I called myself a "Dyke" & sometimes a "Queer". Even in those days, I never gave up my mascara;-) & sewed flower appliques on to my denim overalls, and my lovers were very, very Butch. It was so very uncool to acknowledge Butch & Femme, though, so we didn't even if we were. Eventually, I came around to just being my fabulous High Femme Lesbian feminist self & owning that ID in the context of my personal life.

To me saying lesbian implies a woman who loves & is sexually attracted to another woman. Which I am sort of, but when I am totally honest with myself about who I'm attracted to, it isn't just other women. Rather, I am very specifically attracted to those who run so much of their female masculinity that they really are 3rd gender, i.e. neither male or female gender, but both in one female form. Though none of them have wanted to be men, they are rather strongly male identified while still being female & wear all male clothing down to the underwear. I am not attracted to men. No. It is the male energy in female form (female masculinity) that gets me going. So, to me that is something other than just being a lesbian, it is being Queer. I am attracted to 3rd gender females. My current partner IDs as Boi & uses alternative pronouns.

I am friends with other femmes, be they in female or male bodies. I am friends with some straight women. So though I am very Femme in appearance & dress, I've been a career woman my whole adult life. I am fiercely independent, never wanting or needing to be financially supported by anyone else. For a long, long time I was in managerial positions due to my intellectual & clinical ability which in some ways is very male like. I've owned my home for a long time. So, all in all Queer seems more appropriate.