Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 14


Clean Underwear


The ease of the trip is often determined by the quality of the packing. When I am entirely ready travel is easier. I wash the laundry early to give myself a head start. Lay everything out and walk through each day’s needs; roll up my outfits and tuck each into my bag. I try to take less than half of my ‘what if’ worry items and cut short my ‘disaster plan’ thinking. If I pack positive thoughts and clean panties I am fine and if I forget them I can always pick some up along the way.






Retreat is not the same as change

*

THE STORYTELLER

Funny stories I long to share with new friends
Have to be put aside while the core of this entity is built.
Mutual memory is the siding on a house framed in integrity.

Treading together through the past
We strengthen each others perception
Which is the only support
That can be offered without time travel.

We take hands, link arms and wander
Happily towards the future
Having the keys to history jangling in our fists
We can return whenever prudent or necessary.

We forge a fresh path and hope for a pleasant journey
Between us we figure to have slain all the dragons.

[RockOn]

Greetings, Sober People!

Meetings 2 nights in a row lifts my spirits immensely and how can I forget something as simple as that? But I do. Been working 10 and 11 hour days lately and neglecting my recovery. What joy to sit with friends tonight at the 6:00 and discuss the most important thing in our lives.

Tonight I have a thankful heart!

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 15


When I’m Gone



When I’m gone I hope they’ll say I tried real hard and did my best
But more likely will be the lament; she didn’t live up to her potential.

When I’m gone I pray the song will be one of tinkling bells and uplifted voices
But more likely is a disparate confusion of musical chairs.

When I’m gone I wish that my banner will be raised by knowing arms
But more likely will be a shuffle of my undecipherable notes, then the circular file.

When I’m gone I would like my dreams to fly to the ears and eyes of friends and take refuge
But more likely these dreams will chase me down the long corridor and be nothing but my shadow in the long dark night.





Ask your own questions


*


NAVY DUCK
When the postcard is hung upside down
The plane flies away on its back.
I know one of those irregular days
With the disposition of a bee stung mule
Is on its way to visit me.

I have found diplomacy goes a long way
And when it runs out, humor is the best fall back.
Nothing mean or sophomoric but the ability to laugh
Is a fortune in the face of a bankrupt day.

When the sun sets on these spare and harrowing days
I mortgage strength from tomorrow
And right the picture---then fly right.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 16



Surfs Up

The first time I arrive at the beach the tide is a shock to me. I had no way to anticipate it. As the days pass I calm, realizing there is a rhythm and that the sea won’t escape the shore. Over time I begin to anticipate the movement and then rely on it. I learn to live with the in and out nature of the water lapping the lip of sand; what it brings and what it takes away. I am human. I adapt. I survive. How do I make the jump to blessing the moon? How do I touch the divine?





Forgive your common errors, make note of the uncommon

*





ENDLESS PASTA

Having limits, in a seemingly limitless universe,
makes me feel horribly inadequate.
I am a sad little creature
in the face of overwhelming tasks.

Pressure and unwarranted ego
compress my ability and eager disposition.
I am forced to see there are choices
outside my qualifications and willingness.

Going on in the face of crushing requirements
extrudes my life force into a plateful of capellini
Lying exposed with no gravy to keep me warm
it is hard to realize in this world of wonder and delight
a plate of naked spaghetti can’t do it all.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 17


Induction

I have a massive energy transformer that lives inside me. It is explosive in nature and risky to toy with. But if used properly I can power my whole world with the current which flows through it to me from my Higher Power. If I use it improperly I can melt down my core and burn down my life. The connections are of the utmost importance, insulation is a priority as well. I know that I am conduit and so much more. I must do my part as the carrier and the arbiter of change.





The absence of joy is a sin


*

FLAW IN SNOW

Waiting for snow-
Waiting for cold fingers, slick roads
Warm beds, reading by firelight.

Waiting for proof of lack of control.
Waiting itself proves lack of control.

I can dance the snow dance
And refuse to buy new shovels.
Hang out laundry,
Put out all manner of storm tempters.

Still I cannot force the hand of nature
I must sit with my crystalline optimism
And endure these cloudless skies.

There will be snow
It will fall somewhere
But I mustn’t grow over anxious
Cause it may never snow in Miami.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by Brock

Greetings, Sober People!

Meetings 2 nights in a row lifts my spirits immensely and how can I forget something as simple as that? But I do. Been working 10 and 11 hour days lately and neglecting my recovery. What joy to sit with friends tonight at the 6:00 and discuss the most important thing in our lives.

Tonight I have a thankful heart!

That's so great Brock! So glad you are back on the beam, it gets so uncomfortable when the distractions no matter how legitimate take me off of it! Have a wonderful weekend!

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 18


Who is the Parent?


There are more liars in my head than anywhere else and they will say the most errant nonsense, making it sound totally convincing. First of all they use other people’s inventories to leverage me into believing that I am just what is needed to lift each person’s universe from despair; then they insist that my life will be incomplete until I have saved nations and secured borders, all the while failing to mention the deadly nature of these attempts. None of this is a problem unless I listen. Liars’ lying causes me no trouble until I accept and act on this bunk. This is where a thorough inventory saves the day. When I am clear about the truth of who and what I am I can’t be easily led astray. I know I am G-d’s child and the resemblance can be strong, but today that burden is not mine to carry, so I can stay busy being me.





Cheap advice comes from thinking; dear advice comes from experience

*



LIBERTY, HOPE?

If you had to choose would it be liberty or hope?
Liberty is highly recommended but without hope
How would you know you were at liberty?

Transversely if you had no liberty
How could you have hope?
Removal of liberty removes the possibility of hope.

So why ask for a choice to be made.
Well that’s the joy of liberty, I am free to ask anything,
And you are free to imagine anything and hope for more.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 19



Human Sacrifice


How much does it have to cost me in order for you to feel better? Why is it that my suffering improves your mood? Does it confirm for you that you are not alone when you are feeling scared? Or does it give you the sense that at least you’re not as pitiful as me? Is it pleading that strikes a cord, is it the animal pain which stirs your compassion? What about this scenario completes the cycle for you to be able to move back to your comfort zone? And what happens if I don’t fall to pieces? If I hold my emotions to my chest, take them to my sponsor; in some way keep them from your hungry eyes? Will you move on and leave me behind? Will you climb over the hurdle which currently stands between us? Or will you store away this bitter thing like a rotten nut hidden by a Secret Squirrel?




List your objections and examine them for holes

*





SPRUCE

The gum that grows in trees and trickles down bark,
Is harvested and chewed, spit out and sticks to shoes,
Is the very stuff that mimics my life.

I race with vitality, burst my confines
Am ruminated and masticated by various onlookers
And then adhere myself to anyone I feel will carry me
To a more advantageous venue.

I needn’t apologize for my fluid nature or viscosity
I am just as I should be, always where and what I am
And at the same time on my way to somewhere and something else.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 20


The Story as a Stowaway



I want to tell you a story, but I want to tell it to you quickly, so I can give it to you and then you can carry it on your way. For what good is my story to you if you must leave it where it lay? Your need to be elsewhere presses on us both and I wish to give you what you can take rather than to try to stall you here for an epic you might never lift and certainly not dream of dragging along. I want you to be on your way and take a part of me with you. I wish to sew myself in your mind; tether my tale to your soul. I believe in forward motion and the need to carry on. Where you’re going I can’t go on my own but I know that if I am funny, quick and lite, part of me goes even to the end of your world and my hope is to help you make it bright.





Apprentice yourself to collaboration

*

MIRACULOUS

Sometimes the blind lead the deaf.
The subtle signs are the bumping into trouble
And the inability to listen to reason.
It is an expedition into disaster.

Unfettered by common sense or boundaries
Tumbles and falls propel this pairing
To unknown destinations.
The attraction is baffling but undeniable.

These pairs can be seen through the ages.
In spite of this confounding coupling
Sometimes the blind find their way
And the deaf hear the call.

Even when they don’t life seems to roll along
But try to keep your eyes and ears open anyway.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 21


Blanda


I know how good a quarterback you are on Monday, safely at home. What were you like on the field, gameday? You act as if seeing your mistakes in retrospect is the same as not having made them, but the game is lost and a rematch is not a do-over. The score is final, whether you accept the stats or not. Defeat does not deter my love of the game and doesn’t diminish my affection for you, but history has been made and I don’t wish to repeat it.


Step aside and let fury pass

*

PERSONAL DICTIONARY

Everyone keeps a dictionary in his or her head.
All the words lay on platters
Each with its own flavor and meaning

There are favorite menus and phrases
Which form warmly in the mouth
And hang sweetly for the ear.

Other vocabulary is exotic, pungent
Occasionally with strong after taste
Or off key ringing
Abundance brings a wealth of conversation
And keeps the cold of boredom at bay.

Free for the taking words grow out of life lived.
When we have lived separately
Even if only in our separate heads
Meanings vary and reference must be checked.

Blue sky is blue sky
But do you speak of azure, cerulean or peacock?
Life is so much show and tell.
Drink the sunshine with your eyes
And flow it out to me with your words.

[Ccrider]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

November 14


Clean Underwear


The ease of the trip is often determined by the quality of the packing. When I am entirely ready travel is easier. I wash the laundry early to give myself a head start. Lay everything out and walk through each day’s needs; roll up my outfits and tuck each into my bag. I try to take less than half of my ‘what if’ worry items and cut short my ‘disaster plan’ thinking. If I pack positive thoughts and clean panties I am fine and if I forget them I can always pick some up along the way.






Retreat is not the same as change

*

THE STORYTELLER

Funny stories I long to share with new friends
Have to be put aside while the core of this entity is built.
Mutual memory is the siding on a house framed in integrity.

Treading together through the past
We strengthen each others perception
Which is the only support
That can be offered without time travel.

We take hands, link arms and wander
Happily towards the future
Having the keys to history jangling in our fists
We can return whenever prudent or necessary.

We forge a fresh path and hope for a pleasant journey
Between us we figure to have slain all the dragons.

Amen to this and that here, love it hon!

I was thinking of bags and baggage this morning as well. It helps emmensely that I have not kept a lot of 'baggage of my past'. Been actively doing much housework these last few months, which have been very life altering, life affirming. Life is so very good right now.

That was then though and this is now. Today... I am quite literally packing up to go home. Been in-patient since Dec 5th. Will be so good to be home for the holidays. My knee is doing awesome. I don't have the weight, the burden of a bad right knee anymore. It was on my list of things that needed attending, so I could face life on life's terms. One thing is checked off. Preparation is vital if we are to succeed and accomplish the things we would like to.

For me, being able to quite literally move has been wonderful. I wish, but of course I had done it sooner.

Why is it we have to have life slap us in the face sometimes to make the change, pack our suitcases as it were... so life is less stressful. So we can be more able take each day as it comes, prepared for whatever may be in front of us.

Wish I had packed better... but there is progress. Giving away so much 'stuff' these last few months mean that the stuff I do have is stuff I am actually using, needing to have around. My criteria was sound.

I applied the principles in all of my affairs as we like to say in these rooms. Thus if I am not using something for a good long time, I have to ask myself why do I still have it. I refuse to have my next move be anything like this last one was. I will have much less to pack and things are now beautifully organized. Yes, I still have further to go along those lines. There is always room for improvement, no?

Yes. Yes indeedy. I love life today, clean and sober with a damn good knee. No it is beyond good, it is a great new knee. So happy with everything about this. My surgeon was to die for, I adore her. Best damned knee doc in the country, imo. She has also been quite sweet to me, introducing me to other doctors who she wants me to meet, along this road less traveled.

Amazingly... she wants me to meet a woman doctor, who she says in my doppleganger. I am intrigued. As this woman also introduced my surgeon to her one and only. It was a blind date that my doppleganger had arranged. She obviously has a bit of the yenta in her, as do I.

The interesting thing is this. Had I not been clearing away the wreckage of my past, I would not be able to have met someone as this new doc. Today, because now I travel light, pack a light bag... I can proudly meet this woman and bring her into my home. I have no shame anymore. I am proud not only of myself, my progress, but of my environment, which is welcoming and beautiful now.

All because I have learned to travel light. Tripping on the Light Fantastic...


Life is Beautiful.


ODAAT,
Lady Di

[Ccrider]

Opps, on my friend's account... sorry CCrider, you must have logged in here last on this machine. Will log out and clear out your password. I was auto logged in here. Obviously, eh?

btw, for those that do not know, CC is a friend of mine's daughter. I went to Europe with her mother back in 1973. She and her mom came out to Loveland when I ended up here after a somewhat bad situation came to a head. All is good now and everything was meant to be.

But CC only joined here for me, because I was not a member and had was giving respect to someone I care for, who at one time was uncomfortable here... Hence I did not join here, giving hym space and time, etc.

CC is not even queer, happily married, but very cool kiddo. Yikes, she is a mom, not a kid anymore, LOL

life changes, no?

anyhows, this is Lady Di and I will be signing off this computer and deleting her password here, so this will never happen again. Sorry for any confusion. CC was just being helpful to me, wanted to know what in the heck happened and why, where, how, etc. Who knows, I say. What is is and what was was. Now is a new day.

And life is good, no?

Hasta Luego.


ODDAAT
Lady Di who is not CC, but is a good friend of her and her family

*thank goodness for old friends who always have my back, no matter how many years there has been between seeing each other*

Blessed and knows it!

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 23



Lame



I easily identify the big mistakes of my life, but fail to recognize or report the little mistakes that I make, mistakes, which cost me so much. Repetitive irresponsibility has the effect of water torture; drip, drip, drip and my peace of mind is worn away. What can I say of what I refuse to see? It was there all along like the view covered by the shade. Who is to blame for not raising the curtain? It may be me. may not, but I am the one who suffers, I am the one who misses out. Missing the opportunity to grow out of these small deficiencies leaves me with a lifelong handicap and I am not just speaking of my blindness, but also how they make me lame.




Protest ignorance

*




Beginning and End

She stepped through my window and the clock stopped.

The shock of her arrival heart pounding fun and fury.

Forever I felt as if she weren’t there.

Fear lurked in my eyes.

Smile enchanting.

Exit at hand.

Good-
Bye.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 24


Scalene


Strangeness is attracting, I don’t try to deny it. I have looked longingly at oddness and every skewed thing. Though I try to divert my gaze the acute angles draw me back to peer again and again. Strange attractors have an unexplainable beauty to me. The wane charisma digs its hooks into my soul and I carry it off like a burr stuck to my hide. What does this say of me, I am not sure? What does it say of the sidelong loves of mine? Volumes, I think it speaks volumes, all of it unknown to me.



Collect friendly faces


*
WHAT’S LEFT AFTER HOPE RUNS AWAY


shoes and socks
old post cards
tennis balls with no more bounce
memories that have lost their fun
dreams left in the box
earrings with the clasp askew
things I’ve said
dead thoughts, too
stacks of books
letters written
tender feelings
wonder---smitten
the pain is left
and runs around wildly
my face is stained
and left untidy
I can never fill the space
Which hope leaves behind it
The stage is dark
And everything quiet

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 25



Home Fires Burning


I have trouble living with myself that is why I live with you. It takes my mind off the things I don’t wish to face. What I can busy myself with in your service lightens the load of expectation heaped in my DNA by my Higher Power and Fate. Worry is time consuming and I wile away hours fretting over you and all your unresolved trifles while turning my back entirely on my life. I couldn’t be happier to have you, though from the corner of my eye I glimpse G-d packing your bags.



Wash like you matter to yourself
*


FOR THIS TIME


Your desire is an ephemeral gift I treasure

A snowflake on my fingertip, a raindrop on my tongue

Your passion is a savory treat in season for this moment

Pomegranate seeds and rich truffles tempt and delight me

Your kind touch brands me flush, anticipation spreads like flame

Wind whips the breath of my wish to the four corners

Your acuity plucked me from the page and slipped me in your pocket

I nestle quiet with the lint and the cookie remnants

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 26


A Thousand Windowed House



I am like a house with a thousand windows. When I am lit up inside you can see all the way through; when I go dark the reflection of the world around me is all that is visible when you look my way. My sprawling mind is what creates this effigy of me. A tribute when I am well tended and a fire trap when I neglect my duties. If I learn to celebrate in all the rooms this house is my home, so I must practice; dance and sing in the hallways so I can pirouette into the rooms with full voice. For what is the point of being a house with a thousand windows, if I don’t live there?





Host sympathy
*

Love Lets


Love melts the icicles in my heart
Allows the oxygen to my brain
Lets me work unfettered

Love pours the warm bath
Heats my bones
Lets my breath come easy

Love wakes me to sunrise
Beds me at dusk
Lets my body unfurl

Love builds me a pantry
Fills it with goods
Lets me eat my fill

Love rights my boat
Bails my bilge
Lets me sail on home

Love dresses me in safety
Undresses me in secret
Lets me see myself



Love opens doors
Closes windows
Lets me go my way

Love puts a penny in my hand
A dollar in my pocket
Lets me save the fare

Love burns your image in my brain
Holds you tight within my heart
Lets me dream of you