How do I stop feeling like this?

1QuirkyKiwi · 10-08-2011, 07:13 AM

The process of exploring who you are in terms of your own unique style is very daunting - this is a path that nearly all of us have travelled before we became comfortable within ourselves and in our own style. Those people who make rude comment and give disapproving looks feel unsettled when THEIR perception and belief of what is right FOR THEM is challenged.

We each have our own lives to live and we must live it how we feel is right for ourselves. I'm with Anya and Macele in saying; be gentle with yourself.

I identify as a Femme, yet, I always wear Palazzo trousers. I feel more comfortable in trousers and enjoy the feeling of the loose, wide leg trousers floaty like a skirt as I move. It took me 20 years and a lot of wardrobe changes for me to realise that I can still feel Feminine, be gay and wear trousers.

Gemme · 10-08-2011, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LediskoLove99

So let me start out by saying I feel slightly like an idiot for even bringing this up, I don't know why but I feel like an idiot.

That being said, I'm kind of new to the whole LGBT world I only came out four years ago, and I haven't really had the chance to find who I am within everything. It wasn't until I met my best friend, (nearly four years ago) that I started realizing that there's more than one type of person in the community. There's different ways to express yourself, gender included. And so I haven't really had the chance to find my "look" I guess you could say. I don't consider myself butch but I certainly don't consider myself femme. I actually don't really know what I would consider myself. Except for what we (that being my best friend and I) came up with GEBP aka gender expression bi polar haha. I love mens everything, clothes, shoes, colagne, hats. But I do like to mix it up and add small feminine touches, like usualy I'll wear nail polish and eyeliner. On rare occasions cover up and mascara, on RARE occasions. And I've found in mixing those two I feel much more confident than I ever have. Especially with mens clothes, it added a confidence I never thought I could have. When I'm WEARING the clothes. I've noticed that when I'm in the mens section trying on stuff over my clothes (like over shirts) that I get really uncomfortable if people are around especially men. There has been times where a guy will come by while I'm looking at something and I end up hiding behind a clothes rack.

I don't know why I'm so uncomfortable, I love wearing the clothes I just don't like other people seeing me shopping for them. Like today while I was at the mens section in a department store a woman was walking by with her husband and she took a look at me and asked "Shopping for your bother?" And I responded with a nervous "Um....no." which earned me a look of distaste. And it didn't stop at her, a surprising amount of the men gave me looks too. I felt like I was standing there with a large, red, beeping sign surrounded in blinking lights that says "Girl who doesn't belong here! Girl who doesn't belong here!" hanging over me. My best friend looks like she belongs in the mens section she's comfortable with it, she even likes it when people look at her questioningly but it bugs me.

I know this is the point where I should say " I don't give a fuck what people think." to myself but it bugs me. Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I just being stupid?

I just don't like people staring at me like I'm from outerspace, especially where I live. It's very rare to find a woman shopping in the mens section for herself, and openly at that. It just makes me feel so uncomfortable.

Should I just give up on the mens section all together?

No, don't give up on the men's clothing section all together. Lots of people don't like to shop there, or anywhere, for a lot of different reasons. My honey is one of them. He knows who he is but he just doesn't like the process of it, for a variety of reasons.

So, please don't let a couple of busybodies interfer with you coming to terms with you, your identity and self-expression.

If it makes it easier on you, if someone asks you if you're shopping for someone of the male persuassion, then lie. Lie your ass off. Ask them for suggestions, even. Say things like, "I'm shopping for my twin and we're built the same. Do you think this would look good?"

You owe them nothing, not even the truth if telling it makes you feel less than.

Find yourself and the rest will follow.

T4Texas · 10-08-2011, 10:16 AM

I dont think you should give up on the men's section. I think most people don't really think much about it in terms of labeling you as a queer. They probably think you ARE shopping for a brother or husband. I've worn mens clothing most of my life and generally just walk in, get what I want or drag a salesperson in to help me. You should see me at the boxer shorts rack. LOL
People will think what they will. We can't change what they think so we must embrace who we are and not be influenced by THEIR small mindedness. Of course if you feel that uncomfortable with it, as Anya stated, buying online is always a good option.

hottprof · 10-08-2011, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

If it makes it easier on you, if someone asks you if you're shopping for someone of the male persuassion, then lie. Lie your ass off. Ask them for suggestions, even. Say things like, "I'm shopping for my twin and we're built the same. Do you think this would look good?"

You owe them nothing, not even the truth if telling it makes you feel less than.

Find yourself and the rest will follow.

These are the exact words I would share with anyone. As long as you are being true to yourself, your expression and your heart. Do NOT let anyone make you feel less than yourself. It is so much easier to say than do, and embody, but just try.

Your self-expression is not a reflection of the nay say-ers. It is a reflection of you and who you will become. Fashions change and you will too. I came out almost 11 years ago, and I continue to struggle with the non-Out world and being seen. I constantly get the "well you look straight" card. I feel like saying, why thank you ... " you look and sound like an idiot."

Be you, and if that means not revealing the full truth to those who do not deserve it... so be it.

Good luck and congrats on coming out.

I am Proud of everyone on this site, for just doing that.

hp

10-08-2011, 07:13 AM	#1
1QuirkyKiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?: Anything Respectful! Relationship Status: Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Europe and Aotearoa on a 5:2 ratio. Posts: 2,308 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,003 Thanked 6,035 Times in 1,617 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	The process of exploring who you are in terms of your own unique style is very daunting - this is a path that nearly all of us have travelled before we became comfortable within ourselves and in our own style. Those people who make rude comment and give disapproving looks feel unsettled when THEIR perception and belief of what is right FOR THEM is challenged. We each have our own lives to live and we must live it how we feel is right for ourselves. I'm with Anya and Macele in saying; be gentle with yourself. I identify as a Femme, yet, I always wear Palazzo trousers. I feel more comfortable in trousers and enjoy the feeling of the loose, wide leg trousers floaty like a skirt as I move. It took me 20 years and a lot of wardrobe changes for me to realise that I can still feel Feminine, be gay and wear trousers. __________________ What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart...

10-08-2011, 10:16 AM	#3
T4Texas Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Ready to play again! Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 233 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 436 Thanked 647 Times in 167 Posts Rep Power: 6739721	I dont think you should give up on the men's section. I think most people don't really think much about it in terms of labeling you as a queer. They probably think you ARE shopping for a brother or husband. I've worn mens clothing most of my life and generally just walk in, get what I want or drag a salesperson in to help me. You should see me at the boxer shorts rack. LOL People will think what they will. We can't change what they think so we must embrace who we are and not be influenced by THEIR small mindedness. Of course if you feel that uncomfortable with it, as Anya stated, buying online is always a good option. __________________ Chivalry is when you meet a woman you would rather die for, than live with.