Being Tactile...

1QuirkyKiwi · 10-29-2011, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Where this comes from I am not sure, as my family was physically affectionate in a healthy way. I wonder how much of our desire for touch (or tactile stimulation) is an inborn thing?

Some babies need to touch and being touched more than others, it's considered a basic human need, some would suggest it is as significant a need as food and shelter. So, I'd say, it's an inborn thing, yet, I could be wrong, lol!

Thank you for sharing.

The_Lady_Snow · 10-29-2011, 10:52 AM

I prefer negotiated touch....

ButchEire · 10-29-2011, 10:53 AM

Actually, an unfortunate human experiment/situation in Russia found that ALL babies need human touch. The ones who don't receive regular touching, quite literally, die. Check out Harlow's experiments but don't check out the Russian ones unless you have a strong stomach.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

Some babies need to touch and being touched more than others, it's considered a basic human need, some would suggest it is as significant a need as food and shelter. So, I'd say, it's an inborn thing, yet, I could be wrong, lol!

Thank you for sharing.

1QuirkyKiwi · 10-29-2011, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ButchEire

Actually, an unfortunate human experiment/situation in Russia found that ALL babies need human touch. The ones who don't receive regular touching, quite literally, die. Check out Harlow's experiments but don't check out the Russian ones unless you have a strong stomach.

I have known two babies that didn't like to be touched that much - one is my close friends daughter, she absolutely hate what she calls unnecessary touching. As a teenager she dislikes crowds and large groups. She is highly sensitive to textures of fabrics as well. This is why I said Some babies. I'm a firm believer that touch is essential to all people and animals.

ButchEire · 10-29-2011, 11:10 AM

Might be a hypersensitivity to sensory input or integration disorder but this is not to imply these babies (or adults) don't like touch. Touch simply overwhelms their sensory system and they are unable to integrate the subsequent biochemical changes (eg: release of endorphins) that occur with touch. I have sensory integration disorder but have learned over many years to make sense of the changes that are elicited by the release of neurotransmitters. I never hated touch, it literally hurt, much like loud sounds. I would cower in a corner during thunderstorms, because the sound was painful in a very visceral way. I had and have no fear of thunderstorms.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

I have known two babies that didn't like to be touched that much - one is my close friends daughter, she absolutely hate what she calls unnecessary touching. As a teenager she dislikes crowds and large groups. She is highly sensitive to textures of fabrics as well. This is why I said Some babies. I'm a firm believer that touch is essential to all people and animals.

1QuirkyKiwi · 10-29-2011, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ButchEire;449846being

Might be a hypersensitivity to sensory input or integration disorder but this is not to imply these babies (or adults) don't like touch. Touch simply overwhelms their sensory system and they are unable to integrate the subsequent biochemical changes (eg: release of endorphins) that occur with touch. I have sensory integration disorder but have learned over many years to make sense of the changes that are elicited by the release of neurotransmitters. I never hated touch, it literally hurt, much like loud sounds. I would cower in a corner during thunderstorms, because the sound was painful in a very visceral way. I had and have no fear of thunderstorms.

With the other teenager I know, I'd say that thay hypersensitivity was a likely case, but, with my close friend's daughter it's not. She really doesn't like to be touched and will get agressive if her boundary is over stepped. She has been tested for Autism, Dyslexia, etc and appears normal. It could just be a simple case of her not being a touchy feely person.

Because of my SB, there are certain areas on my back and right leg that can feel like needles when touched - this is mostly when my back is in spasm. I have some numbness in my right foot because, again, due to my SB. When touched in a particular area of my back it's a green light for my nerves to do as they please, lol! I feel fortunate that I have a lot of sensation that allows my to enjoy my partners touch, if you know what I mean? LOL!

Thank you for sharing and offering your expperiences.

*Anya* · 10-29-2011, 11:04 AM

I am very reserved with strangers and do not feel very comfortable with PDA. never have, with males BICO (before I came out) or with females.

OK, here comes weird Anya: I have never understood the hugging strangers thing. It always makes me uncomfortable and feels awkward.

Maybe because my parents never, ever hugged me as a kid, maybe it was the strange molesting uncle but I like to be the one to initiate contact when it feels safe to do so.

With a lover, I love to touch and be touched. It makes me melt into her. Last week when the butch came to pick up the dog, I did hug her goodbye. I was so grateful she took the dog. It did feel absolutely wonderful and I even felt charges in my "nether regions". I loved it.

Maybe I am unfreezing?

The other strange thing is that I feel comfortable talking about my feelings but the touching somehow is different.

Rockinonahigh · 10-29-2011, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

Some babies need to touch and being touched more than others, it's considered a basic human need, some would suggest it is as significant a need as food and shelter. So, I'd say, it's an inborn thing, yet, I could be wrong, lol!

Thank you for sharing.

I was born very early,at 7 months and weighed 1pound 14oz...a very small preemie.Way back in 1947 theire wasnt a lot as now to do to help babies so small.I spent lots of time in the hospital even after I got up into my toddleing years for one surgery or another.Its said that at those ages we dont remember things like that...BS I can tell u its a crock full of it.Where I dont full remember it I do have vague memories and feelings of how it was,sort of like a hazy dream you cant quite see everything.I remember being poked,proded,handled,being knocked out on drugs then wakeing to horrible
pain then more of the same till I went home ..Its said we dont remember thinsg from this age,BS caues its like a foggy dream I cant quit see it all just feel the misery and not wanting to be touched anymore.Over they years I have learned how to deal with touch but there are some people,who no fault of there own,I cant stand the touch of.One of my oldest friends who has long passed was like this...give me a hug dont touch me with your hands.Why,cause therywere like ice , even in the summer.Some peoples touch is like a strange disconnection..bad vibes sort of feeling.Thank the godess most touch is just fine as long as it stays in bounds with my stoness.As I look back on it all its probbly why or part of what made me a stone butch.

bigbutchmistie · 10-29-2011, 12:13 PM

For me with people close to me.I like to hug them. And with a gf I am extremely affectionate to her. I wanna hold her hand in public, kiss her on the lips cheek and or forehead. Put my hand in the small of her back as we walk. I enjoy PDA. But not full blown making out sessions. Thats private

As far as for me receiving it? Depends on the situation whether or not I feel my space is invaded Or become overwhelmed. Or my body tenses up. Its a defense mechanism I have always had. Since growing up in the adopted household there was absolutely NO affection, no hugs nothing.

ArkansasPiscesGrrl · 10-29-2011, 01:37 PM

Great thread, and thanks to all the comments.

I have a niece that, as a baby, would bow back away from whoever was holding her, just to put space between herself and the adult. No cute infant cuddling for her. I always felt sorry for my sister-in-law, because that was one of the things I always LOVED when my kids were little, them cuddling into my neck, yanno?

Anyway, as for touch between a partner/lover/date goes, I love love love to touch and be touched. To me, and maybe I am weird, but touch (or the lack of) can almost be a point of validation of what the other is feeling. With my last partner, when we first got together, there was so much touch it was awesome... gentle, loving, public, it was as if we didn't want to be separated at all.

When she started to shut me out, it began with her pulling back from the touch. At the end (and this was even before I told her that it was ending and I was moving away), there was almost no touching at all on her part. So sad. I had not thought about this before, but it's almost like I was one of those infants deprived of touch. I felt lost much of the time.

When I once again venture into a relationship, I will be very clear with her that touch is necessary to ME.

10-29-2011, 10:52 AM	#2
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,077 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	I prefer negotiated touch.... __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

10-29-2011, 11:04 AM	#7
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,446 Times in 7,284 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I am very reserved with strangers and do not feel very comfortable with PDA. never have, with males BICO (before I came out) or with females. OK, here comes weird Anya: I have never understood the hugging strangers thing. It always makes me uncomfortable and feels awkward. Maybe because my parents never, ever hugged me as a kid, maybe it was the strange molesting uncle but I like to be the one to initiate contact when it feels safe to do so. With a lover, I love to touch and be touched. It makes me melt into her. Last week when the butch came to pick up the dog, I did hug her goodbye. I was so grateful she took the dog. It did feel absolutely wonderful and I even felt charges in my "nether regions". I loved it. Maybe I am unfreezing? The other strange thing is that I feel comfortable talking about my feelings but the touching somehow is different. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

10-29-2011, 12:13 PM	#9
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	For me with people close to me.I like to hug them. And with a gf I am extremely affectionate to her. I wanna hold her hand in public, kiss her on the lips cheek and or forehead. Put my hand in the small of her back as we walk. I enjoy PDA. But not full blown making out sessions. Thats private As far as for me receiving it? Depends on the situation whether or not I feel my space is invaded Or become overwhelmed. Or my body tenses up. Its a defense mechanism I have always had. Since growing up in the adopted household there was absolutely NO affection, no hugs nothing.

10-29-2011, 01:37 PM	#10
ArkansasPiscesGrrl Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Relationship Status: feeling pretty darned blissful right now! Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: central AR Posts: 856 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,594 Thanked 3,079 Times in 741 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Great thread, and thanks to all the comments. I have a niece that, as a baby, would bow back away from whoever was holding her, just to put space between herself and the adult. No cute infant cuddling for her. I always felt sorry for my sister-in-law, because that was one of the things I always LOVED when my kids were little, them cuddling into my neck, yanno? Anyway, as for touch between a partner/lover/date goes, I love love love to touch and be touched. To me, and maybe I am weird, but touch (or the lack of) can almost be a point of validation of what the other is feeling. With my last partner, when we first got together, there was so much touch it was awesome... gentle, loving, public, it was as if we didn't want to be separated at all. When she started to shut me out, it began with her pulling back from the touch. At the end (and this was even before I told her that it was ending and I was moving away), there was almost no touching at all on her part. So sad. I had not thought about this before, but it's almost like I was one of those infants deprived of touch. I felt lost much of the time. When I once again venture into a relationship, I will be very clear with her that touch is necessary to ME.