Baby Butch Journey - Page 2

Strappie · 12-19-2011, 10:04 PM

Hey Blu,

I've hand my challenges through out the years stemming from my first relationship and the effect that it has had on me over the years. I've had to work long and hard to get were I am today by working on myself before entering relationships. One relationship can turn your other relationships upside down. So choose wisely.

Sometimes if we take a step back and take a good hard look at what is with in ourselves, we find the answers we are looking for.

I personally think there is something with in you that you need to take a good hard look at before taking on this relationship. I believe there is some one better for you out there. I really don't think you want to get yourself into this thus you are asking for advice. I feel there is a part of you reaching out for help so to speak. I think you know the answer. It's as if you don't think there is anything better. Or maybe you think time is running out on your relationship clock? When we have to question if this relationship is right or if we can trust each other or not, or we continue to wonder whether they are truthful or not... it's time to look with in yourself and ask....

What am I doing??

Am I lonely?

Am I giving up on myself?

Am I asking the right questions, to get the answers "I" need?

Am I being gullible?

Why am I questioning her?

Am I being truthful with myself in my wants/needs?

and so on and so on......

The way I look at it is... you should look with in yourself not her.

~~just my two cents.. and babble!!

Sachita · 12-20-2011, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RitaSink

I lived with my ex for a year after we ended the marriage because I literally had to start over (I really only had a paycheck to my name when I ended things and that was it). However, everyone knew he was my ex. He knew he was my ex. And of course, I also knew he was my ex. We slept on separate floors of the house and lived as roommates.

I only dated one person during that year and I'm not sure said person ever questioned anyone but me, but if he had, he would have heard clearly that my ex and I were over.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that sometimes there are reasons people have to continue living under the same roof for awhile after separating - lives are entwined and take some work to detangle... but, it's usually pretty clear when it's over, regardless. If you're questioning things, you might have very well have something to worry about.

In a perfect world it shouldnt matter, however I would not jump into a relationship with someone who had an ex lurking about. I would spend time, get to know them and move very slow. There's just been too many bad situations I've encounter to just trust someone that much right off the bat.

I look around me and see so many people just jumping in and going full speed ahead. Whats the fucking hurry? The very worse thing you can do is base a relationship on passion and allowing the HIGH's to fuel you past common sense. When reality checks in it might be more then what your bargained for. Slow down, don't settle and nurture a friendship

Kobi · 12-20-2011, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sachita

In a perfect world it shouldnt matter, however I would not jump into a relationship with someone who had an ex lurking about. I would spend time, get to know them and move very slow. There's just been too many bad situations I've encounter to just trust someone that much right off the bat.

I look around me and see so many people just jumping in and going full speed ahead. Whats the fucking hurry? The very worse thing you can do is base a relationship on passion and allowing the HIGH's to fuel you past common sense. When reality checks in it might be more then what your bargained for. Slow down, don't settle and nurture a friendship

This makes sense to me. Anyone still connected to an ex either by living arrangement, finances, emotions etc is not someone free to explore a relationship with another.

In my experience it takes time to heal and get back on ones feet. To try and circumvent this by jumping into another relationship does a disservice to all parties.

My general rule is a year of alone time before even considering getting involved. The head is clearer, the emotions are free, and involvement is a choice not a reactionary move to loss, lonliness etc.

Novelafemme · 12-20-2011, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kobi

This makes sense to me. Anyone still connected to an ex either by living arrangement, finances, emotions etc is not someone free to explore a relationship with another.

In my experience it takes time to heal and get back on ones feet. To try and circumvent this by jumping into another relationship does a disservice to all parties.

My general rule is a year of alone time before even considering getting involved. The head is clearer, the emotions are free, and involvement is a choice not a reactionary move to loss, lonliness etc.

Having been in this exact situation myself, I would have to agree with Kobi. I lived with my ex for almost a year after splitting up and it was one of the worst situations I have ever been in. It made sense at the time since neither of us could afford to break the lease and move, but in the end that exact situation happened so it was inevitable! I did tell the person I started dating about our situation but it still turned out to be messy and painful for everyone involved and I wouldn't recommend making the choices I did to anyone.

Even though I was VERY new to the gay dating world, and I made some pretty poor choices, I would now recommend the following:

1. slow down.

2. and then slow down even more.

3. do not, i repeat...DO NOT!!...move in with anyone until you are both single, have gotten to know each other in different situations over time, and are each living on your own, unattached to anyone else...both emotionally and physically.

...and most of all, don't pressure or feel pressured into anything. It's more than OK for anyone to ask for some personal time and space to figure out what is in your/their best interest. i know how it feels to be swept off your feet and want everything to happen FAST. it feels exciting and hopeful and wonderful...but if it is meant to be there shouldn't be any reason at all to rush things. be patient and know everything will work out the way it was meant to.

Dreams · 12-20-2011, 12:24 PM

*shaking my head*...

kannon · 12-20-2011, 12:26 PM

Each situation is unique. Other people can provide advice, share their experiences, which may influence your own. The trick is learning to find, listen and follow your inner voice. On a deeper level we all know what's right for us.

JustJo · 12-20-2011, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CatalinaRose

...and most of all, don't pressure or feel pressured into anything. It's more than OK for anyone to ask for some personal time and space to figure out what is in your/their best interest. i know how it feels to be swept off your feet and want everything to happen FAST. it feels exciting and hopeful and wonderful...but if it is meant to be there shouldn't be any reason at all to rush things. be patient and know everything will work out the way it was meant to.

This exactly...

12-20-2011, 12:24 PM	#5
Dreams In memory of How Do You Identify?: self proclaimed ruler of nekid monday's Preferred Pronoun?: Hey you.. Relationship Status: busy.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: over there~~> Posts: 398 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 712 Thanked 802 Times in 255 Posts Rep Power: 10433810	shaking my head... __________________ DREAMS.... It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters in the end. Ursula Le Guin

12-20-2011, 12:26 PM	#6
kannon Member How Do You Identify?: bloke Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Happy is the heart that believes in angels Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Land of Milk and Honey Posts: 884 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,920 Thanked 2,067 Times in 584 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Each situation is unique. Other people can provide advice, share their experiences, which may influence your own. The trick is learning to find, listen and follow your inner voice. On a deeper level we all know what's right for us. __________________ Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

12-19-2011, 10:04 PM	#1
Strappie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: I know who I am... Doesn't matter Relationship Status: It's a new day.... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mpls, MN Posts: 3,283 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,813 Thanked 4,945 Times in 1,350 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Hey Blu, I've hand my challenges through out the years stemming from my first relationship and the effect that it has had on me over the years. I've had to work long and hard to get were I am today by working on myself before entering relationships. One relationship can turn your other relationships upside down. So choose wisely. Sometimes if we take a step back and take a good hard look at what is with in ourselves, we find the answers we are looking for. I personally think there is something with in you that you need to take a good hard look at before taking on this relationship. I believe there is some one better for you out there. I really don't think you want to get yourself into this thus you are asking for advice. I feel there is a part of you reaching out for help so to speak. I think you know the answer. It's as if you don't think there is anything better. Or maybe you think time is running out on your relationship clock? When we have to question if this relationship is right or if we can trust each other or not, or we continue to wonder whether they are truthful or not... it's time to look with in yourself and ask.... What am I doing?? Am I lonely? Am I giving up on myself? Am I asking the right questions, to get the answers "I" need? Am I being gullible? Why am I questioning her? Am I being truthful with myself in my wants/needs? and so on and so on...... The way I look at it is... you should look with in yourself not her. ~~just my two cents.. and babble!!